Author's note: I want to thank everyone for the awesome reviews. I promise that this story won't be going anywhere until it is finished. Please enjoy the second chapter.
It took several seconds for Casey to register what had just happened. It wasn't that she didn't know what a kiss was; of course she did. But receiving one from her coworker, her best friend, who was also a woman, was information overload for the moment. As they slowly pulled away from each other, Casey looked away for a moment. "Wow," she murmured.
"Wow?" Olivia questioned, brushing a stray red curl out of Casey's eyes. "Is that a good wow or a bad wow?"
"I don't know," Casey admitted. Just looking at Olivia made her crave another kiss. No. That kiss was a fragment of her imagination. It had to be. Rebuckling her seat belt, Casey settled into her seat without saying another word. On the way back to her apartment, Olivia occasionally commented on things they saw on the road, but she didn't question Casey or her thoughts. The attorney was relieved; she couldn't possibly sort her feelings out if they were still talking about them.
When they arrived at her apartment, Olivia walked her up, stating that it was late at night and that she wouldn't let anyone hurt her. Casey hesitated before unlocking her door. "Do you want another drink?" she asked quietly.
"I think I've already had too much," Olivia answered calmly. It was a tone Casey recognized all too well, a tone usually reserved for particularly pesky witnesses.
"Please," Casey asked, hating the pleading undertones in her own voice. "Unless," she added, opening her front door and entering the apartment, "you prefer to pass that off as simple drunkenness." Olivia didn't respond right away, and Casey started to close the door after mumbling a clipped "goodnight."
Olivia pushed the door open just as it was about to close. Without further invitation, she entered the apartment, locking the door behind her. "Tell me how you feel," she instructed. "I am not going to stand here and act like a horny schoolgirl whose emotions got the better of me, Casey. You didn't stop me, and if you truly hated it, you would have pulled away immediately. Now, I may not have studied the clock before and after, but I would suppose you didn't pull back for at least two minutes."
Casey sighed. "Will you just admit that all you want is to add me to your list of conquests?" she demanded.
"I beg your pardon?"
"As if you don't know," Casey snapped, walking into the kitchen and slamming two wine glasses onto the counter. She poured a little of her favorite wine into each glass, practically thrusting one at Olivia. Seeing the confused look on the older woman's face, the redhead rolled her eyes, gripping her wine tightly. "You cannot honestly tell me that you haven't heard your nickname around the office. Or should I say, nicknames? Love 'em and leave 'em Benson, womanizer...and those are the tamest of the nicknames."
Olivia scoffed, finishing half of her wine in one sip. "Clearly I was wrong. We must have regressed into high school students, because we are still relying on the rumor mill instead of asking each other if things are true." She stepped forward, easily closing the distance between herself and Casey, until they were eye to eye. "This may surprise you, Casey, but no one knows for sure how many women I've slept with, because I don't brag about my exploits like some inter-office lady-killer. I find it quite surprising that you, of all people, would place any stock in such rumors." She took Casey's wine glass and placed it next to her own on the island. "I would never use someone I truly care about. There is a difference between a one night stand and my best friend."
Casey folded her arms across her chest, leaning against the silverware drawer. Suddenly, even though she was a few inches taller than Olivia, and wearing heels, she felt naked and short, dwarfed by the older woman's imposing nature. "I don't know what to say," she admitted quietly. Her emerald gaze flooded with tears, and she bit her bottom lip so hard that she drew blood in an effort to stop them from spilling over.
"What are you really afraid of?" Olivia asked, using her right thumb to brush a fallen tear away.
"Everything! It would be easier to state what I'm not afraid of," the redhead sighed. She paced carefully in the kitchen, her heels clicking on the tile. "I'm afraid of falling into your bed and finding you gone in the morning. I'm terrified that things will go badly, and our friendship will suffer..or worse, that they are amazing, but our friendship moves too quickly."
"Those aren't your greatest fears," Olivia answered gently. She took Casey's hands in hers. "Look at me, Casey." As Casey reluctantly met her gaze, the brunette smiled, wiping another tear. "You are using them to hide your biggest fear. You are afraid because you've never been with a woman, and you're worried that it will somehow detract from my feelings for you."
Casey looked at the floor, studying the pattern on the tile. "It's more than that," she confessed. "I feel like a fraud. I've spent my entire life with men. How can I suddenly give that up? How could I have fallen in love with my female best friend?"
"Because love isn't black and white," Olivia replied. "Who cares how many men you've been with? Maybe you never met a woman you truly connected with, or else you repressed your true feelings. But your lack of experience doesn't matter to me. In fact, I have spent the last twelve years pining after a woman who always had a new boyfriend, who I knew I never had a chance with. Now you tell me who is more confused?" she questioned, chuckling.
Hearing it said like that, Casey couldn't help but laugh along. Once she started, she couldn't stop. Whether it was the alcohol or just the fact that it felt good to laugh freely, she couldn't calm down enough to speak for several minutes. Once she had relaxed, she shook her head. "But what about our jobs? I realize there's no official rule against it, but how serious should we let things get before we disclose, if we disclose? What if we disclose, then everything falls apart? What if one of us is forced to transfer? And what if you realize, after one night, that I'm not what you had in mind, and you lose all interest in me? That will make for some very interesting water cooler conversations."
"Those are things we will tackle as they come up, should we even go through with things. This isn't high school, Casey. This isn't about me pressuring you into the bedroom, or even into another kiss. I want you to be happy, and I want you to feel safe. I want you to be with me in whatever way you like, even if that's just saying forget the kiss, and continue as best friends and coworkers. But I do promise you that I have loved you since shortly after I met you, and those feelings have never abated, no matter how hard I tried to squash them. I want you, not just in my bed, but in my arms. You're the one I think about at night. You're the one I have to tap dance around, lest I say the wrong thing and ruin our friendship. You could never be a simple hook up to me."
Casey managed a soft smile, letting the words sink in. Who knew Olivia was such a romantic at heart? "Alright, Shakespeare," she murmured. She picked her wine up, carrying it into the living room. Sitting down on the couch, she ensured that there was enough room for Olivia to sit beside her. Within seconds, the older woman had joined her, her own glass in hand. Olivia started to set it on the glass coffee table, but Casey let out an indignant squeak.
"Oh, yes, I forgot I was dealing with Miss Neat Freak," Olivia said, laughing out loud. She retrieved a coaster and made a great show out of setting it down on the table, and her wine glass on top of it. "Happy now?"
"Ecstatic. And I'm not a neat freak..I just don't like messes," Casey answered, shaking her head at the semantics. She glanced at the clock, noticing it was half past one in the morning. She had to be in court in less than eight hours.
Olivia followed her gaze. "I better get home," she said, standing up.
Casey quickly grabbed the brunette's sleeve. As Olivia looked down at her curiously, the attorney shook her head. "Stay?" she asked, the word barely a breath on her lips. She briefly thought about what she was about to say. Either way, things were going to change in her friendship with Olivia forever. If she were to be completely honest with herself, she would realize that everything Olivia had said was right. She had loved the older woman for as long as she could remember. The first time she could remember loving her was in 2005, when Olivia rescued her, saving her life after Milan Zuergens nearly beat her to death. Those precious moments in the hospital had felt..intimate, in some ways.
She had been used before, as everyone had. So many men had promised they would still be there in the morning, only to slip out of bed before she could wake. But somehow, she trusted Olivia. She realized that it was wrong of her to base her feelings on gossip around the office. It was, as Olivia had said, too juvenile for women in their position. And she realized, in that moment, that she could no longer deny her true feelings. She wanted Olivia. In some ways, she craved her; her touch, her approval, her everything. She gently pulled Olivia back onto the couch, sitting on her lap and wrapping her arms around the older woman's neck. "Promise you'll be here in the morning," she begged.
"I wouldn't dare be anywhere else," Olivia murmured, tangling her fingers in Casey's hair. "Let me show you what it means to be the one I love."
Casey glanced towards her open bedroom door. Wordlessly, they stood up from the couch. As they entered the bedroom, Casey didn't even care that there were dirty dishes on her coffee table. And as Olivia closed the door, only her shadow illuminated in the moonlight, Casey stood by the bed, waiting. Her nerves were on fire. If Olivia didn't do something soon, she was going to implode.
She jumped when she felt the hands around her waist. With her eyes closed, Casey hadn't even heard Olivia approach. Before she knew it, she was enveloped in another passionate kiss. "Are you sure?" Olivia whispered, nibbling at her ear lobe.
"Yes," Casey half moaned, tilting her head back to allow the older woman easier access.
Olivia gently pushed her onto the bed, lying on top of her. She kissed the younger woman with a fire that could have decimated the universe. "I want you," Olivia growled, nipping at Casey's neck. She lifted the attorney enough to unzip her dress, then pushed her down again. She pulled back once the dress was off and Casey's undergarments were revealed.
"Is something wrong?" Casey asked, suddenly feeling naked all over again.
Olivia shook her head in the darkness. "God, you're beautiful," she whispered. Casey was relieved she had purchased a black lace push up bra and matching pantie to wear under her dress. It accentuated her curves and her small, but firm cleavage. Then she realized how ridiculous that thought was. As if she could have known that she would be bedded by her closest friend. "Close your eyes," Olivia instructed softly. The redhead complied. And before Casey knew it, she was stripped of every inch of clothing, including her shoes. This was it. There was no turning back now.