But it happened like this nonetheless.

There I was, standing in the door frame, soaked in sweat, tired, tears trailing down my cheeks while I sobbed and panted heavily. My eyes were fixed on the ground; I stared at the floor and lifted my head slowly while gasping for air.

I had run; I hadn't stopped running, I had kept on running and running and... I breathed in deeply; I had a hard time standing in an upright position on my own two feet.

And then I caught a glimpse of the feet in front of me.

Terrified I raised my head and stared into a pair of frightened eyes, eyes that revealed possibly even more terror than mine reflected in my current state of mind.

And I was forced to see it again.

My father's face. My father's terrified and pale face.

I struggled for air but couldn't produce anything apart from sobbing and yipping sounds. My sight became a blurred vision as hot tears shot into my eyes and ran down my burning cheeks.

My father looked down on me; he couldn't take his eyes off my swollen abdomen, the bulge that had defined my body for the past few weeks. I wiped my tears away and closed the door behind me without turning around.

My father couldn't take his eyes off my bulged stomach and stared at me, his horrified expression frozen in his face.

The shocked silence wouldn't end. I heard a clock ticking in my parent's living-room and turned my head instinctively; but nothing was there to distract me, nothing would help me to survive the worst moment of my life.

My father stared at me. He just couldn't stop staring at me, with his mouth slightly open and a gaze that made me cry; my father's watering eyes still made me cry, with my bloody seventeen years they still made me cry.

I sobbed and was about to sink down onto my knees as my father's hands reached for me and held me by the shoulders. I searched his gaze, helplessly and terrified I searched his gaze; but I didn't find anything. I wouldn't find comfort, I wouldn't find hope.

Just bare embarrassment. Plain dismay.

The tears on my cheeks seemed to vaporise as they streamed down over my blushed skin. I had blushed; out of sheer embarrassment I had blushed. I was too ashamed, I was too abashed, simply to shameful to even dare to raise my head properly to meet my father's deprecating stare.

I had dishonoured him, felt it; I had brought shame upon the family. And I didn't know why. And I didn't know how. And I didn't know what I could have done against it.

"I'm sorry" I muttered barely audible "I'm so sorry..."

My father intensified his grip on my shoulders, causing me to wince and howl in pain. I sniffed and didn't dare to look him in the eye.

I had deceived him. I had let him down.

I wasn't worth looking him in the face directly.

I felt more compassion for him than I felt for me.

I was no son of his. My father had no son. Just an ugly and deformed creature he was shaking and laying his hands on right now.

He'd meant anything to me. I'd never wanted anything but to make him proud. He had to be proud of me. I had always wanted to make him feel that, even though I was their only child... at least till now... that he could have been proud of me. That he wouldn't have to worry about me. That he could simply say "This is my son" not just because I was his offspring but because he'd wanted me to be his own flesh and blood.

I closed my eyes tightly as my father raised his hands against me as...

He embraced me. He pressed his warm body against mine and embraced me silently.

I grabbed his arms and wanted to search his gaze as he pressed my face down on his chest and stroked my hair carefully.

I sniffed and clutched at his shoulders, slowly descending to the ground while still resting in his arms.

Pity. That must have been it.

He felt pity for the creature that had stumbled into his house during the night time.

I closed my eyes and buried my face in his chest.

Either way; even if he saw nothing but a scared creature in me right now... I was nothing but a scared creature. I was scared... I was simply so scared.

And it even became worse as the pain from my lower abdomen intensified and spread across my body, working its way from my spine upwards until it reached my neck.

My shoulders twitched uncontrollably and I shut my eyes tightly, squeezing out the last remaining tears from the corner of my eyes.

I was a disgrace. Nothing more but a disgrace.

"I'm sorry" I muttered quietly and pulled my head away from my father's warm chest. "I never wanted to spread my legs for Koschei... I never wanted to..."

My father shushed me and forced me to bury my face in his chest again. He didn't stop stroking my hair and nodded barely noticeable.

"It wasn't your fault" he mumbled quietly "I should have told you. I really should have told you about it."

"It's not your fault" I cried out with a muffled voice "Whatever it is it isn't your fault! I'm so sorry; I just can't tell you how sorry I am...!"

My father shook his head; he seemed to smile and rubbed his face against my forehead.

"I should have talked to you."

Deafening silence.

"You've been right all these years, you know" I whispered as my father knelt down on the floor and let me sit in his lap. He smiled mollifyingly and whipped the tears out of my eyes. "Of course I was" my father replied in a soothing voice and wasn't obviously paying attention. I straightened up and met his gaze uneasily. His eyes mirrored his honesty and open-mindedness, as always. No traces of the slightest unsettledness. His eyes were nothing but hazel.

"You have always told me to stay away from Koschei. And I should have. I really should have kept away from him! I never should have let him come near me. I couldn't defend myself against Koschei... but I never meant to spread my legs for Koschei... he just forced them apart..."

"Theta, let's not talk about it" interrupted my father candidly and silenced me thereby instantly. I nodded quietly and rubbed my face against his chest.

"Now, we shall see to it" he explained quietly and intensified his grip on me, his hands moving across my upper part of my body; as he reached for my lower abdomen I shoved his hands away immediately and stared at him in shocked silence. My father remained calm and determined.

"Don't touch it!" I hissed "No one shall touch it."
My father grasped my hands carefully. He took a deep breath, his eyes focussing on my distorted abdomen again.

"How long has it been since..."

"I noticed it a month ago" I blurted out and became more and more panicly as my father searched my gaze; I evaded it.

"No, I...I felt it a few months ago, it started months ago but I was so scared, I'm so sorry father, but I was too bloody scared, I didn't dare to touch it, I tried to forget about it, I ignored it and wished for it to disappear but the tumour only kept on growing and... Ms Reprics... I... I mustn't touch it, I should wait... I... I don't... it's fatal, I know that it is severe but I didn't know if it was malignant... but the tumour wouldn't stop growing, it just wouldn't, it only grew bigger and bigger and I know that I'm an embarrassment and I know that I'm disgusting but..." tears welled up in my eyes "I never wanted but...but I couldn't cut it out, I simply couldn't cut it out because I was too scared... I'm... I'm... I'm so sorry..."

I lifted my head and cried shamelessly, constantly sobbing and sniffing while my father had stopped caressing my neck; I searched his empty gaze.

My father's jaw had dropped.