Instinctively I tried to rise but got pushed back onto the shingles instantly by Koschei, who'd probably thereby kept me from slipping off my up-till-now save position on the roof.
I hurled Koschei's hands away on an instant and turned my head around so quickly I even must have scared him.
"Koschei what are you doing?" I yelled at him and held on to the chimney. I was furious; and I knew that I'd not only lose my temper but my balance likewise, as well literally as physically. Before Koschei had managed to reply anything I had continued shouting at him: "Get away from me!"
Koschei's malicious grin stared right back at me; his white teeth twinkled against the velvety dark sky.
"What are you doing?" I repeated uneasy and tried crawling further away from him. Koschei put his head to one side and gave me an innocent stare. If anything about him had ever been innocent...
"Oh" he muttered quietly with wide open eyes "I don't do anything. I grant you're the one who's currently doing things, as fearing me and wishing I were dead... or at least not on the safe roof as you are." He chuckled. He chuckled as innocently as a child could chuckle. He didn't intend to be ferocious; and I guess some of us are actually born ill-natured. No, he was nothing more but a child's mind in an adult's body. With all its benefits and its disadvantages.
I inspected him and my eyes slipped further down; I closed my eyes instantly after catching a glimpse of his groin.
A child trapped in a man's body. Nothing evil to be found in there - no Koschei wasn't evil. He definitely wasn't evil. He was driven by instincts.
A child relies on instincts. And what its' been told by its parents. That's all. I never knew that much about children, I guess. You don't always have to have anything to be either good or bad at it. For instance, I'd never had a violin. And therefore I'd never played it. But I couldn't say that I would have succeeded in playing the violin just if I'd been lucky to have one.
The same it is with children, I assume. Just because you happen to have them, or accidently managed to protrude something like children, doesn't mean that you're an expert on them. Well, to wit it doesn't even necessarily mean that you know anything about children at all. Especially not their upbringing. Or how you're supposed to take care of them.
I guess I would have been a horrible parent. Well, in some way I'd been a parent. Somehow. At least the so-called 'Doctor' believes that he's had children. In a way, I assume, they're my own flesh and blood. Or something like that.
But I don't care about it.
Deep-down I don't care.
I don't want children. I never wanted children. And I knew why.
Koschei was a child and he was more than annoying. His sheer presence had been enough to unnerve me. He needed all my attention. He longed for my approval while pushing the limits further and further. My limits. Or me, in general. Always pushing me around.
I smiled faintly at the mad grin on the opposite of me.
Koschei was a child and that was what made it so hard for me. It made it so goddamn hard for me to say "No" to something. I'd never wanted to disappoint him. I'd always wanted him to be satisfied with me. Though with his grown up body satisfaction was to be found in quite different ways, compared to the things I'd done in my childhood to delight him.
Imagining Koschei as a child was disgusting. Children had no reason. And that had been Koschei's basic principle. Because you had nothing more than the "basic" things with children.
Children were basic – it wouldn't take much to make them smile.
Children were ignorant – they didn't know any better.
Children were easy – they only wanted what they couldn't have.
Children had no reason – they only did as they pleased.
But I tended to forget that children were most of all one thing.
Cruel.
And I had to face a cruel child on rough terrain who's strenght exceeded the normal limits.
Koschei had snuggled up against me. He rubbed his face against my shoulder, crawling nearer and nearer. I broke my nails while holding on to the chimney in despair. Koschei showed a tendency to behave like a neat animal lately. I never would have compared him to a cat. Mostly because I knew, and I knew from experience, that cats did all they did on purpose. Well, actually on purrpose (in case you'd excuse the joke). Cats were mean. Children were just cruel.
Children gained nothing from hurting you. They simply wanted to have their will. Cats seemed to be pleased about hurting you with their teeth and claws. They gained enjoyment from it.
Koschei hadn't showed me his claws.
He'd simply snogged me, as always. Coming closer and closer, rubbing his face against my body, feeling my cold skin under my tight clothes.
He behaved animalistic. I suspect he thought it to be last resort to gain my attention. Though I had shouted at him first I had stopped paying attention towards him. And Koschei was in dire need for attention.
Koschei tried to be cute. Cruel but cute. And he managed it quite well, I had to admit.
Unintentionally I stroked his hair.
There he was like I'd known him; like I'd always loved him.
Soft and tender.
Soft and smooth.
Soft and fluffy.
Soft and warm.
Soft... and hard.
I backed away as soon as Koschei had pulled my hand down and let it reach for his crotch. He dominated my fingers, demanding them to stroke his rising erection likewise.
I tried to face him but couldn't turn my head. Koschei had had snuggled his face against my neck and was now down to biting me. Animalistic, as already mentioned before. If nothing else helped bury your fangs in something you want to hold still.
I hissed curses between gritted teeth as Koschei pressed my hand down; I felt his limb pulsating under my touch; I felt his pulse throughout his throbbing cock.
I gritted my teeth.
I was more than a push and pull-along toy.
I shook my head ferociously and got rid of Koschei's teeth in my neck while grunting and screaming; I struggled for air and panted, facing him fury-eyed.
"What do you think you're doing?!" my question was nothing more than an enraged hiss.
Koschei popped his head to one side and opened his mouth before speaking, staring starry-eyed as well as motionless at me. Then he decided better not to reply what had currently been on his mind and nibbled on my ear. I smacked him across the face, feeling my own hand burning after hitting him quick-reacting.
"What are you doing?" I asked and pulled myself together in order not to scream too loud "Do you think I want you around me? Do you think I enjoy your presence?"
"First, you try to fuck it. Then you try to eat it." I stared at his honest face with a dropped jaw and my mouth open. Believing, that he even thought that he was making sense right now...
"...if it hasn't learned your name you better kill it, before they see it."
"Koschei" I slapped his face again unbelievingly "Koschei you're talking nonsense!" I guess I hoped that I'd somehow manage to reproduce the old Koschei, my Koschei, the Koschei I'd loved and known. Not the senseless monster in front of me.
"As always" snapped Koschei and grinned. "NO, not as always" I contradicted him "You're making less and less sense."
"Don't you remember it?" asked Koschei and put his head to the other side while pulling a face contemplatively "We read this poem. It was by your reverend, this human reverend you somehow had lost interest in over the past few years. Don't you remember it, Theta? He's had a revelation, a divine revelation concerning the end of the world. An apocalypse for the human race..."
"Stop quoting him!"I yelled at Koschei and thereby silenced him instantly "You're not worth quoting him!" "But he wasn't even a real reverend" Koschei went on "he'd constructed the church he was reverend of himself." "Even if he was no reverend he was still a poet. He was a human poet and a lyricist" I snapped feeling the tears welling up again in my eyes "And you're... you're just mad! What can you say for yourself? You're plainly mad!"
"Don't play innocent Theta" Koschei grinned grimly "Don't say you never knew."
"I always knew" I replied while hitting his chest in order to keep him away from my body, pushing him off and aside me.
I sobbed and crawled away slowly, keeping Koschei from following me by kicking at him if he dared to reach for me.
"I always knew that you were mad" I held on to the eaves gutter and shinned down slowly.
"But until now I'd never cared about it."