Chapter One-Hundred Forty-One
Night fell, and with it, so did the temperature. Breath fogging in the air, Syaoran drew his cloak tight around his shoulders, pulling the hood up to cover both his head and Mokona's shivering body. "Thanks," the creature said, pressing closer to his cheek.
You won't be thanking me once we get to the ruins, Syaoran thought, throat tightening. Now that he knew the exact point at which time had been altered, his dread had grown almost toxic. He'd intended to put off the explanations about the days before his imprisonment until after the battle—assuming they survived. Or . . . no. That wasn't right. He'd been hoping to avoid those explanations altogether. But he could see no way of avoiding it now, unless Fei-Wang decided to attack them the moment they entered the ruins.
"You've been awfully quiet ever since we left the city," Kurogane said, walking alongside him. Syaoran looked down, guilt prickling along the back of his neck. I should have told them a long time ago. In Nihon, or Infinity, or the first chance I had to speak to them at length in Tokyo. I should have told them.
"I have a lot on my mind," he said, expecting Kurogane to comment on his obvious evasion.
Instead, the ninja rested his hand on Syaoran's shoulder. "We're going to get through this."
Syaoran glanced up, wincing, but Kurogane had already turned his attention back to the ruins. The stone wings loomed over them, reaching into the sky as if preparing to take flight. The moonlight carved shadows into the grooves on the wings and illuminated the stone so that the ruins seemed to radiate light. Syaoran had seen them like this a hundred times, and the image always made ruins seem alive.
A stone platform circled the base of the ruins, dusted with sand but still visible. "We're here." His voice sounded thin even to his own ears.
Beside him, Fai glanced up at the sky. "Let's hurry. It won't be long before the day starts over again."
"I don't think it will," Syaoran said. "Not once we're inside."
Kurogane's eyes touched on his face. "What makes you think that?"
"If my reasoning is correct, then time will be stopped—not repeating, but stopped—on that day." The day Fei-Wang placed the Seal of Death on Sakura. The day I failed to save her. Before his companions could ask any more questions, Syaoran stepped up to the stone door of the ruins, about to push his way through the doors. When they swung open before he touched them, he jumped back.
"It opened on its own!" Mokona squeaked.
"As if it's welcoming us," Fai said. Syaoran glanced back to see him smiling darkly.
"Just how I like it," Kurogane muttered, cracking his knuckles, a savage grin on his face.
Great, Syaoran thought. Maybe they'll be so distracted by the chance to fight that I won't have to explain what happened here. Not giving himself time to dwell on the thought, he stepped through the door. A curving pair of staircases flanked each side of the room, leading up, and another sat between them, leading down to the lower levels. Syaoran started up the stairwell to the left, knowing that path would eventually lead to the room where he'd made that wish, so long ago.
"Isn't anybody here?" Mokona asked, her voice loud inside his hood.
"Yeah, there's supposed to be some sort of festival here tomorrow, right?" Kurogane asked. "Who's setting it up?"
"The only people allowed in the ruins during the purification rites are the high priest and the member of the royal family taking part in the ceremony. The festival would've taken place outside the ruins themselves, and in the city."
"By 'the member of the royal family,' you mean the Sakura that you knew?" Fai asked.
"Yes." Syaoran looked down, trudging up the last few steps, toward an hourglass-shaped opening in the wall. Here we go, he thought, stepping through the doorway. A vast room spread out before him, comprised mostly of disk-shaped structures which resembled the edge of a waterfall. Unlike a regular waterfall, however, the liquid had ceased to move, instead hanging from the ledges like a curtain. In the reservoir below, he saw hints of the same phenomenon—raised circles on the surface that resembled ripples, droplets of water suspended in the air as if something had splashed into the pool the moment before time had stopped.
"The water isn't moving," Mokona whispered.
It's just as I expected, Syaoran thought, looking down at the stagnant water. Time may be repeating out in the city, but here, it's completely ceased to move forward.
Fai stepped forward, lifting a hand to run his fingertips through a stream of water that should have been falling. His fingers encountered some resistance at first, which Syaoran took to mean that the water had physical presence, despite being frozen in time, but rather than falling away at Fai's touch, it just shifted out of the way, ceasing to move as soon as his hand passed through it. "All this water, in the middle of a desert, and the maintenance of the building containing it . . . It speaks not only of superb construction, but also of magic."
"Yes." Syaoran nodded. "These ruins have been here since long before Clow Country came to be, and they are a marvel of technology and magic. It's because of the magic of the royal family that it could be made to function again in order to support a city. In more recent times, it's been maintained by the High Priest, not necessarily the members of the royal family themselves, but Sakura was slated to become the High Priestess when she became old enough to carry the title. She was performing the purification ritual at the moment time stopped."
"How long was Syaoran with Sakura?" Mokona asked, ears flattening as if she worried that her question might overstep some personal boundary.
Syaoran started forward, descending the long stairwell leading to the pool. "Always," he said at last. "We were always together, from the time we met seven days before time ceased to move forward, until my body reached this age and form. Always." The last word came out as a bare whisper, and he pushed the hood of his cloak back.
"But Syaoran was taken prisoner!" Mokona cried. "How could he have been with Sakura all that time?"
"He didn't age while he was being held captive." This time, it was Kurogane who spoke. Syaoran turned to see the ninja looking at him. "Or at least his body didn't age. Right?"
"That's right." He hesitated, knowing that further explanation would nudge him toward revealing secrets he'd kept since Tokyo, secrets his companions deserved to know, no matter how poorly they reflected on him. "I . . . I paid a price to turn back time. It ended up costing me more dearly than I could have imagined."
"You went to the witch," Kurogane said, a hint of accusation in his voice.
Syaoran winced. "Yes."
"Would you mind telling us why?" Fai asked, sympathy evident in his voice.
"I wanted to turn time back to this day. To fix something. A mistake." He pressed his lips together. He couldn't say any more without unlocking the doors to the secrets he'd kept, nor could he go on hiding them. But if he tried to explain . . . They'll never forgive me, he thought, anguish twisting through his chest. For everything else, perhaps, but not for this.
"What mistake?" Kurogane asked softly, his fingers circling Syaoran's arm. When he didn't answer, those fingers tightened. "What mistake? Damn it, kid, we have a right to know."
"I know you do." He pulled his arm away, not meeting either of their eyes. Of course they have a right to know. I'm the only one left here still keeping secrets. "It . . ." I could lie. They would believe me. I don't have to tell them what really happened. The desire to do so pressed down on him, constricting his lungs until he could hardly breathe. He'd lied to Sakura, to everybody, for months, about his relationship with Kurogane, and he'd evaded any questions that had strayed too close to this secret, as well. He'd withheld information not out of malice, but out of shame. There had been times when he'd outright lied to keep things from his companions, and some of them—his love for Kurogane, their involvement with each other—had come to light despite his efforts to hide them.
And he was sick of lying.
"It all started seven days before this moment in time," he began, the weight of the secrets easing as the words tumbled out. He hid nothing, telling them about his decision to visit Clow for the first time, about his first encounter with Sakura, about the restrictions that had kept them from touching in those precious seven days before she'd been marked for death. He told them of his promise to keep her safe, his failure to take her hand when Fei-Wang had lashed out with his dark magic. And as he spoke, he remembered how he'd fallen in love with Sakura, how he would have done anything to save her, even break a taboo by twisting time back on itself.
"Why are you telling us this?" Kurogane demanded at one point. "Is it because we'll need to know it for the coming battle?"
He hesitated. "Not entirely. But there are pieces of it that you all deserve to know, so that you can make an . . . informed decision about what do to next." His heart jumped a little at the words, and he quickly went on. "And also because I have seen the darkest fragments of both of your pasts, so it's only fair that both of you know mine."
"It's not like you asked to see any of it," Kurogane grumbled.
"Maybe not, but you've allowed me to stay by your side, even when I was nothing more than a reminder of what you'd lost in Tokyo. And if you are led to make different decisions based on what I've told you, then . . . Then it would be your right to make those decisions." He peeked through his bangs to see Kurogane staring at him, face stern, arms crossed.
"Go on, then. Finish the story."
Nodding, Syaoran returned to where he'd left off—the point at which he'd decided to return to Clow to search for a way to remove the Seal of Death from the princess. He summarized the years between his return and the day that seal had activated—none of his research had proven useful, and his travels through the princess's world had only separated them during the time they could have spent together. That had been the hardest part, he recalled. Realizing that all his efforts, all the time he'd spent away from her, had been for nothing. And then he told his companions of the day the seal had spread to its final stage, tearing through Sakura's body like a thousand knives in the instant before her mother, Queen Nadeshiko, had used her magic to stop time.
"She told me she could only maintain the spell for a short time," he said. "And once she lost control of it, time would move forward and Sakura would die from her wounds. I didn't know what to do, only that I wanted to save her and I didn't have the means to do it. And then I heard a voice that promised to grant me that one wish."
"Whose voice?" Kurogane asked when he didn't go on.
This is it, Syaoran thought, meeting the ninja's eyes. There's no turning back after this. "It was the voice of Fei-Wang Reed. The voice of our enemy."
Author's Notes:
I decided to gloss over most of the backstory in this scene for a few reasons. One, this fic is already way too long, and two, it's safe to assume that most of you have finished the series by now (hence your reason for reading TRC fanfic), which means you know about everything Syaoran is talking about in this last scene. I figured that since there was very little to gain by repeating every detail of Syaoran's past and showing his companions' reactions, it would be all right to move on, especially since this delivery of backstory lasts for about two volumes in the manga, and it would probably take at least five chapters here to capture any meaningful emotion or detail. However, I will go into more detail on what I feel to be more relevant details of Syaoran's past in the next chapter, so it won't be completely lost. Anyway, my apologies to those who really wanted to read an extended version of this scene, and my thanks to those of you who will continue to read anyway.