Chapter Ninety-Four
Syaoran almost collided with Fai as he turned the corner leading to their room. The magician darted out of the way and smiled in greeting before Syaoran could open his mouth to apologize. "How did it go?"
Syaoran hesitated, face heating up. "F-fine." His blush deepened. He thinks we did something. "We, uh . . . I sort of fell asleep, so . . ."
Fai held up a hand, his grin turning catlike. "Are you planning on sharing details?" His eyebrows waggled.
"No! No, I mean . . . It wasn't . . . We didn't do anything worth talking about." He pressed a hands to his cheeks, grimacing at the heat surging just beneath his skin. To his utter mortification, Fai snickered.
"I'm just kidding, Syaoran-kun." The magician ruffled his hair. He seemed unusually cheerful, particularly considering how he'd felt about the relationship just a few weeks ago. It seems like such a long time, Syaoran thought. So much has changed since then.
"Did I miss anything?" he asked, feeling a little stab of guilt for falling asleep in the middle of the day.
"Nothing critical. One of the servants taught me a bit about ikebana. Flower arranging," Fai clarified at Syaoran's confused look. "It's considered a feminine art, but I could teach you a bit about it if you're interested."
"That's okay. I think I'll stick to hanging lanterns." He glanced around. "Is there anything I can help with for the Spring Festival?"
"I believe Tomoyo-chan sent some servants to start preparing food for any noblemen arriving early."
Syaoran nodded and started toward the dining hall. As he turned, Fai's fingers wrapped around his arm, holding him in place. He glanced back in time to see Fai's expression sober.
"Yuuko-san called while you were gone. She asked me to pass a message along to you."
"What's the message?" he asked, wary.
"She said that the future could still be changed, and that our choices determine the path we walk. If you make a choice contrary to what is expected, it's possible to defy destiny."
A chill shot down his back. "I see."
"And also . . . She said there would be someone waiting for you in the dream world next time you fell asleep. She said you would have to search for that person if you wanted to find them."
The dream world? He cocked his head to the side. He hadn't thought about that world much, although he'd had reason enough given the fact that Sakura's soul had split off from her body and possibly ended up there. Unlike Princess Tomoyo, he had no ability to control his dreams. But who am I supposed to be looking for? Sakura? "Did she say anything else?"
Fai shook his head. "Only that saying anything more could change the future for the worse. This is something only you can accomplish."
"I see." If I'm the only one who can do it, then that must mean I have a unique connection to the person I'm supposed to be looking for. He frowned. It could be Sakura—either one of them. The Sakura he'd known before he'd made his wish in Clow would be more likely to seek him out than the Sakura he'd met in Infinity. Yet . . . There were others who loved my Sakura as deeply as I did. Our connection wouldn't be unique. Once he discarded the possibility, the answer struck him like a hammer hitting a bell. Watanuki!
"You look like you've just grasped something important," Fai remarked.
Syaoran jumped, startled to realize that the magician hadn't walked away while he'd been brooding. He nodded. "I think I know who's looking for me." He started walking toward the dormitory, then paused, glancing over his shoulder. "Thank you."
Fai's eye widened. "For what?"
"For taking care of things while I've been . . . occupied. I know I haven't been as focused on Sakura as I should be."
A sad smile crossed the wizard's face. "Don't worry about it, Syaoran-kun. Love can distract even the best of us."
Something in Fai's tone had Syaoran's eyebrows furrowing in worry. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
He hesitated, not wanting to bring up the obvious response, but not wanting to ignore the seed of worry sprouting in his stomach. After a few moments, he decided to get to the point. "About what happened in Ceres . . . If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here to listen." He hesitated. "You tried to get me to talk about my problems a few times, back in Infinity. I can't help but think that things might have turned out differently if I'd told you what was bothering me." Not better, he thought. But not the same.
Fai tilted his head to the side, seeming puzzled. After a moment, he sighed. "Going back to Ceres, facing the demons I had left behind . . . I won't deny that it cost me. That it cost all of us. I was at my very lowest. I became a coward, a traitor. And yet . . ." He paused, seeming to weigh his words with care. "I think it's time to move on. I can no longer dwell on people and places I've lost. I have to move forward."
Move forward, Syaoran thought, mind flashing to his Sakura. For so long, she had been his reason for living, yet they hadn't seen each other since Reed's curse had manifested. Have I been holding onto something I should have let go of years ago? he wondered, then immediately shook off the thought. This was different—Fai's brother had been dead, and his king insane, but both Sakuras were, in some respect, still alive and capable of recovery. He wouldn't—couldn't—give up on them.
"I'm going to see if I can meet that person Yuuko-san spoke of," he said, turning toward his room.
Fai smiled. "I'll make sure no one disturbs you."
"Thanks." He hurried down the hall until he reached the room Tomoyo had assigned to him. Once inside, he laid down, staring at the wall for a moment before rolling over and closing his eyes.
Sleep took him faster than he'd have expected, given that he'd spent several hours asleep in Kurogane's arms today. Then again, he'd been under so much stress lately that it was no wonder he was still tired.
A vast darkness spread out around him as his mind surfaced in the dream world. This world had no floor—no up or down, no ground or sky—and no light except that which emanated faintly from his own body, making him visible in the darkness. Puzzled by the anomaly, he glanced down at his body and found himself wearing a plain white robe, far different from the maroon kimono he'd been wearing when he'd fallen asleep.
Focus, he reminded himself. You're supposed to be looking for Watanuki. He glanced around, body rotating slowly in the microgravity. Without any objects to judge his position, he wasn't sure how far he turned—it could have been a full rotation or he might not have turned at all. When a glowing figure entered his field of vision, he willed his body to stop moving and focused on the face of his counterpart.
"Syaoran-kun . . ." Watanuki said, his voice uncertain. At Syaoran's nod, he continued. "We're . . . in a dream?"
"Yes." He glided forward, his feet swinging as if to walk. The air felt strange to his skin—liquid like water, but not nearly as heavy. It felt as if he was gliding through a sea of mist. As if we're both made of mist, he thought.
Watanuki smiled, looking almost pained. "I wonder if we're meeting to say our final goodbyes." His eyes softened even as alarm bells rang inside Syaoran's head. "Though our previous meetings have been so fleeting—"
"Don't." Syaoran reached forward, his hand closing around Watanuki's arm like a vise. Final goodbyes. There's only one thing that could mean. "Don't vanish."
Puzzlement flickered across Watanuki's features. "You said that before, didn't you? And . . . Yuuko said that you paid a price to help save me when I was wounded. Why would you do that? What's the connection between us?"
He hesitated. "Our connection . . . I'm not sure I can tell you right now. If I did, it could influence your choices, resulting in a different future." One much darker than the future Sakura saw in Infinity, he thought.
"Sakura-chan said almost the exact same thing."
His head snapped up. "You've met Sakura? Here?" He glanced around, heart jumping at the thought of seeing her again.
"In another dream. She wanted to change the future she'd dreamed about, but she couldn't tell any of you about it. But she said she wasn't sacrificing herself. She just wants to make sure everyone lives through this."
His eyes widened. "I . . . I see."
"Sakura-chan said she was trying to change the future, but she was shaken by how she'd hurt you. She said altering the natural flow of things would be . . . difficult." Watanuki glanced up, suddenly sheepish. "I don't want her to get in trouble for this. I know how easy it is to take that personally—to know she withheld information from you to protect you. But . . ."
"But she's not the type of person to put herself ahead by hurting others," Syaoran finished, understanding. "I know that. When I see her again, all I want from her is the truth, and I'll be fine."
Watanuki blinked. "I said almost exactly the same thing when I spoke to her. How did you . . ."
He smiled. "It's because we're more similar to each other than you know." He felt a sudden tug, as if a string had wrapped around his heart and been pulled taut. The dream must be ending.
Light poured out of the blackness, swallowing up his feet. He looked up one last time to see the startled look on Watanuki's face, then smiled. "Take care of Sakura until we can catch up to her," he called, falling backward into the light.
Author's Notes:
Regarding the price Syaoran paid for Watanuki—I'm in the process of rereading the end of the series, but I'm actually not sure what price Syaoran paid, as I've only read a bit of xxxHolic. So the details in this chapter are a bit scarce regarding their encounter in the dream world. For clarity's sake, it's essentially the same scene as it was in the manga, with some slight alterations of dialogue and the addition of narrative details for flow. If I find out more about this topic on a re-read, I may revise this chapter to reflect that, but mostly, I'm focusing on writing right now, so the re-read has to wait (you wouldn't think reading manga would be that time consuming, but when you're studying fine details, analyzing character motivations, and untwisting complex plot turns, you spend a lot of time getting to know every word/page).