After calling the kids to give them an update, Olivia had spent the next two hours at Elliot's bedside, hoping by some miracle he'd wake up again. The doctor had come in several times, each time assuring her that he was positive it was just a matter of time before Elliot awoke again, but also cautioning her against expecting too much too soon. Many times patients with brain injuries had trouble staying focused, would go in and out of consciousness, and have trouble remembering important life events from one moment to the next. Some were even violent or depressed. He wanted to warn her so she wouldn't be heartbroken if Elliot's next bout of wakefulness wasn't quite as positive as the last one, but there was no doubt in Olivia's mind that he was going to wake up and be his old self soon. No doubt at all.
Around noon the nurse finally convinced Olivia to go to the cafeteria for some lunch. Reluctantly she gave in, more because of the baby's insistence that she eat than because of the nurse's. As she sat in the cafeteria with her grilled cheese sandwich and apple juice, the only things that sounded appealing in the whole place, she pulled out her phone to call the kids once more. They were disappointed that the doctor wouldn't let them come up to see their father yet, but Olivia promised them she'd talk to him about it again. She knew how much they wanted to see Elliot…wanted to be there when he opened his eyes again, but she did worry about how overwhelming it would be for him to see everyone. For now, she wanted to be the one to gauge his response and see if he was ready to face the kids.
She finished her food and walked back to the ICU, standing in the doorway to Elliot's room when she noticed he was awake again and the doctor was in with him. "Can you tell me what day it is?" the doctor asked, trying to determine his level of functioning.
Elliot's voice was still raspy from days of not speaking, "Valentine's Day?" he said, the tone more of a question that an answer and Olivia smiled.
The doctor looked surprised and nodded, "It is…how did you know that?"
"Olivia…" Elliot said slowly, and she walked over to the side of his bed. "Olivia told me…"
Olivia smiled, relieved that he remembered their conversation from earlier, "I did…I told him that last time he woke up." She looked at Elliot, "You remembered…I'm so glad…"
"Do you know what year it is?" the doctor asked. "Can you tell me the year?"
Elliot's face strained as he thought about what the doctor said. It was obvious he wanted to know the answer…that he thought he should know it…but it wouldn't come to him, "I…I can't think of it…"
"That's okay," the doctor said gently. He looked at Olivia whose face had dropped, apparently worried that Elliot had forgotten years of his life and he tried to reassure them both. "Sometimes it is hard to remember at first. It will come back to you." He spoke softly, "Do you remember what happened to you?"
Elliot closed his eyes, the bright lights of the room too much for him to take in after a while, but he spoke, "I think…I remember someone shooting…Did someone shoot me?"
"Yes," the doctor said quickly. "Good…that is very good…most people don't remember the incident at all…"
"Were we on a case?" Elliot looked at Olivia and she sighed, realizing he didn't really remember as much as they thought. "Are you okay? You didn't get hurt?"
"I wasn't there, El," she said gently. "We don't work together anymore…remember?"
He looked confused, but then he noticed her clothes and squinted his eyes, "Are you wearing my clothes?" he asked. "Why are you wearing my clothes?" He seemed agitated and it scared her a little. She didn't like seeing him like that.
"I borrowed them," she said calmly. "I've been staying at your house…so I could be up here more often…"
"But we don't work together?" he asked again, as if he couldn't believe it. "Can I sit up?" he asked the doctor and they raised his bed slightly. "Why don't we work together? Did you quit?" he asked in disbelief and then the new angle of his bed seemed to provide him with a more direct line of sight and he noticed the change in her body for the first time, "Are you pregnant?" he asked. "Oh God…how long have I been knocked out…"
Olivia wanted to cry and the doctor gave her a knowing look, "He's going to remember…" the doctor squeezed her shoulder. "Don't get upset. Just talk to him and tell him the truth."
"El…you've only been in a coma for ten days," Olivia said tearfully. "And I didn't quit…you did…almost four years ago."
"Four years ago…" he sighed then he seemed to remember, "Oh yeah…after that girl…" tears filled his eyes, "I killed her…"
"It was a long time ago," Olivia said gently. "And it wasn't your fault."
"That was four years ago?" Elliot asked, obviously frightened by the lapse in his memory. Olivia nodded and he looked sadly at her, "Why are you here then? Shouldn't you go home to your husband…or boyfriend…whoever…"
Olivia looked at the doctor, her heart breaking and wondering if she should tell Elliot more about their life together or if it would be too much for him to process. The doctor motioned for her to join him in the hall, telling Elliot they would be right back, and Olivia followed him. "He doesn't remember," she whispered. "How can he not remember?"
"He has a traumatic brain injury," the doctor reminded her. "He remembers some things…just not everything. And it's possible that certain memories will come and go for a while. Like how he thought you still worked together, but then he remembered quitting. He could wake up tomorrow and remember everything or he could forget and think you are working together again. But he is showing good brain function, even with the swelling and I have no doubt he's going to get his memory back fully before too long. It takes time."
"Should I tell him?" Olivia asked. "That he's the father of this baby?" She sighed, "Should I tell him about our son…I don't know what I should say to him."
The doctor nodded, "Don't overload him with new information, but if he asks, answer him honestly."
Olivia nodded and they walked back into the room. Elliot's eyes were closed and at first she thought he had gone back to sleep, but when she approached the bed he opened them. "You done talking about me?" he asked with irritation. "I'm right here…you don't have to talk behind my back."
"Olivia and I were just discussing your memory loss," the doctor explained quickly. "Why don't you tell us what you remember…and we can go from there."
Elliot's face cringed as if it hurt when he tried to think, "I don't know what I remember," he admitted.
"You said you remembered quitting your job," the doctor reminded him. "Because of something bad that happened. Do you remember anything after that?"
"That was a long time ago," Elliot cleared his throat. "I work security now…I think…right?"
Olivia smiled, "Yeah…that's right."
"I didn't want to see you," Elliot said seriously. "Why are you here? Did someone call you?"
"Maureen called me," Olivia answered, trying not to let his words hurt her.
"Why would she do that?" Elliot asked. "She knows…she knows I can't see you anymore…" he closed his eyes, "Kathy left me…"
"I know," Olivia sighed. "But that was a few years ago, Elliot."
"Kathleen…" his voice was a sad whisper, "She…she died…Did I try to kill myself?" he asked. "I wanted to kill myself."
Olivia gasped at his confession, not sure how to respond, "El…someone shot you…you were protecting a little girl at the bank, and a crazed gunman shot you…"
"I was?" he asked. Then he seemed to remember something new, "The little girl…with the dark hair…" his voice quivered, "I told her my daughter was going to look like her…"
"Yes," Olivia smiled, tears filling her eyes. "Our daughter Elliot…" She put her hand, gently on her stomach.
"Our…daughter?" he asked her. "Oh God…what did I do…what did we do…"
"Elliot, it's okay," the doctor spoke seriously. "Why don't you close your eyes and try to rest? We'll talk again when you wake up."
Elliot seemed more agitated at the doctor's suggestion, "I got you pregnant?" he looked at Olivia and his voice quivered. "I don't want any more kids…I have enough kids, Olivia…" he was practically yelling and his voice scared her. "Where are my kids anyway? Where is Maureen? I need to talk to her…"
"She's home…with Kate and Noah," and she realized by the look on his face that he didn't know who she was talking about and it made her heart ache. "Your granddaughter…and our son…" she let a tear escape and slide down her cheek.
"Damn it!" he yelled, "Don't start crying…please just don't." His head was pounding and the yelling was making it worse, but he was angry that he couldn't remember things and now Olivia was presenting him with this whole new life he knew nothing about. "Show me…"
"Show you what?" she asked sadly.
"Do you have pictures of them or something…my granddaughter…I remember Maureen telling me she was pregnant…her husband's a jerk…" he sighed, "And…our son…we have a son?" he asked, unable to believe what she was saying. "How could I forget my own kid?" He started to cry and Olivia looked at the doctor, not sure what she should do.
The doctor nodded, "Show him the pictures," he said gently.
Olivia pulled out her phone, sliding through until she found a picture of Kate and Elliot she had taken a few weeks before. "This is Kate…" she said, holding it out so he could see, "You always call her Katiebug…" Elliot stared at the picture. The little girl looked like Maureen when she was small, but other than that he didn't recognize her. Olivia slid the screen, and a picture of Noah sitting on Elliot's shoulders replaced the one of Kate. "This is Noah…" she said softly.
Elliot looked at the picture, the little boy with dark hair and eyes, and he wanted to remember him. He didn't know how he could forget his own child and it killed him. He grabbed the phone out of her hand, throwing it across the room, "No!" he screamed.
Olivia was shocked as her phone flew across the room, crashing against the wall. "El…it's okay…" she cried. "You're going to remember…"
"Elliot…you need to relax," the doctor said, worried about his patient's outburst. "Lay back…and take a deep breath…"
Olivia leaned over the bed, putting her hand on his shoulder to calm him, "Don't worry…everything's going to be fine…" she cried.
"Leave me alone…" Elliot screamed and the look in his eyes let them both know he wasn't himself anymore. Something was wrong, they had pushed him too far, but before the doctor could intervene Elliot grabbed Olivia's arm, squeezing it with more strength than she could have imagined he'd have left after the whole ordeal.
"El…let go," she cried. "You're hurting me…"
"I'm hurting you?" he yelled and the doctor reached across the bed to try to release his grasp on Olivia. "Get out of my room!" he yelled and flung her arm with such force that she lost her balance, falling back on the floor, just as the doctor administered a sedative that forced Elliot back to sleep in no time.
"Are you okay?" the doctor asked nervously, reaching his hand out to help her up off the floor.
She shook her head, sobbing, "He would never do that…never…" She put her hand carefully on her stomach, "I'm worried about my baby…"
"We'll get you checked out," the doctor said gently. "Are you in pain?"
She shook her head, "Why did he do that? He would never try to hurt me."
"Violent outbursts are common after an injury like this…especially when patients feel overwhelmed or scared," the doctor explained. "It wasn't him…it was the head injury…"
"I just want to see a doctor and make sure my baby is okay," Olivia said sadly. The doctor took her by the arm, guiding her out of the room. She bent down slowly, picking up her phone off the floor. The white casing on the back was shattered, but the screen looked fine and it seemed to work. She looked back at Elliot, sound asleep in his drug induced stupor, "Is he always going to be like this?" she asked. "Do I have to be afraid of him?"
The doctor shook his head, "He's going to get better," he promised. "But it's going to take some time."