Thank you for reading my story and I hope you're enjoying it so far! I also want to say a massive thank you to all of my reviewers, you guys are amazing!

I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.

Chapter Fifty-Two

I stumble in to the kitchen but it's transformed in to the arena I was placed in twenty-five years ago. The hedges cut in to a maze stand before me and Katniss walks out of them with her bow and arrow pointed at me, a deadly look on her face. She fires her arrow and is replaced by Maysilee, who has blood pouring out of her neck. She runs towards me with her hands outstretched, only they're not her hands but claws dripping with blood.

"No!" I scream, grabbing my knife and slashing it at my visions. I close my eyes and when I open up them the arena has vanished and I'm back in my kitchen.

I grab a bottle of liquor and down half of its contents in one gulp before slamming it onto the table.

I can't go back in there. But I can't make Peeta take my place, either. He's sacrificed enough. Is this my payback for not bringing all of those tributes home? For watching forty-four children die when I could have done something?

I sit down at the table and drink the rest of the bottle, my head is still spinning from the announcement. I'd die straight away, I'm not as fit as I used to be and I've spent enough time around the Careers to know that some of them would happily go back into the arena and enjoy killing me.

I look at the knife in my hand. There is a way out. I don't have to go back, I could end it all before the Capitol even gets a chance.

I'm broken from my thoughts by my front door swinging open and Peeta marching in to my kitchen. He doesn't look upset or scared, or even angry. There seems to be a look of determination on his face.

"So which one of us is it going to be?" I snicker and open another bottle of liquor.

"Me," he says, "And we're going to do everything we can to get Katniss home. You owe me that."

"And how did you come to that conclusion?" I slur.

"Because last time you helped her so this time you have to help me and I want to get her home."

He doesn't say any more on the matter and storms out of the house, slamming the door behind him. He's prepared to throw himself in to certain death for that girl and what am I doing? Contemplating suicide so that I can avoid the arena. Peeta doesn't deserve to die. I'm pathetic.

I spend the rest of the evening drinking at the table with thoughts of Plutarch's spectacular arena flooding my brain. I know it's a clock and I know that on every hour something horrendous will occur. I can only imagine what, which is worse than knowing.

Katniss staggers in to the kitchen with a bleeding hand and a look of desperation. I know how she feels.

"Ah, there she is," I say, "All tuckered out. Finally did the maths, did you, sweetheart? Worked out you won't be going in alone? And now you're here to ask me…what?" I take another sip. "I'll admit, it was easier for the boy. He was here before I could snap the seal on a bottle. Begging me for another chance to go in. But what can you say?" I mimic her voice, "'Take his place, Haymitch, because all things being equal, I'd rather Peeta had a crack at the rest of his life than you?'" I know it's not her fault and that I shouldn't be so vile towards her but I know she wants to protect Peeta and the only way for that to happen is if I die in the arena.

She bites her lip and looks at me for a moment in that infamous calculating way she has. "I came for a drink," she finally says.

I roar with laughter and slam the bottle towards her, which she takes a long gulp from before sitting down.

"Maybe it should be you," she says. "You hate life, anyway."

"Very true," I reply, "And since last time I tried to keep you alive…seems like I'm obligated to save the boy this time."

"That's another good point."

"Peeta's argument is that since I chose you, I now owe him. Anything he wants. And what he wants is the chance to go in again to protect you. You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him, you know."

"Yeah, yeah. No question, he's the superior one in this trio. So, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know," I sigh, "Go back in with you, maybe, if I can. If my name's drawn at the reaping, it won't matter. He'll just volunteer to take my place."

"It'd be bad for you in the arena, wouldn't it? Knowing all the others?"

"Oh, I think we can count on it being unbearable wherever I am." I nod at the bottle she's holding, "Can I have that back now?"

"No." I sigh and grab another one from under the table. "OK, so I figured out what I'm asking. If it is Peeta and me in the Games, this time we try to keep him alive."

No, no I can't do that. She's the symbol of the rebellion, not Peeta. But he's a decent person, I can't just condemn him like that. I look at her, almost begging her to change her mind. Maybe if she does I won't feel so guilty.

"Like you said," she continues, "It's going to be bad no matter how you slice it. And whatever Peeta wants, it's his turn to be saved. We both owe him that. Besides, the Capitol hates me so much, I'm as good as dead now. He still might have a chance. Please, Haymitch. Say you'll help me."

I look away, "All right." What else can I say? I still have a month or so to figure out what I'm going to do. Who I'm going to save.

"Thanks," she says and leaves.

I want to call Mags and Finnick. I want to call Chaff. I want to call everyone I've grown close to and ask them how they're feeling and reacting because I don't know what to do and I don't know how long I'll have left with them.

That is my last thought before I pass out in to darkness.

The phone rings violently and wakes me up. I don't want to answer it but I'm in no position to be pissing off the Capitol right now. Besides, it could be Katniss or Peeta.

"Hello," I grumble.

"It's Plutarch, I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday but this is the first chance I've had."

"I'm not sure if I want to be talking to a Gamemaker right now."

"Listen, I've been in touch with Thirteen and they're going to help us break Katniss and Peeta out of the arena. Just act normal around them, I'll tell you more in the Capitol."

"Wait!" I shout before he can put the phone down, "Was this really on the card or does Snow just want to kill off Katniss?"

He sighs, "I don't know, Haymitch, he only gives me the responsibility of the Games. I really have to go, I'll sort it out, I promise."

He puts the phone down and all I can hear is the dial tone. This is it, then. The rebellion really is just around the corner. I should feel excited, enthusiastic, happy, even but I don't. It feels like it's coming too late and who knows if it will even work? We could all be dead in a few months whether it goes to plan or not and then it could be another seventy-five years before Panem tries again. And that means thousands more dead kids.

I hit the bottle hard and I'm overcome with nightmares as I sleep. Clo, Dinium, Maysilee, Alba, Chester and other dead tributes I can't remember the names of float in and out of my consciousness. None of them are how I remember them, though, they're all disfigured and bloody and they want me dead.

I wake up just as Katniss comes through the door in the late afternoon. She hands me a mug of broth and I slowly drink, grateful for something other than alcohol to be in my stomach.

We don't speak as we drink and I can see that last night's drinking has made her look tired. I can only wonder what she must be thinking. She's preparing herself to die, again, only this time she's determined not to come home.

Peeta marches in to the kitchen with a box full of empty bottles. I didn't even know he was here.

"There, it's done," he says.

"What's done?" Asks Katniss.

"I've poured all the liquor down the drain."

"You what?" I shout, looking through the bottles to find every single one of them has been emptied.

"I tossed the lot," says Peeta.

"He'll just buy more," says Katniss.

"No, he won't. I tracked down Ripper this morning and told her I'd turn her in the second she sold to either of you. I paid her off, too, just for good measure, but I don't think she's eager to be back in the peacekeeper's custody."

Before I can think I'm swiping my knife at Peeta but he easily deflects it.

"What business is it of yours what he does?" Says Katniss.

"It's completely my business. However it falls out, two of us are going to be in the arena again with the other as a mentor. We can't afford any drunkards on this team. Especially not you, Katniss."

"What? Last night's the only time I've ever been drunk."

"Yeah, and look at the shape you're in," says Peeta.

Katniss turns to me, "Don't worry, I'll get you more liquor." I can't help but think she just wants to keep me sweet so that I'll save Peeta.

"Then I'll turn you both in," he says, "Let you sober up in the stocks."

"What's the point to this?" I ask.

"The point is that two of us are coming home from the Capitol. One mentor and one victor. Effie's sending me recordings of all the living victors. We're going to put on weight and get strong. We're going to start acting like Careers. And one of us is going to be a victor again whether you two like it or not!" He marches out the same way he marched in and slams the door behind him, making me wince.

"I don't like self-righteous people," says Katniss.

"What's to like?"

"You and me. That's who he plans on coming home."

"Well, then the joke's on him," I say but I still haven't decided if that's true.

Peeta eventually persuades us to join him on his mission to be more Career-like and soon I'm thrown in to a strict regimen of running, throwing knives and learning how to set snares from Gale. I'm not as fit as the other two and I could easily refuse but I need to keep up pretences until we get to the Capitol. Besides, I don't want to upset Peeta and if he is going back in to the arena he needs to be fit. Plutarch may be working on a plan but Panem is going to expect to see a lot of blood and both Katniss and Peeta need to be ready for that, again. Of all the things I've seen during the Games this Quell was the most unexpected and I thought I was pretty clued up on what the Capitol was capable of.

Every night we sit down and watch the tapes that Effie has sent and I try to give tips on what I know about the victors. Enobaria, who ripped out a tribute's throat with her teeth, is as terrifying as she looks, as is Brutus. When we watch Finnick's and Chaff's games, however, I'm more reluctant to give anything away. If they get reaped, too, they're going to be in on the plan, I'm sure, and we'll need them alive. Not to mention that I don't want to give Katniss and Peeta tips on how to murder my closest friends.

One evening, after I've left Katniss' house and been forced to watch a much younger Andum Harcourt stab his final opponent to death, there is a light knock on my door. I assume it's Peeta but when I open the door my mouth instantly widens. It's Vieve.

The last time we had a conversation was a decade ago and it didn't go very well. Every time I see her in the square I want to talk to her but, instead, I just turn around and walk in the other direction. I know that she does the same.

"Hello," she says softly. She has the faintest wrinkles around her eyes but I still think she looks as beautiful as ever.

"Hi."

"Can I come in?"

I nod and lead her in to the living room. Thankfully, Hazelle cleaned it top to bottom this morning so it's not as messy as it usually is.

"This place hasn't changed much," she chuckles, looking around. I've still kept the cushions she sewed when we were "married," I've thought about throwing them out thousands of times but I can't bring myself to. She's the only person I know who makes me feel slightly soppy.

"I would offer you a drink but Peeta threw my stash away."

She smiles, "I was going to visit once you got back last year but…I don't know. I had a feeling that it would make things worse."

She's always been smart and if anyone could see that Katniss, Peeta and I are in trouble it would be her. If she started popping over it would quickly get back to Snow and make the situation ten times worse.

"Well, it's nice to see you now." I say. I should ask about her family but I don't want to. I want to pretend that they don't exist.

"You, too. I've seen you training with Katniss and Peeta, you're not…" she pauses and looks away from me for a moment before turning back and looking in to my eyes. She almost looks like she's pleading with me for something. "You're not going back in, are you?"

I shake my head, "No, Peeta's determined to go in with her. He'd do anything for that girl."

"I remember being that in love."

I groan, "And I remember a time when I could have a drink. Is there anything else you wanted?"

She doesn't look angry, just plain. "No, just to say good luck, I suppose. I hope you can bring one of them home, again."

"Yeah, me, too."

She gives me one last smile before leaving and, once again, making the whole house feel like the loneliest place in the world.