Ethan and Amelia rode out to Bella's ranch. They headed out of town on the main road and far ahead, they saw a couple of Darrin's security men riding past a ranch. Ethan knew that they weren't supposed to be there but as long as they didn't harass the ranchers then he'd pick his battles. As they left, Axelrod had rushed out to inform him that the rash thefts and vandalism hadn't resumed since the new guard Burke had been stationed at his store. Ethan just nodded and told him to make sure he locked up at night.

Axelrod headed back into his store just shaking his head and Ethan rode off with Amelia. The road wound through several groves of trees knotted together alongside a stream that connected to the lake.

"He's really embraced Darrin's security program," Amelia said, "Not that it surprises me because he's always been distrustful of you."

Ethan couldn't deny that he and Axelrod had never gotten along well and that even in the best of times, there had been considerable friction between the two of them. And in bad times, the two had locked horns but she knew from experience that Ethan always acted on behalf of others who needed him to speak up or help them.

"It's not just him; it's Amos, Applegate and most of the others…"

"Except Scotty, Tiny and Mr. Lee…"

The three businessmen who had always thought independently of the herd including in a crisis…after all she'd lost count of how many times that Axelrod and several others had tried to exile Ethan or run him out of town when they disapproved of his actions. Even if they'd been taken to save the lives of innocent people…they had protested or tried to make trouble for Ethan. When she returned after all these months she realized how little things had changed in that regard. Even after Axelrod's nephew, Charles had just come to live with him; it hadn't smoothed out his unpleasant edges.

"They never go with the crowd," Ethan said, "but most of them will if they think that it's stopping the crime."

Amelia sighed as they crossed another creek.

"It's all set up Ethan…the thefts, vandalism and the break-ins…all done to rile up the business owners to make them desperate for Darrin's services. This is what they did in San Francisco and other cities only worse."

Ethan could imagine how much worse it could get than just property crimes. Assaults, beatings, murders and the like had been orchestrated in other places to drum up business in private security. But he'd be damned if he'd let that happen in Paradise.

"That's why they hire outlaws," Amelia continued, "because they need someone capable of committing the crimes without hesitation…they pay them more of course…higher bonuses for more serious crimes because those lead to more eager customers."

It disgusted Ethan but he sensed it disgusted her more and he didn't understand why. She kept riding in silence just ahead of him until they reached a meadow and both urged their horses on faster. He loved riding fast with her, she could ride like the wind, half wild as he said more than once. He knew that she'd had secrets when he first met her and then later when he spent more time with her after the children arrived.

Even when she told him that night he drove her home that he had learned all her secrets. But now she kept another from him and he didn't know how to get her to share it with him. To release it from deep inside her…he'd known what it had been like to carry a secret around with him for years.

They reached the ranch and rode to the barn where they got off their horses and tied them to the corral railing. Clara looked over at them as she led a yearling into the barn.

"Hi there…"

They greeted her back and then they walked over to the fence to look at the horses grazing in the pasture. There were a half dozen of them released during the day and brought into the barn at night.

"What's Bella going to do with the rest of them?"

"There are some horse dealers who will be more than happy to take a look at them."

Ethan watched a couple of them canter across the grass kicking up their heels. They were impressive to watch.

"You really like this ranching don't you?"

"I think I like it better than you do."

He smiled.

"I never had the knack for it," he said, "Claire and Joseph wound up running it because I was always called away."

"I know you tried Ethan," she said, "You're just a gunfighter, that's all except now that you're a marshal, you can help people. They'll respect you and Paradise is better for it."

Ethan stroked his jaw line with his thumb.

"I don't know about that but I do my best…but it's just as often about rescuing cats out of trees and breaking up brawls in the saloon."

"Not all of it," she said, "I thought about all the good you did when I was away."

"I know that it hurt you when I stopped doing things like getting married to deal with some crisis but if I didn't…"

She sighed.

"I know…no one else would and that's why what you did mattered so much," she said, "I was just too scared to tell you that I understood why you did it. It was hard to face the fact that we'd never get married."

She forced the wistfulness out of her voice because it'd do no good for him to hear it. He saw it on her face anyway because he read her so well.

"It's not too late Amelia…"

Her face changed suddenly and she started walking away.

"Amelia…"

"I'd better go check on Clara…in case there are any problems…"

She started walking towards the barn and he followed her.

"What's going on here?"

She turned around to face him suddenly.

"Nothing…I just don't want that man to come back."

"The one you didn't know, who knew you."

She didn't like where he was going and she put her hands on her hips.

"I don't know him…you're doubting me on that?"

The anger crept back into her voice but she'd carried it for so long only it hadn't been at Ethan. So she'd tried to rein it back in because he didn't deserve it but then who did? No one who wasn't miles away from her.

"No…I'm not Amelia," he said, "It's just that whenever I talk about the future…one that's for both of us, you walk away."

She looked at him as if he were crazy.

"I don't…I just want to make sure everything's okay."

"Clara's fine," Ethan said, "You're not…and that's as plain as day."

She didn't want to look at him so she turned and started heading to the barn again. She didn't want him to see her face and how close she was to revealing too much to him.

"I'm fine Ethan…I just don't want to think too far ahead," she said, "I don't know what I want…"

"You came back to Paradise," he said, "and I know part of that was because you want the same thing I do."

She couldn't deny that but it just wasn't going to work. Sometimes she wondered if she'd brought more grief on herself by returning to Paradise…after her life had changed forever. But Bella had been so persuasive about needing her help with the new ranch. The enthusiasm of the other women and their excitement at starting a new life had been contagious and so she agreed to go with them to stay and help them for a while until she figured out what to do next.

But seeing Ethan again…it had opened up everything all over again…what she'd left behind and tried to forget until she'd realized that if you ran away from a person, they were still with you in your heart. There was no getting away from what she'd wanted. But that had been stolen from her and she didn't know how to find her way back.

Damn him for reminding her of that without meaning to do it.

"Maybe…"

He didn't let her off the hook.

"No maybes…"

She sighed and faced him again, her curly hair framing her face. Her eyes flashing at him…in anger and other emotions.

"Didn't you enjoy the dinner last night?"

"Of course I did…but I don't think this is going to work," she said, "Look, you've got a woman who's interested in you and you seem to like her."

Meaning Martha, after all Ethan had been spending a lot of time with her.

"I don't want her," he said, somewhat raggedly, "I want you."

She almost melted when he looked at her like that but her resolve remained strong. She didn't want him to ever see the part of her who was so afraid. To love a man deeply and be afraid of him was anything worse than that?

"But it'd be so much easier if you did…"

He just looked at her as if what sounded logical to her made no sense to him at all. But then Ethan wasn't a man who wrapped himself up in words. He barely knew how to read and expressing himself that way, not always easy for a man who much preferred action.

"I don't want easy," he said, "What I want is to know what's going on here. What's got you acting like this…I've never seen it in all the time I've known you."

Maybe not, she thought but people changed and so had she. Once that had happened she just didn't know how to find her way back.

Suddenly, a loud voice broke them from their argument. They looked to see Clara running from the barn towards them.