Andy realised both witches named Melusine and Zelda heard her thoughts. Could Miranda hear her thoughts also? Andy cringed if she could. Her thoughts were private.
''We do not dance naked under the full moon.'' Miranda proclaimed scandalised
Zelda beamed at Miranda. ''No, of course not, dear. The nudity is entirely optional, as you well remember Mir.''
Andy was stuck to Miranda. Beside her indefinitely. Until this spell on her was broken. What about her work at The Mirror? Her apartment. There was no way in hell Miranda was seeing her place let a known staying and living in it.
Which was small and empty by Nate taking almost everything except Andy's clothes and her stuff like her books and lacrosse stick and her tennis racquet, Nate the colossal ignoramus jerk took her alarm clock and her favorite television series boxsets, oh and the couch and television she had paid for, and also her DVD player and Xbox. Even their first plant for their first apartment together on the windowsill Nate absconded away with.
After getting back from Paris, Andy was welcomed home with an almost empty apartment and a note that the said rent was due this week. Nate had just left her with those words. Nothing more.
Andy didn't need to create a ring of comfort food around her now missing couch or wherever she decided to park her sad, unlovable body on, so it looks like preparing for some ancient ritual that requires a specific arrangement of empty Chinese or Thai food cartons and pizza boxes on the floor for breaking up.
No Andy wasn't pining for Nate Cooper. This breakup wasn't overly terrible for Andy because Nate and she just weren't right together for the last few months. Maybe they never were. Right together.
Andy felt now maybe she was just settling with Nate. That there was someone else meant for her. Even if Miranda Priestly was as unobtainable and as likely as winning the Lottery. Andy could still dream.
With Nate out of her life meant one thing, a silver lining, no more leaving the toilet seat up.
Just because Andy had XY for the time being, no way was she mannishly prone to almost commit such an act she wouldn't be doing that or thoughtlessly manspreading on subways. Guy or not she always gave up her seat to old ladies or pregnant women. As a guy now Andy wouldn't be burping or groping but by the look of her stubble, she'd be shaving.
Andy couldn't do her yoga of 5...4...3… my anger is a purple balloon and I let go, or be able to call her Mom not with Miranda nearby. Then Andy Sachs would be seen as an even more monumental loser to Miranda.
But then again her Mom's advice of a wave is brave Andy and play fair and start each day with a smile didn't cover this. This was a day that someone p*ssed in her cornflakes and on her entire universe.
What was she going to do? What if this lasts forever, being stuck as a guy? What if she never turned back to herself again?
Would her Mom and Dad think she was missing?
Felt tears coming on again.
Hold it together Sachs. Grit your teeth. Scratching her five o'clock shadow if she caught the subway train this early evening she'd probably be instagramed on not hot dudes reading but lone hot dude weeping like he has PMS.
''Andrea you'll have to stay with me.''
''I have to get a few things at my place.'' Andy had a few reasons to go back to her place, she needed her contacts and glasses along with her toothbrush.
Andy felt it was a pity she couldn't go back later on her own, and get her favourite Space Monkey and Save Ferris t-shirt and her slippers with Miranda now joined at the hip. Miranda would have to come along. Just great. Perfect.
Andy's place was on Broome Street on the Lower East Side. Andy exhaled, thankfully Nate was now long gone and doing great in Boston so no chance Miranda would encounter him.
Not that Nate would know it was Andy if he still lived with her.
Oh mother butler did that make her and Nate...
She and Nate had almost done it. Usually Miranda was calling every night or Andy was exhausted. She'd been waiting for a special time to go to bed with Nate. Romantic with candles not fumbling and because Nate was horny.
Andy blushed hoping Miranda hadn't heard she's a big old V. A virgin. Even more of a disadvantage for Miranda.
Miranda tilted her head at Andy for a few minutes silently. ''Very well. Roy will drive us.'' Still holding Emily in her lap who was glaring daggers at Andy, new form or not it was without a doubt Emily.
Growled at Andy lowly who promised the snarling pooch, a new dishtowel and a bag of frozen veggies and maybe a dog treat. Another growl. Andy insisted organic. If Emily tried to nip her again it was to the Vets to be flea dipped and dewormed.
Zelda got into a heated debate with Andy about how witches were portrayed in the media as evil and represented as eating children to remain young and beautiful and the misinformation that all witches homicidally poisoned young women with fruit and curses as Andy gave a pointed glance at her current predicament.
Zelda also informed Andy that many witches were believed to be nasty and shrewish. Andy stole a glance at rigid Miranda who was trying to persuade Emily to be a good little Emily and come along into her bag.
Emily's paws planted was having none of it. Only obeyed when Paris was almost pulled away from her. Lifted into Miranda's bag.
''Tell me, mortal would you be really nervous if I offered this to you.''
Andy was offered a shiny red Mackintosh from a bowl on Emily's kitchen counter. Andy gulped and shook her head politely at the apple offered.
Miranda gave Zelda a look not to torment Andrea.
''Told you so. Another prejudice mortal to magic.''
Miranda's Aunt Melusine was like salt and Zelda more like sugar to Andy, Miranda however was more than salty try acidic and vinegary.
Andy was beginning to see that Zelda had a wicked sense of humour. Wicked.
Didn't know whether to believe half the stories she shared. Andy listened to Zelda talking about her tryst with a Bulgarian vampire cowboy, he was dark and unnatural. Also a roadie with The Doors. ''Such a neurotic. Try to plan a nice bank holiday with sun in Majorca. He wanted to go to Vegas and get hitched, kept saying 'Las Wegas Zel. Wedding bells.''
Miranda was relieved Roy didn't ask about the two older ladies, a toy dog and a barefoot guy dressed in a midriff t-shirt and shorts who'd pulled back his long hair in a messy chic top knot. Great Andy saw she matched doggy Emily's hairdo.
Roy pulled up to Andy's building.
Up five flights to 5b. Andy's place. Opening the door, set down Emily cantered in first.
Miranda wasn't judging Andrea's walk-up, hole in the wall domicile, okay perhaps she was a little bit admittedly from the moment she stepped inside, Andrea had no furniture except a bed.
Home sweet home. Shoving her keys in her purse, half this stuff in it she wouldn't need. Lip balm. Pantyhose. Tampons.
Andy rubbed the back of her neck, ears red and grabbed a rucksack from the closet. Packed her contacts and glasses along with her toothbrush, nothing of her clothes would fit her new body, Andy rummaged and found a pair of Dockers that Nate had forgotten and had never worn and a Brooks Brothers slim oxford he wore once.
Somewhere she was sure he forgot a pair of sneakers.
Andy excused herself to dress.
Turned out Andy had the better physique then Nate. All that running around with her heels on fire doing Miranda errands.
Staring in the mirror at her Adonis belt and defined rock hard six-pack abs, Andy supposed she should be grateful, could have had a floppy beer belly and be toothless what had Miranda's Aunts meant made to be perfect for her former boss?
Buttoning her shirt she looked like her Dad when he was in teaching college with her Mom's eyes. Making a list tomorrow would need boxer briefs and some clothes that didn't make her look like a tax accountant or IT support. Also needed an electrical razor, but no haircut.
Rolling up her t-shirts and Tasmanian devil slippers and grabbed a few items Andy had to have with her, along with her scrap album of possibilities of things Andy had and hadn't done yet, Miranda no doubt would laugh her head off at it.
Andy also grabbed her hobby. Her camera.
Andy took her things, slung her backpack over broad shoulders, gritting her teeth to staying at Priestly residence for how long Andy sure as hell didn't know.
''Mom!''
Cassidy greeted Miranda warmly as Caroline followed her sister stopping on him.
Andy remembered these two redheads. First it was the prank to go upstairs, then the night she sort of babysat for an hour when Miranda was late for dinner stuck at a meeting with CFDA, Andy had listened to both run lines for a school play. Andy had even been threatened by Miranda's lovely kids to join in. Or else.
The girls did reluctantly warm up to her. Andy bought them chocolate chip cookies when her Mom visited one weekend to surprise Andy out of the blue. Andy had been tempted that Saturday to maybe go home to Ohio.
Both girls were staring at him unblinkingly and eerily the same as Miranda did.
''Girls this is Andy. Your new nanny. Girls say hello.''
Cassidy stepped forward being polite because her Mom prompted her. ''Nice to meet you.'' Another Andy great. Cass liked the other Andy who was clumsy around Mom.
Andy stared at Miranda in shock, she wanted her to be the twins' nanny or Manny. Waving at both girls in a lame hello. Hoarsed out strained. ''Nanny what about Cara?''
Miranda waspishly told Andy, giving that forced Cerulean smile to Andy as the girls went to put their schoolwork away. ''Cara was fired.''
''For?''
''For fornicating.'' Miranda said revolted.
Andy swallowed. Jeez if Miranda fired someone for that how would she be about Andy and morning wood?
Cara had been fired for being found with the DHL delivery man without a bra on or most of her clothes, she always was too friendly and watched the Young and the Restless too much.
Miranda had come home unexpectedly early last night, the girls were at a sleepover and Miranda heard and then found them necking behind the couch. Icily asked. ''Cara, who is that?
''Um. Miranda...this is Wayne.''
The delivery guy grabbing his pants stammered. '' Dwayne.''
Cara grabbed her top. ''We just met at the door with your deliveries.''
Miranda gave a look that could peel skin. Cara shakily assured. ''Dwayne, he was just leaving.''
''Go with him.''
Miranda's housekeeper peeked her head out. Her name Andy remembered was Cordelia. Wiping her hands on her apron.
''Good Evening Miranda, the girls were just washing up. Tonight is Montana lamb with rocket leaf and goat cheese salad with a raspberry sherbet and tomorrow night lime-grilled free-range chicken with pumpkin pasta and dandelion greens and a vanilla ice cream.''
Andy thought Miranda allows the kids ice cream real store-bought ice cream, it was going to snow in May. Andy would have to check the Weather Channel for the blizzard expected to develop.
Caroline glumly greeted Andy but perked up at the dog.
Thrilled Patricia had a playmate now. Andy smiled Emily was going to be such BFFs with the slobbering St Bernard. Emily when normal, hated drool.
Cassidy and Caroline patted Emily talking about outfits and hair accessories to try. Yup Emily was going to really suffer playing dress up as a pampered pooch for however long this spell lasted.
Andy watched the dog almost gulp and be set upon by the twins talking about sparkly hearts in her hair and brushing her 100 times. Better Emily then her.
Miranda was stern but her eyes softened on her Bobbseys. ''Girls be gentle Em, she must be treated well.'' The twins promised as Andy sniggered at Patricia giving Emily a sloppy lick in greeting.
''I suppose you'd like to see the bedroom.'' Miranda blushed. ''It is part of the job. Live in nanny.''
Andy wordlessly nodded to Miranda. Following her upstairs.
''Cara's things are gone. The room has an ensuite bathroom, Jacuzzi tub and tomorrow I'll have Nigel send over some clothes that actually fit you.'' Andy froze as Miranda trailed her blue eyes up and down Andy.
Andy sat down on the bed. ''Thank you Miranda.'' Meant it considering Miranda was kinda to blame for this whole being turned into a guy thing.
Stopping in the doorway Miranda stilled. ''Your welcome. Dinner is in a few minutes. Andrea.''
Andy held her blue eyes. ''I think you should call me Andy.''
Miranda looked like she was pulling teeth but said it. ''Fine. Andy.''
Caroline knew she saw it when Andy their new nanny passed the hall mirror, pinching her younger sister Cassidy who blinked. Both twins wide eyed at what they saw. Rubbing her eyes, Caroline kept staring at Andy through each bite of dinner.
Watched this guy Andy had the same mannerisms as Mom's last assistant. That wasn't possible.
It was Andy who brought Mom the Book and whose eyes never left Mom.
Both fled from the dinner table after dessert. Emily wouldn't eat out of a bowl, no on a Wedgewood plate and cut up for her. Thank you. Made Andy turn her back with a glare and cut of her eyes when Andy walked both Patricia and her around the block to tinkle.
The twins were waiting on the stairs spying Andy put away leashes. Saw it happen again. Her reflection. Rushed up to bed.
Andy had unpacked as Miranda lightly rapped on the door, given a few things to wear. A pair of Nautica pj bottoms. Stephen had never worn them.
''Lunches for school make them for 7 and André-Andy. I am going to take a half day at work. So I can help Melusine and Zelda. Goodnight.'' Lingering in the door.
''Goodnight Miranda.''
Andy set her alarm clock.
Blaring alarm in her ear as she rolled over. Ok let's do this. Thursday.
Andy normally came to breakfast in her pjs all the time, every morning, just this morning was different, having no top on. It felt liberating not wearing a bra.
''Miranda.''
Miranda looked pristine and exquisite. Hair stylish and sharply cut suit. Did she ever have bed hair or just lounge around in a nightie or something. Made Andy feel like a rolled out of bed slob.
Miranda took in Andy bare chested and a dazzling smile at her.
Andy brushed by her and went to drink from the carton. Heard a clearing throat, took a glass. Andy got the hint, pouring and swallowed cold liquid, wiping off milk moustache.
''Zelda and Melusine will try to break this for you. Andrea please know this, I didn't do this to you. This magic.'' Almost touched Andy's shoulder gently, stopped herself, she'd already had a sleepless night last night feeling dream Andy's lips on hers.
The twins heard on the stairs. Magic.
''If you're a witch Miranda, are Cassidy and Caroline also able to do magic?''
Miranda froze at that question to her. She didn't like talking about magic. Tensely. ''Yes.'' James luckily never noticed but even as babies a few times both Cassidy and Caroline did magic that Miranda noticed instantly.
Little things like floating a toy to themselves or changing the colour of a stuffed animal. Floating dolls' tea parties were grounded by Miranda.
Caroline heard right. They could do magic. Cassidy almost gasped at the news. Mom's a witch. Which meant they were able to do magic.
Goodbye to no more bullies.
Miranda tried not to watch Andy's long fingers slice bread, making sandwiches of peanut butter and jam. Packing them up for the girls. Miranda handed fruit cups instead of cookies.
Taking out her lipstick using the fridge as a mirror.
Andy saw Miranda was trying to do her lipstick blindly. It was cute and sexy.
Trying not to stare as Miranda lined her lips and took her time carefully applying the tip and colour to her mouth. Smoothly made it opaque and glossy and beautifully kissable gliding silkily along as Andy held in a moan.
Great Andy now loved her lips more. Lips she could never have.
Miranda called for Cassidy and Caroline who rushed in with unusually bright good mornings and gobbled down their breakfast which Miranda had made for them. Andy poured a mug of hot coffee for Miranda who politely declined.
''No, thanks. I've had so much coffee, I slosh when I walk.'' Miranda could joke. Andy never knew Miranda had much of a sense of humour. Roy would be dropping the twins at Dalton and her to Runway this morning.
''I made a list for you Andy. I'll be back at 2pm.''
Okay Andy saw the three of them out. Shutting the townhouse door, it was just her and Emily who was at Andy's heel.
''So want to watch cable or pay per view in the movie room?''
Emily barked at her.
''Joking Em.''
Andy began to read the list.
Nigel's absolute shock registered on his face to Miranda. ''But you've never taken a day off let alone a week or two Miranda?''
Miranda tilted her head. ''I am Runway's Editor am I not Nigel and I think most things can be sent to me via laptop.''
Nigel nodded quickly. ''Of course Miranda.''
''Nigel I need you to get me a few things, these are his sizes.
His.
Was the silver haired dragon dating?
''Bring them tonight with The Book.''
Nigel selected CK boxer briefs, a few pairs of dark Japanese denim jeans and Thomas Pink and Ralph Lauren shirts and Alexander McQueen harness printed cotton V-neck and laser-cut skull leather slip-on sneakers and Maison Margiela splatter painted leather sneakers and something dressy by Giorgio Armani and J.M. Weston shoes.
Andy realised her Mom wouldn't take a phone call from her with a voice she didn't recognise as her own child. Andy typed her email out, lying that she had Laryngitis. Sending it.
Andy read a few blogs.
A ping told her, her Mom had replied. Told to rest.
Andy also received a voice mail message that she was fired for skipping out of work yesterday morning clearly high on narcotics by a now no longer work colleague who video uploaded Andy literally skipping out of work, it was the spell that did it and now Andy was jobless today for not bothering to show up at The NY Mirror.
Miranda owed her a job. Emily almost looked as if she was listening about Andy getting the sack. Andy decided not to wallow being unemployed and now an Upper East Side enchanted manny by watching Hallmark all day on the couch. Took the list, Miranda made.
If Miranda wanted mahi mahi from the Hudson she'd get it for her.
Andy left Emily watching the Shopping Channel.
Ticking off the list for the first errand, Andy didn't know Miranda took medication. Picked that up from the pharmacy and books for the twins and Miranda at Barnes and Noble.
Buying a few things the twins needed to try at a smaller toy hobby shop. Stuff Andy liked at eleven.
Her phone ringing. Andy picked up. ''Miranda. Caroline did what? I'll be at Dalton in ten minutes.''
Andy hailed a cab to Dalton.
Cassidy and Caroline's teacher and principal couldn't stop staring at the hunk next to Miranda. He was the nanny. Nobody else's Nannies looked like that.
Both redheads uniforms were creased and headband hair astrew. A girl sat away from them, looking just as rumpled. Gloria Upson.
Andy knew the kid to see when once Andy had to bring Cassidy's forgotten homework to Dalton in morning rush hour. Gloria was a brat just by looking at her.
''Ms Priestly. Your daughters here were telling this ridiculous story that they both can do magic. Now we at Dalton are all for vivid imaginations but there is a time and place. They also said you are a…a witch.'' The Principal swallowed. Miranda Priestly one of Dalton's most feared and generous donors was not called a witch to her face.
Miranda made light of it. Both of her Bobbseys hung their heads, looking at the carpet.
''I've been called many things before that is a first.'' Andy had to school her face from laughing, Miranda heel jabbed her toe.
''Now I think your twins should apologise to Gloria here for threatening to float her and her lunch downtown.''
Both sullenly shook her hand. Andy knew those blue eyes were waiting and biding their time. Andy could also see it was unfair. The twins were rotten but they weren't bullies like this little snot nosed brat.
Led outside as Gloria's nanny walked up to take her away.
Called after by Caroline. ''Gloria. One more thing.'' Caroline put her finger outstretched.
Miranda stared at her firstborn. '' Put the finger down, Caroline.''
Caroline smiled evilly at the classmate named Gloria who trembled.'' I hope you get chickenpox. No pimples till thirty.''
Miranda tried to be firm. ''Caroline! She was just kidding.''
Cassidy informed. '' No, she wasn't, mom. She was not kidding.''
Caroline was unrepentant. ''You'll see, that's for saying my Mom's an icy old nobody wants or loves dragon.''
Marched off by Miranda who had a feeling Gloria Upson would be having a spot problem very soon.
Slid into the car to be taken home to the townhouse.