He ran. My father ran; just the way I used to do it whenever I felt unsafe.
My father dragged me behind him and we went past the studies and the secret passages to long-forgotten libraries (or, in my case, newly-discovered libraries); my father hurried towards the stairs and rushed up to the headmaster's office.
I wouldn't understand why he would give account in front of the headmaster of his own accord.
I dreaded the idea of having to face the headmaster.
Well, actually "face" wasn't quite right.
The headmaster was the highest authority at the academyl; his word was law.
In the old days everyone would bow in front of him and lower their heads. But due to some megalomaniac predecessors it was now common use to evade the headmaster's gaze. In other words; you weren't allowed to look him in the eyes, neither in the face. Basically you had to stare at his feet or at least a bit in front of them.
I've always considered it to be rather odd; in my eyes a superintendant was supposed to have representative qualities; they had to stand for what they believed, what they embodied or personified. His was the academy's face; and you weren't even allowed to catch a glimpse of it.
My father had stopped in front of the headmaster's assistants' office and knocked quietly. As soon as he was ordered in he'd release the grip on my hand and I took a step backwards while he was allowed entrance by the headmaster's secretary.
I wouldn't dare to enter it.
I would never dare to enter it on my own free will.
I was scared of the headmaster. I was too scared.
He had no face. No face I was allowed to see.
A face indicated emotions; a facial expression was an expression of the soul; it protruded feelings and thoughts.
I was good at reading faces; I had learned to interpret mimic and draw my own conclusions.
If the headmaster had no face... maybe he had no head as well.
I shook my head.
Something was wrong. That hadn't been my own thought. It was too abstract, too incoherent, too notional, too...
"Mad."
I turned around to find two gleaming amber-coloured eyes staring at me in excitement. I took a step backwards and moved backwards until my feet would be stopped by the door.
"And you were right, I guess: those hadn't been your own thoughts. Those were mine, mingling with yours, entwining and embracing each other in your mind."
"Stay away from me!" I yelled and clenched my fists. "Koschei!"
Koschei moved closer and came to a halt right in front of me; his face was only inches away from mine. He smiled and opened his eyes wide.
"I told you, you can't keep me out of your life. I won't stay out of your life, Theta. I'll just keep coming back. Perseverative; or perennial, if you'd prefer that one. Like night and day, like every season." He chuckled quietly and let out a long drawn-out sigh; his hot breath made me flinch.
"You know. Inevitable. Like death and taxes."
"Death and taxes" I spat out and gritted my teeth. "Don't you come telling me about, death and taxes! You're nothing more than a monster Koschei, nothing more than an unkillable monster!"
Koschei chuckled again; he pressed his hands firmly beside my temples against the door and moved his face closer by an inch.
"I wasn't given this name without a reason, Theta" he smiled and rubbed his nose against mine, closing his eyes in delight "And you knew that; you always knew that."
"Koschei get out of my life" I hissed between gritted teeth. I bended my knees a bit and tried escaping underneath him by slipping slowly to the ground, but Koschei had other plans with me; he managed to fix my body against the door by pushing himself against me, importuning me chest on chest, thighs on thighs, abdomen against swollen abdomen.
Koschei's eyes trailed down my body and focused on my bulged stomach.
"You've gained weight" he mumbled quietly, "but partially, only."
He reached down with one hand and stroked my abdomen carefully. My skin seemed to burn under his touch, even through my garment.
He scared me. Koschei scared me.
I breathed heavily while searching through my mind; I was weak, I was anxious and there was nothing to stop me from running; I had managed to escape him the night before, I had managed to disappear from his searching eyes. I knew that I would be able to do it once more; but I couldn't.
My instinct to escape, my natural flight behaviour had been suppressed; someone had managed to gain control over my mind one more time.
I closed my eyes and felt tears burning in my eyes.
Someone who' promised me to spare my mind if I'd endow him with my body.
And there was a knocking in my head. A strange knocking sound.
"You can't be satisfied, can you?" I hissed and suppressed the tears welling up in my eyes. I was too tired and too weak to fight Koschei; if he'd enter my mind, I wouldn't stand in his way.
I'm here, Koschei. And I know that you can hear me.
Oh Theta, it's no fun when you're not bothering to resist.
I placed my hands on Koschei's collarbones too keep him from drawing nearer; Koschei's amber eyes melded into mine as I met his gaze.
You promised me to stay out of here, Koschei! You promised me!
Promises are meant to be broken, Theta.
Not on Gallifrey, they aren't!
But on earth they are. And you tended to have a soft spot for humans, didn't you? A delicate and soft spot... right between your legs...
Koschei reached down and touched my groin shamelessly. In no time I had grasped his hand and pushed it away furiously.
"Stop it, Koschei" I hissed and pressed my forehead against his with increasing pressure, hoping that thereby I'd be able to break his skull. But Koschei wouldn't budge; I wasn't probably even hurting him but myself.
I don't like it when you hurt yourself, Theta.
"Koschei, if you don't stop messing with my mind on the instant, I'll...!"
"You what?" asked Koschei smirking "Tell me Theta, what are you going to do? You can't even protect yourself. Neither from me nor from your father. You had never been able to protect yourself or to look after yourself. And think about it, Theta. I was the one giving you shelter. I was the one who protected and guarded you."
"My father guarded me" I snapped as he met my enraged gaze "But not good enough, I will admit that. He'd never managed to shield me from you."
Koschei chuckled again, banging his head against mine cautiously. Now both of his hands reached for my crotch.
"Don't you remember it, Theta?" he smirked. I felt his heartbeats increasing. His play instinct had awakened and he was now ready to toy with me; or he was beginning to get aroused.
Either way, I reached for his hands and squeezed them hard; he should feel that I wouldn't let myself get touched and turned by him, not anymore. But Koschei's reply was nothing but maniacal laughter and I felt his thoughts invading my mind, racing through my head and tearing my memories and thoughts limb from limb; I opened my eyes in shocked silence as I felt the sentences disappear, as everything I had tried to keep locked up in my mind started vanishing and my memories became twisted, they changed, the evolved they seemed to...
I pressed my hands against my temples and bashed my head against Koschei's.
"What are you doing?"
"Can't you hear it, Theta? Don't you remember it?"
Twisted thoughts, broken memories and crippled scraps of conversation whirled inside of my head, they seemed to splash from one side of my skull to the other, their shapes changed, their contents modified and became more and more disfigured. I tried to recall my father's words, I tried to remember the terrible night when...
"It's a lot more fun like this, isn't it?" asked Koschei and chuckled "Now you're fighting. Now you're struggling against me."
"You said you'd spare my mind if I'd let you have my body at your disposal" I nearly cut him off and breathed heavily again, inevitably spitting at Koschei's face. He licked his lips and smiled.
"It's not Mind or Body, Theta" explained Koschei as he met my desperate gaze.
He leaned forward and brushed his head against my ear before whispering:
"I lied to you. That's not your decision. I want you on the whole. I don't want your body – I want you, Theta."