Out of Hand by relativelypositive
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or make any money from the use of J. K. Rowling's characters.
Chapter 5: Of Course They Exist. They Just Can't Have Sex
Hermione decided to skip lunch. Everyone was still insulting her, and the teachers were of absolutely no help. She had taken some house points away, but after the first two times it just seemed futile.
Plus, she found herself not wanting to take points away from Gryffindor after this morning, and they were the worst offenders! Probably because they knew her well enough to not be afraid of her. Once her impartiality was gone she knew it was time to give up.
Harry seemingly came out of nowhere and grabbed her wrist.
"Come with me now."
"Why?"
Harry didn't answer her. He ran up the stairs, practically dragging her into the common room and plopped down by the fire.
Harry took a moment to catch his breath, and then started talking so fast Hermione had to concentrate to separate the words.
"Don't say anything until I'm completely done. There are multiple ways to become engaged. It is completely different than in the Muggle world. It isn't strictly based on the relationship two people have had. For good people, they take the time to fall in love, then get engaged, then get married, and then have sex. Sometimes they happen in a different order, but the basic steps are the same. For the not-so-good people, it's based on trickery and deceit."
"NOOOOOOOOOOO! Stop, Harry! You can't!"
Ron came barreling down the stairs, taking the last four as a giant leap.
"You can't tell her! I told you!"
"That's stupid, Ron. Just let him tell me!" Hermione was beyond frustrated and could have killed Ron in that moment.
"It's not stupid! You just don't understand! Courtship rules have to be imparted by your mother!"
"That makes no sense. What if your mother is dead?"
"Your father."
"What if they're both dead?"
"Your guardian."
"Then why did your father tell Harry?"
"Dumbledore had to make arrangements because of Vernon and Petunia Dursley's attitude towards the Wizarding world."
"My parents are very accepting. Why didn't Dumbledore make arrangements with them?"
"How should I know?"
"Fine. How did the other Muggleborns learn about this?"
"Why are you asking me?"
"You're the one standing between me and knowledge. Harry understands, and wants to help me."
"Harry didn't pay enough attention to dad! If you discuss courtship rituals with Harry, you may accidentally become engaged to him!"
"Are we in danger right now?"
"Huh?"
"We're discussing the possibility of discussing courtship rituals. Does that mean you're proposing?"
Ron blushed. Hermione wasn't expecting that.
"Hermione, I know you didn't mean that. You're just trying to win an argument, not trap me in an engagement. We need to stop talking about this."
"Fine. I'll ask Justin."
"You can't!"
"Why not? He's Muggleborn."
"He's a he!"
"What?"
"He's a guy, Hermione! You can't talk to any guy about this, other than your father!"
"Yes, he's a guy. He's also gay, so it should be fine. Wait, what about gay people?"
"Gay people?"
"Yes, Ron. Girls who like girls and boys who like boys. Gay people."
"I know what they are. I don't know what they have to do with this conversation."
"I'm surprised the Wizarding world even acknowledges them. With how strict these rules supposedly are I'd have thought you'd all pretend they didn't exist!"
"Gay people still get married, Hermione!"
Hermione was astonished, and felt a little hope spark in her heart. If the Wizarding world accepted gay marriage, then maybe this whole courtship stuff was more flexible than it let on. And this world was more enlightened than she thought.
"Well, that's frankly a relief. Sometimes the intolerance…"
"They want to conceive children, just like straight people!" Ron interrupted. His blush deepened, but Hermione didn't know if it was because of the heat of the discussion or from embarrassment.
"What are you talking about? They don't want to be with someone of the opposite sex! Ron, tell me you know that people have to be of the opposite sex to conceive children together."
"I'm not stupid! But gay people still get married to have sex!"
"But that would be fundamentally against who they are!"
"But they do it anyway because they want to have sex! Everyone does, Hermione!"
Hermione was shocked! Gay witches and wizards married straight witches and wizards on purpose? So they could have sex?
Hermione took a few moments to formulate her next question.
"Ron, you do know that gay people have sex with other gay people, right?"
Harry stood up and slowly approached his now unconscious friend.
"Damn it, Hermione!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Draco was having an incredible day. As in it couldn't be believed.
Hermione Granger.
Huh.
He blamed her for his preoccupation that made him miss Daphne approaching.
"Draco! I was wondering-"
"Oh, Daphne. I didn't see you there. Where's Astoria? Have you seen her this morning? I was just thinking about her."
"As-as-Astoria?"
"Do you have another sister? Wait…do you have another sister?"
"Aaagh!"
Draco smiled as Daphne stalked away.
Too easy. She'd be back.
He felt he was relatively safe as he entered the Great Hall and sat across from Greg.
"Hey, Draco. How's Hermione 'The Hussy' Granger?"
"Funny, Greg. That's no way to talk about my future wife. How's your own search for everlasting love?"
"Just waiting for her to make her move."
"Have your eye on someone?"
"Nope. I'll just wait until she tries to trap me. I'll gladly walk into it. It takes the pressure off."
"What if you don't like her?"
"What's not to like?"
"You haven't met her yet!"
"Besides the point! All that matters is that she went out of her way to catch me."
"So, your plan is to do nothing."
"Exactly."
"Seriously. What if you don't like her?"
"I'm not picky."
"What if she's ugly?"
"Like I'm a catch! I know who I am and what I am. I'm not getting a model, Draco. I don't mind someone that isn't perfect. I just need her to think I'm someone worth having."
"That's surprisingly deep, Greg."
"Screw you, Draco."
A/N:
Thank you to wintersong1954, dracosgirl007, cicilore, ASJS, KodeV, Kermit 304, and sonnetStar, for taking time to send me a note.
Everyone can thank dracosgirl007 for the scene with Ron. She was wondering what happened to him.