Thanks to Koschei I had stopped reading and learning as much as I'd used to. He bothered me all the time, simply with his presence in my room. When I was there, he would be there as well. And if I wasn't in my room he was probably there, too.
I didn't even know what he liked about my room. I didn't like it very much in there myself.
It was small. There was nothing inside except for a bed, a small cabinet and a closet. I used to learn and work on my bed. If there had been a writing desk in my room as well then I probably wouldn't have been able to open the door.
Which wasn't actually such a bad thing when I come to think about it now.
Then Koschei wouldn't have been able to walk through my door whenever he felt like doing so.
I had hid the key to my room several times, but it was of no avail.
First of all I got scolded and punished for locking my room without any instructions from one of the savants who were in charge of us.
And secondly...
Locking the door hadn't kept Koschei from entering my room.
Though, now he had been forced to get in through the small window.
Somehow I got used to it. I accepted his presence. What else should I have done?
There was no way of disagreeing with Koschei. To be more specific: there was no sense in disagreeing.
He would simply disagree with your disagreeing him and would continue until you gave in.
You couldn't fight him.
You plainly admitted defeat and he was happy.
I had never displeased Koschei until that time. And I never would have done it on purpose.
Who knew what an unsatisfied Koschei was capable of?
Well, I figured it had been the right decision not to tell Koschei anything about the forbidden book in my room. I was worried enough about him finding it.
I knew that he wouldn't understand it.
I knew that he couldn't.
I had enjoyed the book of Dr. Neakahla very much. I had perused the scripts – even the chapters which were disgusting as well as disturbing.
Dr. Neakahla had been the greatest surgeon in the universe and, because he had been a Time Lord, of all times likewise. Some claim that he had even been the greatest surgeon in reference to his physiognomy.
But apart from documenting and sharing his surgical knowledge he had tried to merge all sciences into one meta-science; though he never came up with a name. He thought it best just to call it "science". It was short, it was well-known and would save hours of unnecessary work.
It has to be said linguistics didn't count as science in his eyes.
To him it was plainly rubbish.
Philosophising about what people speak or what they don't speak.
Ha.
Of course there had been chapters which had been of minor interest to me.
Executions about torture; descriptions of sensations of pain; excursions about mutilation and dismemberment; a section called "Dyspareunia- a great deal of difficulty and pain"; Executions about executions...
I knew that Koschei would have enjoyed those chapters. But it wasn't what made it worth reading it. You couldn't just pick out an aspect; it was a creation on the whole.
You had to read all of it to understand it.
And I sure knew that Ms. Reprics hadn't finished reading it.
Her aim was to teach us the importance of scientific work as a matter of "improvement by evolving", or something like that. I never paid much attention. I just sat there silently and listened, which was all you could do.
You couldn't discuss it with her; you couldn't contradict her; you could only wait until it was over.
Except for Koschei who kept objecting.
But that was also part of it. Otherwise Ms. Reprics would soon have forgotten why she despised Koschei, he had explained.
I never intended to insult Ms. Reprics or show her up; and she shouldn't have been embarrassed.
It was just...
I read Dr. Neakahla's script eager for knowledge, as I was, and therefore couldn't forebear to correct her.
Ms. Reprics had confused biogenesis and evolution and I wouldn't have blamed her; I had to read those chapters at least three times before being able to tell them apart properly.
Ms. Reprics hadn't given me anything but a confused look at first; then she had switched to a death glare and tried to belie the fact that she had just told the opposite of what she was talking about now.
But I didn't mind it. I didn't really care. I had only tried to make myself clear.
And I had to admit that those chapters had been one of my favourite ones.
When I got to my room Koschei was already there. However he had done that. He had been in the same room with me a moment ago and I didn't like the idea that he got faster into my room than I did.
That meant that he had found secret passages; and he was already rubbing it in.
Oh, and I came to notice that there were now three instead of two piles of books in "his" corner of the room. It was growing every day...
"You really made her mad" Koschei grinned and sat down on my bed.
"I didn't mean to" I replied lackadaisically.
Now I had really wanted to lie down and have a good rest on the bed...on my bed...
"Well, I suppose then it's not as much fun as if you had wanted to make her mad" thought Koschei out loud "But I don't like when you're challenging my position."
"I guess you think it's your privilege to be annoying" I sighed and sat down on the floor, resting my back against the small cabinet.
"I don't think it is my privilege" corrected Koschei "it is. Anyway, you're not annoying. You actually noticed that she was wrong and you knew it better. And that really exacerbated her."
I shrugged. "So?"
"I wish I could make her furious like that" explained Koschei "this would sure take it to a whole new level."
I sighed and rested my head in my palms.
"I just don't understand what's so funny about it" I mumbled "You don't like Ms. Reprics. That's alright. In fact nobody likes Ms. Reprics. I bet she doesn't even like herself. So what?"
"So what what?" asked Koschei.
I moaned and rolled my eyes.
"So there's nothing interesting about upsetting her."
"It's one of those things which you don't understand" mumbled Koschei.
"Like what?" I asked.
"Like what you're doing about someone who just keeps bugging you and you don't know what you did wrong, or if you even did anything wrong, but the mere presence, no, the mere existence of someone is an insult to you."
If he had even known how right he had been about this...
I watched him from the corner of my tired eyes.
Right now his presence was an offence to me...
I sighed and shrugged again.
"So you think it's your task to cut her down to size?" I asked indifferently. He was really bugging me because he was lying on my bed "Well, that shouldn't be too hard. She isn't even a respectable size..."
"No, I want to crush her and make mince meat out of her and you know that literally and figuratively are the same thing to me" Koschei cut me off "and would you be so kind as to hand me an apple?"
Something in his voice made me feel uncomfortable.
But it was good to know that he wanted to make mince meat out of her and not out of me.
Well, at least out of her first. He could still chop me up later.
I gave him an apple and sighed.
Why couldn't he just go to his room? I asked myself.
But I knew the answer already.
Because it was so much more fun to invade my privacy.
"Am I bothering you?" asked Koschei. My mind had been wandering and my eyes had stayed fixed on my cushion. I shook my head. I was too tired to open my mouth.
"Good" nodded Koschei and made room for me on the bed "Now you're lying to me. Of course I'm bothering you."
"Then why did you ask?" I mumbled and dropped onto the bed.
"No reason" replied Koschei bluntly.
I sighed and shifted. It was of no use. I couldn't get comfortable with him sitting beside me.
For the first time in my life I had felt the urge to hit him, or at least push him out of my bed.
"No reason" had always been a good reason for Koschei.
His whole life had been based on those two words.
Koschei ran his fingers through my hair and stroked my head carefully.
I hardly noticed it. I hadn't slept through a single night for the past few weeks. And I didn't mind him touching me. He'd always touched me. He'd always be bent on touching me.
I guess I had been the only one he could snuggle up to.
But his touch had been delicate, he had always touched me with care; and his interest in my body had been the one of a child.
I didn't mind physical contact.
At least now with him. It had been like this since we had been children.
And I guess it won't ever change...
Koschei moved the apple across my body. He started rubbing it against my chest and made his way down to my thighs again. The lower part of my body seemed to be of particular importance to him.
This time he led the hand which had clasped the apple to the inside of my thighs, spreading my legs gently with the other hand. As soon as I felt his palms pressing against my thighs and parting them I closed my legs and gasped.
Don't spread your legs for anyone.
Don't let anything come between them.
It seemed as if those words had been drummed into my head and burnt into my mind.
I stared at him horrified.
Koschei frowned.
"Is there a problem?" he asked.
"Why do you keep touching me there?" I snapped.
Koschei popped his head to one side and looked at me as if he hadn't understood a single word.
"I don't know why you keep touching me there" I went on "and I don't understand it."
"Neither do I" replied Koschei and shrugged. He straightened up again and rubbed the apple faster against my thighs.
I turned my head in a different direction and tried to forget about him sitting beside me and harassing me with his apple.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked and evaded his look.
"No reason" he whispered in my ear and kissed me on the temple.
I sighed and looked away.
There had never been an alternative to acceptance.
There simply hadn't been.
So I looked away and let him shine his apple on my thighs.
It would have been stupid to forbid it, anyway.
I don't know on which part of my body he would have rubbed his apple against the next time...
I didn't like to displease Koschei. I never liked that; much to the annoyance of my father.
Koschei had always decided on me and I had resigned myself.
It had never been different.