Chapter Twenty-One

President Coin calls a meeting of the living victors a few days later.

I refuse to attend unless it's held close to the hospital tent where Finnick is.

I hear from Rory that Coin almost says I'm not essential to the meeting anyway – and he doesn't say that she probably doesn't expect Finnick to survive anyway – but Katniss and Peeta refuse to attend unless I'm there. Nothing can be done without Katniss, apparently.

Before she and the other victors arrive, I let Prim take me to the showers that've been set up in the tent and leave Peeta to read more of Gulliver's Travels to Finnick. He's sitting up sometimes now, even though he's still immobilized, and breathes without the mask for ten minutes every hour. I haven't seen him without bandages so I don't know what his body looks like but as long as he's alive there isn't anything else that matters.

When I get back, Johanna and Beetee are by Finnick's bed. Katniss and Haymitch approach me before I cross the room to him.

"I'm sorry," Katniss blurts out. "It's my fault."

She's not making sense. "Did you push him down the ladder?" I ask her just as bluntly. "Did you make him go last so he'd be attacked by lizard mutts?"

She shakes her head. "We were going to kill Snow. They were following me to kill Snow."

"Finnick was going to do the same thing. He wasn't following you, Katniss. He was going with you. It's not your fault."

I don't think she really believes me but Haymitch puts his hand on her shoulder. "Annie's right, sweetheart. Stop blaming yourself."

She seems to listen to him, or at least stops worrying for a minute.

"Do you want to have the meeting by Finnick's bed," Haymitch asks me, "or can you leave for a few minutes?"

I hesitate. I don't know.

"Annie!" Johanna calls out. "He's fidgeting. Come over here."

And now I know. "We'll have the meeting here. Keep it short?"

He nods and follows me, steering Katniss along with us. Enobaria arrives with Beetee and President Coin a few minutes later.

I zone out for most of what the new president says, only focusing when I hear something about a final Hunger Games with the children of high-ranking Capitol citizens. She asks us surviving victors to vote on it.

"Yes," Enobaria says almost before Coin finishes explaining her idea. "Why shouldn't they get to experience what he had to go through?"

"Because it was wrong when we had to go through it," Peeta argues passionately, "and it's just as wrong for the children here to have to go through it."

"Peeta's argument is simplistic," Beetee says, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Simplicity does not equal incorrectness. I agree with him."

Johanna shakes her head. "I hate to say this, but I'm with Enobaria. No one here ever spared us a second thought so why should we spare them one?"

"Because we're better than them," I blurt out, surprising myself and earning shocked looks from everyone else. I square my shoulders and finish my thought – knowing Finnick agrees. "We're better than them so doing as they did is the worst possible thing we could do."

Haymitch clears his throat. "I won't agree to kids. Send Snow's ministers in and I'm there. Not kids, no matter whose kids they are."

"I agree with Haymitch," Katniss says quietly, carefully avoiding Peeta's gaze.

"You'd put Plutarch in a Hunger Games arena?" Coin asks skeptically.

Katniss twitches her shoulders in a shrug.

Coin rolls her eyes. "Then we have two votes for a final Games with Capitol children, three votes against it, and two votes for adults in a final Games."

"Finnick should have the chance to vote if he wants," Katniss interrupts before Coin can declare the vote final.

I turn to him, not even sure he's awake, but he is. He blinks once. He wants to vote. I've seen Prim and Rory move his mask enough that I know how to do it, and sometimes they even trust me to do it. "Say one word," I tell him, "when I take the mask off, say one name of someone you're voting with. That's all. Understand?"

He blinks once.

Everyone watches me as I lift the mask just a little off his face.

"Peeta."

It doesn't bother me that he said Peeta. He's probably worried Coin would think he was too confused to have a vote if he just said my name. Besides, I agree with Peeta wholeheartedly.

Coin exhales loudly. "Fine. There will be no Games. Soldier Everdeen? Are you still interested in executing President Snow?"

I can't help but cringe at the words. I feel bad that she asked Katniss in such a horribly blunt way. But I don't want to hear the answer. I let them sort out those details while I kneel on the stool and brush my thumb over Finnick's cheek. Without getting honest permission from Prim or anyone else, I've discovered that I can touch him almost anywhere on his face without hurting him. I tried a few other places and I know he tried to be strong for me but I saw when it hurt. His heart works, though, and his mind and that's all I need in this world.

"Annie?" Haymitch coughs and taps my shoulder. "You still with us?"

I bite the inside of my cheek and shake my head. "No. What?"

"Do you want to be at Snow's execution?"

My eyes flick back to Finnick. I need him to answer this question for me.

He stares at me for a long time and then he blinks once.

He wants to see it but he can't. So I will see it for him.

"Yes." I give my answer to Haymitch even though it was probably Coin's question at first. "Can you make sure Prim or Rory can with Finnick, though?"

Rory's just come over carrying a tray of clean bandages. "We'll both stay with him. Don't worry about a thing, Annie. I need to ask you all to leave now, though. I need to change bandages."

I leave with them. It's strange to leave a teenager – two because I know Prim will be there too – to see what I'm afraid to see but I can't stay. In fact, they told me I shouldn't stay. She said there was no reason for me to be haunted by things that might not be permanent. She promised to help me see what would linger and she promised to tell me when I needed to see it.

As I step out into the weak late afternoon light in the snow covered Capitol with Peeta and Johanna it occurs to me that I am exhausted. I lose my footing on the slippery sidewalk and they catch me.

"Are you sleeping and eating, scatterbrain?" Johanna demands. "I thought you were taking care of her, Peeta?"

"I am and she is. It's icy, Johanna, that's why she slipped."

I let them bicker. I have a suspicion about why I slipped. It's icy, yes, but I've also been feeling lightheaded and nauseous. I think I know why. I'll ask Prim next time I'm alone near her.

And that opportunity comes a few hours later. Finnick is sleeping, and less influenced to sleep by chemicals and drugs. Peeta's meeting with Dr. Aurelius. Prim is getting ready to leave for the night – and I remember her telling me she sleeps in the rooms Katniss was assigned at the Presidential Mansion.

She lets me pull her aside and listens as I list my symptoms.

"I can draw blood now and run the test," she says when I finish.

I hold out my arm.

I sit by Finnick while she runs the test on my blood.

She comes back and hugs me lightly. "You were right, Annie. You're going to have a baby. May I say congratulations?"

I accept her congratulations. I want them. Having a baby isn't something I thought I wanted but I want it more than anything now. It will give me something to focus on and it will give Finnick something to fight for.

I hug her tighter than she hugged me.