Chapter One-Hundred Forty-Two
Kurogane crossed his arms, his expression one of furious disbelief. "So you're saying that our enemy—who placed some death curse on the princess right in front of your eyes—showed up out of nowhere and told you he could grant your wish . . . and you believed him?"
Syaoran winced, not daring to meet the ninja's eyes. "No. Not entirely. But if there were even a small chance that he was telling the truth . . ." He trailed off, dropping his gaze. The excuse sounded flimsy even to his ears, and he could only imagine the looks on his companions' faces. They'll never forgive me for this. He took a breath to steady himself, but it only made him shiver. "In order to save Sakura, I chose to wind back time to the moment before she'd been marked for death, so that I could later return to that moment and prevent it from happening. By changing time, I altered the futures and pasts of everyone connected to Sakura and myself." His eyes flickered to his companions' faces, darting away before he could process their expressions. "That was a consequence of my wish, not the price. The price . . . was my freedom."
"That's when you were taken prisoner, wasn't it?" Ice crept over Kurogane's words, though Syaoran wasn't sure whether the ninja meant to direct that coldness at him or Fei-Wang Reed.
"Yes. I chose to make a wish regardless." He paused for a moment, half-expecting one of his companions to comment on how selfish he'd been. But their silence hung in the air like poison, robbing him of breath. "Even so, I didn't fully understand the consequences of my actions until Fei-Wang said that my wish to turn back time had allowed his plan to move forward. I didn't understand, until that moment, that I had been outmaneuvered, and . . ." His voice had begun to shake. "He said . . . He said that everything he did from that point forward would also be my responsibility. That it would be as if I had personally caused all the things he did myself, because my wish allowed him to change everything."
The silence reigned a moment more. "Idiot," Kurogane spat.
Syaoran wilted, though he'd expected a more intense reaction. They must not understand the implications yet, he thought. They must not realize yet the extent to which their lives changed because of my wish. Not for the first time, he felt an impulse to ignore that truth. But they would realize it soon enough without any more information from him. They would realize that Fei-Wang Reed would've never tampered with their lives had it not been for his selfishness. They have a right to know. "My wish created a distortion in time," he went on, his voice steady, resigned. "A distortion which altered the futures—and pasts—of countless people. Including all of you."
He looked up to see Fai's keen eyes on his face. Beside him, Kurogane glowered at the floor, the ridges of his eyebrows leaving his eyes in shadow. "What are you saying?" Fai finally asked.
"I'm saying that you," he looked at Fai, "may not have been born as a twin in the original time-line. And you . . ." His eyes flickered to Kurogane. "Without my wish, Fei-Wang would have never had the opportunity to put his plan in motion, and thus would never have had a reason to cause the disaster at Suwa." Images of the barren, ash-dusted land flickered in front of his eyes. Rather than pushing them aside, he embraced them. My fault. Every death, every broken building, every ruined life. All mine. "Your parents wouldn't have died the way they had if not for that wish. I broke a taboo just to see my wish fulfilled. I was selfish. I am selfish. And so . . ." His voice wavered. "So it is only right that I accept whatever ill comes of it, even if it comes from both of you."
He closed his eyes, awaiting his sentence. Perhaps it would be better if they took their revenge on him now. He had, after all, been the deciding factor in Fei-Wang's plans. Without him, his companions might never have had to leave their own worlds, might never have suffered the tragedies they had. It would be merciful, he thought, if they merely decided to kill him. His crimes certainly merited worse.
The sharp tap of shoes on the stone made his spine go rigid. He sensed Kurogane moving toward him. It didn't surprise him that the ninja would be the first to respond—Kurogane had always been more inclined to act on his emotions than Fai had, and his reaction would be all the more personal given how close they had become since that first stolen kiss. He will never forgive me for this, no matter how long he lives, Syaoran thought, and somehow that hurt more than the punishment he was expecting.
Mokona let out a squeal. Something solid—Kurogane's metal hand—rapped the top of Syaoran's head, the impact hard enough to make him flinch, but not hard enough to hurt. "Idiot," the ninja growled, fingers snaking through Syaoran's hair. His eyes opened wide as Kurogane pulled him against his chest. What?
"Only an idiot would look at what happened that day and believe they were at fault for everything bad that's ever happened since," Kurogane went on, stroking Syaoran's hair back. Stunned, Syaoran could only stand there, arms limp at his sides. "And only you would think that, after everything that's happened, we'd turn our backs on you."
"I don't understand." His throat tightened, and he felt the sting of tears in his eyes. "Why aren't you angry? Why don't you hate me?"
The ninja withdrew his arms, eyebrows furrowing, then stepped aside. "Well, mage, what do you think?"
Fai stepped forward, his face unreadable. Then, unexpectedly, he reached forward and placed his hands on each of Syaoran's cheeks. "I think that grieving expression of yours made Kuro-pyon mad." Smiling suddenly, he pinched Syaoran's cheeks.
He blinked. How can they be so accepting of me, knowing what I've done?
Fai withdrew his hands. "When you mentioned that you'd turned back time, we thought you may try to distance yourself from us," he said, his smile laced with mischief. "But even if you broke a taboo, everything that happened afterward isn't your fault, and to try to take responsibility for all of it is, in a way, arrogant." His expression softened slightly. "That includes your feelings of guilt."
"Besides," Kurogane said. His voice wasn't as light as Fai's, but it wasn't harsh, as Syaoran had expected it to be. "If I were put into the same position, knowing that I'd promised to protect someone, I'd probably have done the same thing."
"Me, too," Fai said, beaming.
Syaoran stared at them, lips parting slightly. "But . . . You're not even a little mad at me?"
"Do you want us to be mad?" Kurogane asked, then stepped forward and tousled Syaoran's hair. "Look, kid, if that's the worst thing you've been keeping from us, I don't see the point of being angry. And besides—" He broke off, leaning forward to whisper at Syaoran's ear. "I love you. That means taking the bad with the good, right?"
Heat rushed to his eyes, and his vision blurred with tears. Without thinking, he leaned against the ninja's chest, wrapping his arms around the hard shell of his armor. How could I be so lucky? he wondered. Not only to have companions who accept who I am and what I've done, but to have someone love me unconditionally? His breathing hitched, and he grit his teeth, desperate to compose himself before he started sobbing. "Thank you."
Kurogane stroked his hair, using his thumb to wipe away the tears at the edges of Syaoran's eyes. "Yeah, no problem." The ninja withdrew, pausing to press his lips against his forehead.
Fai stepped forward and laid a hand on Syaoran's shoulder. "Thank you for telling us, even though it may have been painful."
"Can we get moving?" Kurogane asked. "I mean, I know this whole place is frozen in time or whatever, but I'd rather finish this up before I die of old age."
Syaoran nodded. No more time to put it off, he thought, moving toward another door. It would lead to the reservoir beneath the ruins—the reservoir where his Sakura had performed her purification rites in the days leading up to the moment she'd been marked for death. And there, he knew, he would have a chance to set right what had once gone wrong.
"Within the ruins, time has remained stopped, ever since the moment I wished to turn back time," Syaoran said as they entered a long hallway. "This room has also remained the same."
The hallway opened up into a vast room that made the reservoir they'd passed through earlier look like a puddle beside a lake. Waterfalls, suspended in place by the magic that had held this room in stasis, seemed to grow from one another, like threads twining together to form a tapestry. The walls bore ancient symbols beyond his comprehension, and scalloped steps separated the reservoir into pieces. It might have been majestic if not for the tentacles of dark magic holding Princess Sakura in the air as she reached out for a hand that had been offered half a second too late.
He heard the others gasp behind him, both stepping forward as if the threat that had targeted the princess was still active, rather than dormant. Mokona cried out, her voice pitched high enough that Syaoran winced. "Sakura!"
"In just a little while, it will be the exact same time that it was when I made my wish," Syaoran said. "The loop will close, and time will begin to move forward again, and I . . ."
"You'll save her," Kurogane said, crossing his arms.
Ideally, Syaoran thought, flinching as he heard a soft tapping noise from across the room. He looked over, dread coiling in his stomach.
"Looks like we've got company," Kurogane said, drawing his sword.
Syaoran stared across the reservoir as his clone emerged from one of the peripheral corridors. "So it would seem."
Author's Notes:
Hello, everyone! It's that time of year again (as if any of you needed reminding), and in keeping with last year's tradition, I will be taking story requests in the reviews. And since I'm not quite as busy as I was at this time last year, I'm not going to confine the requests to oneshots this time, though I will probably try to keep these stories relatively short so I can move on to other projects. I wish I could write a personalized story for everyone, but chances are I'll only write one or two of the requests. Merry Christmas everyone!
Submission Guidelines:
1. I don't write stories based off the stories of other fanfiction writers. That said, if you want me to do a TRC version of some interesting series, you can suggest that (although I probably won't write about anything that I don't have at least a passing familiarity with).
2. Crack pairings are welcome and encouraged. Blatant OOC-ness is not (My apologies to anyone who really, really wanted to see Kurogane in a dress).
3. Please do not send me requests for any stories that you yourself are planning to write in the near future. I value originality, and having a duplicate of a single idea within the fandom can get tiring very quickly.
4. I prefer not to write KuroFai, but if everyone is adamant that I write some, then I may make an exception.
5. Requests for continuations, prequels, and side-stories of fics that I have written are permitted, but please give me some direction so I know what sort of thing you want me to elaborate on in the side-story.
6. I will give credit to the person who gives me the idea, whether I choose it for this year's gift-fic or use it in a later project.
7. No holiday-themed stories. Or, at least, no winter holidays. Halloween, Valentine's Day, and other non-winter holiday story requests are acceptable.
8. No crossover fics.
9. Please confine all story requests to the TRC fandom.
10. I reserve the right to use any ideas posed in these requests at any time, and (as I mentioned above) I will give credit for the idea to whoever posts it.
11. Please identify yourself by your username and/or a unique "guest" name in the reviews so that I may properly credit the ideas to their creators.
12. Anyone is eligible to submit a request. As such, all requests are considered equally upon their own merits, not my personal relationships with anyone who suggests said ideas.