Sorry it has taken so long to update. I've been super busy. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews and PMs about the last chapter. Here is some more.
She wasn't sure how long she had been asleep, but when she heard the bedroom door open she knew from the sound that Elliot was wheeling himself into the room. She didn't open her eyes. They needed to talk, she knew that, but she didn't know what to say to him. She knew he was hurt, and she knew she was the one who had hurt him by saying things she'd tried to keep bottled up that in a moment of fear and weakness had simply poured out. Why did he have to overhear her at that exact moment? She didn't even want to face him now.
"Olivia," he was at the side of the bed, tapping her shoulder. His voice was void of any emotion, so she couldn't read his mood. He tapped her again, "Wake up…" She reluctantly opened her eyes and looked at him and she could tell from his face he was still hurt, and she really couldn't blame him. "Maureen made lunch," he said, sitting a plate on the nightstand beside her. "The kids and I ate already, and I know you're tired, but you need to eat too."
She sat up and looked at him, "Thanks…" her voice quivered and he looked more concerned than hurt then.
"Are you feeling alright?" he asked. "You're so tired all the time…"
"I'm okay," she insisted. "I don't know why I'm so tired…I can't keep my eyes open…"
"Maybe because you were up all night with contractions?" Elliot said, a hint of frustration in his voice. She nodded, and his voice softened, "Why didn't you wake me up? Why didn't you feel like you could tell me? I know I'm not the way I used to be, but I still love you and I love our daughter, Liv. You know I would've done all I could to help you last night."
"I was scared," she admitted, holding back her tears.
"Scared of what?" he asked. "Scared of me?"
"No…of course not," Olivia sighed. "I was scared of hurting you. You were so dizzy from the smoke alarm and you needed to sleep. I knew the contractions would probably let up. I was afraid if I woke you up, you might panic and I didn't want to make things worse for you."
"You told Maureen that I would have stressed you out," Elliot said. "What did you mean by that?"
Olivia shook her head, "Nothing…I was just tired and…"
"Don't give me that. What did you mean by it?" he asked again.
She didn't answer right away, trying to choose the right words, but she knew no words would be the right ones. "I get stressed out trying to keep things normal for you," she admitted. "I want you to be happy…I want you to feel successful…but sometimes I feel like when things aren't the way they used to be, you feel upset and hurt and it's my job to make things better for you. And last night, I didn't know how you would react if you thought I was in labor, knowing you couldn't drive me to the hospital, or help me walk during the contractions…and I was afraid if I woke you up, I'd not be strong enough to keep you calm and make things normal for you." She looked serious, "If the contractions had gotten worse, I would've woke you up…I promise. I was just trying to get through it…I'm sorry," she sniffled, wondering if she'd had even one day throughout her whole pregnancy where she hadn't given into her tears.
"Olivia…" he closed his eyes, trying not to show his own emotions. He didn't know what to say to her. He needed her in his corner and he didn't want her to give up on him when he was trying so hard to get things back to normal, but he didn't want her stressed out or afraid either. "Please don't keep things from me," he pleaded. "If we're going to get through this…we have to be honest with each other."
She nodded, "Okay, I'll try."
"Do you still want me here?" he asked, almost afraid of the answer. "Or would you rather I go back home to Queens?"
"What?" Olivia gasped. "El…of course I want you here. I love you…you know I do…"
"I know you love me," he answered. "But if having me here is making you uncomfortable…or scared…or whatever…I can go home. I talked to Maureen and she's willing to help me at the house…"
"You can't manage the stairs at your house," Olivia argued. "And Maureen has a new job now. She can't be home all the time."
Elliot nodded, "That wasn't exactly the response I'd hoped for," he admitted, his eyes saddened.
"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.
"I wanted you to say you didn't want me to leave because you need me here," Elliot answered. "That you don't want to go through all of this by yourself. That you want me with you."
"Of course I want you with me," she cried. "I do. We're having this baby…"
"A baby isn't a reason to stay together," Elliot said sadly.
Olivia's eyes widened, "What are you saying? You don't want to stay here?"
"No…but Liv, if we can't move on and make things work the way they are now," he sighed. "I don't want you to be unhappy and I don't want you to feel scared all the time…and I can't spend the rest of my life feeling like a burden to you."
"Please stop…" she sputtered through her sobs. "I said I was sorry. I don't know how else to make this right. I wish I could do a better job taking care of you, and Noah, and this baby. I wish I wasn't so fat and miserable and tired…I wish I hadn't said the things I said in the kitchen. I didn't mean to hurt you…"
"Alright Liv, calm down," he said gently. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"You want to leave me," she cried. "But you didn't think that would upset me?"
"I thought you'd be relieved," he admitted.
"Elliot…I have been alone almost my entire life," Olivia sighed. "And now, I have the family I never thought I'd have…and I love you and Noah, our daughter, all of your kids. I'm scared of losing you…that you might not ever fully recover from the shooting…and whether or not you're in a wheelchair for the rest of your life or can run a marathon by next month isn't going to change how I feel about you. But what I'm afraid of is how you don't want to admit we need help. We can't do all of this alone…and if I ask for someone to help us, I feel like I risk losing a little piece of you because you get so upset and offended."
"I just want us to live our lives together," Elliot replied. "We've always been able to get through anything together."
Olivia shook her head, "I'm so tired, El," she cried. "I feel like I'm failing you because you need me and I'm so tired…"
"Liv," he squeezed her hand, "I'm sorry. I know you're miserable…and I wanted to take care of you and the baby. I didn't mean for you to have to take care of everything last night. And then you ended up having contractions because you were doing so much, and it was all my fault…"
Olivia shook her head, "I know last night was an accident." She squeezed his hand tighter, "Anyone can have an accident."
"I don't want to live here with your friends in and out," Elliot insisted, "I feel like they are intruding on our life together. I really think we can do this on our own."
"I'm not sure we can," Olivia admitted.
"You've never been one to accept help," Elliot sighed.
"It's not for me," Olivia said tearfully. "It's for the baby. I can't risk her health anymore. I have to stay on bed rest."
"I can take care of things," Elliot insisted. "Liv…last night was just an accident. I promise, I can take care of you and Noah. I can make food in the microwave instead of using the stove and I can give Noah his bath and change him. And I can rub your back if you are having contractions and we can time them together…and when we know for sure you are in labor, I can call a cab. And through it all….you don't have to be stressed about making me feel normal…just treat me like me."
"El…" she cried. "I'm scared."
"I know," he said softly, "So am I…but this is how things are for us now. All we can do is get through it."
"I'd feel better if we let someone come check on us throughout the day," Olivia suggested. "Just in case we need help…okay?"
"Alright, I suppose that would be okay, but I don't want people staying the night," he forced a smile and then looked toward her plate, "You need to eat your lunch," he reminded her.
Olivia shook her head, "I really don't feel well. I don't want to eat."
"Are you still having contractions?" he asked. "Tell me the truth."
"No," she assured him. "When I lay on my side, they usually stop. I just feel sick…"
He reached his hand out, lifting her shirt slightly and letting it rest on the warmth of her skin. "She's not moving…"
"She doesn't move around much," Olivia reminded him. "I felt her earlier though. She's okay."
"Maybe we should call the doctor," he suggested. "Let him know you're not feeling very good."
"El…I haven't felt good in months," Olivia insisted. "I don't need the doctor. He'll just tell me I should've stayed in bed or worse, he'll make me go the hospital so they can monitor me."
"Well maybe you need to go to the hospital," he argued.
"No…please…I'm fine," she begged. "Don't call the doctor. I promise, I'm okay." She sat up a little more, sliding her legs to the side of the bed.
"What're you doing?" Elliot asked. "You need to stay in bed."
"I have to go to the bathroom," she sighed. He watched as she struggled to pull herself up from the bed, completely out of breath by the time she was on her feet, and he would've given anything to be able to help her. This wasn't how he had envisioned their future together, and he knew it wasn't what she'd counted on either. They had a long road ahead of them, but together they could get through. He stood up from his chair, steadying himself. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"This," he reached out pulling her close to him and kissing her softly on the lips. He pulled away from the kiss, his face serious, "I love you…" he whispered.
Olivia smiled, "I know…I love you too."
"We're gonna be okay," he promised. "All of us…you, me, Noah…and our little princess."
Olivia nodded, "Yeah…we're gonna be fine." She wasn't sure she believe it, but she was going to try.