The silence was absolutely killing me. I didn't know what to do, or what to say. Two of my best friends on the phone, not saying a word, knowing what the other is thinking. It's torturous. I can't help but to think if it hadn't had been for me and Carlos they wouldn't even be on the phone with each other. If Logan had done something so bad James couldn't even talk to him, not only would I have to watch them end it, I would be stuck right dab in the middle. I would eventually have to choose between the two of them and that would probably hurt me more than seeing them throw away their relationship. "Okay…I'll talk to you tomorrow." I looked up quick and watched Logan walk out of his kitchen his phone out in his hand. He was crying, eyes red and face puffy. He gently nudged the phone into my shoulder and I took it swallowing hard, still watching him. He sat down at the kitchen table with me putting his elbows on it and setting his head in his hands. I gently reached out, gripped his shoulder and squeezed softly. I set the phone to my ear and cleared my throat.
"Hello?"
"I don't even know what to think or say, and I'm not sure if I believe him." I swallowed hard again and looked down at my lap. "He is mad at me for one, leaving, which I'm not going to get pissed off about because he asked me to leave, and two, apparently I didn't send him 120 dollar flowers in a glass vase. No obviously that was fucking Louis, but then if that's true this receipt I have in my fucking hand was a delusion. Is it fucking obvious now what the fuck Louis is doing?" I heard a small sob come from my best friend sitting right next to me making me look up and scoot closer to him, pulling him into my chest. He laid his head on my chest and wrapped around my torso sobbing again. "I'm…I'll call you in the morning. I'm not in a really good place right now, in my head and I just need to calm the fuck down." The dial tone was seconds later making me sigh out and gently set Logan's phone on the table in front of us. I softly wrapped both arms around him and set my chin on his head looking out at the kitchen. Carlos was leaning against the kitchen counter staring at me not looking happy at all. He hasn't said two words to me since he called, panicked, thinking Logan was about to cheat on James and that worried me. I gently rubbed Logan's back and pushed him up.
"Why don't you go take a shower or something. When your coffee's done, I'll bring it up." He wiped his eyes nodding and pushed off his seat keeping one hand on my shoulder. As he walked away he dragged his hand down my arm, while still wiping off his face. I looked back out at the kitchen fast to see Carlos staring down Logan, before turning back to the counter where the coffee pot was. I got up and made my way quietly into the kitchen. I waited, very patiently for the bedroom door to shut upstairs, just because I didn't think Logan wanted to hear us argue, if that's what this came down to. "Babe…"
"Why did Logan ask me if I had taken your pills?" I gritted my teeth and leaned back against the sink almost wishing I hadn't told Logan. "It's funny to me Kendall because it was almost like he was accusing me of taking your heart medication. Which first of all that is insulting. If there is anyone in this world who wants you to take those pills and get the right treatment, it's me. So the fact that he asked me baffles me. And then to go on, I have to wonder why or how he even know your pills were gone." He turned fast crossing his arms over his chest staring me down. "Did someone tell Logan to interrogate your boyfriend on whether he took your stupid fucking pills?!"
"Carlos they were all gone!"
"So automatically I took them?! You're a real piece of fucking work Kendall! How could you think I would do that? Why in the world would I fucking take them?"
"Well if I recall correctly someone told me after we saw the doctors that you didn't want me playing anymore and that you hoped this would be good enough reason for me to quit!" His Arms fell down away from his body and his face shifted from anger, straight to sadness. "All I am worried about is if you didn't take them, I didn't take them, who the fuck did?"
"What, precious Logan isn't a suspect in you manhunt?" He pushed off the counter and tried to walk out of the kitchen but I grabbed his arm and stopped him. Well tried. He shoved me, a lot harder then I was expecting and stared me down as I held myself up on the sink. "Don't touch me, and don't come near me right now. Why don't you go be Logan's hero and tell him everything's going to be okay? And why don't you go ahead and talk to him some more about what a bad guy I am, behind my back? And seriously Kendall…don't come home." He turned fast grabbing my car keys from the kitchen counter and walked away fast. When I heard the front door open and close my head snapped back into reality and I chased after him. I got right to the end of the walkway as he backed out of the driveway and sped off not even stopping to look at me. That hurt. Actually it really fucking killed me. But it was my own fault. I pushed and I shoved and I acted like an idiot and sounded like a jackass. It is only my fault he's gone.
After making both Logan and myself a strong cup of coffee I locked up his house, and made my way upstairs slowly. It was a struggle to get his bedroom door open, but I got it and left it wide open as I walked to the master bathroom. The door was opened a crack and through the crack I could see Logan sitting in the middle of the fairly large tub with his head between his knees. He was completely wet with some bubbles slowly running down his back and from his wet hair. I set the coffee cups on the bathroom sink and gently pushed the door open. He didn't look up or really move. He just quietly sniffled and softly shook. I gently sat myself down against the wall on the opposite side of the tub. I also pulled my legs up to my chest and hugged around them staring at Logan's bare, wet back. I remember a very specific time when we were in this situation…except it was reversed. And I wasn't upset over a relationship. It was sophomore year, and my parents had just divorced. Well not really divorced, because my dad just up and left. I was only 15, and was sure it was my fault. So I was convinced the only way to fix it would be if I took my own life. Looking back, that doesn't make since, but again, I was only 15. But I never did. I never even put the razor to my wrists because Logan walked in. I hadn't been going to school, talking to my friends and Logan finally had enough. He stormed in saying my mom just let him in hoping he could talk some sense into me. We sat for two hours, not saying one word. I think it was the first time Logan had ever seen me, seriously cry. He later told me, the big giant speech he was going to give me about moving on and being there for my mom and baby sister, was lost as soon as he saw me crying. And after two hours of silence, just the little comfort I got form his company, I got out of the tub and sat next to him on the floor with a towel wrapped around me. He let me lay my head on his shoulder and he held my hand. He then told me it's okay to be sad, and it's okay to cry. He said if I ever needed a friend, he'd always be there. And then the strangest thing happened, that neither of us have talked about to this day. I looked up at him, we locked eyes, and we…kissed. It wasn't hard or deep or super passionate. It was just a kiss. And it wasn't our only one. When we pulled away, something made me open my mouth and tell him I was thinking of killing myself. He looked destroyed. He grabbed my face and smashed our lips together again. It was one of the most magical and heartwarming things I had ever experienced.
And now here we were again. Except he needed a friend and I could barely make out two words because I was really worried about my current relationship with Carlos. But Carlos walked away, didn't give me a chance to make up for all the dumb things I said. And Logan didn't have anyone here for him, like James, so I had to stay. I had to be here for Logan. And when he lifted his head and glanced over at me wiping his face he smiled small. "Can I have my coffee?" I smiled back and got up, grabbing both cups fast. I sat down on the toilet this time handing him his and sipped from mine as he sipped from his. For a minute the slurping was all that was heard. For some reason I couldn't stop staring at him. He had bubbles covering every square inch of his skin underneath the water so I couldn't see anything private but his chest and some of his stomach was showing and for a second I started to imagine running my hands over his wet body. But the thought left my head as he set his cup next to the tub and gently laid himself back rubbing his eyes. "I just almost ruined the best relationship I have ever had, all because of some stupid flowers."
"That James sent." He set his hands back in the water and glared at me. I smiled and leaned back shrugging making him groan and roll his eyes. "Logan James knows you. He knows you like those smelly flowers that make my allergies go nuts, and he knows you like surprises like that. I know this isn't something you want to hear, but is it possible Louis just took the flowers and said they were from him?" He gave me a scary look but I wasn't afraid. "You love James, James loves you. But if you don't talk to him about shit he starts to doubt it. So why haven't you talked to him about you not wanting him to go, and why didn't you listen to him tonight?"
"The flowers were from Louis."
"Bullshit." He turned to me fast and I leaned forward resting on my knees. "If you gather anything form tonight…Logan…if you learn anything from this experience please let it be that lying and hiding things from a man you love, can be dangerous. Carlos called me out about my pills. He's pissed and he's hurt that I one, didn't talk to him first, two asked you to do it, and three that I don't trust him enough to know he would never do something to me. I have fucked up and the only way this can be right again, is if by some miracle when I get home, he's still there, and will give me a chance to explain or just apologize. I do not want that to happen to you and James. Nothing you have done, is enough for that man to walk away from you." I gently slid off the toilet setting my coffee next to his. I rested on my knees and leaned against the tub staring at him. He was baling again, but not making a noise. "Do not ever let your relationship come to that. Don't ever let him walk away without saying I love you. And don't you ever take a minute with him for granted. There is a reason that ring is on your finger. You love him. And you didn't want to cheat on him tonight. I'm going to be completely honestly with you Logan. I think the reason you thought of cheating is because somehow Louis got in your head, and you very well might not even know it. Maybe the flowers was the final push. Maybe you honestly think that guy is just nice with a ton of cash. And maybe you're blind to the power he's giving you." He sat himself back up putting his head in his hands and sobbed out. He was shaking and he was practically screaming at the top of his lungs. I set a hand on his shoulder and shook my head. "There will always be one thing Louis cannot give you, that James can." He looked up, straight ahead at the tub wall not turning to me. He bit his bottom lip and continued to shake. "James loves you form the very deepest pit of his heart. You could rip his hear out of his chest and step on it, but he will always come back for you. You are forever eternally his because that's what love is. That is something Louise can never give you. He could never treat you the way James does. And you need to wake up and realize that. Fast." He turned to me wiping his eyes and nodded.
"Okay. You're absolutely right. But I need to be sure." I frowned and sat back on my feet grabbing my mug. "I need to go to the office. I need to see for myself."
"What the hell are you talking about? You need to call James and…"
"No Kendall. I need to see the Inform." I frowned still while drinking my coffee and he started to push himself up. I looked away fast and waited until I saw his feet on the ground and a towel get wrapped around him. I glanced up carefully and got up fast seeing him walk out. "I need to look at the delivery form. In the office, every package we send out, and receive, whoever gets the package has to sign off on it.. They also have to fill out a form putting who and where it came from. So if those flowers did come from James…" He stopped by his closet and just dropped the towel. My jaw was also dropped. I couldn't look away. I had never, ever seen Logan naked. Mostly because he's always been with James, and then I got Carlos and…I looked away fast hating myself letting my cheeks blush. "I need to be 100% sure. I and want you to come with me. For safety ya know."
I don't know how he convinced me but it only hit me when we were driving away from his house. He had me drive, probably because he didn't have his right head on. We didn't say a word, the engine and the keys in his hands the only noise in the car. I wanted to let Carlos know where we were going, and what we were doing. But I couldn't. I also wanted to let James know. But maybe (hopefully) Logan had a plan for that situation. "Try not to look up at the security cameras as we walk up. It won't be weird if I'm here, but you aren't an employee. Trust me. Put your hood on and look down." I gripped the wheel and nodded as I made my way up to his parking spot on the top floor of the garage. I didn't want to do this. I hated that my body was forcing me out of the car and following after Logan. He pushed the button for the elevator and looked up at me. He smiled and gently reached up pulling my hood on. "You look pale. Maybe even worried." I frowned and gently pushed him into the elevator getting in behind fast. "Okay the form will be on Carlos's desk. If it's not. It will be in Louis's office. But were checking Carlos's first. I mean every square inch. Oh and please turn your phone off. I'm serious. If anyone is here, were fucked." I groaned pulling out my phone and shut it off at the same time Logan shut his off.
"You break into here, often?"
"No but I've had to come back a couple nights. The janitor scared me half to death and told me no one was allowed in our office in particular at night. SO I never came back and if I did, I was very careful." There was a loud ding signaling our arrival making em jump. I had to run to catch up to Logan who was already behind Carlos's cute little small organize desk. When I got behind Logan I could see a picture of Carlos and I from our vacation in Mexico. He looked so cute and happy, everything I was doing was wanting me to go home and beg for his forgiveness. "Kendall…a little help." I was smacked lightly on my stomach making me bend quick and pull open the top drawer. It was literally all markers, pens and pencils. I shut the drawer quick and pulled open the next. This one was a neatly organized row of yellow folders. "No it won't be there. Those are employee forms. Come on, they have to be in Louis's office." I was pulled up gently and barely had enough time to close the drawer. I caught up to Logan who was feet away from the door.
"How are you going to get it? I thought he locked up?" Logan raised his keys but quickly put them back down sliding one into the keyhole of the door. It locked open and he stepped in making me follow fast and I made sure to shut the door. "Where do we look?"
"His desk, or that filing cabinet. Look at his desk, will ya?" I rushed over to it fast and pulled open the middle drawer in the middle pushing his chair away. "You're looking for a white form with about 30 rows and two columns with Carlos's messy handwriting." I smirked knowing Carlos's handwriting has been awful since first grade. As I rifled through the desk, seconds after Logan spoke, I heard something…working. I looked up fast and tensed up realizing it was the elevator. "I got it!" I shut the drawer fast, turned to Logan and grabbed his upper arm. His smile fell and both of us heard the ding of the elevator. I rushed us to the office door locking it tight. I then took Logan to the huge closet looking section in the back of Louis's office and pulled the door open. I lightly shoved Logan inside and stepped in closing the door fast. I pushed us into the back as quick as I could without making too much noise and stood tall in front of Logan. He opened his mouth but I shook my head and covered it quick. He tensed up and with his free hand, not holding the paper he gripped the back of my grey sweater. I leaned in softly resting my forehead don his and closed my eyes. I could hear muffle talking, of two people and then, of course Louis's door being unlocked. It creaked open and what sounded like two pairs of footsteps walked in.
"…All I'm saying is this is taking longer than you said and I'm getting impatient." That voice…made me open my eyes and turn my head slightly. It was so familiar.
"What do you want me to do Henry? I can't fire him because the company actually thinks the guy could do some good for us, which I agree, and I can't just up and…like…kidnap him. He's got too many people looking out for him. Unlike your poor unfortunate soul." That voice was definitely Louis. Logan pulled me into him tight, being quiet and careful still.
"Ha, ha. I just hate how obsessive your being. And how paranoid you are. Like seriously…were in your office looking for a piece of paper that Logan may or may not ever see. Freak much?"
"Hey keep that sweet little ass of your quiet or you're going to get punished."
"Oh boo hoo." I tensed up even more hearing what I assumed to be a body getting set on Louis's desk. "I'm sorry…I like my man to be for myself. It seems like you love him more than me. I mean what's so great about him? He's short and a know it all. He's actually annoying."
"Hey…don't' be like that. You will always be my play thing 1. Logan is just special to me because…he's so difficult to…acquire. He's a diamond."
"Yeah? What am I?" I closed my eyes feeling tears pouring out of Logan's eyes onto my hand still gripping onto his mouth.
"You my love, are my sex kitten. And what am I to you?"
"You're my daddy." I for some reason pushed into Logan harder who was digging himself into my body. "Can we go home now? I'm hungry."
"Yeah…I think I did shred it. Thank God. Come on my little bitch bottom."
"Don't call me that punk!" I heard a sharp slap to, probably Henrys' ass, making me slightly jump. I heard the door shut and get locked, but waited still, holding around Logan who was shaking. I heard the voices still, and waited even more until the elevator dinged open and close. I waited still for a solid minute or so until there was no sound except Logan's heavy breathing. I let him go, but that only made him get closer. He wrapped around me tight, making it rather difficult for me to walk us out of the closet with the few suit jackets hanging and the different pairs of shoes on the floor. I did get us out however and as soon as we were out Logan pulled away and glanced down at the paper crying. He shook it a little before turning it and raising it in my face.
"Look at today's date." I took the paper form him softly and looked towards the bottom. It wasn't in Carlos's handwriting, which made it easier to read. It was a bouquet of flowers sent from…I looked up at Logan who was staring at me wide eyed. "What…what do you think he was talking about? What do you think he's going to do?" I gently folded the paper and shoved it in my back pocket before grabbing his face and pulling him towards me.
"Logan. He isn't going to do anything to you. I won't let it, and as soon as I tell James, he won't let anything happen, either." He closed his eyes and shook his head crying louder. I was suddenly reminder of the time when were 15 and he kissed me and how much better it made me. I looked at his face, and moved to his lips swallowing hard. I leaned in gently and pushed our lips together. He stopped making any noise and put his hands on mine. Like the first time we kissed, neither of us made a move to make it something more. At first. But then he switched it up and pushed hard into me and nipped at my bottom lip. In complete shock, I opened my mouth and let his tongue invade my mouth, which only Carlos, in a long time, has done. And the most unusual part for me, is how fast I was to kiss back. I even let one of my arms drop behind his back and hold him up, cradling him if you will, while I kissed him. I only ever, ever did that to Carlos. Something was happening to the both of us and we didn't even care enough to stop it. We both know how wrong it is, kissing someone who isn't our boyfriend or fiancée, but it wasn't enough to get us to stop. But I had to. I knew my relationship with Carlos was fucked but that didn't mean his with James had to be, as well. I gently pulled away turning and wiping my mouth. I set my hand son my hips and looked at the ground closing my eyes. "I'm so sorry…I shouldn't have…"
"I kissed you back." I swallowed hard opening my eyes and lifting my head. "I'm in love with James. I love him and I want to be with him. But why does that mean I can't…"
"Logan you're engaged. To my best friend. And were friends. That's all." I turned slowly and felt like the world around me, was burning to the ground. He looked destroyed. I moved out to him grabbing a hold of the back of his neck and pulled him into me. I hugged him tight and set my chin on his head sighing out. "James is going to fucking murder me."
"No he's not because were not telling anyone. It was a stupid kiss that meant nothing. You were just being a friend, and you did calm me down. If no one knows, no one gets hurt, right?"
"You think we can live with that?" He pulled away from me gently and smiled reaching up to cup my cheek gently.
"We have to. Because I have to call James, ask him to come home and help me deal with my lunatic boss. And you have to go home and make things right with Carlos. It's what needs to happen. It's what we need to do. Because you belong with Carlos and I belong with James." He got up on his tip toes to kiss my left cheek gently before turning and unlocking Louis's door. "I know how much James hates hearing he was right so this will be tortuous." He glanced back at me motioning me to get out of the office and I did. "For me anyway…"