I wasn't sure how I was going to say this, or do this. He looked so sick, and so sad, but I was selfish, and I thought I felt even more sad. I was actually completely heartbroken. I felt weak, and I felt like just giving up. Falling to the floor and crying, not doing anything. But his hand was on my lap and he was staring at me. I had to talk to him. He was probably wondering why I kicked out our best friends, and why I was just so upset. The time was now, that I had to buckle up and get ready for the hardest conversation I was ever going to have. This would probably be harder than when I had to tell my parents I was gay. "Kendall…" I looked down at his face and set my hand on his which was holding onto my leg softly. "I can't do this anymore." The small little smile he had on his face, disappeared. I squeezed his hand harder and scooted closer on his bed licking my lips. My mouth was bone dry. "I thought after all these years of sitting back and watching you grow into the incredible, amazing, and happy man that, I would also. But even though you are happy and all these great things…I'm not." His eyes closed slowly and he turned his head away. "After I graduated college, I went everywhere with you, for hockey. I went to every game, and I sat on the sidelines watching the happiness intensify. I never spoke up, and I never told you I wanted more, because I thought that was how life was supposed to be. And for a while I was happy that I didn't have to work, and you and I were living the best life we could ever have. But I need more. I have needed more, for a very long time. And I finally got what I wanted when I got this job. But then things took a turn for the worst. It was like…I finally was doing something for myself, and you tried to take that from me." His hand moved off my leg, and went to cover his face. I think he was trying to cover his eyes, so I couldn't see his tears. But it was harder for him because of the IV in his arm. His other arm was unmoving. This was typical Kendall. Whenever he was caught doing something bad, or he was in trouble for whatever reason, he'd stay as still as possible. And I know the reason for him doing so is because having any emotions, or showing those emotions was bad, according to his dad. It was a habit he picked up from him that I hated. I hated the elder Mr. Knight for many reasons, but this one seemed to be the worst. "I could have forgiven you for all that. Because you don't control me like that. But it's what happened last night, that has really opened my eyes. You…you chose to be with Logan last night, even after I yelled at you and we fought. I was expecting you to come home last night and do something romantic like you usually do. But you didn't. You chose to be there for him, and on top of that…you kissed him. I can't forgive you for that Kendall. I can't be with you…this you, anymore. I understand Logan is your best friend, and he's cute, and everything you could ever want…I guess I understand. But because of that I can't do this anymore. I'll stay with you in here, and I'll make sure you're alright when you get out but after that…I think we need to take a break." I heard his breath come out hard and shaky which helped the first few tears of my own, to fall out. He was crying, like I was, but I wasn't as hard as him. He wasn't looking at me, instead, eh was just sobbing, shaking and sniffling every now and then. "Kendall…"
"Just go Carlos…just leave." I let my mouth part slowly and for some reason my body got off his bed. "Go Carlos! You have no problem ripping my heart out while I'm in the hospital…so just go! I don't need you here, and you don't have to give me any pity! Just leave!"
"Don't turn this around on me Kendall Knight!" He opened his eyes dropping his hand form his face and pushed himself up in bed. "I haven't been the one who has pushed you aside for my own dreams! I haven't been making out with any of our best friends! I haven't done anything to hurt you! You did this to yourself! You stopped loving me!" He reached out fast grabbing my arm and pulling me towards him. I tried to fight it, but his other arm reached up and he pulled me so close and so tight against him, I couldn't move an inch. I was actually surprised he had more strength than me. Of course…I was also a crying mess and felt horrible for just breaking up with him.
"Don't you ever say I stopped love you." His voice was low, and almost dark. He was crying still but he looked angry. And obviously very hurt. Emotionally. "How dare you assume I stopped loving you Carlos. How dare you try to make me feel like everything I've done has been to hurt you. After all these God damn years, how many times a day, a second did I ask you what you wanted? I was always putting you first and you fucking know it! You told me, after you graduated college, you didn't want to get a job right away, because you wanted to go with me for Hockey! I was always asking you Carlos…what you wanted what I could do to make you happy! So if after all this, you still blame me, I'm left to assume you lied to me every time I asked you! How dare you tell me I ever stopped loving you!" I covered my mouth fast and put my head down sobbing quietly. He let my arms go, leaving a burning pain there, but quickly set his hands back on me, putting them on my sides, pulling me even closer to him. I shook my head falling down on him hating I even said anything and made him so upset. "I'm so sorry…I'm sorry I kissed him. I am sorry I didn't come home last night. I can never take it back. But I will try, for the rest of my life, to make you happy and let you know every day how much I love you. I am not going to lose you Carlos. I can't and I won't. Even if I have to tie you to this be with me." I laughed in-between my tears and sobs and dug deeper into him. "I love you baby…I love you so much Carlos." I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him into me hard. He wrapped around my back and nuzzled his head into mine.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you…I'm sorry I thought breaking up with you would make things easier." His hands rubbed up and down my back softly, while he cooed in my ear.
"Shh…baby it's alright. Stop…come here." Our bodies untangled and he laid himself back down groaning, and rubbing his chest. I wiped my face fast and climbed up on top of the bed with him putting my legs up close to his torso. I set a hand on his chest and rubbed where his hand was, moving his hand away. "So we're not breaking up?" I looked up at his face seeing his perfect winning, gorgeous smile and bright green eyes. I moved my hands to the pillow under his head and leaned in kissing him hard. He set one hand on my body digging his fingertips into my skin through my thin dress shirt. I would have happily climbed on his body, and made out with him for the rest of the day. I actually would have preferred falling asleep in his arms seeing as I couldn't last night. But I heard a throat get cleared and a few pairs of footsteps walk into the room. It made me jump off the bed completely, wipe my eyes, and wipe my mouth. Two of the three in the room with us, were doctors, and they looked anywhere but at me. They had a faint hint of red on their cheeks that made me smile and look at Kendall who was also holding back some laughter. The nurse who was smiling big at us walked to me with a box of tissues and a bottle of water.
"We're not trying to kick you out. We need to run some more tests and need the room quiet, and with no distractions." She got closer to me as the doctors started pressing buttons and winked. "You seem like a distraction for him." I blushed taking a tissue and nodded. "Alright Kendall…we're gonna get you prepped. Carlos is gonna wait out in the hall for a minute while you take the tests." Kendall nodded and I moved to him quick, not caring about the doctors and grabbed his face kissing him softly. When I pulled away he was smiling with his eyes closed, on the brink of falling asleep. They must have gave him something already. I smiled backing away, all the way to the door and walked out staring at the love of my life, with happy tears coming out of my eyes.
As I walked down the hall, all the way to the waiting room, it finally hit me. Just as I stopped in front of the closed waiting room door, I remembered how cruel and mean I was to my two best friends. I felt like a jackass. I felt like even thought I still had Kendall, I was still going to have to face pain. I braced myself as I pushed the door open and scanned the small area only seeing one person, which surprised me. Louis. I wiped my face and hurried to him seeing a nurse staring at me and sat down hard and fast. He looked up from his magazine and breathed out tossing it to the chair next to him. "Carlos…are you alright? Is Kendall okay?" I nodded and smiled opening my bottle of water.
"He's okay. He's doing a few more tests. And I'm alright…just happy he's okay, ya know?" He nodded and smiled small setting a hand on my shoulder squeezing gently. "Did you happen to see…Logan? Or James?" He frowned and looked down shaking his head.
"They left. Logan was…Logan was really upset. Crying and clinging onto James. James looked pretty pissed." I groaned quietly and sat back in my chair taking a sip of my water. I let the cool refreshing liquid run down my throat while I pulled out my phone and clicked some buttons to pull up Logan's number. Right now, after everything I said to them, Logan would probably be the easiest to talk to. When I dialed his number I put the phone to my ear and put my bottle of water in my lap. The phone rang once before his voicemail came up. "Hey you reached Logan. Sorry I couldn't get to your call but if you leave…" I hung up fast and felt even worse. The phone rang once and went to voicemail, which meant he saw my number and hung up fast because he hates me. I groaned, hating that I now had to deal with James before Logan and dialed his number fast. Again it rang once, before being hung up. I shoved my phone back in my pocket and sipped at my water again. "I'm sure they'll come around Carlos. You were just upset and scared for Kendall. They'll eventually come back to at least check on Kendall." I turned smiling small and nodded, yawning big. I gently laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I don't understand why everyone is freaked out or creped out by Louis. He is really just a nice good, guy.