Hello and thank you so much for continuing to read this story, despite the long gaps between updates! I am sorry that it's taken so long, I only hope that you're still enjoying it! As always, please let me know what you think as all of your comments mean the world to me!
I do not own The Hunger Games nor its characters.
Chapter Sixty-Nine
Days later and I find myself standing outside the room that Peeta has inhabited for weeks under constant surveillance. I've asked Plutarch to sit in the observation room but no one else. I've had a life time of being watched and I just want five minutes alone with the boy who I've helped to destroy.
I open the door to find him lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He looks calm as I walk in but I'm well aware that this could change at any moment.
"Hello, Peeta," I say, hovering by the door.
He slowly sits up and swings his legs around so that he's facing me.
"Hi."
There's silence for a lot longer than I anticipated. Suddenly I feel like I shouldn't be here at all.
"What do you want?" He asks. There's no sternness to his voice like I expected but, even so, I still feel on edge.
"I just thought you might like to know that Katniss is leaving tomorrow," I say. "She's going to the Capitol."
"So what? Is she going to single-handedly overthrow Snow?"
"No, there's a full scale invasion about to take place." I'm hoping that there's a small part of him that still cares for her, that still worries about her safety. If there is then that means there is still some of the old Peeta left.
He shrugs and lies back down. "Let me know how it goes. I don't really care either way."
I find myself clenching my fist but, somehow, manage to leave the room without causing a scene. I fall against the door once it's closed and it's only when I see a soldier from 13 marching down the corridor do I pull myself up and head back to my quarters.
Tomorrow morning Katniss will be leaving me again to venture in to terrors I can only imagine. Admittedly, her main purpose is to film propos but she's still going in to a war zone. Too many times I've seen people go in to the arena, certain that they would win, only to have their bodies torn apart by mutts or mutilated by sadistic careers. I know I shouldn't allow myself to think like this but it's hard not to when I know that Katniss could be safe if she just stayed here.
I sigh and continue to walk, reminding myself that if I had the chance to go and fight Snow I would do it in a heartbeat. I just need to get out of my head so I head to Vieve's and spend the evening with her and the kids.
We don't really do a great deal, there isn't exactly anything to do in 13, so we just talk all evening. I had almost forgotten how nice it is just to talk. About anything and everything. I look over at Vieve and her smile really does light up her face. It's my job to protect Katniss but I have to protect Vieve and her family, too. I know that.
I head back to my quarters once it's time for lights out, Vieve and I are purposely keeping our distance for the sake of Melia and Rufus. Neither of us want them to feel embarrassed by their mother staying in my room and, besides, they're still grieving even if they have accepted me.
I don't sleep all night and it's now more than ever that I want a bottle of something, I don't even care what it is as long as it has alcohol in it.
The hours pass by until I hear a knock on the door. I open it to find Vieve looking at me with such warmth that in my tired state I'm on the verge of breaking down.
"How are you doing?" She asks as she walks in and sits on the bed.
"Not great," I say. "I can't stop thinking about what might happen to her…again."
Vieve takes my hand in hers and kisses my cheek. "When are they leaving? Have you got time to say goodbye?"
"Yes but I'm not going to. I can't," I reply. "I don't expect you to understand but…"
"Haymitch. I know how hard saying goodbye is and I've seen you go through it for almost twenty years. I do understand. That girl is like a daughter to you."
I'm taken aback a bit by this. I'm pretty sure Katniss would never consider me this way, after all, she adored her own and I know I will never be half the man that Cliff Everdeen was.
"Come on, try and get your head down. I'll stay with you."
I do as she says and even though it takes a while I do eventually drift off to sleep but I'm awake within a matter of hours. Vieve has gone but I'm not surprised, I can't be the focus of her world right now. Or ever, for that matter. Seeing her as a mother almost makes me glad that she left me if it meant she got what she wanted.
I drag myself to Command after breakfast where Plutarch informs me that Squad 451 left safely earlier this morning and are currently in a training camp in 12. I keep my mouth shut but I still think that's a cruel thing to do to Katniss after everything she's been through.
"I've got some bad news," Plutarch finally says.
"Don't you always?"
He frowns but doesn't comment on my remark. "Poor Annie is in bits, she's been shouting and screaming all morning. Coin wanted to put her in a cell but I managed to convince her that Mrs. Everdeen should sit with her in her room instead."
"Let me guess, it hasn't made any difference?"
Plutarch shakes his head. "I'm afraid not. I was wondering-"
"I'll try," I interrupt, "But don't hold your breath. The only good thing to ever happen to that girl was Finnick and now she's left with her memories of the Games with no way of fighting them until he comes back."
I don't wait for a response and march out of the door towards Annie's quarters. Sure enough Clara is sitting there next to her, not saying a word and not even touching Annie. I'm not surprised, Annie can be so volatile at times you don't know what you can and can't say to her.
Clara almost looks relieved when I walk in to the room and quickly apologises to Annie about having to leave, making something up about patients. As she brushes past me she completely avoids my gaze but I don't blame her. She's just as broken as the rest of us.
"Annie," I say as softly as I can as I sit down. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"
"Everything," she eventually spits. "No…no Mags….no family…and…and no Finnick!"
"That's true but Finnick is going to come back. And you will be together, again," I say.
"I don't believe you…I've lost him. I…I know it."
"Annie, he's not even fighting. They've just sent him out there to do propos."
This seems to momentarily stop her sobbing but her eyes are still red and raw from the tears.
"Are you tired? Would you like to get some sleep?"
"I can't…not on my own."
She doesn't have to explain, I know exactly what she's trying to tell me. "Why don't we take you to the hospital wing? They've got plenty of free rooms where you can rest and someone will always be around."
She gives a small nod of her head and soon we're making our way to the hospital wing. When Annie first arrived she was constantly greeted with stares, whether that was because she was Finnick's girlfriend or because of her dazed state, I don't know. But now people don't even acknowledge her, which is both a blessing and a curse. If Finnick doesn't come back I don't know who else she's got.
As the days go on I drift in and out of Command to see what propos are being sent back, none of which are particularly inspiring if you ask me, as well as checking in on Annie and Johanna. The two of them have always been somewhat close because of Finnick but I can see Johanna worrying about Annie more and more as the days go on.
Four days after Squad 451 have left I'm called to Command to find Plutarch and Coin standing in front of a screen where a blonde haired lady is being blown to bits by one of the pods in the Capitol. I have to grip the side of a table for support. I don't know why we're watching this.
"Oh, Haymitch!" Says Plutarch once he sees me and immediately switches off the screen, much to Coin's annoyance.
"Who was that?" I ask.
"She was a member of Boggs' squad," says Coin, as calm as ever. "She was killed this morning and a replacement soldier has been sent."
"Is Katniss all right? And Finnick? And Gale? Who have you sent?!" I can't help myself, as soon as I start the questions come pouring out.
Coin holds up her hand to silence me. "Everyone in the squad is fine. We've sent Soldier Mellark as a replacement."
"Are you crazy?!" I bellow, "He's in no fit state to leave his room let alone the district!"
"We believe that he's ready and will be an excellent asset to the propos."
"He's still not stable! He'll kill Katniss! Is that what you want?"
"Of course not," says Coin. "I'm just doing what is going to win us the war. The people of Panem love Peeta Mellark and if they can see him on the side of the rebels rather than the Capitol then, hopefully, they will see that the Capitol is finally losing its power."
"You're crazy! You're putting that entire squad in danger by sending him in there!"
"Stand down, Solider Abernathy. The decision has been made," she spits.
"I am NOT a soldier and I won't get on board with this ludicrous plan!" I turn to Plutarch, "Did you agree to this?!"
"Whether Plutarch agreed to the plan or not is irrelevant, now either calm down or I shall send you to a cell!" Shouts Coin but her face seems to remain motionless.
"Do what you like! If you carry on making stupid decisions, we're all going to be dead, anyway!"
"Soldier Harrison," says to Coin to the nearest body in a suit. "Could you please escort Mr. Abernathy to one of the cells?"
I'm quickly prodded in the back with a gun and manoeuvred out of the room. I glare at Plutarch as I leave, he must know what Coin is up to. The only reason she had to send Peeta in there is because she knows there's a chance that he'll turn on Katniss. Or vice versa. If Katniss hurts Peeta then she'll be the enemy that Coin can bravely defeat.
I quickly find myself back in the small confine that was my home for my first few days in 13 and, unsurprisingly, it remains unchanged. I wonder if a bit of carpet would make the place feel more homely.
I lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I wonder how long I will be here for this time. My only bargaining tool, really, is my relationship to Katniss and she's in the Capitol. I'll probably stay in here until the war is over and, even then, it wouldn't surprise me if Coin decides to bury me alive just because she can.
I haven't dared to think what will happen if we win. Who will rule over Panem? Coin? I guess that's what everyone is expecting to happen but for some reason the image just doesn't quite work in my head.
Hours later someone opens the door, I'm expecting it to be a guard with my dinner but it's actually Coin herself.
"You will be allowed back to your quarters providing that you call Katniss in the Capitol and convince her that Peeta is a much needed addition to the squad."
I can't help but laugh. "Not happy with your plan, is she?" I don't get a response so I just nod and follow her back to Command.
She fills me in on the way, apparently Boggs has reported that some members of the squad think that Katniss is trying to antagonise Peeta by being cold to him. I doubt this is true, I know more than anyone that is just how she is but, even so, I happen to agree with Coin that I should talk to her. I don't want Peeta getting killed because Katniss can't hide her emotions.
"What are you trying to do? Provoke him in to an attack?" I ask once she gives me her side of the story.
"Of course not," she says, "I just want him to leave me alone."
"Well, he can't. Not after what the Capitol put him through. Look, Coin may have sent him there hoping he'd kill you but Peeta doesn't know that. He doesn't understand what's happened to him. So you can't blame him-"
"I don't!"
"You do! You're punishing him over and over for things that are out of his control. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a fully loaded weapon next to you round the clock. But I think it's time you flipped this little scenario around in your head. If you'd been taken by the Capitol, and hijacked, and then tried to kill Peeta, is this the way he would be treating you?"
She remains silent and I know that she knows the answer to my question.
"You and me," I continue, "we made a deal. Try and remember."
She puts the phone down before I do and I know that I've hit a nerve. I've never been great with people but right now I feel like every little thing I say could cause the war to swing one way or the other. Katniss is already broken but if anyone breaks the tiny pieces that are left of her in to dust then I dread to imagine what will happen in this war. Whether Coin likes it or not, Katniss will always be synonymous with this war.
"Am I getting locked up, again or can I go?" I say to Coin but she just waves her hand as if I'm too insignificant to matter.
I give her a mock bow and proceed to my quarters where I fall asleep for the rest of the night and most of the next day. I can't even remember the last time I felt tired enough for that to happen.
The following afternoon I can't find Vieve so decide to pay Beetee a visit. I have little interest in what Beetee is up to but sometimes it's nice to just sit and let him talk, at least then my mind is focused on Katniss.
He tries to explain the mechanics of a bomb he's been working on with Gale but I don't really understand. It involves an initial bomb to distract the targets and then a secondary bomb that takes them all out. All I can see is mass destruction and thousands of people screaming as they die on the streets. It isn't long before I can feel a panic attack coming on.
I quickly make my excuses and almost run to my quarters. Vieve and the kids are walking down the corridor as I turn in to our section and I can hear Vieve frantically shouting after me.
I sit down on my bed and clutch at the sheets, my eyes shut tight.
"Haymitch," Vieve soft voice says in the darkness. I can feel her hand on my mine as I clench my fists tighter. "Haymitch, it's okay. I'm here. Open your eyes, darling."
I slowly open them to see Vieve smiling at me and suddenly I'm twenty-two again, deep in the agonising grips of love. My hands unclench and I pull Vieve close as if this will be the last time I ever see her.
"See? Everything's fine," she says.
"Mum?" Says Melia from the doorway and Ii quickly break my embrace with her mother. "Rufus and I are going to see Shell, we won't-"
"Take as long as you like," says Vieve and Melia shoots her a smile before grabbing Rufus and walking away. Those kids really are special.
Vieve shuts the door behind them and sits back down next to me, taking my hands in hers once more.
"Now," she says, "what happened?"
"I really don't want to talk about it," I reply.
"Okay," she says and lifts my arm around her body so that I'm forced to hold her. We absentmindedly lie down on the bed, closer than we've ever been and stay like that for hours. It's only when I hear a loud banging on my door that I realise it's the middle of the night and I must have fallen asleep.
"Haymitch Abernathy!" A voice yells from the other side of the door.
I swing it open, ready to punch them in the mouth, to find a very stern looking guard staring back at me.
"You are to come with me to Command straight away," he says.
"And why's that?" I snap.
"Because Squad Four-Five-One is dead."