Comfort.

Koschei meant comfort to me.

At least until that bloody night when he'd made me choose between my body and my mind.

But, no. He meant comfort to me, even after that.

I was bound to love him. I was bound to be with him forever.

Like Siamese twins. We were forced to stay side by side.

Back to back. Staying like this forever. Not changing without the other one noticing.

Fused together and entwined by invisible shackle free bonds. No running, no escaping.

Locked. We were locked.

We were forced on each other.

We had no choice but to deal with it the way it was.

Koschei had been wrong.

Life wasn't about decisions. It was about acceptance.

But still he thought he could choose if he'd wanted to stay with me or not. But he couldn't.

We were closer to each other than anyone should ever be. Back to back. Like Siamese twins. Accepting each other's decisions, tolerating each other's existence. Getting through life without having a choice.

Together. Forever.

We couldn't help it.

Locked together.

And if one of us wouldn't behave then the other one would suffer as well...

A page. A sheet of paper. And nothing important written on it.

Not the first page of a heart-wrenching novel neither the breathtaking and shocking beginning of the representation of new discoveries that will change history and the whole world forever.

It had been nothing but a sheet of paper.

A nearly blank sheet of paper.

There it was lying in the inner courtyard of the academy.

I've heard the saying "Paper doesn't blush" many times before. But in the current case it should have.

A white sheet of paper, scarcely words written on it. It was so empty it seemed naked; therefore it definitely should have blushed, just lying in the middle of the courtyard of the academy.

I rushed into the inner courtyard as soon as I'd discovered it, while several other students already gathered around it.

My hearts seemed to stop as I caught a glimpse of the page.

"Collected wisdom of Dr. Neakahla"

There it lay. The book I'd adored, the book I had loved and yearned for; the book I had read with Koschei on my side as well.

The book. My book.

I had thought the manuscript to be resting safely under my mattress. But someone must have taken it from me. It must have dropped out of its hideout as I had cleaned my room; and it had fallen into the wrong hands. The hands of someone who tended to sleep under my bed; someone who has a tendency to sneak away at night, alone or accompanied by me; someone who kept sitting on the roof. Someone who was cracksers enough to rest in the mad trees.

I didn't dare to come near the first page of Dr. Neakahla's script.

I bit my lower lip and unintentionally did what the page hadn't been capable of – I blushed.

Koschei had taken it from me. He must have read it on the roof at night.

And he had lost a page. He simply had lost a page. He had lost it without even noticing it.

I rushed back into my room and searched for the script. But it was of no use.

Koschei hadn't returned it. Either it was in his room or he had it still with him.

I stared out of the window to find more and more students crowding the inner courtyard. They'd discovered it. They'd found the first page. And it definitely wouldn't take long until they'd find the rest of the manuscript.

I collapsed onto my bed and wiped my face once or twice nervously.

And they'd find it out. They'd find me.

The book belonged to the secret library; it pertained to the faculty of 'Mental and Moral Hygiene' – and that was Ms Reprics' range of authority.

And I feared her.

Uneasily I sat up on my bed.

I hated Ms Reprics. I had learned to fear her. And over the past weeks it had become worse.

She had become worse.

Ms Reprics had stopped practicing her weekly shouting and carpeting on me. Until about two months ago she had ignored and looked down on me. After that she had started degrading and debasing me. And a few weeks ago...

Ms Reprics had stared at me. From one day to the next. Or overnight, to be more specific.

She had started staring at me in a strange way. She had stopped shouting at me or tearing strips off me; only her eyes reflected her contempt.

She achieved to make me feel uncomfortable about myself.

Ms Reprics stared at me as if she knew. As if she knew something about me...

There was shouting from without and I stormed towards the window again.

Ms Reprics stood in the middle of the students who'd made way for her, the ripped page in her hand as she raised her head and caught a glimpse of me as I stared out of the window.

I jumped two steps backwards and slammed the window shut even before I could hear Ms Reprics shouting "Theta-Sigma!" I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply.

I had met her gaze.

She knew it.

Whatever it was she knew it, Ms Reprics knew it! She knew it all.

I strode up and down in my room before.

Ms Reprics knew it. She knew it and she'd known it all the time.

She had started staring at me after that night, after the night Koschei had hurt me more than ever before. She had stared at me in the morning when I'd met her in the hallway as if she knew. As if she knew it all. And she had looked down on me. Figuratively as well as literally.

I had tried to forget about it.

I had tried to deny it.

I had tried to downplay it.

I had even tried to convince myself that everything had been alright.

But it wasn't. I knew that it wasn't.

My body had changed. It had started changing weeks ago, when I had barely noticed it. My body hurt. I ached all over. I hadn't been able to sleep through several nights because I had to keep myself from touching my stomach unintentionally.

It hurt. It was swollen and hard. And it hurt so much.

I had consulted Dr Neakahla's script several times with the same result each time; I had no clue. I simply didn't know what was wrong.

But I couldn't deny that it was getting worse. The swelling wouldn't go down after a few weeks; it got worse. My lower abdomen was strained permanently and my back was killing my – though it was better sleeping on my back then sleeping on my stomach.

And I couldn't stand the sight of Koschei anymore. No, that would have been wrong. Koschei was around me, as always. He was beside me. He wouldn't stop bugging me.

But his scent had changed, or at least so it seemed to me.

He smelled. He stank. And I could hardly stand it.

He smelled of... I didn't know. It wasn't like he needed to take a shower... Alright, a shower really could have been useful to him. But that was nothing new. It had always been this way.

But somehow he smelled of... adulthood. And the scent became more and more animalistic every day.

I tolerated Koschei in my room, as always. But I hadn't allowed him to sleep in my bed with me. I didn't want him to be around me all the time. Or at least too close beside me.

I didn't want him to discover the changes on my body. I didn't even know myself what they had been. And I knew that Koschei would say something about it that would either hurt me or disturb me. And I really could do without that.

The door behind me got pushed open and I turned my head slowly towards the intruder with sloping shoulders.

There was a grin standing in my doorframe and attached to it was Koschei.

I dug my nails into my thighs as he stepped forward and grabbed my hands. Koschei was still smiling and wouldn't stop even when I dared to push him aside and fold my arms.

"Your name has been called" grinned Koschei "and Reprics sure must be mad. Nobody has used your second name." "I don't want to go, Koschei" I had replied without thinking.

"I doubt that Ms Reprics cares about what you want or not" Koschei smiled broadly and bared his teeth "and I really think we should be going."

I remained silent as Koschei dragged my around and pulled me behind him after grabbing my wrists brutally. I winced as he intensified his grip.

"Koschei, you're hurting me" I whispered and tried to break free from him as he pushed me out into the courtyard.

"You shouldn't worry about me hurting you, Theta" Koschei was smirking and popped his head to one side after observing the students who encompassed us quietly.

"You should really worry about what's Ms Reprics is going to do to you."

I hadn't found time to give it some thought.

I flinched and tumbled down to my feet after a cane had struck me at the back of my head.

NOTE: Due to my sister's wedding (and the trip I'm forced to take in order to be with her) the next update will be on sunday (hopefully).
But of course I'll try to update as soon as I can.

And though it's a bit early I wish everyone a nice weekend.