Once again I want to thank everyone for the reviews on this story. I appreciate those who are taking the time to read it and also those who share their thoughts with me. I'd like to take a moment to address some of the comments made in the reviews. First, I apologize to anyone who thinks this story is out of character or that I am wreaking emotional havoc on the readers. That is not my intent, but I can respect that if you feel that way you may not want to read it anymore. Second, I did not write this to make people sympathize with Elliot. I have very little sympathy for him either, but my goal isn't to portray a fairytale. I can't imagine that after being completely out of each other's lives for three years (by his choice...not hers) that they could just jump into a relationship and live happily ever after. That doesn't mean this story will not have a happy ending, just that they have a lot to work through if that is going to happen. I plan to make them work for it, face their own demons, and admit to their mistakes before they can have that happy ending. These two have been in love for a long time, but now that they are free to explore that, it isn't necessarily as easy as some may think it should be.
And to NYPDLiz...thanks so much for saying you trust my writing! That means a lot to me. I hope I've made it clear that I appreciate all of the readers on here, even the ones who may disagree with where this is heading. Varying opinions keep things interesting!
"Liv…where are you!" he called out as he ran into her apartment. He was surprised the door was unlocked since she never seemed to leave the room without bolting the door, but he was grateful she'd forgotten this time. "Liv…" And then he saw her, walking slowly down the hall from the bathroom, tears streaming down her cheeks and he ran to her and pulled her close. "It's okay," he whispered. "It's gonna be okay."
"I have to go to the hospital," she cried. "That's what is says on my discharge papers from this morning…to go to the hospital if there's any bleeding."
"Let's go then," he took her arm and guided her carefully to the door. Seeing her in so much pain was heartbreaking, and he hated himself for it. He had caused this. How could he have treated her that way? And now she was going to lose the baby because of him…because of his selfish pride…because of his need to always be right and have things his way. She deserved better than him. She always had. He wished he had never come back.
"Are you doing alright?" he asked as he drove to the hospital and she gave a weak nod, but didn't answer. She was staring out the window, trying to hold in her tears. "Liv…I'm so sorry…"
"Don't," she answered quickly. "Please don't talk to me right now."
So they sat in silence the rest of the way to the hospital. When they arrived, he helped her down and tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away as they walked inside. The nurse at the front desk took the information, and asked them to sit and wait. "She needs to be seen now," Elliot argued. "We're not going to sit and wait."
"Sir, we have trauma patients ahead of her," the nurse tried to explain. "First trimester bleeding isn't considered urgent."
"Not urgent?" he yelled. "She's going to lose this baby…"
"El, come on…" Olivia pulled him toward the chairs in the waiting room. She sat down slowly, her hand resting on her stomach, and he sat next to her.
"I can't believe they are making you wait out here," he looked around the room, filled with people of all ages with a variety of ailments.
"Well who should I go in front of…the old lady with chest pains or the little boy with anaphylaxis? God El…think about other people once in a while," she sighed.
"I am…I'm thinking about you," he insisted. "I'm thinking about the baby."
"If I'm going to lose this baby, there's nothing they can do to stop it," she looked at him tearfully. "It doesn't matter how fast they see me."
Finally the nurse came out and took them to an examination room. "Your blood pressure is a little high," she said, taking the cuff from Olivia's arm. "Maybe just the stress of everything," she gave a warm smile, trying to put her patient as ease. She grabbed a gown and handed it to her, "Put this on, and the doctor will be in to see you soon."
Olivia was sitting in bed, and Elliot paced back and forth across the room, "Where is that doctor?" he asked anxiously. "You've been waiting forever."
"Elliot…just sit down," she was tired and he was making her nervous. "I think the bleeding's stopped."
"Well that's good, right?" he sat in the chair next to her bed. "How are you feeling?"
"I don't know," she said honestly.
"Liv…I'm so sorry. I know this is my fault," he took her hand and squeezed it. "I never meant to hurt you like this. You have to know that…"
"This isn't your fault," she sighed. "My doctor said I'd probably lose the baby. She said that about ten seconds after she told me I was pregnant. I let myself get attached…" She wiped away the tears that were sliding down her cheeks, as the doctor walked in.
"How are we doing in here?" the doctor asked as he picked up her chart and looked over it. "Bleeding at ten weeks…how heavy is it?"
"It wasn't really heavy," Olivia explained. "But it was more than spotting. I think it's stopped."
"Okay," he took some notes and asked her to lean back so he could complete the exam. "Have you been having cramps?" he asked.
"Some…but I had CVS done today and the doctor said I would have cramping," she explained.
He nodded, and looked back in her chart, "Was it transvaginal or transabdominal?" he asked.
"Transvaginal," she answered. "They couldn't get to the placenta through the abdomen. The doctor said it was safe…"
"It is," he assured her. "But you're right about the bleeding, it has stopped and everything looks okay right now. The bleeding could have been from the CVS or it could have been a ruptured cyst or something. There's no way to know now that it's stopped. I want to do an ultrasound though to check on the baby."
"But you think the baby is okay?" she asked.
"I can't say for certain, but the ultrasound will let us know," the doctor left to get the ultrasound machine.
"All this commotion and everything is fine?" Olivia couldn't believe her ears. She had been sure she was going to lose the baby, and while she was relieved by the good news she had a hard time accepting it. She felt like something could still go wrong. "How could there be so much blood if the baby's fine?"
"Kathy had bleeding with the twins," Elliot told her. "A lot in the beginning. I think it just happens sometimes."
"I don't want to talk about Kathy," Olivia sighed. "I know this isn't new for you…but it is to me. I have a right to be scared."
"I know," he agreed. "And it is new for me, Liv…I've never done this with you before. That makes is brand new…trust me."
The doctor came in and set up the ultrasound machine. Squeezing the cold gel on her bare skin, he took the transducer and gently sliding it and pushing on her stomach, and then he smiled and turned the screen toward them, "There you go," he nodded. "Looks good."
Elliot stared in awe at the sight of their baby on the screen. Maybe he didn't plan on becoming a father again, but he couldn't deny how special it was. "Liv…," he smiled. "That's our baby…"
"Yeah," she couldn't control her emotions any longer, letting her tears fall. "Look how much he's moving around…"
"The baby looks perfect," the doctor assured them. "The heart is beating nicely, movement looks good…I'd say everything is just fine, at least for now."
"For now?" Elliot asked nervously.
The doctor nodded, "I can't say for certain that things won't change. There are a lot of risk factors with this pregnancy. But for now, you can relax a little. The baby is safe and sound in there," he smiled.
"What about the bleeding?" Olivia asked. "Is it going to start again?"
"I can't say," the doctor answered. "For now, I'm recommending you go home and rest for a few days. And you need to be on pelvic rest for at least two weeks. If you have more bleeding over the next couple of days, just try to lay back and put your feet up until it stops. If it doesn't stop or becomes heavy, come back to the hospital. I wish I could give you more specific answers…but there really aren't any."
"Okay," she was disappointed that the doctor couldn't provide more certainty, but she was grateful the baby was okay for now.
They were both quiet as they drove home and Elliot noticed how Olivia kept her hand on her stomach, her way of protecting the baby. He'd never seen her as scared as she had been at the hospital and even though things seemed fine for now, he knew she was running every possible scenario through her mind. She wasn't convinced yet that this baby would make it to term, and he could see it was breaking her heart. "I know you love this baby," he said, and she turned to look at him. "At the apartment…when I said you couldn't love the baby if it wasn't perfect…I was out of line. Liv, I'm sorry…"
"I just need to know if there is something wrong so I can prepare for it," she explained. "I need that."
He nodded, "I understand." He gave her a serious smile, "You're a good mother, Liv. I want you to know that."
"Thanks," she forced a weak smile. "El…I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
He pulled up in front of her apartment and turned off the ignition. Then he reached out, softly touching the hand she had placed on her stomach, "Can I…" he asked and she moved her hand, letting him place his there and putting hers on top of his. He sighed, feeling the slight roundness beneath his hand, "I don't blame you for not telling me," he admitted. "I've been a jerk. I don't deserve you. I never did."
"But I love you," she reminded him, and she leaned over and kissed him softly. "I'm tired, El. We need to get upstairs." He nodded, climbing out of the jeep and walking around to her side. He helped her down, putting his arm around her waist as they walked toward the apartment.