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Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked around the room. She couldn't place where she was until she saw Elliot, his eyes closed, sitting in a chair next to her and she recognized the muted pink and blue tones of the hospital furniture. She looked down, noticing the thin hospital gown and she couldn't remember what had happened. The last thing she remembered was being with Elliot is a lousy diner on New Year's Eve. "El…" her throat was dry and her voice was horse. "Elliot…" she tried to reach over to him, but she realized there were cords attached to her finger and an IV in her hand that restricted her from moving very far. "Elliot…" she said, forcing her voice to go louder. "Wake up…"

He jerked awake at the sound of her voice, standing up and rushing to her bedside. "Hey…how are you feeling?" he asked.

She shook her head, still groggy, "What happened?" and suddenly she was terrified, "What about the baby? Is she…"

"She's fine, Liv," he promised. "You're the one we're worried about. You passed out at the diner…you scared me half to death."

"Why did I pass out?" she asked, closing her eyes. "I don't feel very good…"

"The doctor said you'd be nauseous when you woke up," he told her. "The nurse can bring you some gingerale if you want."

"What's wrong with me?" she asked again.

"They're running some tests," he told her. "Your blood pressure was low and you were really dehydrated when you came in. They're giving you a lot of fluids. The doctor said it could've lowered the baby's amniotic fluid. Liv, we're lucky she's okay."

"I'm sorry…" she cried. "I know I'm supposed to drink water and I was just so busy all day…"

"Hey, don't start crying," he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "You don't need to lose anymore fluids."

"Did they do an ultrasound?" she asked. "To check on her?"

He shook his head, "No…but they hooked you up to a fetal monitor for a while and her heart was beating just fine…it was a beautiful sound. They thought you might be having some contractions, but nothing showed up on the monitor." He smiled, "You woke up briefly in the ER, but when they put in the IV you fell asleep and they said I shouldn't wake you."

"Why do I feel so sick to my stomach?" she asked.

"I told them how achy you were earlier and they gave you a really mild pain medication. The doctor said it was probably a side effect of the dehydration, but he was worried about muscle spasms and he said you couldn't have a muscle relaxer. He just wanted to get on top of the pain."

"You shouldn't have let them give me anything," she sighed. "It's not good for the baby."

"He promised this wouldn't hurt her," Elliot brushed her hair away from her face. "Liv…why are we here? Honey, you have to start taking better care of yourself…"

"I am," she insisted. "It was just crazy today. You know how the holidays are at the station and I didn't have any time…"

"Liv, you have to make time," he looked sadly at her. "I'm not lecturing you, so please don't take it that way…but I know how much you love this baby, so why aren't you doing what you need to do?"

"Do you know how many times I have to pee if I drink all the water I'm supposed to drink in a day?" she argued. "More than you could count. I can't go out on cases anymore, so I spend the whole damn day taking witness statements and I can't just walk out and go to the bathroom in the middle of it. So…I decided not to drink as much today…I thought it would be okay, just this once."

"Well it wasn't okay," he said seriously. "And what about eating? You told me yourself you hadn't been eating much today. You're supposed to eat something small every couple of hours."

"I know that, Elliot," she didn't feel like listening to him gripe at her. She felt bad enough already. "I said I'm sorry. I usually do a lot better…but today was sixteen hours and I just couldn't keep up with everything and…" she started to cry. "You have no idea what this is like."

The doctor walked in, noticing her tears and realizing he had interrupted something. He cleared his throat to let them know he was there and they both looked at him, "I see you're awake," he smiled. "How are you feeling?"

Olivia brushed the tears from her cheeks, "I'm fine," she insisted. "How is my baby?"

"Your baby is perfect," he smiled. "Her heart beat sounds good and I don't think we need to do an ultrasound. Are you feeling better? Any dizziness or nausea?"

"I'm a little queasy," she admitted. "I don't want any more pain medication. I don't want to take anything I don't absolutely need."

He nodded, "Well are you in any pain?" he asked. "I was told you were complaining of some aches and pains earlier."

"It was just my back, and that always hurts by the end of the day," she sighed. "And some achiness toward the lower part of my stomach…but it doesn't hurt anymore. It wasn't cramping, just an ache. I figured it was just because I was tired."

"That ache isn't uncommon," he smiled. "But you should sit down and put your feet up when it happens or lay down and rest. Were you on your feet a lot today?"

"I guess so," she answered. "It was a long day at work."

He looked at her chart, "Well, all the tests we ran look pretty good. Looks like you need some fluids and some rest, and you'll be fine." He smiled.

"Can I go home?" she asked.

He shook his head, "Not tonight. I want to monitor your blood pressure and make sure you're completely hydrated before we send you home. And I want to make sure you're going to be able to take it easy for a while…it won't take much for this pregnancy to get complicated quickly. Your age puts you in a very high risk category, and according to your medical records the baby tested positive for Downs. A premature delivery would be very serious with her other developmental issues."

"When can she come home?" Elliot asked nervously. He didn't like hearing all the complications that could arise.

"What is life looking like at home right now?" the doctor asked. "Work…family…do you have time to take it easy?"

She knew her answers wouldn't convince him that she would be safe to go home and relax. "I'm busy at work…I'm commanding officer of the special victims unit. But I'm not going out on cases anymore. And at home, I have a fifteen month old son…by the time I get home I have to get him fed, play with him, give him his bath…"

"Wow," the doctor looked at her and then toward Elliot. "Taking a break probably sounds impossible, huh?" he smiled. "I think you should cut back some hours at work and let Daddy take care of the little guy more at night so you can rest." He could tell she looked unsure, "You're almost to the half-way point in this pregnancy. You're going to need to take it easy. I'm not sure if your doctor has talked to you about this or not, but bedrest is a real possibility due to your age and some complications that could arise. You might as well slow down now, before that happens." He wrote some information in her chart. "Do you have any questions?" Olivia shook her head. Even though she hadn't liked what she heard, he had made himself very clear. "I'll probably release you tomorrow," he smiled, "Have a good night. Buzz the nurse if you need to."

"One night in the hospital won't be so bad," Elliot sat next to her and held her hand. "And I'll love taking care of Noah at night."

"I love taking care of him…" she cried. "And I love my job…"

"Liv, you heard what the doctor said," Elliot knew it was hard for her to accept, but she had to. "You have to slow down. This isn't just about you…"

"I know that," she cried. "I want to do what's best for the baby…I really do…but you don't understand how hard it is…"

"What do you think I don't understand?" he asked. "That it's hard to give up control at work or to let someone else take care of things at home? I know what a control freak you are, Liv…"

"No," she shook her head. "It's that…even if I do all of those things…she still might not be okay. And I don't know if I can face that…"

"Liv," he whispered. "She's going to be fine."

Olivia couldn't stop crying, "She might need heart surgery, Elliot. We could be sitting in this same hospital in a few months while doctors cut open her tiny little chest. She might not be able to hear us when we sing to her…or we might have to wait years to hear her first word…it's going to be hard for her to learn to eat because her sucking reflex may not work…and the list goes on and on."

"So what are you saying?" he asked. "Because she might have all of these problems, you don't want to take precautions now? I can't believe you…"

"No!" she yelled. "Of course that's not what I'm saying," she had to stop to catch her breath. "I'm saying that all of those worries are forever in the back of my mind…and sometimes the only way I can get past it is to focus on my work or on Noah or just other things that don't remind me of the baby. I know it's wrong…but I don't know what else to do. I want her to be okay…"

"I know you do," he put his hand carefully on her stomach. "I do too. But Liv, the best thing you can do for her right now is take care of yourself…and her. She has to be your number one focus. That gives her the best chance." He sighed, knowing he needed to be honest as well. "I'm scared too," he admitted. "I've never been this afraid of anything in my life. And sometimes, when I think of all the things that can go wrong…all I can think of is that I told you I didn't want her. And I'll never forgive myself for that…never…"

"I know you love her," Olivia said gently. "I've never doubted that. But sometimes, I feel like you think I don't love her enough. Like, because this is hard for me…that it means I'm disappointed in her…and that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm disappointed in myself…because I can't make this better for her. Good mothers make things better for their kids, El. And I can't protect her."

"Good mothers love their children, Liv," he assured her. "And you love her. I never thought you were disappointed in her."

"I bought her a dress," Olivia said softly. "It's pink, with lace. I could picture her in it," she sighed.

He smiled, "I'm glad. We need to start getting some things for her."

"When I brought it home, I hid it in the closet," she admitted. "Because I'm so scared she's not going to make it home," she sobbed.

"Oh God, Liv," he held her close and let her cry. He didn't know what to say because he had those same fears, but hadn't let himself think about them for long, and now he knew that was all she thought about. "She's coming home," he promised. "I know that…deep in my heart, I just know."

"Then why haven't you bought anything for her?" Olivia asked. "I remember when Kathy was pregnant with Eli…we'd be out on a case or something and you'd see a little baseball cap or a teddy bear in a store window, and you'd go inside and buy it. You'd say you wanted to spoil the kid right from the start." She looked sadly at him, "You haven't even mentioned seeing things you'd like her to have, let alone buying them. It makes me feel like this whole pregnancy is a tragedy…something we just have to get through…"

He knew she was right…and maybe it was because it had been hard to accept becoming a father again at his age, or because he knew she was struggling so much…but he also knew he had those same fears about losing the baby, and it kept him from reacting to this child the way he had his others. And it wasn't right. It wasn't fair to Olivia or to their daughter. "I'm sorry…" he said. He rubbed his hand over her stomach, "I'm so sorry…"

"I'm sorry too," she cried. "I promise I'll eat throughout the day and drink all my water, no matter how many times I have to leave a perp in interrogation to go pee. And I'll let you give Noah his bath at night so I can lay in front of the TV and do nothing."

He forced a smile, "When we get home, we're going to get a baby name book and go through every single page until we find the perfect name for this little girl. And you're going to tell Fin you are leaving at five every day. And when you get home, you're going to prop your feet up and I am going to bring you food and give you back massages and we'll get on the laptop and pick out dozens of little pink outfits to buy for the baby."

She smiled, "That sounds nice."

"Yeah, it does," he agreed. He leaned over and kissed her, softly on the lips. "You need to get some sleep now. Goodnight." he said. Then he put his mouth close to her stomach and whispered, "And goodnight to you too."

"She knows your voice," Olivia grinned. "She's fluttering around."

"Well, I can't wait to feel her move," he smiled. "But I'm so glad you can feel her. That's a sign, Liv…a sign that she's doing just fine for now. And right now is all we can worry about, because there are no guarantees about the future…not for anyone. But right now, everyone is just fine."

Olivia nodded, "Yeah," she agreed. "We're all just fine."