Koschei gave me an inquisitive look. "But I could be wrong, who knows? Maybe you haven't stopped letting yourself get pushed around... Or lettings yourself get pushed by me."
Koschei smirked; I turned my head aside and gasped quietly.
His words... hurt. I couldn't locate the spot where exactly they hurt. But they felt disgusting.
Pushing... pushing in and out... He was always pushing in and out... That night... he had kept pushing me until I had counted to...
I blushed and stared at my feet.
"They never pushed me around" I snapped downplaying my embarrassment "They simply tried to help me. And there's nothing wrong with taking good advice and doing something for those you love; you don't have to be a disgrace on purpose, not always, you know."
Koschei smiled, but while his smile hadn't changed the expression on his face had altered. His eyes were gleaming. "I'm not a disgrace on purpose" he replied mildly and started licking my cheeks "I just am. I am a disgrace. Is that what you want to hear? I'll say it again Theta, just for you: I am a disgrace."
I turned me head aside, unwilling to face him again. Koschei wrapped his hands around my neck and forced me to look him in the eye again.
"Happy?" asked Koschei and popped his head to one side again. I rested my hands in my lap and looked down.
"I didn't ask you to say it" I mumbled "And I wasn't talking about you."
"Yes, you were" replied Koschei spitefully.
"So why even bothering asking me questions if you know what I'm thinking?" I sighed.
"I asked you if you were happy" replied Koschei "I wanted to know why you can't be happy with the way it is."
"Didn't you tell me that I should try to figure out what things meant to me instead of trying to understand them?" I asked all of a sudden. Koschei furrowed his brows. Then he shook his head, as if something had bitten him on the back of his head. Then he tried to straighten up again.
"I guess I have" he mumbled "But I never would have guessed that you'd stop trying to understand me and instead start working on what I meant to you."
"You make it sound as if you meant something to me" I answered and pressed my hands against my lips instantly.
I'd said what I thought. Again. It just wouldn't stop.
Somehow if Koschei was near I'd change... I wouldn't behave.
I pulled myself together again and tried to think of an excuse.
But Koschei spoke first: "That's what I was talking about, Theta. I'm not something to you. I'm something beside you, around you, lingering in the dark and always waiting for you to come past. I'm just there. Around you. And that will never change."
I nodded. Koschei placed his head on my lap and buried his face in my clothes. I felt his warm breath on my lower abdomen and stroked his hair carefully.
He was a child. He was still that child I'd known. He was the brother I'd needed and the friend I'd never had.
And it would never change.
It would stay like this forever.
Koschei lay before me with stretched legs, the back of his head still resting in my lap.
"You told me that we should stay like this forever" I mumbled absent-mindedly and caressed his cheeks "that we shouldn't change."
"No" mumbled Koschei and looked up to me; I met his affectionate gaze "I said we must not change."
"That's the same thing to me" I chuckled. Koschei grasped my hands and held them tightly.
"Theta we've managed to stay like we were so far. Promise me that you won't change now." I nodded half heartedly. "Promise me!" he insisted and moved his hands towards my face, touching my cheeks with both his hand and my own hands. I nodded again and sighed. "I promise" I mumbled.
Koschei smiled and snuggled his head against my thighs while caressing them.
My thighs must have had something about them that seemed to fascinate him.
He loved to touch my legs, though he preferred touching them when I was naked.
He loved to feel my warm skin, he loved to run his fingers over it and bury his face between my thighs.
"What it is with you and my legs?" I asked after Koschei had tried to free me from my garment. I pressed his head down in my lap again and stroked his chest.
"I like your soft skin" replied Koschei and let his hands slip into of my clothes, stroking my skin carefully "We used to touch each other when we were children, don't you remember?"
I leaned my head against the door and breathed in deeply.
Something sounded wrong. Something about it sounded terribly wrong.
But I didn't know what it was. I couldn't name it.
But it felt wrong nonetheless.
"Theta?" Koschei cocked and eyebrow and gave me a blank stare.
I just shook my head and tried to concentrate again. "You're tense, again" mumbled Koschei and rubbed his cheeks against my legs "Try to relax."
"That's easy for you to say" I replied in a quiet voice "you don't have someone beside you who can't think of anything else apart from getting between your legs."
I dug my fingernails into my thighs and gasped.
I couldn't hold back. I simply wasn't myself. I never would have talked like that...
Koschei reached for my hands and held them with care. "You're hurting yourself, Theta" he explained and increased his grip on my palms "And I told you; I don't like that. And by the way: I'm not beside you. I'm with you. Always with you."
I sighed and placed my hands on Koschei's temples; I adjusted his head between my legs to stop him from snuggling against my thighs again. "I know" I mumbled. "You know that I'll never leave you" Koschei smirked. "And I know that I won't get rid of you as well" I grumbled and folded my arms.
Koschei ran his fingers over my legs and moved his hands between the inside of my upper thighs, while rolling his head aside. I grasped his hands and looked him deeply in the eye.
"You haven't answered my question" I stated and Koschei sat up stretching "Why do you keep touching me there? Why do you keep touching my legs?"
"What's the big deal?" asked Koschei without understanding "I tend to touch your hands and your face; usually I'm touching your whole body. I even snuggle up to you during the nights. Why do you care if I touch your legs? Answer me, Theta, answer me the same question I'd asked you before: What's so special about your legs?"
He had told me, I remembered. Right before he had...
"I don't know what's so special about them to you" I replied without giving it much thought. I didn't want to think about the scenes which rerun in my mind.
"They're not special to me" explained Koschei "but they must mean a lot to you. Or someone who means a lot to you is fond of your legs..." Koschei slipped his hands between my thighs and I closed my legs as a knee jerk reaction, clamping his fingers between them. Koschei smirked. "Pretty tight" he smiled "you've got strong thighs."
Koschei's hand trapped between my legs felt unpleasant and scared me.
I wanted to release his hand but wasn't able to move; I had a leg cramp and besides I knew that Koschei was going to move his hand towards my crotch again if I would make the mistake of spreading my legs.
Koschei popped his head to one side again. "Are you ticklish?" he asked in his childish naivety and started moving his fingers before I could even protest. I curled up and lay down onto the floor, pressing my legs more firmly together in order to keep him from tickling me.
But Koschei had stronger hands than I'd suspected and wouldn't stop until I was rolling around on the floor sniggering.
Eventually he freed his hand from my thighs and lay down beside me. He looked me deeply in the eye while I tried to calm down again.
"But I mean it, Theta" Koschei came closer and pressed one hand against my chest while he leaned over me, eyeing me up carefully "Someone must have been really attracted to your legs. Someone must have kept talking about your legs all the time." He gave his own words a quick thought and shrugged. "Yet I never heard anyone saying anything to you. But I guess I knew him..."
"Stop it Koschei, that's enough" I tried to sit up, but Koschei wouldn't remove his hand.
"Who was it?" he asked.
I didn't reply.
"You can tell me, Theta. Who had a fixation about your legs?"
"Stop it" I repeated more firmly than the first time.
"Must have been a long time since then" Koschei went on, thinking aloud "someone who grew closer to you over the years; someone who was dear to you."
"I said stop it!" I replied angrily and sat up while throwing his hand aside.
"There was something about your legs" mumbled Koschei "Or something with your legs. Someone thought them to be special. Or at least very important to themselves..."
as always: thank your for the comments. I'm always excited to read them!