Chapter 2
However Jim should have known. Sam was never good at keeping promises. His mother had been sad and aggravated because of Frank. They met him a week later.
Mommy made them dress in their Sunday bests. Jim thought they looked silly, but Sam just looked murderous. He kept giving their mommy the stink eye as if she had broken all the laws in the universe. Sam punched him in ribs when he asked. "You're so stupid Jimmy."
When Jim punched back, their mommy didn't even notice. She was too busy looking out the window and fiddling with the flowers. She never bought flowers. They were pretty. It made their house look brighter. Jim probably should have realized then that something was wrong, but Mommy was rarely home, and their android babysitter was hardly a good example.
Frank was big and beefy. He looked like just the opposite of Daddy. Everything Daddy was; Frank was not. While Daddy had a pretty smile and blue eyes, Frank wore a constant frown and had dark grey eyes. He was a hover car mechanic from Iowa City. It was an uncomfortable afternoon. It was hot and sticky.
Frank left after dinner. They watched their mommy kiss Frank on the front porch through the windows in the living room. She didn't even notice that had been there. Sam stomped off, but Jim was just confused. He thought his mommy loved his daddy. Wasn't that why she was always so sad? Wasn't that why she always spent her days in space, so she could be closer to Daddy?
The next day, Mommy sat them down in the living room: Sam and Jim on the couch and Mommy across from them. Sam folded his arms. He was not impressed. She promised them many things that day. She promised them that things would change. They could be a real family now with a mommy, a daddy, George, Jim, and more. She promised no more space missions. She was going to get a dirt side positing. Sam pursed his lips, but Jim started entertaining the thought that maybe Frank could be their new daddy. He had seen the holo videos of his daddy playing with Sam. He saw how happy Mommy had been back then. She had a pretty smile. Maybe Frank could make Mommy happy again. Maybe Frank could play with him. Maybe he could finally do those father and son activities that he saw and heard his classmates participate in. Maybe he and Frank could enter the annual father and son chariot race.
Mommy and Frank got married a month later. He heard the words shotgun wedding and convenience whispered under the breaths of the attendees. At seven, Jim didn't even know what they had meant.
But Frank wanted his own kids. After Mommy's second miscarriage, the words "cursed womb" traveled around Riverside. Even Jim knew that miscarriages were rare in the 23rd century. Sam tried to shield him from it, but Jim heard. He heard it all. That it was Jim's abnormality that broke Mommy, and that was why she couldn't have any more kids. That Jim wasn't really his daddy's son, and his mommy had 'affair', and it was all celestial judgment.
Mommy started traveling again soon after that, and Frank became angry and abusive. Jim guessed that she gave up on having a normal family after that.
He probably should have given Sam more credit. He did last five years of living with an angry Frank. Sam was fifteen when he ran away from home. It had started after a stupid argument. Sam wanted to spend the night at his friend's house. Frank forbade it because he could.
That same day Jim drove their dad's prized Chevy convertible into the Riverside quarry. It was last thing Jim had of his father. He never felt more alive clinging to the edge of the cliff or jumping out of the spending car. He thought he could make the jump. He thought he could finally leave Riverside.
Their mom came home furious and confused. "Why Jimmy? Why."
Jim wanted to tell her about Frank. How cruel and awful he was. That Frank was abusive and angry. That he would hit him and Sam after he drank too much at the bar. That Frank had driven Sam away. That Frank wanted to sell his dad's car, and it better lying in the bottom of the quarry than in someone else's hands. That he was being unfaithful to her and would entertain women and men in their bed, in their living room… everywhere. Instead Jim bit his lips and refused to look her in the eyes. She eventually gave up and left. It wasn't hard. Giving up was something she was good at.
The next day, when Jim woke up he found the space between his legs and bed sheets soaked with blood. He screamed thinking it was divine punishment. He was going to die, and his dad would come home.
His mom found him screaming. When she saw the blood red sheets, she closed the door and held him close. Jim wasn't sure she had ever done that before. She told him about the people of the past. She told him that he was a special little one. After he took a warm bath, she taught him how to use a tampon and gave him a training bra. She scheduled an appointment with a doctor in Chicago the next day. It was at a small, classified hospital. Jim wondered if his mother was ashamed of him.
They left early in the morning. They took a small dilapidated freighter out from Riverside Shipyard. It was a supply vessel. His mother sat in the front with the pilot while Jim sat with the merchandise. They were old starship parts. Jim could name them all.
The hospital was cold and menacing. The waiting room was filled with old people. They were all old and wrinkly. They reminded Jim of his granddad James. Jim swung his legs as his mother filled out his paperwork. When they finally called for him, his mother didn't come with him. She simply pushed him forward. Before he disappeared behind the double swinging doors, he saw her pull out a cigarette. He wondered when she started smoking.
The nurse led him to a room in the back. It was small room. There was a large bio bed in the center of the room. Jim immediately recognized it as an older model. Sam used to show him holos of bio beds. He had always been interested in medicine and science unlike Jim who liked physics and mechanical parts. There were other machines humming along the walls. A large fluorescent light swung above him.
Jim gulped. His hands became sweaty. He tried to wipe them on his pant legs. The nurse handed him a gown before leaving. He found himself sitting on that biobed in a gown that barely covered his thighs for what felt like hours. He thought he would die in that room before a large porky man entered. He introduced himself as John… just John. He listed the procedures and tests in big, sophisticated scientific terms. Jim wasn't sure who he was trying to impress.
The tests started out simple and easy. John took his height, his weight and his blood pressure. He easily recited out the letters that were reflected on the wall in the distance. He could easily distinguish his 'U's from his 'V's and his 'F's from his 'P's. Eye tests never involved easy letters.
However everything changed when John had him lay down on the biobed and hooked him up to all the sensors. He maneuvered his legs into a pair of birthing stirrups. He wondered how he hadn't noticed them earlier. He started at his chest and worked his way down. He pressed and probed with his hands and with a tricorder. Jim had always thought medical tricorders allowed for a more hands off approach.
Jim could state the exact moment where everything became less friendly. He could see the glim and excitement that suddenly appeared in John's eyes. John had worked his way to his lower regions. He was sitting on a stool. His forehead was barely blinking out from behind the gown. He could feel John fingers sliding around his private parts. They were cold and hard. He squirmed. It earned him a hard slap on his legs. John tightened the straps on the stirrups.
Jim watched as John bolt upwards minutes later. He watched him hastily removing his gloves before reaching for the door knob. John disappeared through the door. The door closed with a loud bang. Jim cringed. Not long afterwards, John led in a team of doctors in white lab coats. They were all holding PADDs.
They didn't even bother to introduce themselves. Jim wondered if they even realized he was a human being. Their eyes were all so cold and daunting. They reminded him so much of Frank. One by one they sat down in the seat John had vacated. He felt each and every one of them touch him. It was cold and impersonal: plastic on skin.
He looked away after the third one. His glaze flickered between the posters of dental hygiene, the digestive track, and eyeballs. His face burned red. He thought doctors were supposed to be friendly and kind. He was blushing ten shades of red by the sixth.
His palms got sweaty. The straps tied around his legs felt biting as if they were digging into his skin. He felt sick. He wanted to scream, to hit something, anything. He wanted to run away. The wall seemed to physically close in. He felt violated. He felt like a circus animal on display.
It was humiliating. It was invasive. He was going to puke. He choked back a loud sob when the last doctor finally left the chair, and John loosened the straps. He guessed they were doctors. However, the way they talked in hushed voices about how rare he was as if he wasn't even in the room, he wasn't so sure. He recognized the looks in their eyes. It was the same look he saw in Sam's eyes when he became excited about one of his plant specimens.
They left soon after that. It was just him and John again. He hated John. John had called in the doctors. He struggled when John grabbed his arm. John must be retaliating when he grabbed his arm tighter than necessary and stabbed him hard with the needle. He watched as his blood drained through the clear tube and into one of the machines along the walls.
He wondered if he gone through every type of medical tests in the books by the time John finally handed him his clothes and gruffly told him to go to consultation room ten after he was done changing.
He was never going to set foot in a hospital ever again.
He found his mother there. John and one of the doctors that had 'examined' him were also there. It was one of the older men. His hair line was already receding. He was now wearing glasses which confused Jim. Nobody wore glasses anymore. He sat down in the only empty chair left. It was between the doctor and his mother.
The doctor handed his mother a PADD. "Your son is a medical phenomenon. His existence could change science, mankind, and reproduction as we know it," the doctor gushed out.
His mother frowned. She set down the PADD. She glared back at the doctor. At that moment, Jim saw an inkling of the commanding officer in his mother. "My son is not a test specimen." Jim had never heard his mother so angry before. She was usually just tired and sad. "We're here to make sure he's healthy."
The doctor seemed startled. He quickly recovered. "Of course," he coughed. "That's not why we're here. Human experimentation has long ended." The doctor picked up the PADD. He swiped the screen as he talked. "Your son is perfectly healthy in all the ways. In fact…" the doctor smiled and rotated the PADD screen. "He's 100% fertile as a male and a female." The doctor pointed at his screen. "As you can see, James here has a perfectly well formed uterus, fallopian tubes and a birth canal."
Jim looked at the small pear shape organ that the doctor was pointing at. He knew enough biology from school that boys did not have that. The doctor swiped again, and another image appeared. These were of parts Jim knew he was supposed to have. "His testicles have fully dropped and are producing viable sperm."
John coughed.
"I'm not a medical doctor, Doctor…"
"Williams," the old man flinched. "Of course." He swiped his PADD again. It was a merged imaged of the two previous images into one. "James here seems to be operating as a male and female hybrid. The human body is truly remarkable. His biometrics shows that he's developing into both a young man and a young woman. His body seems to have categorized and separated the production of differing hormones much like in slugs or earthworms."
"My son is not a slug or a earthworm." His mother did not sound pleased. He saw the heavy frown lines forming on her forehead.
Williams coughed. "Of course not, do you have any questions before I bring in Dr. Hansen?"
Jim squirmed. There was one question. It wasn't even a serious question. He knew enough biology. "Does that mean I can clone myself?" Jim blurted out.
Williams turned to look at him. He wondered if that was the first time he even noticed him. Williams immediately coughed and shook his head. "No, you possess natural barriers to prevent that."
"Damn." He wasn't that sorry. He didn't want kids. It was official. He was too abnormal and too different to possibly even consider passing his genes down to anyone.
"James, watch your language." His mother hissed.
They bought in Dr. Hansen afterwards. It turned out Dr. Hansen was a child psychologist specializing in gender. She was a little old lady with deep brown eyes. She was kinder than Williams had ever been. That was the first time any one discussed gender and the possibility of hormone therapy when he was older with him.
"You're a hermaphrodite, James." That was the first time he heard the 'h' word that would define his life. At 12, it meant nothing to him. "You don't have to be a boy, James," she said kindly.
Jim just blinked back. He was a boy. That was the only thing that his dad knew about him. The only thing his dad knew was that he had another son. His dad didn't even get to see him before he died. He had just heard his cries and his mother describing him as beautiful and perfect. Jim always scoffed at that.
They had named him James Tiberus Kirk over a comm link. Jim shook his head. He had no gender crisis. He was just a boy who would develop breasts and get a period every month. Somehow that was okay.
"You don't have to decide now. There is also surgery or other methods of concealment that could hide some of the… excess parts." She reached down for the bag that she had brought with her.
His mother immediately coughed. "That won't be necessary. Jim isn't ashamed of his body. He's healthy and a gift." The words were harsh and forced. Jim wondered who she was trying to convince, and if she even believed anything she just said. "Thank you for your time. We'll be leaving now." She grabbed his arm. Jim blinked before bolting upwards.
However he soon found out just what it meant to go through two types of opposing puberty. Maybe he should have listened or even considered the alternatives that the doctors could have recommended, but he wasn't anxious to go back there. His shoulders broadened. A noticeable Adam's apple started to form on his neck. His voice started to crack. He started growing whiskers and pubic hair. At the same time, his hips started to widen, and he started developing breasts. At 12, they were still tiny buds that were barely noticeable. Worst of all, every month he bled from an orifice that he wasn't supposed to have and a place he wasn't supposed to bleed from.
It made him flighty and vindictive. His mother went back to space. Sam didn't come home from Grandpa Tiberus'. It was just Jim and Frank. After the Chevy convertible incident, Frank no longer demanded much of Jim. Jim wondered if Frank even noticed he was still around sometimes. He saw the way Frank now looked at him. It was same way most people in Riverside looked at him… a little freak with too many body parts. Frank had never truly known until that day. He wondered if Frank would have married his mother had he known.
As a result Jim spent most of his days away from the farm house. By the end of the summer, Jim found himself associating with the rougher crowd in Riverside. They were the only ones that didn't care. They found it useful.
On his 13th birthday, he was arrested for the first time for vandalism and drug dealing. He had been earning black market credit chips by trafficking drugs and Romulan ale through Riverside Shipyard.
He knew Frank wouldn't bail him out when they told him the sum of the bail bond. Frank had always said that Jim wasn't worth the air he breathed or the credits Jim cost him. He spent three months in the juvenile petitionary. Big Joe, a big beefy teenage, found him amusing and took him under.
"I see myself in you, Kid." Big Joe had said the first day Jim showed up. Jim saw the muscles and the tattoos he was sporting. Jim wanted to laugh.
He taught Jim how to pick locks. He taught him how to hide contraband from the guards and use body language to him advantage. Jim was a natural. As a result, Jim smoked and drank his way through an assortment of alien drugs and moonshine. Big Joe laughed and called him his 'little protégée'.
Big Joe also taught him sexual skills involving his tongue and fingers. "It's all in the flick, Jimmy," Big Joe said through a mouthful of cock. That was the night Jim found Big Joe sucking off a guard in a dark hallway.
He would have stayed longer if his mother hadn't returned home for shore leave. That night he heard the screams and the angry voices echo throughout the farm house.
"He's uncontrollable."
"You left him in jail."
"That boy needs to learn his dues."
"He could have been assaulted."
"He was trafficking drugs."
It ended with his mother in tears and Frank storming out in rage. He thought that was the end of Frank. His brother could come home now, and his mother would stay dirt side. The next morning, he found his mother and Frank sitting at the kitchen table. They both had pursed lips. There was a pamphlet in front of them. Most importantly their fingers were interlocked. At that moment, all the hope drained from Jim's eyes.
"Tarsus IV." His mother pushed the pamphlet towards him.
The words were alien to him. "It's a colonization attempt by the Federation, Jimmy." His mother sounded so tired. The logistics were easy. He was going to stay with a foster family. They were scientists sent by Starfleet. They had a son a few years younger than him. "It would be an adventure," she said. "Hadn't he always wanted to see new worlds?"
For Jim, he saw it as a way to get away from Frank. It would be away from the hellhole that was Riverside. He thought everything would be better on Tarsus, Tarsus where nobody knew about his genetic abnormality.
He thought Tarsus would be a fucking second chance.