Thanks again for all the reviews. I hope this next chapter lives up to your expectations!

He had been tossing and turning for the last hour, and Olivia sighed as she rolled over to look at him. Elliot would be angry at himself if he knew he was keeping her awake…she knew that, so she couldn't wake him, but she couldn't help but wonder why he was having such a rough night. She didn't feel well and glanced at the clock, noticing it was barely three in the morning. She rarely woke up with morning sickness in the middle of the night, but maybe she'd just eaten too much before bed. Her stomach was rolling. She sat up, flinging her legs to the edge of the bed and taking a few deep breaths trying to settle her stomach, but when that didn't work she decided maybe she should just let herself throw up and get it over with.

She made her way to the bathroom, leaning over the toilet and giving in to her urge to vomit, relieved when she only threw up once and felt immediately better. She stood up, rinsed her mouth, and stared at her pale and sickly face in the mirror. It was times like this that she wondered how she'd let herself get into this mess, and whether or not she'd physically be able to make it through these next months of pregnancy. It was a lot harder than she could ever have imagined.

She was exhausted as she walked back to the bedroom and when she saw that Elliot had rolled himself over onto her side of the bed she was irritated. Now she'd have to wake him up and she really didn't want to. He groaned and mumbled to himself, and she stood watching him, trying to make out the words he was saying in his sleep. He had a pained look on his face, and it worried her. "Stop…" he mumbled under his breath. "Don't please…" he pleaded and even though she didn't know what he was dreaming about, it broke her heart to see him suffer like this. "Kathleen…I'm sorry…" he cried out and when she heard that…she knew.

She reached out and touched his shoulder, "El…" she shook him gently, "Elliot…wake up."

He jerked awake, sitting up and looking confused at first. Then he noticed her standing beside the bed and sighed, "What's wrong?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Olivia answered. "I got out of bed and when I came back you were in my spot."

He scooted over and she climbed in next to him, "Why did you get out of bed?" he asked.

"I was sick," she answered reluctantly. "But I feel fine now."

He put his hand softly on her stomach, "You sure you're okay now? You should have woken me up."

"El…what's wrong?" she asked sadly. "You've been keeping me awake for hours with your tossing and turning and you were yelling out in your sleep."

"I'm sorry," he leaned back on the pillow. "I must've had a bad dream." Bad didn't even begin to describe it, but he didn't want to bother her with it. Not now, when he'd kept her awake most of the night already…not when she was sick and exhausted from carrying his baby. "You need to get some sleep."

"Talk to me," she pleaded. "Don't just tell me to go back to sleep. Elliot…what's wrong? I know something's wrong. I know you were dreaming about Kathleen…I heard you say her name."

"You know I don't like to talk about her Olivia," he closed his eyes.

"Why won't you talk to me?" she was crying even though she didn't want to be so emotional…her self-control was another thing this pregnancy seemed to be taking from her.

Elliot sighed and sat up, looking in her tearful eyes, "Liv…please don't cry."

"I just want you to talk to me," she admitted. "You don't really talk to me. You talk at me…about how I need to rest or I need to eat better. You tell me everything will be fine and I should stop worrying. But you won't even tell me how you are feeling about things…you won't even admit to me that you had a nightmare about your dead child, Elliot. You don't trust me."

"I had a nightmare…about Kathleen…" he sputtered. "Is that what you want me to say?" He shook his head in defeat, "My daughter killed herself because I was a lousy father…I wasn't there for her…I judged her…I couldn't make her take her meds or get the help she needed…I couldn't help her."

Olivia looked sadly at him, "You were not a lousy father…"

"I was," he disagreed. "I was never home and I was too angry all the time. And none of my kids are happy, Liv. Maureen married a jackass who treated her like crap, and they always say girls marry men who remind them of their fathers. Liz only calls me to ask for money. Dickie has hated me since he was in high school and even now he can't stand to spend more than an hour or so with me. I've never even been able to play the tooth fairy for Eli…it's only a matter of time before he realizes how short-changed he is in the dad department. And Kathleen's dead…" he cried. "And now I'm supposed to do this all over again…and I don't think I can…"

"Elliot…" she whispered sadly. She didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry," he looked away from her, not wanting to see the sadness on her face. He had been dreaming about Kathleen for the past few nights, ever since he'd found out Olivia was pregnant. He couldn't shake the feeling that somewhere in the universe, Kathleen was watching him, thinking he was replacing her with this new baby and in his dreams he tried to convince her it wasn't true, but when he was awake, all he could do was think about all his failures as a father and how he'd probably end up messing up another innocent child. "Liv, I'm so sorry. I know you want this baby…I'm trying to want it too…I really am…"

"You don't want the baby…" she choked on her sobs. She'd known it…from the beginning, she'd known. That was part of the reason she hadn't told him she was pregnant. She didn't know why it made her so sad to hear him say it when she'd always known it.

"I want to want it," he admitted. "I love the baby…I swear I do. I just don't know how to be a father again, Liv." He sat up and looked at her, hating himself for breaking her heart.

"When the doctor told me I was pregnant…" she looked painfully at him, "I yelled at her. And when she did the ultrasound, I didn't even want to look at it. All I could think about was how much I didn't want to be pregnant..."

"Liv," he wanted to comfort her, but she wasn't listening.

"I was scared," she cried. "I'm still scared, El. But I know I can do this...even if you don't think you can. I love this baby so much."

"I love the baby too," he insisted. "And I love you, Liv. I love you…"

"I love you too," she whispered. Then she leaned back on her pillow and closed her eyes. He wrapped her in his arms, thinking she might pull away, but she didn't. She cried herself to sleep in his arms and he didn't say anything more. There was nothing left to say. When he was sure she was finally asleep, he let himself drift off, but he knew things were never going to be the same. He should've been stronger for her, but he hadn't. He'd failed at fatherhood once again.