This story is completely AU. So everything you already know about these characters and this show is wrong. I'm basically borrowing these characters for my own version of their love story.

Is a disclaimer necessary? If I were Milmar you all would get every Caskett wish you ever wanted! :)

Chapter 11

Johanna took the rest of the afternoon off work, and spent it cuddled up next to Kate on her couch talking about Rick. Kate told her mom everything about how they met and about her decision to pursue him on her own. Johanna was shocked to hear about the arrangement; even scolding Kate a few times about how she wasn't an escort, and how being arm candy was not considered a modeling job.

Kate's parents had been pretty strict with her growing up but when Kate graduated high school, against her parents will she moved out on her own. Her parents were not at all pleased with her decision, mostly because they feared that Josh would also be spending the majority of his time at their house. After a while they got use to it, but there were many weeks were they didn't speak because they'd only argue about the decisions she had been making. Her parents didn't agree with her modeling career, and thought that she was too smart to not focus all of her time on her studies.

When 6pm rolled around Johanna had to leave, she had dinner plans with Jim, she invited Kate along but she wasn't really in the mood and didn't have much of an appetite. She kissed her mom on the cheek before she left and settled back in on her couch. The silence was deafening but she didn't want to be bothered by noise, she didn't know how long she sat there, but she knew it had been a while, because the sun set and the moon came out. Her mind was flooded with worry as she thought about how to tell Rick what had happened and how she could convince him that it would never happen again. She decided that she would tell him in person when he got back home from Chicago, and until then she would try to avoid him.

He called that night, and Kate didn't answer. She sent him a text telling him that she was busy and that she would talk to him the next day. Day after day she found an excuse as to why she couldn't talk to him. Rick knew something was up with her, and he couldn't figure out why she would be ignoring her. Then the day came for him to fly back to the city. He had text Kate early that morning, letting her know that his flight would be in around noon. Kate decided that the sooner she got this out of the way the better so she agreed to meet up with him. Knowing that she couldn't tell him in a public place, she invited him to her apartment.

When she heard him knocking on the door she went to answer it. Pulling it open she saw a worried face, she knew that he knew something was up. By the look on her own face she was certain that she wasn't easing his mind about everything.

He leaned in, giving her a peck on he cheek as she ushered him in.

"You sick?" he asked.

"No, just a rough couple of days." She replied.

"Missing me that much?" he teased

"Rick, I need you to sit down, I have to talk to you."

He looked nervous as he walked toward the couch, taking a seat on the edge.

He rolled his eye, "What's going on Kate?"

"Don't hate me, please, just whatever you do, please don't hate me…" She was shaking as she walked towards him. "I really care about you and I just want you to know that." She said, her voice starting to shake more and more.

She took a deep breath, and as she exhaled she spit it out. "I had sex with my ex boyfriend."

His eyes met hers and she could tell that he was shook. He had not been expecting to come back to news like that. He started nodding his head as if he was forcing himself to understand it.

He took a minute to sort his thoughts before speaking. "So you slept with him, when, exactly?" He asked.

"The morning you left, when I came home, he was here, and he started kissing me and next think I knew we were having sex and I immediately began to regret it. He wasn't what I wanted. I wanted you."

He didn't say anything, just looked down at his hands and started to fiddle with his fingers. He was speechless, and couldn't really get his mind around what she was saying.

"Rick, Say something."

His head shot up and she thought she could see a hint of redness starting to appear in his eyes.

"Kate, I don't know what you want me to say, I don't really even understand. I thought that we were fine, I thought that we were both on the same page. Could you not wait for me to be ready, were you that fucking horny." He said, the anger building inside.

"It wasn't like that, really. I don't know how else to tell you that it didn't mean anything to me. I wont have any contact with him again, I promise, you don't have to worry about it happening ever again. " She was pleading with him to give her something.

"Kate, I just really think that I need some time to digest this. One second I am so excited to come home so I can see you, so I can kiss you and the next you're telling me that I was gone for a whole hour before you fucked your ex boyfriend. I know we aren't dating, and I know that we haven't been intimate yet, but I was under the impression that this was something that you were taking seriously." He got up, not waiting for a response. Turning as he approached to the door, and looked back at her….

"Rick, just call me…. Please" She was pleading, tears pouring from her eyes, her body shaking uncontrollably..

"I'll call."

She nodded, it was something, he was giving her something. She knew that this wasn't going to be easy to fix, but there was hope and that's all she could really ask for at this point. When he walked out the door she knew that she had to allow him space, so she decided that she was going to focus on bettering herself for him. She was going to do whatever it took to win him back.

As the weeks went by Kate heard nothing from Rick. No text messages, no phone calls. Christmas and New year came and went and she figured he must be busy with Holiday festivities. He probably hadn't had much time to call, or maybe he didn't plan on calling at all. On New Years day Kate was online reading a celebrity gossip website when she came upon a picture of Castle and Gina sharing a New Years kiss. Her stomach dropped when she saw it, she couldn't believe that he was seeing Gina now. That could have been her, she could have been the one kissing him at midnight. If only she hadn't been so selfish, so stupid. She hadn't stopped beating herself up about what had happened that day with Josh. Her mom had noticed that she wasn't doing well and suggested that she started seeing a therapist. So that she could talk to someone about all of the things she was going through.

On the day of Kate's first appointment she tried to back out of going. She tried to make excuses about how she didn't need to talk about it anymore, that she had gotten over all of it. If her mom hadn't caught her crying the night before she might have believed it. Kate had been trying to put on a brave face, but Johanna knew her daughter, and she knew that her heart was filled with sadness.

When Kate walked into Dr. Burkes office she sat silently in the chair across from him, not knowing where to start. She couldn't really form words to describe what was going on inside her head, inside her heart so she sat silently.

"Kate, we have to start somewhere. You know I am here to help, so let me help you." Dr. Burke was very laid back, very welcoming, but it was still hard for Kate to open up.

"I don't know where to start, I try not to think about it. I have anxiety attacks all the time over it. I still don't know where to go from here, what I need to do next. I have to get him back, I have to show him how much I care."

"You sound like you know what you want to do, so what is it that's stopping you?" He asked.

"I don't know where to start. I cant just show up to his house, I can't just call his phone, he wont answer." She responded.

"Well that's something you're going to have to figure out. You have to start somewhere. So what if he doesn't respond positively immediately. I think that if you are persistent enough and handle it the right way, eventually he is going to give you the chance to speak. Be ready when he does, know what you're going to say."

"There is nothing that I can say… How does someone forgive a cheater."

"You cheated?"

"yeah, with my ex boyfriend. I mean Castle and I weren't exclusive, we weren't dating. I think what hurt him the most is that I had shown him so much attention, and told him that I wanted him, and then I slept with Josh."

"You clearly made a huge mistake, but everyone makes mistakes Kate. He can be mad at you, he has the right to be. If he refuses to talk to you, that will be his choice, but you have to try. And most importantly you have to stop beating yourself up over it. It happened, accept it, because you can't go back and change it. You already know that, so move on from it. Find a way to be happy again, find a way to forgive yourself. If you cant forgive yourself then how do you expect him to forgive you?' he asked.

"I don't expect him to, I cant even imagine how hurt he is."

"Well don't imagine it, ask him, make him tell you, even if he yells at you, make him do it to your face. Emotions bring out the best and worst of everyone. When emotions are high anything can happen. If he feels anything for you, then I bet he will give you the chance to talk, because he wants to know why. If he cares, he wont ignore you."

Burke was right, if Kate wanted him to talk to her then she had to make the first move, she had to contact him. If he responded at all then she might have a chance, and if he didn't, then nothing had changed and she would have to learn to accept it.

I'm so glad there are so many people out there that are passionate about this story, in negative and positive ways. Hate it, or love it, review it. Let me know where your heads at, why do you feel the way you do about what's going on.