It was a white hot burning coal in my back pocket. It was probably burning through my jeans. And while I felt I had a target on my back, it felt like everyone knew. That was nauseating. Everything sort of fell into place seeing Henry's wallet in Louis's house. Like that was the ultimate evidence pointing all the shit we've gone through, to Louis. I just really hoped Logan saw it that way. I mean he had no other choice really. It was right in front of his nose. And maybe he realized that, which is why he put the wallet in my pocket. I just don't know why he couldn't put it in his own pocket. Maybe he thought I would say something right away. Maybe he was hoping I would bring up the fact that he has a missing kids backpack in his house. And just maybe, I would. Right now at dinner.
Logan sat very close to me as soon as we sat down. He looked uneasy. He looked pretty pale as well. But he had on a fake smile and Louis and Kendall and Carlos bought it, which I found very odd. Carlos and Kendall seemed like a completely different couple. Five minutes ago I was sure Carlos was going to dump Kendall's dumb ass. Now they were sharing secrets and stealing little giggles and kisses every now and then. It was off putting. I didn't know how to handle their attitude change. And them acting like that only pissed me off eve worse, and when Louis finally sat down after bringing out a pasta dish and a salad I couldn't stop myself and opened my mouth, while standing up. "So Lou…care to explain this?" I threw the wallet onto the table in front of him making every pair of eyes fall on me. Louis slowly reached out for the wallet and opened it before looking up at me mouth open. "Where is he? What did you do to him?" Louis stood himself up looking down at my side, probably at Logan and then looked back at me shaking his head.
"James, it is not what it looks like."
"What it looks like is that you have a missing kids backpack and sweater n your house and that will not look very good to the cops." We stared at each other. It was almost like we were the only two in the house. In the world, and it wasn't the good kind. Usually it's only me and Logan. No one else matters or is there. But I finally felt like I had this guy pushed into a corner and I could finally prove myself that there was something off about him. "I don't know if you remember me walking in on you banging that kid but I don't. And I'm sure, at least 99% sure that it has something to do with this kid missing." Louis gently set the wallet down and looked down at the table swallowing hard. "Let me guess here…same story with Matthew? Kid wants to go far so you promise him the moon but when he becomes too attached or wants more, you decided to kill him off?" I felt a hand on my arm tug gently and saw Logan standing up right next to me. "What…because you couldn't get in my fiancées pants you had to take it out on this kid?"
"James you have it all wrong, I promise you." He looked back up at me groaned quietly and turned towards a flight of stairs. "Henry?" I clenched my fists down at my sides, Logan clutching onto my arm harder. What none of us were expecting, especially Logan because he gasped out loud, was Henry. He was walking down the stairs, in a pair of plain blue jeans and a white shirt. "He isn't missing, I didn't kidnap him and I didn't kill him." Henry walked out to us carefully, as if he was dodging broken glass on the ground. He looked worried and slightly afraid but when he walked right up to Louis his demeanor changed. He smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist letting Louis wrap around his shoulders. "We faked all of it, and I know that's against the law but he has good reasons for doing what he did and I only wanted to help him." I looked around the table first at Kendall and Carlos. Carlos looked a little uncomfortable, and Kendall was staring directly at me. If I didn't know any better he looked pissed off. Right at me. And then I turned to Logan who still looked uneasy, but almost like he felt better seeing the kid walking around.
"I know how this looks, and I know you all probably think I'm nuts but I did what I did because my step dad is a drunk and he beats me and my mom. I had enough, went to Louis for some advice and now were here…I guess." He looked down blushing and shook his head. "If my step dad found out I was gay or how much money I was making working for Louis he'd probably kill me and then try to get all my money I've been saving to move out. So I asked Louis if he could help me out and the best thing we came up with was me missing. No one cares anyway. SO it doesn't matter."
"What about your roommate?" Everyone turned to Logan who suddenly got embarrassed and blushed letting my arm go. "The cops said your roommate called in, that you were missing." Louis looked down at Henry and smiled softly before turning back to us.
"I had my best friend call it in. I live with my parents still but the cops didn't need to know that. Like I said my parents wouldn't care I was gone. No one would." Louis gently pulled the kid tighter into his body and kissed his head softly. I wanted to vomit but more importantly I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I mean…the kid was fine. He was in good hands (I guess) and seemed happy. So was I wrong? About…everything?
"We planned it perfectly I guess. I "fired him" on the day he went "missing". That way it would just look like to the police he ran off without a word said. I only did it to help him out because I do care about him."
"Okay…fine. Henry is oaky and well and you helped him out. That doesn't explain why you have pictures of my fiancée, a video of him and I in his office having sex, and a video of my best friend getting his ass kicked on your computer!" My arm was grabbed again but this time Logan was trying to push me down in my seat. I gently shoved him aside and stared down Louis who sighed out and gently set Henry in the seat Louis had just been sitting in.
"Well James…I'm being blackmailed." I frowned and he walked around the table, behind Kendall and Carlos who were now both staring at me, and took the seat at the other end of the table. "Someone, I'm not going to assume, but probably Matthew, has managed to set up a camera in my office as well as Logan's. And I don't know why I got that video of Carlos being hurt but I've already sent it to the police. They told me to keep all the pictures and videos on my computer for evidence."
"Bullshit!" I was shoved rather roughly by Logan into my chair. I looked up at him and saw him giving me a sad look.
"James I'm sorry I ever made you feel awkward or uncomfortable. I've never done anything to Logan, nor would I ever do anything to Logan. For God's sake I just gave him the best job offer he could ever get!" I turned to Louis fast who shook his head and leaned back in his chair. "I'm not sure if you just don't have trust in Logan or what, but It's not my business. I do know that Logan is my employee and more importantly a friend so I do want what's best for him." I felt a tiny bomb go off in my head hearing this guy speak. What did that have to do with anything? "You and I are a lot alike James. We see someone in need of help or assistance and we do whatever it takes to help that person, no questions asked."
"I am nothing like you, you piece of shit."
"James!" I turned to Logan fast who pushed his chair back and stepped out from behind the table. "Can I speak to you in private pleas?" I got up without one glance to anyone around the table and followed Logan out. We walked into a huge spacious kitchen that smelled of the dinner that was just put out in front of us. Logan walked to a counter put his hands palm down on it and sighed out bowing his head down. "Are you out of your damn mind?" I crossed my arms over my chest as I leaned against the sink and swallowed hard. "That is my boss James. The man who is giving me an amazing job! The man who gave me an amazing job to begin with!"
"Again, not to be a prick, but the only reason he wanted you to work there was so he could have a little eye candy to look at during work!" He turned ot me fast tears already forming. "Logan if it hadn't been for that naive kid out there, it would have been you! He would have convinced you in some way to be with him! Why can't you see that!?"
"James he just told us everything you've been worried about! Henry is fine, and isn't being manipulated into being with him! He said he is being blackmailed and he had nothing to do with Carlos being hurt! Everything you wanted to know the truth about, you just found out! Why can't you believe it!?"
"Because I don't trust him Logan!" We both went quiet, my voice echoing through the huge kitchen and probably out into the rest of the house. He looked defeated, but still was holding himself up and hadn't cried yet. He just closed his eyes swallowed hard and put up his hands.
"We are not going to fight here. I'm going to tell them were leaving and hope to God I still have a job on Monday."
"Don't be the fucking marauder Logan." He stopped fast on his way to the kitchen door and turned back to me. "You know just as well as I do that guy isn't going to fire you. And you know that when you go to work on Monday this jackass is going to tell you what an awful guy I am, how you deserve better and for some reason you are going to listen to him. Is it because you trust him more than me? Have you put all your faith in another guy?"
"I don't like this James in front of me. You sound like a paranoid jackass and the more you keep talking the angrier I am going to get so just please keep your stupid big mouth shut." He turned fast and pushed out through the kitchen doors hard. I pushed off the counter and made my way out of the house. I found my coat, thankfully on the way and when I got to the front door I stopped to put my coat on. I heard footsteps behind me, but knew it was just going to be Logan and maybe if I didn't look at him we wouldn't start screaming at each other again. I grabbed the door handle and turned it, pulling the huge, heavy wood door open, but as it got further open a hand slapped onto the wood hard and pushed the door closed. I turned and frowned seeing Kendall staring at me with a blank expression on his face.
"I'm not sure why but Logan believes him and doesn't think there is anything to worry about, so why do you?" I gave him a nasty look pushing him away softly and turned back to the door. "You worried about Logan falling for a guy who doesn't scream in his face or treat him like a piece of meat, yet here you are pushing him right into his arms." I pulled the door open roughly and stepped out into the pouring down rain.
SO I was the only one who wasn't buying this guy's bullshit. I was going to end up being the bad guy because I made a scene and yelled at Logan's boss. I was the one who was going to have to deal with this myself. And Kendall was probably right. Maybe the way I was acting and thinking was just pushing Logan away. But maybe that's what Louis wanted. Maybe that was his whole plan. To get under my skin so I blew up on him and make it look like I was the jackass and he wasn't. And then again…maybe Logan was right. Maybe I was paranoid. But didn't I have good reason to be?
Logan got in the car five minutes after I did. He was crying. I felt like an idiot. He pulled his seatbelt on, lying his coat on his lap and looked out his window setting his elbow on it wiping his face not letting me see. I reached up to the key in the ignition and went to turn it but I stopped. I sat back lying my hands in my lap and looked out my own window out at Louis's house. I heard him sniffle and shift in his seat but remained pretty quiet. I wanted to apologize and admit I was wrong but the words wouldn't come out. It would taste to much like poison. And if I know Logan as well as I think I do, if I admitted I was wrong, he'd be even more upset because I just made a huge deal out of all of it. I was stuck with no idea how to get unstuck so to speak. "Can we leave please?" Hearing his heart broken voice through the tears made me feel even worse and I quickly turned the car on and pulled my seatbelt on.
I don't think he noticed we weren't going home. I didn't decide not to go home until I saw a sign for a burger place as I drove down the freeway. I was hungry but I also knew if I tried something, anything to butter Logan up, it might not be that bad. Our fight later on I mean. So I went to the drive through, ordered for both Logan and I and when we got the food I parked in the back of the parking lot and killed the engine. I finally turned to Logan who was wiping his face, still, breaking my heart, and took off my seatbelt. I purposely ordered two regular drinks and two shakes, mine a vanilla, his a strawberry. It was the first thing he grabbed. He stuck his straw in the cup and started sucking it down looking down at his lap. "Loges…" He closed his eyes and looked away setting his shake back down in the drink holder. I sat back a little and played with my own straw and looked out straight ahead. "I don't want to lose you." The rain hadn't let up since we left Louis's house and after hearing my voice, it was almost nice. It was soothing.
"You have never been in danger of that." I continued to look straight ahead even when I heard him move around. "You honestly think I would leave you for that guy? Sure he's attractive and has a lot of money but it's not what I want. I want you. I always have and I always will. But when you get like this…when you act like this…" I finally turned to him and was more than surprised to see him putting our bag of food and the drink carrier on the dash of my car. His seatbelt flew off and he turned in his seat pushing up on it. I sat back completely and watched, mesmerized as he climbed onto my lap, facing me. His body fit perfectly between mine and the steering wheel and his legs squeezed very close to mine, making me close my legs tight. His hands were on my neck and moving up to my face as he moved in close to me. Even in the dark I could tell he was crying still. I set my hand son his legs and let him kiss my lips softly. "I don't know how to handle you when you're like that. I don't want you to be so upset with something so…so miniscule it's frustrating. Because you yell at me, asking me if I have put my faith in another man, yet you don't have any faith in me. I believe in you, and I trust you. It hurts to know you don't feel the same way." My hands slipped to his back and I pulled him in closer. I could see from the light outside our car the tears running down his face, but he wasn't sobbing or crying hysterically. He was just letting silent tears run down his face. It killed me.
"Logan I do trust you. I do have faith in you."
"Please start acting like it." We locked eyes and one of my hands numbly reached up to wipe his face. He pressed his cheek into my hand and closed his eyes shaking his head softly. "We're going to get married James. We're going to give the rest of our lives to each other. I don't want that to go to waste over something so stupid, like my boss. I don't want you to go behind my back anymore and snoop on him. I don't want you and Kendall to go to the police claiming there is something going on, when their isn't. I don't want to fear I'm going to lose you because you have a jealousy problem, even though you deny it. I want you to be happy James, and it kills me to know you're not." I frowned pulling him in closer to me letting his tears fall down onto my neck. "I don't like hearing form someone else that you turned down an amazing job. One that could have made you genially happy with what you do with your life. I don't want to be the reason you hold back anymore James. I don't want to be the reason you are mad or angry, and I don't want little things to send you over the edge. I want you happy. I only want you happy and I don't know how to do that." I opened my mouth feeling like an even bigger asshole knowing the reason he was so upset was for more reasons than me blowing up at dinner. But he kept going. He wasn't going to let me talk yet. "I need you to start doing things for yourself. Not because you want to protect me, or you think you need to protect me. I want, James Diamond to come first, In James Diamond's head. I want you to live for yourself first. I want you to love yourself first, even before me. How are we supposed to love each other completely when you don't know how to love yourself." I was becoming worried. This speech was heartbreaking for not only me, but him because I think he was going to be telling me something even worse. Something that might actually destroy me. "I want…I want you to take that job in New York. I want you to go there and make yourself happy, just like you made me happy when you gave me the encouragement to take this job. I want you to make a name for yourself, so we can look back and be proud of what we've accomplished in our lives. Please James."
"Logan…I can't just leave you…I won't…I won't leave you for a job. I can find another one closer to you. Closer home."
"James please….please if you want to do anything for me, do this. Baby please." His hands moved up to my cheeks and he kissed my lips softly. "Please James…do it for us. I want you to take this job." He kissed me again, sobbing out quietly, making me wrap both my arms around his back and turn his head to the side so I could lay it on my shoulder. He cried out again and moved his hands down to my coat and tugged on it sniffling quietly. "Please James." I closed my eyes running a hand up through his hair and clenched my jaw. What the hell was I about to do?
See Louis is a good guy! (Wink Wink) If you know me and how I write you know this story isn't going to end good at all. But it will make you, hopefully, sit on the edge of your seat and hate me all at the same time because I play with your emotions. I get a sick joy out of doing that. Sue me. I bet no one was expecting all this to happen but a writer writes what she feels and this my friends…it is exactly what I want! Please leave a review. I love you all. xoxo