I was surprised that my father let me stay in the house for the night . Alright, back then I wasn't surprised at all; all I could think about was sleeping and finding peace during a few quiet hours of rest. My father had guided my weak steps towards my former room and pushed the door open.
The interior was still the same; at least it looked like that. And I didn't know if that was a good thing.
I had at least suspected that my parents would start storing several utensils for later use in it; or at least clutter up the room with useless gimmick they couldn't get rid of.
Let's face it. Children are nothing more but useless gimmick you're somehow attached to. And of course it's harder to get rid of them than of a kitschy figurine. But after all they're the same. Useless; sometimes annoying; taking up spare room; if you're lucky they can be pretty and graceful; but that's it. There's nothing apart from that.
The room looked untouched; there was grit on the floor and a blanket had been put over my bed to shield it from the accruing dust. My father pushed back the blanket and small particles whirled in the air; the duvet covers were still there.
I construed the fact that no one had dared to rearrange my former room to be some kind of bad omen. The reason for keeping a spare room the way it accorded to the preferences of the previous owner could only mean two things in my eyes: It was either that my parents missed me, that they still loved me so much and missed me that they had wanted to be reminded of it every day when they walked past the room; they wouldn't want to forget me even though I had left and wouldn't know if or when I'd return, and I caught myself at least a bit smiling while thinking about it that way; Or, and sadly that was what I had suspected, my parents had suspected that there would be trouble and that I would return sooner or later and had therefore kept the room as it has been to simplify matters.
Either way I wouldn't know because I didn't dare to ask. And who knows if my father even knew why he had kept the room how it had been...
My father stood by the window, staring into the dimming sky. The supernova had descended and burnt out, letting its last remains fade away into the endless depths of the universe, spreading with its last remaining energy the beautiful colours into the velvet darkness of eternity.
I gasped for air and sobbed between my muffled sighs.
My father turned around slowly as I hung my head in shame and crept under the duvet.
He walked over to my side, his hands reaching for my face once more; I lifted my head and met his gaze; his eyes were glowing in the darkness.
"You made the right decision by returning" he assured me and squatted down beside me as I felt the tears welling up again in my eyes "And now listen carefully, Theta: Whenever there's trouble, whenever there's something wrong you can come to me; I'll take care of you, I promise. And there's nothing in this world you need to hide from me." He chuckled quietly and let out a long drawn-out sigh "In fact, there's nothing in this world you can hide from me, Theta. And, you know: I don't think that's too bad." I nodded my ascent as I reached for the duvet and covered my body up to my chin.
"Theta" my father went on "The... thing... inside of your body..." "The tumour" I added and snivelled. "Of course, tumour... it will have to come out... within a few months I expect... or by the look of it probably even weeks..." "But Ms Reprics said it will disappear..."I heard my father sighing beside my bed and broke off in mid-sentence immediately. "In a way... you know... Theta, it's hard to understand I know, but please, listen carefully: You'll know when the time is right for it to be cut out. Trust me. You'll just know it. And when that time comes, I'll be ready." "Ready for what?" I asked with a tear-choked voice. "Ready to take care of you. Don't talk to anybody in the academy about it. But when you know that it has to come out you rush home... just make sure you make it home, in time, alright?" My father grasped my shoulders and pulled my face closer to his. I breathed in deeply and tried fighting away the tears by evading his gaze and nodding.
"You're a good boy, Theta. Really, you are a good boy" he smiled graciously and arose.
I didn't dare to question his request. Well, it was obviously more an order than a request. But I didn't dare to question that, either.
I didn't understand what he'd asked me of. And I didn't know what plans he had.
I didn't know how I should feel when the tumour had to come out of my body and I didn't know why he wanted me to be home by that time.
And I didn't question it.
But I didn't ask him because I was scared of him; instead I had learned trust.
And if my father would embrace his lost son in the middle of the night when he had rushed home from the academy against orders...
Trust had replaced fear. And trust had replace innocence, as well.
I trusted him. I relied on my father. I had to rely on him.
What choices did I have?
My father had opened the door and the light from the corridor paved its way into my dark room slowly.
"Father?"
My father froze and wouldn't move. Something in my voice must have irritated him.
"Father? May I ask you something?"
"It's nearly midnight, Theta. You should find some sleep..." my father was close to shutting the door; he tried to evade my questions and therefore I was becoming rather anxious.
"But father please, I can't sleep... Please can I ask you for one thing?"
My father turned his head around and met my tired gaze.
"Do you have a rope for me?" I asked quietly, I felt myself blushing as my father stared me in the face motionless. "Please... I can't sleep with my legs untied..."
My father swallowed hard. He searched for his voice and mouthed something before answering in a muffled voice: "Yes... Yes, Theta... I'll be right back..."
And then he stormed out of the room.