"Can I take this stupid thing off?" I started to undo my tie but two big hands came to my neck and shoved my hands away. I glance up, pouting, and shivering slightly. It was snowing, not too bad, but enough for me to want to stay in our big comfy hotel bed. James didn't look pleased, because my tie was wrinkly and my hair was getting wet but I didn't care. "They probably don't want us there James…and by they I mean Carlos. He's just gonna kick us out as soon as he sees us." James dropped his hands from my neck and sighed out. He brushed off my shoulders and glanced over my head pulling his phone out of his pocket.
"Kendall already said he's happy were here. Were gonna watch them get married, have dinner, share some champagne and then go back to the hotel and bang. You will be screaming my name in no time." I shoved him by his rock hard stomach and turned my back to him. "Perfect view baby." My left butt cheek was slapped and then squeezed but I ignored him. "There he is…" I smiled seeing Kendall walking out to us from the small church, pulling on a long black coat. He was wearing a tux, nice shiny black shoes and his hair was gelled back. I shoved my hand sin my pockets and walked slowly in front of James who put a hand on my shoulder. "Hey buddy! How you doing?" Kendall smiled big standing in front of us and glanced up at the sky buttoning his long black coat. He looked handsome. Carlos is a lucky guy. I tend to think I'm luckier but I'll keep that to myself.
"Pretty swell…I'm getting married today so I'm stoked for that. Also…in the first time in like…months Carlos and I boned so…good couple of days I've had."
"You have no Idea what TMI means do you?" Kendall looked down at em quick and stepped right in front of me staring em down. I bunched my eyebrows together and frowned up at him, standing tall.
"If it wasn't my wedding day I would throw you in that lake and tickle you until you cried." I turned my body away from him, facing James who snickered and pulled me into him, hugging me tight. I shoved my face in his neck and closed my eyes shivering again. "Carlos wants to see you…before the ceremony." I really hoped he wasn't talking to me, but I knew in my heart he was. "Were starting in 15 minutes so go…" My back was hit gently and I opened my eyes sighing out. I looked up at James hoping he'd help me out but all he did was smile, and hold the sides of my face pulling it up to his. He kissed my forehead, then my nose and finally stopped on my lips, where he kissed sweetly. I pulled away when he let my face go and turned back to Kendall. "Your gonna walk in…take a left, and then find the one and only door on the right. Carlos is getting ready in there. Defiantly don't tell him I'm out here smoking." I frowned shoving past him and took my hands out of my pockets staring up at the small, but beautiful church. I walked up the four steps and gabbed the door pulling it open.
I stepped inside, and stopped immediately. I was over taken by warmth. I felt safe with just two steps inside, and it calmed me down immensely. I glanced to my left and sighed out again seeing a door half way open on the right side. I walked to it slowly, taking in the warmth, and stopped right in front of the door putting my left hand in my pocket. I gently raised my right, and knocked on the wood, clearing my throat. "Los?" I heard hurried footsteps, second before the door was pulled open roughly. I smiled big, as soon as I saw Carlos who was half dressed. He had a toothbrush hanging from his mouth, a button up white shirt, unbuttoned showing off his tan and toned chest and stomach. His pants were belted around his waist and his feet were bare. "Do you want me to come back?" He laughed shaking his head and nodded behind him. He moved out of the way and I stepped in rubbing my hands together. Something I do when I'm nervous. I walked to the long brown couch in front of a fire place burning and swallowed hard, taking a seat. The room was small, but very welcoming. I watched Carlos walk to a sink and finish up brushing his teeth. Even when he finished, he remained quite as he put on some cologne and button up his shirt. I looked away from him, feeling awkward, but still comfortable. I noticed, as I turned away from him, that thick package of frayed paper on the small table in front of me. I tensed up seeing how marked up it looked. Like Carlos had changed some things. Hopefully for the better.
"I really…I'm happy you and James came." I turned just in time to see Carlos walking to me to sit next to me. I moved over on the couch a little and let him sit down, where he automatically went to put his shoes on. He kept his head down, but I could tell he was close to crying. Or maybe it was just his nerves. I didn't know. I hadn't seen Carlos in a long time. "I can only assume James hates to be here."
"He had to convince me to come Carlos." He snapped his head to me fast and I smiled small shaking my head. "I don't agree with a lot of what you've done or said but there is no way I'd miss your wedding. And after this if you and I don't see each other again…I'll be sad but what it comes down to is your decision and choices."
"Which you know nothing about." We both went quiet and I felt myself getting heated. He chuckled as he turned back to his shoes and finished tying the black shiny shoes that matched Kendall's. "I don't expect James to hear me out or listen. I half don't expect Kendall to. I'm just his stupid arm candy. But you…out of the three of you, you have been the one to see everything. You never judge, you never jump to conclusion without getting all the facts. Yet somehow this…" He stood up, grabbing his book and shook it walking to a small wardrobe cabinet. "This is something you won't even give a chance. You didn't even read the whole thing. You read the beginning where I talked about Love and God…but didn't even try to give the rest a chance."
"Because I had to live it once Carlos! How, as my best friend, could you want me to go through that again?!" He threw the book to a nightstand by the cabinet and I stood up. He was getting mad. He turned to, wiping at the corner of his left eye and swallowed hard.
"For once in your God damn life, it isn't about you." It seemed to me at least that the entire world stopped spinning. No one was moving, or speaking. His words hit me hard, but as he continued to talk, I started to realize how much I needed to hear those words. "I'm sorry Logan. I hate that you were ever hurt, or scared. If I could ever find a way to go back in time and never let you get hurt I would. In a heartbeat. But…but you recovered. You have recovered as a strong, healthy man who has a life to live for." He took one step towards me but not another. He seemed hesitant to come near me. "I never wrote a single word or phrase about the torture you went through. I never mentioned the beatings or the starvation…or anything else. Because that's not important. What is, is that you survived. You and me, and James and Kendall came out of this, alive and healthier than going in." I crossed my arms over my chest and blinked back tears. He was far from done. "Do you know that statistically, younger guys, and even women, have to either know someone or blow someone to move up in corporate America? The idea of hard work and actually being good at your job means absolutely nothing now a days. Did you ever stop to consider that the reason, Louis was able to manipulate you, and control you the way he did, is because he was threatened? He saw you as this quick, smart, independent attractive guy, who could easily take over his position, and every other single "assistant" before you, was just the same?" He took two more steps towards me and shook his head. "Power is like a drug, especially to guys like Louis. He said it himself when I saw him. Guys like you, make it easy for guys like him to stay in power. You were never going to be promoted Logan. I think you're smart enough to know that. And if he hadn't gotten you when he did, it would have been sooner rather than later. But everything that has happened to you, wasn't because he was hot for you. He had power over you, and used it. You let him. I let him. That…that is a problem and until now. Until this…" He went to his book again and grabbed it, walking right towards me holding it out to me. "This isn't about you or what you went through. This is about a man who was given power and abused it. It's about every guy out there who has power and abuses it to this day. If I could shed light on this, to just one person, who then told it to someone else…I might be able to sleep at night. I might be able to go on with my life, live my life like you have. I don't want anyone else to get hurt. I just want to help." He lowered the book and tossed it aside, but stayed close to me. "But if you can't even read it for me…if you can't go back to a time when you were that guy I understand. And because I value and treasure your friendship, I won't publish it. I will never speak of it again. But…I just want you to give me a chance. I just want you to help me understand everything I've collected, and learned. You're the smartest guy I know. The only guy I know who can recover from something like this, and be a better, stronger guy from it." I couldn't take it anymore. I threw myself at him, and wrapped my arms around his neck. I burst into tears and held on to him for dear life.
A lot of what he said made sense to me. And I'm sure as soon as I finished the book, I would understand everything, and back him up 100%. If this really wasn't about me, or what happened to me the week I was taken, then I would give him my blessing. In fact, because Carlos is my best friend, even if he wanted to talk a little about it, I probably would let him. Just to be able to hold him and openly cry with him, made me feel 1000 times better. We sat on the couch and cried for 5 or so minutes. Even when we pulled apart, I couldn't stop crying. I missed Carlos, yes, but a huge part of me felt like a total dick. While I was being shellfish and only thinking about myself, poor Carlos was trying to cope. I don't know what it's like to be the friend of a guy who went through what I went through. And I wasn't even there for him. Because I'm petty and immature. I'm sure my therapist, and James would tell me to stop thinking like that, but it doesn't hurt me. In fact it makes me feel even better. "If James walks in here and sees you crying he'll kill me." I laughed and wiped at my face as he did the same.
"James won't do or say anything, as long as I am here. Trust me." He smiled grabbing a Kleenex from the box on the table. "I want to read it Carlos. And I want to help with whatever you need." He smiled big, and grabbed my hand lacing our fingers together. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I had to take some time to find myself again, and when I found myself…I don't know. I just thought you and Kendall didn't want to be my friend anymore so I got mad. And then I heard you saw Louis, and you were writing a horrible book…" I paused and frowned. "Which by the way…Kendall didn't really give James or myself any details about the book. I was under the assumption you wanted to write a crime drama." He laughed shaking his head and squeezed my hand.
"Typical Kendall. I tried to get him to read it Loges. I even asked him to come with me to see Louis, because I was terrified but…he wouldn't. He was angry at me for wanting too…and when I tried ot explain, he shut me out and that was the end of the conversation. If had just been you and I on Wednesday I would have been able to explain better, and maybe we wouldn't have been angry at each other." I chuckled and squeezed his hand back. "Ya know to be completely honest…there were a couple times I almost went to James. I would have just sucked up my pride and asked him to…I don't know. Just be a shoulder for me to cry on. James has always been my big brother type, ya know? He's always been the guy I could 100 depend on for protection. I mean besides Kendall. James is my ultimate best friend. I know I could never ever have a relationship with him, like we used to but I'll survive." He smiled pathetically, and it broke my heart. "I had this vision for my wedding. My parents would be here, which there not, and I would have James be the one to walk me down the aisle. He's been through everything else with me…shared every precious and heartbreaking moment with me…I just wished he could do this one with me too." He looked down shaking his head and sniffled, crying again. "It's going to take a lot to win James back…and I fear I never will. I lost my big brother, all because of some sick twisted bastard." I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him into me hugging him tight. I knew Carlos was right. It would take a lot for him to win back James. James has a lot of anger towards Carlos since everything happened. I know he's just worried about me, but the kid is only human.
"You never lost your big brother." We both turned to eh door and watched James walk in slowly brushing off snow form his tuxedo jacket. I stood up pulling Carlos with me and smiled at James. "It would be my privilege, and my honor to walk you down the aisle. That is if you want me too still." He flashed a toothy grin and I let Carlos go. I walked to James, got on tippy toes, and kissed his cheek. I patted his stomach and walked around him to the door. I walked out shutting the door completely behind me.
I searched the little church for a minute before I found Kendall sitting a pew in the hall. The hall was set up for a wedding, with yellow and white flowers here and there. Obviously Carlos's choices. It screamed his taste. I walked quietly to Kendall, crossing myself seeing the cross hanging high up in the front, behind the alter. I walked the short length to his row and got right beside him in the pew. He must have known I was there, because he smiled, but didn't turn to me. I liked just sitting next to him, with the little noise around us, the smell of flowers around us. "Do you remember 6th grade? Our teacher asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up?" I smiled sitting back and looked at the side of his face. I noticed then, he was holding a Rosary in his hands, rubbing over the beads, softly. "For some reason, all through elementary school, you and I were always in the same class, and James and Carlos were always in the same class. It worked out great for me, cause you were a huge nerd." I frowned and eh glanced to me smiling big. "I'm sorry did I say were?" I slapped his side gently, and he turned back to the front, laughing. "Anyway…6th grade we got an assignment for a paper. What I want to be when I grow up…do you remember what you put?" I blushed remembering instantly and covered my face, setting my elbows on my knees. I laughed nodding and he laughed right along with me. "You said you wanted to be me, and I said I wanted to be you. I think our teacher gave us both a's for our cute friendship, but I don't think she realized how serious I was." I raised my head slowly and again stared at the side of his face. "If I could be half the man you are, right now, I still wouldn't be good enough. Your are perfect Logan. Everything about you, and I admire your strength, above all else." He turned to me smiling small. "I just want you to know…that I love you. And I'm happy you're here." I leaned in slowly and raised his arm, lying my head on his shoulder, hugging around his stomach and back. He held around me loosely and we both sighed out at the same time.
"If I asked you to do something for me, would you do it?"
"There's a good chance I will." I closed my eyes and dug deeper into him.
"Hear Carlos out. Listen to what he has to say."
"About what?"
"Anything. Honestly that shouldn't matter. You're about to give him the rest of your life. You should just listen to him, no matter what he has to say. You should never just walk away, and leave him feeling worthless. Just listen. It's the biggest part of a healthy relationship. And more specifically a healthy marriage."
"Yeah uhm congrats by the way. You two get married, and still yell at us for not helping you out." I shrugged smirking and he sighed rubbing my back. "No one gave me a manual on this adult stuff. It's not easy."
"Yeah it is Kendall…if you have your soul mate, everything is easy. And everything is worth it. You have your soul mate…so you should be finding that out here shortly." He laughed again and I raised my head hearing footsteps. "Is it almost time?" We both turned to see a minister walking down the aisle, Bible in one hand, glasses in the other. He nodded and smiled at both of us, making us both stand. There was a line of people, older couples, a few gay ones heading down the aisle, smiling and waving at us. When they all took their seats, Kendall and I walked to the front and stood at the altar. "Do you want me up here?" I nodded to the empty spot beside him and he chuckled nodding, folding his hands together in front of him.
"I don't think I could do this without you." I smirked standing beside.
"Yes you could." He smiled big, a tear forming in the corner of his right eye.
"Thanks Loges. Love ya." I smiled back and looked to the doors waiting to see Carlos and James.
"Love you to Kendall."
Holy cow it's finished. It took a while….sorry about that. But I finally finished it! I almost had my sister write it, but I felt like that wouldn't be fair to you guys. It's been a long road with this story and I'm glad I got to wrap it up with a nice and neat little bow.
As always, I'm always looking for new ideas on Slash stories. Even if it's a one shot, I'll take suggestions. If you have any please feel free to let me know!
P.S. if there are some errors in grammar or spelling, I apologies. I'm getting used to this bandage on my arm and it's uncomfortable so I get frustrated. Just an FYI.
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! :}