The constant beeping of the alarm clock didn't seem to stir her to wakefulness, but then Noah started to cry and between his tearful screams and the constant beeping Olivia opened her eyes, smacking her hand against Elliot's alarm clock to silence it. She sat up, trying to focus her eyes on her son who was standing in the crib across the room from her, calling her name in between sobs. "It's okay baby," Olivia said, swinging her legs to the side of the bed. "I'm coming…" It had been six weeks since Elliot had opened his eyes on Valentine's Day…six long weeks, and she was still staying at his house without half her things, still on leave from her job, and at twenty-nine weeks her pregnancy was getting more and more difficult as well. She'd gained more weight than she'd ever thought possible, mostly because of the added fluid surrounding the baby, a condition the doctor said couldn't be treated but would most likely land her on bedrest within the next few weeks, and she was scared to death…there was no way she could manage that right now.
She used the nightstand to help pull herself up from the bed and made her way slowly to the crib, picking up her son and soothing his cries. He was almost eighteen months old, more of a toddler than a baby and it was getting harder to carry him around or even sit him comfortably in her lap anymore because of the pregnancy. She knew it wouldn't be easy to chase after a toddler at this point, but she hadn't expected the extra weight gain or that she'd be all alone. It was overwhelming. She sat him carefully on the bed, quickly changing his diaper and smiled at him, leaning over to kiss him softly. Her necklace brushed across his cheek when she leaned over, and he grabbed it, noticing her engagement ring sparkling from the chain. Her fingers were too swollen to wear it now and she'd convinced herself that wearing it on the chain kept Elliot closer to her heart anyway. Noah stuck his small finger through the ring and giggled, "Pretty…mama…"
"It is pretty, isn't it?" she said softly, then she pulled the ring from his grasp and the little boy sat up quickly. "Your daddy picked it out for me," she winked at him and looked down at the ring she held in her hand. She missed Elliot…so much. The past several weeks had been hard, not just because he was in the hospital but because everything was so different…he was different. His memory was hard to predict…one moment he seemed to remember everything about their life together and then the next day he would forget she was pregnant. She couldn't count the number of times he'd asked her when the baby was due, and no matter how many times she told him he never seemed to remember. And some days he seemed to forget she'd been there to see him every single day since the shooting, accusing her of not coming to see him or telling her she didn't care what happened to him. She'd watched him melt down trying to master tasks as simple as lifting a spoon to his mouth or brushing his teeth and she tried to be supportive, but he always ended up angry with her. Those days he would almost always get agitated, screaming and calling her names, he'd even taken a swing at her a few times but she'd learned to keep her distance when he was like that. Luckily that hadn't happened in a few weeks, the doctor said most of his swelling was gone now and he had more self-control, but she couldn't shake the feeling that the Elliot she loved was never fully coming back.
"Let's go get you some breakfast," she said, picking up her son and standing him on the floor, taking his hand in hers. He was learning to maneuver the stairs in Elliot's house and as much as Olivia would have preferred to carry him downstairs she couldn't do it anymore. She was lucky she could get herself up and down the stairs. She missed her apartment where everything was on one level. She held the railing with one hand, slowly walking down the stairs, placing her body strategically in front of her son who had turned himself around to crawl down one step at a time. It seemed like forever before they safely reached the bottom, but when they finally did Olivia smiled at her son, "You're such a big boy, Noah," she said proudly. She put her hand on her stomach, "Pretty soon you're gonna have to carry Mommy down the stairs," she teased.
They walked into the kitchen and Olivia sat Noah in the highchair, making him a bowl of cereal and placing it in front of him. Then she made a bowl for herself and sat next to him, taking a bite and watching as he dribbled milk down his chin. "Where's Kate?" he asked looking around the kitchen and noticing the unusual absence of his playmate.
"She went with her mommy and her grandma to Florida," Olivia said gently. Maureen had been reluctant to go with her mother on the trip, but Olivia had encouraged her to go. With everything going on, Maureen needed a break from things. Elizabeth and Richard had been back at college for over a month, and Maureen and Olivia had split their time between caring for the kids and staying with Elliot in the hospital. It wasn't easy on either one of them. Kathy had planned a trip to Florida during Eli's spring break from school and Olivia had encouraged the other kids to go with her. They all needed a break from the chaos that had become the new normal of their lives. They needed a chance to let things go and have fun. Sitting in the kitchen watching her son fumble with his spoon, Olivia realized she needed to give herself a break as well. "Let's go to the park today…" she said, realizing it was finally warming up some outside. "Do you want to swing today, Noah?" She longed for a carefree day with her son, pushing him on the swings and listening to the innocence of his sweet giggle.
"I see Dada…" Noah said seriously, showing no interest in the park. "See Dada, Mama…"
They had just started letting Noah come to see Elliot a little over a week ago. Once he had been moved from ICU they'd hoped having the family around more would help him recover, but the constant agitation was an issue in the beginning and Olivia and the doctor both agreed it wasn't safe for Noah or Kate to be there. But Elliot hadn't had a violent outburst in a few weeks and now he seemed to love it when Noah would come visit him. Noah loved it too, even though Olivia had been worried initially that he would have forgotten Elliot in the weeks he'd been missing from the boy's life. Noah had proven her wrong though, immediately clinging to Elliot, hugging and kissing him, and his presence seemed to be doing wonders for Elliot's recovery as well. He was sitting up more in his wheelchair and was really working toward walking without assistance. He seemed more dedicated to his physical therapy and just the day before he had promised Olivia once more that he would be home before the baby was born and he hadn't even asked her when the baby was due. She wasn't sure if it was because he remembered, or because he was embarrassed to ask her again, but for the time being she allowed herself the comfort of thinking he had finally processed the information well enough to store it in his memory. She stood up, walking over to the sink and running water in her cereal bowl. She stood there and watched as Noah took eager bites, dropping little bits on his highchair tray, and she immediately flashed back to weeks earlier when she'd tried to help Elliot feed himself and while he seemed to have mastered it now, at the time he was worse at it than Noah. She turned away from her little boy, her eyes suddenly full of tears she couldn't keep from falling. She was alone…she was scared…and all she wanted was someone to hug her and tell her things were going to get better…that everything would be alright…that in time things would be back to normal.
"Mama…" Noah said again and she wiped her eyes and turned to look at him, "Mama…see Dada…"
"Yeah…we'll go see Daddy," she forced a smile. "Finish up your cereal and we'll go."