Brave New World
Chapter 10: The lost and the damned.
Authors comment: So I'm updating two chapters today, so read THIS ONE FIRST, obviously. Then the next one. Lol. Read, Review, Enjoy!
Clarke
You know that feeling you get when something bad is going to happen. Well that's the feeling I had. I didn't block it out, or ignore it, instead I thrived off of it. I knew something terrible was about to happen, and I embraced it.
I knew this negotiation was going to turn bad. The only reason I'd agreed to it, was the fair chance of understanding the reapers before an all out massacre began. If the talk failed, there would be casualties anyways, so why not try. Why not give them a chance to explain, to understand them.
Some might say cannibalism, others might argue putting your life at risk, even the occasional fear of pain would make sense as to why many people wouldn't have given the reapers; hell even the grounders the chances I did. But if someone were to ask me why I forgave so easily, and offered second chances; the answer would always be the same.
In the moment our lives and hearts are on the line, are the moments we truly live. The thrill of an adventure, of a threat, of dying was what kept me alive. Getting comfortable and confident in one place or with one person was the death of many.
People messed up, people did bad things, and people were damned; but I wasn't the judge of them, I had my own Demon's to fight and deal with. I was my own demon sometimes. I just handled mine better than others have, and can handled theirs.
Second chances weren't because the person may or may not deserve it. Second chances were to determine whether the person was worth saving, worth fighting for, and worth the trouble. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for a second chance, none of us down here would be alive if it weren't for a second chance at some point.
I took a deep breath and continued up the large hill. I felt the increasing pulse of my heart. I felt my body reacting to adrenaline, and I felt the danger emitting around me. I'd learned long ago that no matter what the agreement was, no matter what was determined, you should always bring back up.
Some would say that is why we were in the predicament we were in, I'd argue that eventually we would be in this exact same predicament, just worse off. The grounders now knew how dangerous this rag tag group of kids were, the grounders now knew of our strength. Something told me the reapers would be next to find out.
I spared a sideways glance at Anya, her almond brown eyes trailed around her surroundings before they landed on my steady gaze. I knew the woman before me wasn't empty handed; she didn't have a gun, that would be too obvious, I doubted she even knew how to properly shoot one, let alone shoot with accuracy.
I took a deep breath and held it for a moment. A small part of me missed the old me, the girl that didn't know that the council was corrupt, the girl that could draw images of earth but never experience it's real terrifying beauty, and a small part of me wished I could be the girl that loved her mother and believed her father was just dead because of his wrong doing.
But I wasn't. That girl was gone. I was a mere shell of her. I was a leader, I was logical and I stated how things were. I was reserved, observant, and I was resilient with every part of my being.
Earth had taken and molded me into a strong woman. I wasn't a child anymore, and even if the ark had come down, I wasn't going to be their princess anymore. I was in charge of sixty six lives, I had found shelter for us, and I Co-Lead with Bellamy Blake.
I refused to let them come down here and demand power. We'd fended for ourselves, they left us to die, hell almost all of them thought we were dead from the beginning. I was angry at them, and I refused to give up everything Bellamy and I had established because they were older.
The simple hard truth was, we had the power, we had the supplies, we had the followers, we had the shelter, and we had the unity they so desperately wanted. They would have to kill me, if they wanted to take any of those things for themselves. Or they could abide to Bellamy and my rules, stances, and democracy.
I felt my energy building and blood boiling at the thought of them trying to take leadership once more. Though the position was stressful, aggravating and I felt like I was looking after toddlers, I wouldn't leave these kids in a world they just got away from. I didn't want to return to my old ignorant world, and I'm sure they didn't want that either.
If the Ark wanted to build a society, we'd build a society. Just it would be by Bellamy and my standards. The military would primarily be the remaining hundred. It would be our time, effort, and supplies wasted on their people. We only had numbers to gain, and that wasn't much for what we'd be giving them.
I was a good ten feet from the cliffs drop off. I knew we were at least one hundred feet up. I watched as Anya lite three torches, I could see the reaper and everyone of his piercings clearly now.
"What is your name?" I demanded, my voice hard, my expression masked, and eyes like sheets of ice.
"Darius." The reaper stated. I took in his clean yet disgusting form. He wasn't dirty, which surprised me. His hair was long, almost longer than my own, and ratted in large locks. His dark eyes had a glint of excitement in them. He wore a large animal pelt and carried himself with a slow slouched lumbering.
He was heavier set, speed wasn't his style, power seemed to fit him better. One hit on the head from this guy and anyone would be out cold. I noticed the leather on his hand, it crawled up from his mid arm to his knuckles. Sewed into the leather around his knuckles were three inch little dull screws.
One punch in a fatal spot, and I'd be gutted. His other hand was bare. I glanced at Anya's tense form. If violence was going to break out, we'd out number him, but we'd be at a disadvantage. Anya and I both fought similar, of course she was more experienced and fiercer, but we both relied on speed and weapons. This man had consistency on his side, and pure physical strength.
I'd remembered all of Anya's training. It hadn't been long, not more than four days. It had been enough to trick an opponent into thinking I was skilled, and allowed me to slightly defend myself.
"You know I should really be thanking you, Clarke Griffin..." He spoke, his eyes sparking, and his body tensing ready to spring. I in return tensed and crouched lower, my fingers inches away from my knives.
"What ever for?" I encouraged, my own eyes narrowing as my fingers tingled to hold the sharp protective weapons.
"You and the grounders weren't the only ones captured in that damn mountain. I've been trapped in that room for six years. I am free now, and I'd like to thank you." The reaper leader said.
"In payment for releasing me and my people I think I'll kill you quick and painlessly." Darius spoke, his tone hateful but satisfied. I'd been expecting something like this, though it didn't lesson the sick feeling in my stomach.
"Many have tried, I think I've proven to be quiet... Difficult." I hissed, my icy eyes glaring into the crazed eyes of the man before me. His gaze left mine as it settled on Anya's.
"And you, I think I'll start by ripping your spleen out, and then when you're dead we can cut open that beautiful skin and see what grounders are made of... Shall we?" Darius hissed, his eyes piercing Anya's brown ones. She didn't seem to shy away from him, but I could see her fear emitting from her shaking hands.
Without much warning, the reaper pulled a small pistols from his large fur pelt and aimed it directly at me. I heard commotion break out beneath me and steadily raised my hand to control their panic.
"Who's first," Darius asked as he jerked the gun towards Anya and then back at me, "The beautiful courageous princess or the fierce and hot headed tribe leader?" He asked and stared at the two of us.
"Actually, I don't really need to kill you..." Darius said and pointed the gun at me once again, his eyes narrowed and head cocked to the side thoughtfully.
"You see, I have the gun and I will pull the trigger... But I have you up here, held hostage and I could get whatever I want from your people. I'm sure many of them would willingly sacrifice themselves for you and better yet, I'm sure they'd give up all those delicious guns and supplies they've collected, just to have their young and beautiful leader back." Darius states, and looked behind me at the standoff going on.
"We could have a truce... You and I." The reaper stated, he was thinking out loud but I didn't interrupt him, it gave me more time to plan an attack, a defense, an escape, anything really.
"We's split your supplies, and everyone of you spacewalkers can leave unharmed... The grounder have to go though. They are a walking plague on this earth." Darius spit towards Anya, his gun had been half pointed at the ground half pointed at Anya for a while now. He offered a hand out for me, wanting me to take his deal.
I had a few seconds to decide how I wanted to get that gun out of his hand, and the only thing that seemed logical would be to take his outstretched hand, break his wrist and kick the gun away. I was just beginning to reach for his hand when a cry of fury sounded from Anya.
She pulled two sharp knives from her boots and swiftly kicked the gun out of Darius's hand. She positioned one knife a few inches from my neck and the other directly on Darius's neck.
"What the hell are you doing?" I questioned uncertainly and angrily.
"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill both of you this second." Anya hissed, her wide almond eyes trying to mask her raging emotions. I saw her cold and calculating eyes on me, I knew she was hurt, she thought I was betraying her, but she'd acted to soon and far to rash.
I tried to take a step back, the small dirt gave way beneath me. I stayed forward, on the very end of the cliff. I spared a glance bellow me, I wouldn't survive the drop. I stared down and saw Bellamy bark a few orders, his eyes trained on me. My blue orbs met his wide, angry brown ones.
I felt the thrill of danger fill me once more. Without really thinking, but allowing instincts to take over me, I grabbed my two knives and pulled them out of my boots. Anya and Darius's eyes were on me as I swapped Anya's blade down and away from my throat.
"I will not be threatened. Not by you," I pointed my right knife to Darius's figure, "And not by you." I pointed my left knife to Anya's shocked form.
I now stood in between the two, my arms crossed over my body and holding both of them at a threatening stance. I glared harshly, I was fed up with being constantly picked on, with being labeled as weak.
I was weak, in many aspects, but I was clever and logical. I was smarter than both of my opponents. I didn't want to hurt or kill Anya, but if she wouldn't listen, and if it came down to her or me... I'd chose me.
"We," I nodded down to Bellamy and the "spacewalkers," "Are done being pushed around, are done being manipulated and controlled. We inhabit earth and fight to survive everyday, just like the rest of you. I will not let you threaten me, or my people. You want a fight, I'll give you a massacre." I spoke coldly, my eyes fierce like sheets of ice, and my posture tense with fury.
Bellamy
I heard her final speech to both of the savages. Pride flickered within me, she was a natural born leader, and fighter at that. Her blonde hair tangled around her neck, and even from down here I saw her furious blue eyes.
Clarke stood, her knives digging into the throats of the two current enemies. After the reaper had pulled a gun on Clarke I started towards the trail that led to the cliff. I almost begun shooting from my current position. Clarke's confident and warning look was the only thing that kept me in my place.
Instead I instructed the remaining sixty some kids to keep their guns on the reapers and now the grounders. I noticed the reapers had another leader. Their leadership wasn't like Clarke's and I's though. It wasn't even. He seemed less confident and quieter.
I began to inspire the group from the ark and the delinquents holding the weapons. I spoke confidently, mocked the reapers, and caused them to shake in their faith.
"You must trust your leader a lot, seeing as we have six times as many people as you. And bigger guns, with more rounds. Oh and we have experience with guns, and real fights, can you say the same?" I directed most of my speech at the side leader, who all the reapers were looking to.
"We have faith in our leader." The quiet man stated but as he saw a few reapers frown and step back he countered. "Can you say the same?" The man threw my words back at me.
I swore I saw red. I was tense and ready to spring on the reaper who questioned my faith in Clarke, when a solid hand rested on my shoulder. I turned prepared to snap at whoever lay in my way to the pitiful mans death.
I was shocked as I saw it was Abigail Griffin's hand. Clarke's mother had a small hand on my shoulder, her eyes fierce but soft towards me. A part of me wanted to shake her off, feeling unnerved by who she was and the part shed played on and with the council.
I didn't move for a moment I just stared at her. I now understood where Clarke got her body shape from, they had the same cheekbones, eye shape, and confident posture. I could feel the compassion seeping out of the woman who stood beside me, I'd always wondered where Clarke had gotten that. It made sense the surgeon mother would be the one to pass it to the surgeon daughter.
She seemed to sense my unease and removed her hand. I hadn't noticed that Finn stood directly behind her. I looked at him, and broke the small eye contact I'd had with Dr. Griffin. I didn't know what to address her by, formally seemed best for now.
I could tell that Finn had come to hold me back. Was I getting that predictable? I rolled my shoulders once and looked back at the smug reaper. I was still angry by his words and the lack of faith everyone believed I had in Clarke. But I shrugged it off.
"If I was worried even for a second that Clarke couldn't handle herself up there, I would have gone with her." I stated, I felt Abigail's eyes on me, she seemed to analyze the way I spoke of her daughter. She also seemed comforted by my words.
I knew a small part of me wanted to run up the hill, and shoot both the grounder woman Clarke had so surely trusted, and the cunning reaper to hell. I resisted the urge, and kept focused on the smart mouth reaper in front of me.
"I don't doubt the girl is strong and clever... I do doubt her ability to hold her own against our leader." The man stated, his eyes twinkling with secrets I didn't know. The urge to lunge at him filled me once again. This time I just took a threatening step forward.
"You're wrong about her. You don't know her." I hissed. Not like I do, I silently thought. My eyes narrowed and seized up the man in front of me.
"You're right, I don't know her. But she's different from the rest of you, she has a good head on her shoulders. She's smart and creative and compassionate. She does more good than harm, which makes her a good person, a person worth being, a person worthy of love." The reaper spoke quietly, I swore I was the only one that heard his words, but they were like sharp knives digging into my skin.
"Unlike us," The reaper nodded to me specifically, his eyes boring into mine, "We have innocent blood on our hands, we do bad things for no reason and we aren't loved... Because we don't deserve love." The words he said hurt just as bad as any blow to the head would. I felt myself suck in a sharp breath and roughly push it out. He was right. I was undeserving... I deserved to rot in hell.
I didn't have a real reason to live anymore.
Being a leader was a bullshit reason, they had so many more natural leaders now. They all followed after Clarke, and with the ark here now, they'd have many more leaders to keep things peaceful and organized.
I didn't have a reason to live. Not anymore, not when Octavia loved someone else, and was thousands of miles away. Not when all I did was cause destruction and start avoidable fights.
Not when I wasn't needed.
I'd done terrible things, I was an awful person, and I had no purpose. Not anymore.
The reaper seemed to read my mind, I felt the weight of the world fall on my shoulders. "Why do you keep fighting? What are you living for?" His words made my head spin and stomach do little flips until I found myself hunched over and near throwing up the little food I'd consumed.
I was so close to sinking to the ground, I felt my knees buckle, I was ready to accept that I was defeated. I was ready to quit, I was ready to die, to stop fighting.
I felt a large hand on my shoulder, and glanced up to see Finn. Though I didn't hate the guy, he wasn't my favorite person. I'd already forgotten my pride, I looked up at him with empty, pitiful eyes.
"Bellamy-" He began, but his calling of my name seemed so distant. I felt dead to the world. I blinked and things blurred. I was ready to just fall over and give in to the dark oblivion creeping at the corners of my vision.
I barely heard Finn yell at the reaper, I stared at the smug looking older man. "What the hell did you do to him!?" Finn yelled and kept shaking me. I fell to my knees and lulled my head between a panicking Finn and a taunting reaper.
I felt my vision almost half way claimed by the darkness, my body being tugged into an oblivion I'd never wake up from. I felt the serenity of it, I felt the world slowly slipping away.
"The brain is a complicated organ... But manipulating the mind isn't a hard thing to do. He is physically strong, and mentally stubborn, but emotionally; he is weak. It's a deadly spell for the damned like him." The reaper spoke, I barely picked up on what he was saying. But I saw Finn's enraged face.
"You're a warlock!" Finn sputtered and stared into the reapers face.
"I prefer, voodooist..." The man said, I groaned as Finn kept shaking me and keeping me conscious.
"No way!" Finn half yelled half muttered in disbelief.
"Yeah, you're right, I injected him with a poison dart while he was defending the blonde woman. It didn't take much to get in his head and overwhelm him though," The man shrugged and stated, "I do practice in voodoo though." The reaper added. I felt Finn touching me and tried to swat his hands off.
My vision was almost black now, I guessed some of it was from how dark it already was outside but I couldn't see the cliff or Clarke anymore. I closed my eyes for a moment. I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen, but even the small jolt didn't have enough of an effect to convince me to open my eyes again.
I didn't have a purpose to live, so why would I? I knew the medicine Finn ejected me with was working, I felt better by the second. The nausea passed by more and more each second. I exhaled, I wasn't dead, and I wouldn't be dying Anytime soon.
I didn't want to move. A small spark of revenge lite within me, but I knew within ten minutes the fucking voodoo reaper would be dead. I vaguely wondered how Finn got the medicine so soon. Maybe I'd passes out for a while and the reaper was already dead. I groaned.
"How'd you get the medicine?" I asked, my eyes still closed, and I still laid down on the cold ground, my voice was just as strong and commanding as ever.
"It was the same antidote Octavia, Raven, and I needed. So we already had it. Lincoln said its pretty much good for every poison. We got lucky that its properties fit your strange condition." Finn stated, he was still hovering over me.
I sighed, nodded once, then resumed my almost dead like figure. "Bellamy you gotta get up, the camps freaking out, I'm the only one that knows what's going on." Finn stated, I knew he was right. I just didn't want to, I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to be dead. I wanted to not feel anything.
"No-" I started to protest when a curdling scream I would recognize anywhere tore me out of my self loathing state. My eyes flew open and within seconds I was on me feet. I felt the adrenaline and fury flooding through me yet again.
Things were dizzy at first. Everyone's attention was on the cliff, I snapped my unfocused gaze there as well. Dangling from the cliff was Anya, and holding the grounder girl was none other than Clarke.
I felt an overwhelming need to protect Clarke at that moment. I also wanted to scream at her to drop Anya and hold herself up; but I knew Clarke better than anymore, she would never, willingly let Someone she believed to be innocent, die. Not when she could stop it. I growled in fury as the reaper stood directly above the dangling Clarke and suspended Anya.
"SURRENDER YOUR WEAPONS, AND YOUR SUPPLIES, AND I'LL SAVE YOUR PATHETIC LEADERS." I noticed Clarke was slowly slipping, I was ready to do what he said, he was already leaning down to grab onto Clarke's hand when the firry blonde stabbed right through his hand.
The barbarous reaper stumbled back, he screamed in pain. One of Clarke's long knives was shoved clearly through his large hand. I watched as Clarke pulled herself up. I hadn't noticed she'd been suspended from her knife and not the ledge. She wasn't more than three feet from the ledge, but it was a matter of balance. It was a matter of life or death, and it all weighted on her knife, that dug into the cliffs edge.
She swung her body around on the knifes handle and climbed the small but deadly distance. Anya followed Clarke's example and hung on to her knife that was shoved deep into the cliffs hard dirt. Clarke's knife was to far for the girl to reach. Anya must have said something to her because Clarke paused and reached down towards the girl.
Clarke pulled the girl up to her old and abandoned knife before Anya gave her another knife. Clarke kept climbing and reached the top. She pulled herself onto the cliff and rolled for a moment. Seeing as the reaper leader was done howling in pain, she got to her feet.
"CLARKE!" I yelled, I knew she'd heard me, I doubted anyone hadn't. She dodged as the reaper threw a heavy and rage guided punch in her direction. Anya was struggling to climb the cliff but was slowly making headway.
Clarke wielded the large knife to her best ability. I saw her other fist clenched, she was at a disadvantage without her second knife. The reaper swung his large fists towards Clarke, over and over again. She dodged dunked and blocked to the best of her ability. Anya seemed to be stuck and yelling at the two that were engaged in a deadly battle.
I watched as Clarke didn't escape a heavy punch. Her entire body jerked with the powerful hit. She stumbled in surprise, the reaper didn't seem to wait for her to recover. I took another defensive step towards the cliff as the reaper trapped Clarke against the large tree.
Anya wasn't any help as she couldn't climb without another knife or a lift up, and Clarke was in a very bad position. I tensed and was about to aim my gun towards the reaper when I saw a flash of red and a gun pointed at my chest.
"Why interrupt the entertainment?" The reaper that had poisoned me and antagonized me with my own weaknesses asked in a twisted, amusement.
"Shut the hell up." I barked and trained my own gun on him, my finger itching to pull the trigger and shut the conniving man up once and for all. Just as I was about to give in to my dark want I heard a painful led scream.
I snapped my gaze away from the entertained reaper to Clarke. Her expression was hard to see in the dark night and dim lighting but the scream belonged to her. She was still pinned against the tree, and the reaper leader had a gun pointed to her head, but what caught my attention was the knife close to her side. I couldn't tell if it was piercing her or just scratching her.
From her scream I guessed he'd stabbed her. I aimed the gun at the reaper and scouted the scene through the scope. The blackness of the night made it hard to see which limbs were Clarke's and which limbs belonged to the reaper. Dammit.
Clarke
I was pinned, in pain and revolted. It wasn't hard to describe what happened. Darius wanted an alliance of the sort, Anya believed I was going to accept his deal. Anya threatened to kill both of us. I threatened to kill both of them. In all the chaos Darius had swiftly thrown Anya over the cliff.
Reacting on my instincts, I grabbed on to her hand. Another survival instinct, was to save both of us, not die with her. I'd stabbed the hard rock and earth of the cliff with my knife and held both of us in place. My grip had been loose, but Anya reacted fast and followed me lead. Taking off the extra weight.
Darius demanded supplies and leadership from all. I was livid. I began climbing up the cliff and stabbed his awaiting hand. I pulled myself and Anya out of the deadly situation, potentially into another deadly situation. But that didn't matter right now.
I dodged a few of his punches, lunges, and fury-driven attacks. I faltered as I saw Bellamy fall to the ground. I knew something was wrong, Bellamy never fell, Bellamy never gave up, he was nearly indestructible. He'd never show weakness in front of the ark and two potential enemies.
As I was detracted and unfocused the reaper leader landed a breath taking blow to my stomach and had me coughing for air. The punches kept coming after that. He'd punched my temple once, my stomach twice, and skimmed my arms at least five times. I was dizzy, tired, and scared.
I wasn't a fighter, I couldn't keep up. Darius seemed to realize that and quickly pinned me to the large oak tree that was a few feet from the left side of the cliffs edge. He held my blade above me head, I fully expected him to kill me right then, he didn't.
He stabbed the tree trunk right beside me bullet wound. The blade cut my jacket and shirt, but didn't touch my skin. I didn't know if it was a miracle, a blessing, or a joke. The sudden releif I felt was short lived.
Darius grabbed my small body, and roughly shoved me into the blade, I felt it quickly slice my skin open. I bit my lip, trying to comtain the scream that was working its way out of my throat. I pulled myself off the blade and grabbed onto the tree for balance. Everything was going black for a few second. I felt two hands grab my body again and shove me back into the blade.
I couldn't contain the scream of pure pain as the blade sliced open my stitches and dug into the barely healed bullet wound. I leaned my head against the tree. The wound wasn't deep, it wasn't fatal in any way, it just hurt like hell. I took a deep breath and tried to focus on what Darius was saying.
"You're weak. How do you plan to protect all those innocent lives... If you can't even protect yourself." Darius hissed in pleasure.
His words cut me deeper than any wound could and ever would. He was right, I couldn't protect myself, yet I was trying to keep almost three hundred people alive. Bellamy was the fighter, Bellamy could have pulled this off, I was going to die... And it wouldn't be an honorable death, it would be in vain.
I vaguely head Anya yell curses towards Darius. I watched as Darius cocked the gun and held it to my head, his eyes sinister and victorious. I couldn't feel anything but the wet sticky substance flowing out of my wounds, I couldn't hear anything but Darius's words repeating in my head, and I couldn't think of anything except my failure.
I'd failed to protect and stand up for those sixty six teenagers. Once I was gone, they'd remove Bellamy, and the council would take over everything. The teenagers would be treated unfairly, Bellamy would be treated unfairly. I'd failed to face my fear and talk to my mother. I failed my own goals of living, having a family, and helping to restart humanity.
I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes, the small clink of the bullet falling into the chamber met my ears. A small whisper, a small challenge had me listening and clinging to every word that had once been said, and meant something to me.
'It's not easy being in-charge is it?' The words whispered to me, I found myself agreeing and understanding.
'Looking to you, princess.' His words repeated in my head.
'Clarke! Let me explain.' My mothers desperate cry rippled in my head.
'I love you... I'm in love with you.' Finn's words echoed and pounded inside my head. I grabbed my head in an attempt to stop the voices, stop the regrets, the bad decisions. I was overwhelmed with emotions.
"stop...," I whispered to myself. Darius seemed to pause. I wasn't even paying attention to the gun or the reaper anymore. I was internally battling myself, "STOP!" I screamed as more whispers haunted me.
'Kill them before they kill us, I like it.' Bellamy's voice echoed in my head as I watched him torture Lincoln.
'Leaders do what they think is right...' I felt the sob break out of my throat. There were no tears, the world was fuzzy and unfocused. Nothing mattered but the flashes of my time on earth, the time I spent with my father, the mistakes I'd made, the highs with Wells and the lows, the apprenticeship with my mother, the never ending sorrow that always followed my happiness and slowly consumed the good in my life.
"You know what you're most afraid of Clarke?" I heard Darius break through my raging thoughts and uncontrollable emotions. My body was numb, I breathing was rapid, and my eyes were still unfocused. I barely shook my head for him to stop, he didn't.
"You're scared of being alone. You're scared of abandonment. That's why you value the human life so much..." He spoke coldly, the gun still shoved against my skull and ready to pull, but why would he pull the trigger when I was no threat to him. He enjoyed my mental break down to much to let it end.
He was right. I was terrified of being alone. It didn't matter to me when I as in lock up, but that all changed when I was put on earth and learned the truth of my mothers betrayal, my best friends sacrifice and death, and Finn's lying. I was terrified of dying. But that fear was nothing compared to how scared I was of being utterly alone.
Of letting my dark thoughts, actions, and loneliness claim me. I heard the voices start again, my life literally flashing before my eyes. My fathers last words to me. My body racked with sobs, hiccups and choking noises escaped my throat. I couldn't breath properly. My vision worsened into a blue of colors.
"No ones come up here to save you. Wonder why?" I shook my head, begging him to stop. "Because no one cares for you... Because you are all alone." I fell to the ground, my feet remaining in the same spot, just knees buckling and sticking up.
"stop." I whispered and held my head. I couldn't control anything. I wanted to live, I wanted to make up for my wrong doings, but I didn't want to live a life of suffering. "please... St-" I begged, a loud gun shot sounded, cutting off my sentence.
I watched as reaper stumbled backwards. Another gun shot sounded and blood began drizzling out of the corner of his mouth. He stood, tall and menacing. One bullet was in his Chest, near his heart. I didn't know where the second bullet had gone.
I lulled my unfocused gaze back towards the ground. The figure holding the gun was so familiar. I wanted to laugh at his furious and dark expression. He looked better with a smug smirk or the ghost of a smile he gave to his sister. Bellamy had shot Darius.
I glanced back at the furious and slowly dying reaper. He was still on his feet, he lumbered towards me. I tried to back up, but I was frozen, and my back was against the tree. I had no where to go. The voices were barely whispers now. One stood out clear from the others.
'Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things.' It was Bellamy's way of justifying torturing the grounder. It was Bellamy's comfort he'd offered me. The words replayed in my mind. His deep brown eyes that always seemed to be locked away, or protected from everyone flashed in my memory.
His confident posture and cocky attitude was hard to forget. He had that way of making you feel like nothing, he didn't even have to say anything, you just had to stand by him and you felt belittled. Sometimes I felt like that when I stood by him, other times... I felt like... Like I couldn't be stopped, like I was alive. Like I was the most important human being to ever walk this planet.
His tan skin and exposed chest whenever he worked on building the wall flashed across my mind. I was envious of his ability to tan. I was envious of his long and dark eyelashes. I was envious of his ability to be heard above everyone else, his ability to make the stupidest of ideas sound brilliant, his ability to lead. His ability to find a way back up after a hard fall. His ability to cope with everything.
I was envious that he... He could so easily get people to trust him. It felt like Darius had punched me again. It was so obvious and painful. I trusted Bellamy. Not jut in the sense of leading the camp, or with my water canteen. I trusted him with my life. I trusted him with my entire being. And trust was hard for me to come by. Everyone I'd trusted had betrayed me... Had stabbed me... Or they were dead.
His smug smirk flashed before my eyes. His words played into my mind once again as Darius threw me next to the edge of the cliff. If I trusted one person... That didn't mean I was alone. He'd delayed Darius from killing me. He'd given me a chance to live, to fight. Everything became incredibly clear once again.
Darius lingered over me, I wasn't more than one foot away from the edge. I heard Anya struggling bellow me, I heard all the ruckus from the ground. But I felt Bellamy's eyes. I found his brown eyes, my blue ones staring into his deep ebony one.
"If I'm going to die... Mies well take you with me." Darius coughed out. He tugged me to the edge, my head now hung off. I never left contact with Bellamy's confused, angry, and concerned eyes.
The voices suddenly went completely silent. 'Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things.' Bellamy's voice spoke quietly in my subconscious. I tore my eyes away from his. Darius was dying, but not fast enough. If I didn't do something, he'd take me down with him.
I grunted, my entire body was sore and still completely locked up from my break down. He was getting ready to heave me once more, I used his weight against him and locked one of my foot behind his right ankle, and the other leg of mine locked on his knee caps. With all my weight I spun my body.
Darius screamed as he tumbled over the cliff. My body was half over and half on. I slowly pulled myself back on and stared at the stars. I heard the sickening crack and end of the fearful scream as his body hit the solid ground bellow.
I felt dead to the world. And even worse I felt dead to myself. I was at a lose of what to do; with myself, with the Ark, and with my inner demons.
"Hey, whenever you're done with your panic attack, you could... I don't know... Pull me up!" I heard Anya growl just bellow me. I nodded, and realized she hadn't seen it. I sighed and rolled over on my stomach.
My shirt was nearly soaked through with my own blood. I didn't feel any pain. I was too cold, numb and lost. I tossed my hand down and felt Anya eagerly grip it. I counted to three in my head and began pulling her up as she kicked off her knife. I grabbed her shoulder with my other hand and she climbed up the cliff and on to solid ground.
"I didn't know you had it in you-" She started with a relieved smirk but stopped as she looked into my empty eyes.
"Clarke," She wasn't a comforter, and I didn't want to be comforted. I needed to sort things out in my own. "I'm sorry." I was astonished that she apologized. She must have noticed my shock and confusion and kept going.
"I'm sorry for doubting and turning my blade against you. It got us both in a bad position." Anya said, I knew she was sincere I was to shocked by the days events to really comprehend or put together a real response, I just nodded. she seemed to understand.
"You're bleeding!" She exclaimed, her eyes more guarded and tone more professional. I glanced down at my open wound and new one. I nodded and lifted my shirt. "Let me stitch it u-" She started.
"It's not bad," I interrupted her, "It can wait." I stated, she seemed to be doubtful of my statement but never less understood I wanted to be left alone. She began to walk down the cliff.
I sighed and called over my shoulder to her. "Assure them you mean no Harm, and everything's fine. I would like to be left alone for the night. Let Bellamy handle everything." I said, she nodded and continued down the hill. I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath.
I slowly sat down, and dangled my legs over the edge of the cliff. A man was dead... I was the one who killed him. I didn't cry, I wouldn't, and doubted I could. I'd cried so much in just the last few weeks, I was sick of crying. But on the inside I was crying, mourning over the innocent little girl I once was.
I didn't know who I was anymore. I laid back and stared at the stars above me. I wondered if I ever would know who I was.
The thought was ridiculous, of course I would know who I was going to be. I just didn't know if I would be okay with the person I was becoming and going to end up being.
Authors note: First thing, I'm SO sorry for not updating ruin the last six days! I was at StuCo camp, which was amazing! I'm posting two chapters right now! Another thing is, I promised a Bellarke scene and it is in the next chapter. Together I planned/Wrote a big chapter but it ended up being 13,000 words, so I broke it up into two! So it's shorter and easier to read, etc.
Please Read and Review! For both of the chapters I've posted today!
How was the small fight scene? I know kind of pointless, but a chain affect. And it gave us a little insight about the reapers! Clarke released them too! So there's like twice as many in this area, as there are normally, oopsy!
I'm so sorry, I told you I'd do Octavia's POV, and I honestly planned and wrote it. Just the chapter was so long and her POV is so long too, so I decided to focus a lot on that with chapter 12. Like it will be basically her entire chapter! But I'm sorry!
I've gotten so much feedback on Linctavia, that I'll keep the pair together. And Kabby if course will be a minor pairing but pairing none the less.
Seriously I love you guys! Out of 550 the 100 fanfictions, this one is the 12th! That's pretty freaking amazing! (going by reviews). I'm so happy with the positivity this fanfic has gotten and as long as I keep getting reviews, positive comments and feed back, I'll keep writing. I have big plans for this! :)
Next chapter is already up so keep reading!
BELLARKE! LINCTAVIA! KABBY! Whoever you ship, let me know and I'll consider it. Anyways fellow 100 fans, I'M OUT! (for this chapter of course :))