*********Exalted Plains*******

Alex could feel her good mood dissipating as she entered Skyhold after coming back from the Exalted Plains, the scent of burning flesh still embedded in her very nostrils. She huffed a breath through her nose, hoping to get rid of the smell, as she watched Varric and Cassandra head towards the tavern.

She felt really good when she entered the Plains, especially after Josephine practically hugged her after she helped her with getting rid of the assassins that were after her from the House of Riposte, and Dorian's father had given her a rare Tevinter vintage after she had helped them reconcile, earning the trust of the mage. However, when she got there to help Solas look for his friend, which happened to be a spirit of Wisdom, they found out that some mages had corrupted it, turning it into a demon. She used her skills to help him and release the spirit, which meant they had to 'kill' it and send it back to the Fade. But in his anger, Solas murdered and burned the mages that corrupted his friend, while Alex stood back, as she didn't want to earn the elf's ire if she stopped him. The elf then left them, saying he needed to be alone.

Not to mention the countless undead and the Civil War happening in the Plains made her feel much worse.

She headed up to Cullen's tower, intending to at least find comfort in the man's arms, only to find one of the soldiers there instead of the Commander. The soldier saluted at her, and she returned it as she asked, "Where is Cu… the Commander, soldier?"

"The Commander isn't here right now, My Lady Inquisitor." The soldier said, "He has gone to speak with Seeker Pentaghast."

Alex turned and looked down from the battlements, only to see Cullen enter the building that housed the Inquisition's smithy. Wow, he got there and I didn't even notice him as I went up, she thought as she huffed a breath again and headed back down the stairs.

But as she neared the smithy, she could hear them talking. She put her ear to the door and listened, hearing Cassandra's voice.

"You expect it to change?" She heard the Seeker say.

"I expect you to keep your word." Cullen answered back, and from the tone of his voice, he sounded frustrated. "It's relentless. I can't…"

"You give yourself too little credit!"

"If I am unable to fulfill whatever vows I kept, then nothing has become of this! Would you rather save face than admit…"

Alex pressed her ear harder against the door, causing it to open, and causing the two to look at her. She blushed as the two realized that she was eavesdropping, and Cullen's face looked forlorn when he realized that she had heard them. She walked closer to them, but the Commander shook his head, and she heard him mutter "forgive me" as he walked past, intending to leave her with the Seeker.

"And people say I'm stubborn." She heard Cassandra say as Cullen closed the door, and she turned her attention to her, "This is ridiculous. Cullen has told you that he is no longer taking lyrium?"

She nodded, "Yes. He trusted your judgment on the matter."

Cassandra sighed and shook her head, "He was not interested in my judgment today. Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him. I refused. It's not necessary. Besides, it would destroy him. He's come so far."

Alex blinked at what the woman said, surprised that the Commander… her lover, didn't say anything to her at all. "Why didn't he come to me?"

"We had an agreement long before you joined us." Cassandra said, "As a Seeker, I could evaluate the dangers. And he wouldn't want to… risk your disappointment."

Leave it to a man to not share his pain, Alex thought as she felt her heart twist in pain. "Is there anything we can do to change his mind?"

Cassandra's stern face became gentle as she looked at her, "If there's anyone who could, it's you. Mages have made their suffering known, but templars never have. They are bound to the Order, mind and soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash. Cullen has the chance to break that leash, to prove to himself, and anyone who would follow suit, that it is possible. He CAN do this, I knew it the moment we met in Kirkwall."

Alex nodded, and Cassandra returned her nod as she walked backwards to leave the smithy, "Talk to him. Decide if now is the time."

She looked down at the fire in the smithy as the Seeker left, biting her lip, thinking about the Seeker said. She knew lyrium was addictive, and that it must be having some sort of effect on the Commander. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that Cullen was thinking of the Inquisitions needs, rather than his own, concerning his addiction. She grit her teeth and turned around, running towards Cullen's tower.

But just as she opened the door, she heard the Commander shout, and something shattered barely inches in front of her, and she blinked. She looked up at Cullen only to see the man was just as shocked as her, seeing that he had almost hit her with what looked like the box which held his lyrium draught. "Maker's breath!" he exclaimed when he saw her, "I didn't hear you enter! I… forgive me."

Alex sighed as she entered, with Cullen talking around his table to head to her, "Cullen, if you need to talk…"

"You don't have… argh…" Cullen said, and Alex blinked when he cringed in pain and held on to the corner of his table, looking slightly sick and panting. She rushed forward, intending to help him, but he held out a hand as if to keep her away. She stopped moving and waited for him to speak, and he took in a deep breath and sighed before saying, "I never meant for this to interfere."

She looked worriedly at him, "Are you going to be alright?"

Cullen closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if he was pushing his pain down, "Yes… I don't know." He finally admitted as he straightened up, looking frustrated, "You asked what happened to Ferelden's Circle… when I met your sister. It was taken over by abominations. The templars… my friends were slaughtered!"

Alex blinked, and her eyes saddened as she watched him as he spoke, the pain of his memories and his lyrium withdrawal evident on his face as he began ranting, "I was tortured. They tried to break my mind and I… how can you be the same person after that?! Still, I wanted to serve. They sent me to Kirkwall. I trusted my Knight-Commander and for what? Hmm? Her fear of mages ended in madness. Kirkwall's Circle fell, innocent people died on the streets. Can't you see why I want NOTHING to do with that life?"

She sighed and headed to him, "Of course, I can! I…"

"Don't!" Cullen said, running a hand on his face as he began pacing, "You should be questioning what I've done." The man sighed in frustration, his voice getting constricted in pain and anger as he walked around, "I thought this would be better… that I'd regain some control over my life! But… these thoughts won't LEAVE me! How many lives depend on our success?! I swore myself to this cause! I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry. I should be taking it!"

Alex jumped a little as Cullen drew out a fist in anger and frustration, punching his shelf so hard that some of the books fell off and leaving a dent on the wood from his gauntlet. She breathed deeply as Cullen's rage finally seemed to subside as he muttered, "I should be taking it."

She sighed and she walked nearer to him, and she placed her hand on his chest, making him look at her with guilt in his eyes, "This doesn't have to be about the Inquisition. Is this what you want?"

Cullen's tawny eyes blinked as he looked at her, his fist relaxing as he sighed heavily, "No. But… these memories have always haunted me. If they become worse… if I cannot endure this…"

Alex drew forward, kissing the man's forehead, and Cullen sighed again, his breathing returning to normal as he straightened and looked down at her, and she put her hand on his chest, above his beating heart, "You can."

He breathed, closing his eyes before looking down at her and holding her hand, "Alright."

She smiled and raised herself up, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing the corner of his lip, and she felt him wrap his arms around her waist, and he drew his face closer to her hair, breathing in deep. She moved her lips so that they were over his, and he kissed her back. She separated from him a little, "I believe in you, Cullen. You can do this."

He nodded slowly, "Thank you, Alexandra. I… I will do my best."

She nodded back, but soon she heard what looked like a singular horse on Skyhold's drawbridge, "That's probably Solas." She whispered before kissing him lightly, "Take some time to think this through, Cullen. I'll be back later. Josephine said she needed to speak with me."

Finally, Cullen smiled, and kissed her forehead, "I'll be here when you need me."