Sorry I didn't update yesterday. Here is some more...

The weekend had been rough. Olivia was fine one minute and crying the next. Elliot knew to an outsider it might seem like Olivia was questioning whether or not to have the baby, but he knew how much she loved their child. Adjusting to the news that their child had Down syndrome was hard for her, mainly because she didn't know much about it. She had spent most of the weekend on the computer, randomly presenting him with new facts she'd learned. He had to admire her hands-on approach, her determination to learn all she could, but he also knew it was taking a toll on her. She was tired and she wasn't sleeping well or enough. He knew he had to do something but he wasn't sure what. So he just loved her, hugged her, held her, let her cry when she needed to…and he made sure to tell her as often as he could that he loved their little girl with all his heart. He knew she needed to hear that.

Monday morning, he woke up early, and went to Noah's room to get the baby ready before Olivia woke up. He knew she needed the extra sleep she usually gave up to get her son ready in the morning. He took the baby to the kitchen and fed him, and then started on breakfast for him and Olivia. He knew she'd be sick…she was always sick…but he was determined to find something healthy she could keep down. She needed to start eating better. He was putting bowls of oatmeal and fruit on the table when she came in, her face pale and tired, her body shaking and weak. He walked over and led her to the table, wishing there was something he could do to make her feel better.

"You should have called for me," he said. "I would've helped you."

"Helped me?" she shook her head. "I can throw up all on my own. Trust me. I've been doing it every day for weeks."

"You don't have to do this by yourself," he squeezed her shoulder gently. "At least the first trimester is almost over…you should be feeling better soon."

She shook her head, "Not with these high hormone levels. The genetic counselor said some women with Downs babies are sick the entire pregnancy." She looked at the oatmeal that was sitting on the table and swallowed sickly. "I can't eat that," she pushed it away.

"Liv, you have to eat," he insisted.

"Don't start with me," she sighed. "Please…I'm doing the best I can. I promise I'll eat lunch…I'll feel better by then…"

"I'm sorry you're so sick," he said gently. "But the baby needs you to eat. Just try it…just a little…"

"I can't!" she yelled, trying not to burst into tears once again. "Why won't you listen to me? I can't eat that!" Noah started to cry, seeing his mother so upset and she looked at him, ashamed of herself for getting so worked up in front of him. She stood and picked him up, hugging him close, "I'm sorry sweetie," he kissed him on the cheek. "Mommy's sorry." Noah stopped crying and she carried him out of the room, giving Elliot one last glare.

Elliot shook his head in defeat, removing the bowls from the table and scraping the contents in the trash. Then he sat them in the sink, running soapy water over them and then cleaning off Noah's highchair tray. He was worried about Olivia, her emotional outbursts, her refusal to accept his help…but he also knew it was only a matter of time before she was clinging to him and apologizing for yelling at him. That's how it had gone all weekend.

He walked into the bedroom and she was stepping into a blue dress with a high cinched waste and a flowing skirt. "Can you zip this for me?" she asked and he stepped behind her, zipping it quickly. He watched as she smoothed the skirt, looking at her profile in the mirror and he knew she was trying to see if she looked pregnant. She didn't, and he also knew she was probably relieved.

"You look nice," he smiled. "What's with the dress?" He sat on the bed where Noah was playing happily and picked the little boy up, sitting him in his lap.

She walked over to the closet, grabbing a jacket and putting it on over her dress. "None of my pants fit. Besides, I have a meeting this morning," she sighed sadly. "I get to sit there while they take my job away from me. Figured it wouldn't hurt to dress up a little for that."

"I'm sorry, Liv," and he meant it. He knew how much her job meant to her.

"I don't even care anymore," she had tears stinging her eyes, and fought to hold them back.

"Like hell you don't," he sat Noah back on the bed and stood up, holding her close. "I know how much your job means to you…but you don't have to live for that job anymore, Liv. You have a lot more to live for than that."

"I know that," she pulled away from his embrace. "That's why I requested light duty and that's why I agreed to sit on my ass for the next six months. I'm doing what's best for this baby because I want to, El. Not because anyone is making me."

"I never said that," he was confused. "I know you want to do what's best for her…"

"Do you?" she asked sadly. "Because I'm not trying to starve her either, El. I eat whenever I can…I swear I do. You've seen me eat. But I'm puking my guts out and you keep trying to shove food at me and tell me I have to eat it for the baby…and it makes me feel like you think I'm not doing what's best for her…like I'm not taking good care of her…" she cried. "And I'm doing the best I can…"

"I'm sorry…" he pulled her close and this time she didn't back away from the embrace. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I didn't want you to feel that way. I know you are taking good care of her, Liv. I know that…"

"I made her disabled, because I was selfish enough to get pregnant at my age," she sobbed. "I have to live with that…but I would never do anything to hurt her now."

"Liv," he held her closer, rubbing her back. "You didn't make her disabled. Maybe she's going to be different…but that's not a bad thing. She's so special, Liv. She's part of us…it still amazes me that we made this little baby together."

"I know that…" she cried. "And I love her so much…I just can't forgive myself for hurting her." There was a knock on the front door, and Olivia pulled away from his hug. "That's Maureen," she said as she wiped away her tears. "I need to get to work…and so do you." She picked up Noah from the bed and walked out of the room. Elliot took a deep breath, and followed her. He wished Olivia could realize that the baby's Down syndrome wasn't her fault. It broke his heart to see her beating herself up over something that she couldn't have prevented, especially when he knew how much she loved the baby. He knew it was something she had to get through, but he wished he knew how to help her.