Out of Hand by relativelypositive
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I make no money from borrowing J.K. Rowling's characters.
MMMMMMMM
Chapter 3: Sneeze
The Great Hall the Next Morning
Draco-
Your mother and Mrs. Greengrass have sequestered themselves in the drawing room.
BEWARE THE GREENGRASS SISTERS
Your Father
Well, crap.
Draco wondered what tactic he should take. What hadn't he employed lately?
#72: Pretend you don't know who they are. Always fun for messing with people. Of course, they know you know who they are, but if you pair it with walking away while they're talking to you it's quite effective. Girls never take the first hint, but it gets even more fun when you do it over and over to the same girl.
#15: Start asking questions about their best friend. Could backfire and create a new stalker situation, but pisses off the original girl enough to buy you months at a time.
#122: Sneeze on them. Effectiveness based on the amount of mucus that you could transfer to her person.
Blaise plopped down across from Draco with the biggest smile he had ever seen.
"You will never guess what happened in Gryffindor tower last night."
"Is Potter still alive?"
"I assume so."
"Then I don't care."
"Well, you should. Someone was insinuating that you had relations with them."
"Was it Weasley?"
"Which one?"
"Um…either?"
"Nope."
"Then I don't care."
"It was worse than a Weasley."
"Oh, Blaise, we both know there's nothing worse than a Weasley."
"Wanna bet?"
"No, just tell me. You're squirming so much I'm starting to wonder if you need to pee."
Blaise surprised him with the last name he'd ever thought he'd hear.
"Granger."
Draco wondered if he was having a stroke.
"She wouldn't dare! She wouldn't want to! Would she?"
"Apparently she wants you, you lucky sod, since my sources say she was describing your tackle. And boasting about your prowess."
"I'll kill her!"
"Good luck with that. If you start murdering them, maybe your admirers will leave you alone for a few days."
"It's so easy for you. I almost wish I had an Egyptian fiancée just waiting for me to graduate."
"Sorry, Draco, you can't be me. So. Granger. You gonna do something about that?"
"I suppose I'll have to."
"Don't sneeze on her. That's gross."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hermione had never fallen asleep in the library before. She'd daydream, and maybe occasionally rest her eyes. She had never woken up in the Restricted Section with Madame Pince and Professor McGonagall giving her the stink eye.
"Miss Granger, follow me."
Hermione had no choice. She apologized weakly to Madame Pince as she walked by, but received no audible reply. She was afraid to look at the librarian's face.
Professor McGonagall and Hermione managed to get all the way to the professor's office, sit down, and stare at each other for a while before Hermione broke.
Professor McGonagall could stare like nobody's business.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."
"Why, as a prefect, did you think it was acceptable to break into the library, then further break into a forbidden part of the library?"
"I needed answers."
"And you couldn't wait until morning?"
"No."
Professor McGonagall sighed deeply. "Why are you being difficult? You're such an intelligent young woman. Please help me to understand your actions so I won't have to take away your prefect's badge."
Take away her badge?
"I was…." Suddenly Hermione felt ashamed, and she didn't know why. Since when was the search for knowledge a shameful act? "I was looking for books on Wizarding courtship and marriage."
"Miss Granger, those are not in the Restricted Section. I could even recommend a few. There's an excellent tome by Sherry Sherrie. Or was it Sherrie Sherry? I always get those two mixed up."
"No. Those three and a half books didn't tell me what I wanted to know."
"What could you possibly…"
"Sex."
Professor McGonagall's mouth slammed shut and a mist of sweat beaded on her forehead.
"We don't speak of relations."
"But…"
"No!"
"But…"
"Miss Granger! Desist!"
"But…"
"Five hundred points from Gryffindor!"
"Fuck me!" Hermione squeaked before she could control her mouth.
"And another fifty points for inappropriate language!"
"But…"
"Silencio!"
Did McGonagall really just silence her? Hermione wondered when she stepped into the alternate universe.
"You will listen and we shall never speak of this again. As I am neither your parent nor your guardian, I will not and cannot explain these things to you. What I will do is send your parents a few Wizarding society customs manuals. Then they can impart the knowledge. Dismissed."
Hermione felt the spell lift as she left the office. She decided to take a chance.
"Is there a tutor or something?"
The door slammed in her face.
So much for that.
Hermione was lost in her thoughts while she headed towards the Great Hall.
When she was gracelessly pulled into the alcove behind the statue of Godric Gryffindor she was so shocked she didn't even try to get away.
She found herself staring into the angry, pretty eyes of Draco Malfoy.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Draco didn't know what possessed him. He saw Granger. He saw the alcove. He saw red.
He held her by the upper arms and stared at her. She wasn't giving him sly looks. She wasn't smiling. She wasn't trying to touch him. She wasn't giving him presents. Or food. Or trying to impress him.
What was going on?
"I've heard you were spreading rumors about me. Care to tell me about our night together?"
Draco put as much derision and menace into the question as he could muster.
Hermione stared into his eyes for a bit too long, as though she was searching for something.
Then she took a surprised breath…and snorted…and shook…and giggled.
Draco let go of her immediately and stepped back.
Hermione doubled over laughing.
A/N:
Thanks to ASJS, TheVeganMonster, Filmstar xXx, XxSweetSuicidexX, and blueonpurple. A note of appreciation is always...um...appreciated.
And thanks again for all the favorites and follows. I'm not the only one jonesing for some pre-war fic that isn't so angsty!