Thanks for all the nice reviews on my stories and reading. I appreciate it! I was catching the show online yesterday watching episodes "House Divided" and "The Secret", two of my favorites. It was a nice show I think for the first two seasons but in the final one, they tried to inject it with testerone to build their male audience at the expense of the character development and relationships that made it such a classy show. Many a good show soon faced cancelation after doing that including Lee Horsley's other show, Matt Houston.
Also the latest chapter to "When the Wind Blows" got corrupted and had to be republished in case you had error messages before. The number of chapters for both stories on the story list page are not correct but it looks like the actual chapters are up.
Anyway, I'm glad that there's something called fan fiction.
Amelia found it impossible to sleep, not that she wanted that. She wished she could get some much needed rest but it was hard to escape her dreams. She'd woken up too often believing she was still living the chapter in her past which had etched itself on her soul. It took moments for her to realize that she was not there but back in Paradise trying to put it behind her.
The terror that awoke her and made her react those first few seconds, that she wanted to keep to herself.
So she closed her eyes and feigned sleep and she heard Ethan drift off to sleep beside her. That left her alone thinking of what she'd gotten herself into by returning to Paradise. Yes, she told herself she'd returned to help Bella and the others with the ranch and that had been part of it.
She'd wanted to see him again. She wanted to feel the warmth of his body as his arms embraced her, the touch of his hands on her skin and the timbre of his voice.
San Francisco had been everything she'd imagined it to be when she revisited again. It'd been the first sight she'd seen of her new country as the freighter that carried her approached its bustling harbor. There'd been too many months spent at sea and the accommodations had been cramped. Despite what many people thought she hadn't come from wealth. That had come later and when she took her first wobbly steps on land in several months, she had felt overwhelmed by the sights of the city.
When she got off the train years later, she'd looked around and remembered its landmarks. The sights of buildings, wide streets with horse drawn carriages and street cars…hundreds of people walking down the streets and all the busy shops…a completely different world than the one she'd left behind. She'd simply carried her bags to where she'd be staying, a stately inn run by a couple where she would stay for several weeks.
Paradise had fallen miles away even when she'd gotten off the stage coach to take a train to Stockton where she met up with people who were mostly friends of Pierce. They hadn't known she'd divorced him and there had been some awkwardness but then there'd been late breakfasts delivered by servants and parties at night.
San Francisco had been a later destination and by the time she'd gotten there she'd been homesick. For the first time it hadn't been for her homeland of Australia. It had been for Paradise and even though she'd tried so hard to force him out of her mind, Ethan had firmly planted himself inside there and though she kept her days busy with all kinds of adventures and explorations, she couldn't keep him from visiting her at night.
Damn him, she'd thought as she lay back on her pillow exhausted after another eventful day. When she left him that was supposed to have been it. But here he was, invading her dreams and she woke up missing him so much before she remembered she wasn't supposed to think of him at all. Then the last words he'd spoken to her started reverberating through her mind during the daytime.
No, she told herself, there was no future for them. He embraced a world that might take him from her forever and they were just two different to ever find common ground to build a life together. That's what she kept telling herself.
She made friends in San Francisco, met some at a lively part that promoted the opening of a meeting hall. That's where she met the former outlaw Bella Rogers who'd not been what she'd expected at all. She'd been dressed up like she were upper society and some of the gentlemen around her were members of a board sponsoring the gala.
Amelia went to get herself some refreshments at a table and Bella walked over to her.
"You new in town…?"
Amelia nodded.
"Welcome to San Francisco…"
Amelia couldn't help smiling. The woman smiled warmly at her and when she introduced herself, Amelia's eyes had widened.
"You're…."
Bella chuckled.
"Yes I'm her…but I'm retired now," she said, "I own a business...but I'm just raising money…legitimate money to do something else."
Amelia sipped her drink.
"Like what?"
"Ranching…raising horses and maybe cattle," Bella said, "I've got some women who are itching to get out of the city…make themselves fresh starts."
Amelia nodded.
"I've been trying to do that myself."
"Where you from…you got an accent?"
"Most lately Paradise but I was born in Australia."
Bella sipped her drink.
"A long ways from here…"
Amelia smiled.
"In more ways than the distance…but I'd always wanted to travel and finally just decided to do it."
Bella studied her carefully.
"You sure…there wasn't a man involved was there?"
Amelia wondered why people kept asking her that.
"I was engaged," she said, "to a man who thought nearly getting killed was part of his job."
"Outlaw…?"
Amelia shook her head.
"Marshal…though he started out as a gunfighter."
Bella sighed.
"Sounds familiar…I fell in with a marshal once and you can imagine how that got complicated."
Amelia refilled her glass with some cider.
"I guess it's different with me," she said, "Ethan just couldn't put aside his job at the end of the day…"
Bella narrowed her eyes.
"Ethan…Ethan Cord?"
Amelia blinked in surprise.
"Well yes…we were engaged some months ago."
Bella burst out laughing. Amelia felt puzzled by her demeanor.
"What…?"
Bella waved a hand.
"Oh I met up with Ethan when he was a young buck," she said, "We were both starting out. I guess he'd lost someone close while growing up and had a huge chip on his shoulder."
Amelia listened fascinated. She still knew so little about the man she'd fallen in love with and almost married.
"That must have been the girl he knew," she said, "The one that got shot in front of him."
It made her throat tighten just to remember the story he'd so painfully told her as if each word of it tore his gut.
"I guess…but I didn't know he was still alive."
Amelia nodded.
"He was when I left but just barely…"
"Must have been tough," Bella said, "A man like that can really try a woman. Can't hold onto him too tight, can't protect him from his self."
That sounded familiar to Amelia.
"No you can't…"
She opened her eyes with a start and she saw the cave had gone dark as the fire had gone down to smoldering wood. She still heard the rain coming down outside but the chill hadn't reached them.
"Amelia…"
She turned around and faced him.
"Ethan…you're awake…I'm sorry…"
He yawned.
"No it wasn't you…I was just thinking…"
She sighed.
"Me too…"
"About what…?"
She smiled.
"When I met Bella at a party…in San Francisco…she said she knew you."
He nodded.
"We met up back when we were younger….on opposite sides of each other."
She pursed her lips.
"A lot's changed hasn't it?"
He looked directly at her.
"What about us," he said, "Has that changed a lot too?"
She had trouble finding the words…when feelings got in the way.
"Ethan…it didn't work and now…"
He reached out and stroked her face with one of his thumbs and she didn't stop him.
"Now all I want is to figure out how to make it work."
She didn't know how to respond to that, her heart skipped a beat the way he looked at her when he said that but she felt wariness too.
"Ethan…it can't…"
Sadness interlaced the wariness and she looked away.
"Why not…?"
She sighed again.
"Too much has happened…too much has happened to me…"
He watched her face and she knew she'd never be able to hide anything from him for long. It took him a long moment to speak.
"Got anything to do with those scars?"
The ones that a couple fingers of him caressed and she hesitated.
"Yes…but it's not something I can talk about…it just doesn't work that way."
He digested that as she watched him.
"Someone obviously hurt you," he said, "Is that what you can't talk about?"
She saw concern on his face but his body tensed too and that meant anger was close. Not at her but at someone he didn't know someone not here. Unless you counted memories locked away that always threatened to emerge.
"I'm tired Ethan…I just want to get some sleep…but…"
She didn't want him to know about the dreams because then more questions would follow and if she told him anything…she might lose him…one way or another.
"You dream…because you say something or not it's still there," he said, "I know what's that like holding onto something for years that you can't think about…"
Amelia knew it had been the horrors of his childhood he'd spilled to her to try to get her to understand the rage that threatened to tear him up.
"It's just hard to sleep sometimes…"
He moved closer and she just watched him. Then his arms wrapped around her, enveloping her with his warmth. She didn't feel like moving, for the first time in months she just felt like being held.
"Let's get some sleep then," he said, "whoever it is…he won't get past me…"
She sighed as she tucked herself more against him and closed her eyes to fall asleep.