Chapter 22

Christian sighed into the phone as Ana shifted next to him sleepily and looked up at him. His reading glasses were perched on the edge of his nose as he shifted to put the papers he had been reading onto the bedside table so that he could put his arm around her and hold her close as he continued his call. Rolling his eyes, he said a grumpy goodbye before hanging up and tossing his IPhone haphazardly onto the table. "Mia?" she wondered as she shifted closer to his side.

"Christopher first, or I wouldn't have taken the call," he replied as he slid down a little bit to make them both more comfortable. "She wanted to talk to you, but I told her you were sleeping. Didn't go over too well."

Ana inhaled and exhaled a couple of times on a four count before glancing up at him, a smile playing across her lips: "you look sexy in the glasses."

"Do I now?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Have to admit, I didn't picture you as the reading glasses kind."

"I happen to like being able to actually read all the reports I have to without changing the size of the font back and forth on documents, thank you very much," he shot back, causing Ana to roll her eyes. "You know, just because you're in this bed doesn't mean that action doesn't make my palm twitch like it always has."

Ana only giggled at his threat as she snuggled into his side and wrapped her arm around his waist. "You're good with your nephew, you know?"

"I try…"

"Do you regret that you don't… I mean…" she sighed. "Wouldn't you like to… I don't know… have…"

Christian looked down at her with a slight frown: "are you asking me if I want kids?"

"I guess so," she shrugged uncomfortably as she unconsciously played with the buttons of his shirt. "I mean, I know this isn't exactly the time and place and we have other stuff to talk about but we never talked about it other than you know… birth control… and well… I do want kids."

He exhaled as he pulled off his glasses and shifted so he was half sitting as she slid slightly away from him: "I never really thought about… I guess I always just assumed if we got together… that with you they'd be part of the package… I just… I want time with you before…."

"You're almost forty, Fifty. I'm in my thirties. There are certain concerns as one gets older when it comes to pregnancy and… well, I would have tests to check for those things for information- but I wouldn't terminate.
I know people who were told to and didn't and then the tests turned out to be wrong… and I just couldn't… I mean by the time that I had those tests done I know that I would have bounded with the baby and well, as long as the baby has a chance to survive I'd want to give it that chance…"

Christian swallowed: "I didn't even think about… what about you? The medications that you have to take and the rest?"

"There are other medications that I can take if I want to get pregnant and the doctors would watch me for postpartum… I mean, the doctors would be involved with the decision making process and I would continue with therapy… and I suppose, well, I mean there are other options…"

Christian huffed slightly: "I know that celebrities have managed to get surrogates and keep it quiet, I just would be afraid of it staying that way and what the reasons for someone to be ours would be."

"What about adoption?" she wondered.

"Same… I mean I'd like to think that there are people out there who were like Mia's biological mother and did it for the right reasons- wanting their child to have more than they did and all that."

"You've met her?"

"No. Mia did- once. She didn't want a relationship, but wanted to make sure that Mia was happy and had a good life. She has kids and a husband who don't know about Mia and she wanted to keep it that way. Mia got her medical history and that was it," he answered tensely. "Mia had mixed feelings about it- went to see Flynn a few times to deal."

"Does your family have that poor man on permanent speed dial?" Ana wondered.

Christian laughed: "it seems like it sometimes. Especially after Mani and Elliot lost Phoebe.
You do know that I would make the same decision as he did.
I couldn't lose you, Ana."

Ana swallowed as she shifted to hold him again: "I know.
I think I would even if your family hadn't gone through that, but it cements it.
Would I be hurt and angry that I didn't get to hold my child before they- they died? Hell, yes.
That being said: Christian, most people don't have this conversation.
Don't know what the other would do in that situation.
In an ideal word I would say that you should choose the baby, but I know that if you did and I didn't make it you would never forgive yourself and probably never truly forgive the child and I wouldn't want that for my son or daughter."

"You think I would just give up on the only piece of you I would have left?"

Cocking her head she sighed: "you might not do it intentionally, but subconsciously yes, and I don't think that any amount of therapy with Flynn would change that."

"Is it horrible to say that I never want to be put in the position to make that decision? I'm not as strong as Elliot, Ana."

"Bullshit, Christian."

"What?"

"You heard me.
Remember I was the one you called every night for months to talk about what was going on."

"Ana…"

"You were the only one strong enough to be in the room with him as he held his daughter while she took her last breathes.
You made the nurses leave him alone till he was ready to let her go and put her back in her bassinet and then lifted him off the floor when he broke down in the hallway.
You were the one who made the funeral arrangements and who, with Sawyer, carried the coffin.
You were the one who was taking care of Christopher when Elliot had to be with his wife.
You were the one who pushed the PD to get the people and to offer a deal so they wouldn't have to go through a trail.
YOU did all of that, Christian."

He swallowed the lump in his throat: "it would be different."

"And we can put things in place so you wouldn't have to make that decision."

"How?"

"I'd follow security protocols for one.
Tell you what was happening.
Expect you to do the same.
I can also make it so that someone else makes that sort of decision- Taylor is one of my POAs and he would quit before he let you make a decision you'd regret."

"Hell, he'd quit and then overrule me on principle," Christian admitted as he kissed her head and inhaled the scent of her shampoo. "But what about after we have them?
Ana, I don't want a child of mine raised by nannies."

"If I continued with the freelancing I could work from home.
We can travel with you when you travel for business- maybe have a nanny for those times so I can go with you to the dinners and we can still have some of those adventures- but I'd want family time on those trips too.
I know you're going to want private schools- and I'll compromise on that as long as it's agreed no home schooling."

"A child needs friends and socialization as much as education in school.
Besides, I'd want to do what my mother did: instrument, language, and martial art."

"With some type of dance if we had a girl," Ana agreed. "And if I wanted to once they were in school I could work more, but I worked for ten years doing something that I wasn't happy with, and I like this part of the editing- the getting the book ready and proofing it.
I don't want to do the business end of things.
There are going to be other papers for Savannah and I can still do PR for Angie's catering and the club and for Nikki Fairchild, but since we'd- or you'd- be able to afford for me to stay home I think I would like to do that. I don't know many women when given the option of being able to do both from home who would object."

"First off, you were right when you said 'we'd' be able to. What is mine will be yours.
Secondly, I like the idea of it all. You getting to do something that makes you happy and us still being able to go places and do things. We wouldn't have to worry so much about the scheduling of things when I have to jet off somewhere happened.
But I wouldn't want your life revolving around me.
I can make concessions too."

"Who said I'm making concessions?"

"What I mean if I can work from home more too. Ros has taken on more responsibility over the last few years and with her kids almost grown, she can do more of the traveling if needed, that way we can travel more for fun.
I still want to show you the world, baby."

"It's a nice dream, isn't it?"

"One we can work on," he agreed as he entwined his fingers with hers. "So, kids on the table for discussion- with the hows and whens to be determined.
But, there are other things we have to decide on first."

"Like?" Ana wondered.

"Like how we're going to work," Christian admitted. "You didn't tell me you left NY for a reason."

"I wanted to be on my own two feet before I crossed that bridge."

"And is that still what you want?"

Ana sighed: "I want to know I can do it."

Christian nodded: "so you plan on staying in CO. for a little while at least?"

"I honestly don't know."

"We can work with that, Ana.
I don't want to rush you, but I want you in my life. I can start that scaling back process and come out here on Fridays and leave on Sundays or Mondays depending on what's going on at work. It's going to take planning though.
Taylor gets Sophie on weekends and Gail is not going to let him take her out of state that often- if at all."

"Still doesn't trust him?'

"Something like that… anyway, Sawyer should be with Mia now…."

"But would you need as much security here? I mean, the paps don't know…."

"They will Ana," Christian admitted.

"But why care?"

"Because Hyde did a lot of damage."

"That was old news.
Even this attack on me, once they realize I'm telling the truth, will be in a matter of time."

"It's not that easy."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Hyde was murdered and the police suspect that I might have had something to do with it."

"Did you?"

"Ana…" he sighed in exasperation.

"Once… you only have to answer that question from me once, Christian.
Whatever the answer, it won't change how I view you or us."

"You don't know…"

"I will stand beside you no matter what. But I need to know the truth and what we're up against.
Did you have him killed?"

"No, Ana.
I might have wanted to kill the bastard, but I had nothing to do with his death."

"OK. Then we use your resources to find out who did.
We deal with the Paps.
You hired Damien and Grant to be my CPOs, you have other security you trust on staff, and if it's really hard for you to come here I can come to you.
We'll figure it out.
We have too, we haven't finally started to find our way to a happily ever after to let Hyde ruin it for us."

"Then I have only one thing to say, Ms. Steele."

"And what's that, Mr. Grey?"

"Fuck the paperwork…"