Note: alcohol mention, drug mention and Piper POV in flashback, some quotes here and there from various sources, I'm sure you can spot them.
([Flashback- One week after leaving Alex in Paris]
Did I do the right thing?
Of course you did, Piper. The end to that relationship was inescapable.
Being with Alex didn't hurt, though. Living without her? Fuck, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the most painful thing I've ever experienced.
She's fucking everywhere.
When I arrived back in New York, I rented a motel and attempted to wash the pieces of Alex off of my clothes, out of my hair, off of my body… attempted. Yes. Failed attempt? Yes.
I tried to dig her out from under my nails.
I bought two bottles of Vodka and drank so much in a futile attempt to vomit all of my feelings I have for Alex that are still very much present.
I stopped smoking, again. But I know that one of these days, I'm going to miss the burn of her lips on mine too fucking much and I'll sink to the bottom of a pack of cigarettes.
There are these drug parties all around town, and I met a girl at the bar who dragged me to one of her friend's. There were a variety of people, and so many drugs, that I got lost in the familiarity of them all. There were so many pills, so many pretty white pills. So many lines of white. So many pink tabs on aluminum foil. So many bongs filled with green. So many colors. I drowned in them. All. When I'm high and I think really, really hard, I can feel like she's still here looking at me. Like she's still here loving me. Like we're still together, lungs filled with poison but so much love still in our bodies. Still in our souls.
I've spent more times than I fucking should, writing about her eyes but Jesus FUCK I got lost in them seven years ago and I never found my way out.
I can feel my ribs closing in on my lungs, I can feel my stomach caving in on itself, maybe it's because I heard her name at work today, or maybe it's the cigarettes, I miss her so much, so fucking much that I'm dizzy and drowning and I have to sit down or stop walking, maybe it's the alcohol in my coffee and I miss her so much.)
It starts in a 4AM lit room. Alex is shaking profusely. Piper sleeping on the couch, oblivious to the hell that was coming. Alex is crying. She gets up and sits on the coffee table near Piper's head. She starts to stroke Piper's hair and then her face, a soft hushed whisper, "I'm so sorry."
Piper suddenly wakes up, not aware of her surroundings until she feels Alex's hand on her shoulder, and sees Alex's mascara stained cheeks.
"W-what is it? Are you okay, Alex?" Piper sits up and runs an unsure hand through Alex's hair.
"Kubra… His men.. They're going to find us. I have to protect you. You have to go. I'm so sorry I brought you into my mess again. I'm so sorry for not getting out sooner. I'm so sorry for everything, Piper. I know you regret all of it, why wouldn't you? but I love you. I've always loved you. And I will continue to until the end of time. I don't know how safe you are with me, so you need to go. Now. Before they figure out you're with me. Before they figure out we're here. Before they…" She can't finish her statement before hunching over with fresh tears.
"I love you so much, Pipes. Please never forget that." She states and stands up to rush to retrieve her things, but not before Piper halts her with shaky arms around her neck.
"I can't.. I can't leave you, Alex. Not again. I'm not going to abandon you again. You need me. We're in this together, and I am going with you. That's the end of it."
"But Piper, you have your whole life to live, don't be stupid."
"And you don't? You deserve better than living your life in fear, Alex. I'm not leaving you behind. I need you. We need each other. And you know it. Please.. just don't fight with me on this."
"You have your whole life here, Piper."
"You are my whole life, Alex."
/
And that's how they ended up in an unmarked car, with fake passports and IDs and $500,000.
They had a plan, and if that plan follows through, they wouldn't have to worry any longer.
If you asked anyone they were acquainted with where they were, they wouldn't have anything to say.
It was like they were never there.
Everything's gone.
And thanks to the little newspaper kid on Piper's block for having such a massive crush on her, he would've done anything for her.
Because the only link that they'd ever existed, was an obituary for Alex and Piper in the local newspaper, saying they died in a car crash.
That was all the bait they needed to sell until they hit Spain.
Because once they arrived in Spain, the hit they ordered came through, and Kubra was shot in the head while driving to the abandoned warehouse they stock all of the Heroin in. And while Kubra crashed into the side of the building, there was already police cars outlining the entire warehouse, and cops finding everything and everyone still involved.
Where does that leave Alex? Well, according to findings, Alex was never involved. Her name didn't come out of anyone's mouths because Fhari wouldn't allow that.
Upon seeing everything unfold from continents away, Alex looked at Piper. They looked into each other's eyes, for the first time since they picked up and left home.
Piper had a longing look in her eyes and moved a piece of Alex's hair behind her ear.
"You're free."
"We're free."
/
"-but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky
that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken,
But I didn't really mind
because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is.
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I'd been living,
they asked me why - but there's no use in talking to people who have a home.
They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people - for home to be wherever you lay your head.
I was always an unusual girl.
My mother told me I had a chameleon soul,
no moral compass pointing due north,
no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean...
And if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I'd be lying...
Because I was born to be the other woman.
Who belonged to no one,
who belonged to everyone.
Who had nothing,
who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it,
and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me."
/
They've been striving in Spain for about 3 months now. Truthfully speaking, they could go back to their lives anytime, the place they called home since forever, they were safe now. They could live. But Alex had a newborn fear of going back. Because she didn't have a home there anymore. Her home was wherever Piper roamed. And she didn't have to ask for clarification because she always knew that Piper felt the exact same way for her. It was always an unspoken sort of mantra for them. Home wasn't a place. It was a feeling. When Piper thought of love, she thought of coming home after a long trip. She had always thought she was unworthy of that kind of love. The love that would make the God's furious.
They weren't together.
They didn't exactly need to put a label on themselves..
They knew what they were, whatever they were.
Alex still has nightmares that she's going to be killed, that she's going to be taken away from Piper, even though there was no possible reason she would be killed anymore.
/
There was a conversation that needed to be had but never happened until a stormy day where they stayed inside and were curled into one another.
"Remember that week when I was in New York and we went partying, and we ended up on a roof, snorting cocaine with a 40 year old man in drag?" Alex questions, sitting up from her position on Piper's chest.
When she sees Piper nod her head, she continues, "We tried numerous drugs within the timespan of a week, and we did it because it was enjoyable, and spontaneous, and new and we had no boundaries. We thought of it as a temporary thing, just a week in the summer to feel new things."
"What are you getting at, Alex?"
"What I mean is, I thought I was in control. I thought I was capable of handling myself with everything that comes my way, you know? I never thought of myself as the type to get addicted to drugs or alcohol or anything like that. But I had so easily gotten into Heroin for months straight. And I would have spurts where I wouldn't sleep for a week. At least, I didn't think I slept. I would black out. A lot. And also… I slept with someone. I had done all of the drugs I was supposed to sell and I didn't want to risk Kubra finding out so I found a dealer in Paris and I fucked her.. and Piper I-"
Piper put her finger on Alex's lips, shushing her. Alex was getting herself so worked up she looked to be on the verge of having a panic attack. Piper rubbed soothing circles on Alex's spine and laid her head next to Alex's and looked her dead in the eyes.
"Baby listen, I don't give a fuck that you got into drugs for three months straight, or how much sleep you lost in that timeframe.. I don't care that you went home and fucked that person and woke up at 6am hating everything about yourself. You're not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness. It took me a very long time to realize that myself. We're just human. We're just two people that are trying to survive. If you feel bad, don't. What matters most, right now, is that we are here. And we are together. And we've overcome a lot of bad shit, and are going to still battle through more shit later in life. But right now, you're here. And you're alive. And you're okay. Fuck everything else."