(accidentally swapped phones with someone at a party and don't realize until their mom calls in the morning and you spend like three hours talking to this hilarious woman about life and when you go to her house to return her kid's phone wow the kid is the really good kisser from the party last night au)
The phone is ringing. The phone is ringing and it's not her ringtone. It's 7 AM, the phone is ringing, and it's not her ringtone. Only one of these things registered in Piper's sleep-clogged mind as she rolled over to answer the vibrating annoyance.
"Hello?" She croaked, opening a bleary eye to study the angry red numbers of her alarm clock. She'd barely gotten in two hours ago.
"Al?" A way too chipper voice cracked down the line at her. "Jeez, yah sound like death warmed over. What time did you get in last night?"
"Five..." Piper mumbles out before she can stop herself.
"Hm. I been tryin' to ring yah all night. Finally decided to just try calling early for a change, figured maybe then I'd manage to get ahold'a yah, and look at that I was right!"
"Mmm..." Piper murmured in understanding as her sleep clogged mind slowly began to catch up with the conversation. "Who is this?"
The talkative woman on the other line paused, suddenly seeming to realize it wasn't in fact "Al" she was talking to. "This is Alex's mother. Who's this?"
"Piper."
She waited a moment for the girl to continue, but when it appeared Piper wasn't going to elaborate she pressed on. "What're you doin' answerin' Al's phone, Piper?"
"I don't know." The woman, Alex's mother, chuckled softly at Piper's tired confusion.
"Well, is Al around?" She asked gently. Piper lifted her head, blearily peering around her empty bedroom.
"No, I..." She faltered, momentarily pulling the phone away from her ear to study it. "I think I must have... accidentally picked this phone up at the party last night?"
The woman chuckled again as Piper swore softly. "Ugh, I'm sorry. I got... really drunk last night. I must have grabbed Alex's phone thinking it was mine. Um... you could maybe try calling mine to get in touch? We must have swapped."
"Yeah, I could try that. Find out where Al is." The woman murmurs. "I'll call yah back in a second."
Piper's arm drops tiredly back to the bed a soft thud. No point in trying for sleep again now, she thinks, rubbing her eyes.
Her thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the shrill cry of Katy Perry and she instinctively reaches her hand out to answer her phone.
"Hellooo... oh." She trails off.
"Well now, this is a predicament." Alex's mother greets with a blooming smirk evident in her voice.
"Oh goooood, I can't believe I did this." Piper groaned. "I've never gotten this drunk before, it was just a bad night after a bad week, and I got in a fight with my best friend, and I sort of lost count of how many drinks I had thrown back, and everything just sort of started running together, and now I've stolen somebody's phone!"
Alex's mom chuckled from the other end of the phone, as Piper rambled on. "Piper, Piper, Piper! Calm down sweetie. It's fine. It's a simple mistake, no harm, easily fixable. God knows we've all had our share of those nights. Just breathe, kid. Breathe."
A heavy sigh exploded from Piper's lungs as she willed herself to calm. "I'm sorry. I just. It's been a long week. I can drop the phone off somewhere if you need me to. Is there a certain address you need me to go to?"
"Honey you don't sound like you're in any condition to be goin' anywhere anytime soon." The woman soothed. "Yah only got in, what, two hours ago you said? We'll get Al's phone back, just take some time to get yourself sorted first."
Another sigh slipped through the girl's lips, this time slower as she allowed the older woman's words to ease her gradually into a sense of calm.
"You strike me as someone who doesn't let loose too often, it must really have been a hell of a week for yah."
"Yeah." Piper murmured softly. "My friend, Polly, dropped the news that she's currently sleeping with her professor on me last night. Right before informing me that the guy she's been trying to set up me up with for the past month would be at the party and lecturing me on how good he'd be for me and how I need to just give him a chance."
"Mm. Been there." The woman murmured, understandingly.
"Right? And normally it wouldn't be too much, except my mother had called earlier to yet again lecture me on my life choices, because nothing I ever do can be good enough for her since Danny the Doctor moved out."
"Older brother?" She asked sympathetically.
"Yeah. The Golden Child. I mean I love Danny, I do, but it's like he ran as fast as he could, as soon as he could and now my parents attention has shifted to me. Which wouldn't be so bad, I guess, but it's like no matter what I do they're disappointed. Nothing I do is ever enough. I graduated high school with honors, but wasn't the valedictorian. I'm going to college, but didn't pick the right major. Congratulations Piper, but you could have done better."
"Ah. Those kinda parents." The woman murmured. "Overbearingly encouraging to the point of perpetual disappointment."
"Yeah." Piper sighed, tiredly. "I'm sorry for dumping all my shit onto you. I just... once I start I can't really... stop."
The woman tsked softly. "Nonsense. Yah sound like yah need a sympathetic ear right now and trust me, honey, when I say we've all been there. I probably could have avoided my share of past mistakes if I'd had someone to unload my troubles onto after a night of heavy drinking. Sometimes all we need to do is let it out. Cause let me tell yah, holdin' it in? Helps no one. And you sound like someone who spends a lot of time holdin' things in." She prods with the gentle tell of a smile in her voice.
"Yeah." Piper exhales with a small laugh. "It's kind of how I was raised."
"Ah. Well that certainly explains a lot." She teases gently.
Piper loses track of how long they spend talking, as she unloads the stress of her life onto the sympathetic woman. Laughing as the older woman shares her own stories of drunken nights, bad decisions, and the false sense of teenage invincibility.
"Alex is lucky to have you." Piper murmurs on the fading tail of a laugh after a particularly hilarious story.
"Yeah, well. I got my share of faults too." She admits with a sigh. Piper stays silent as she draws a heavy breath. "Lemme tell yah something, Piper. I have only known you for the better part of this morning and already I can tell you are an incredible kid. Yah got a good head on your shoulders, your hearts seems to be in the right place, yah sound like you're twice as much as most of the girls Alex has dragged home. And your parents would be crazy to not see that. Though something tells me they do. They might not be the best at expressing it, but it sounds like they just want what's best for yah. They want yah to have every opportunity you possibly can, because, trust me, the alternative's a real drag." She chuckled softly and Piper found herself joining. "They could probably stand to be a little more supportive, but don't you for a second think you're not good enough for anyone. The only person you gotta be good enough for at the end of the day is YOU. Alright, kid?"
"Yeah," Piper breathed, wiping gently at her eyes, which had slightly started to water during the older woman's speech. "Thank you, really. For... everything. I- oh god, y'know, I never even asked you your name!"
A genuine laugh echoed down the phone to Piper's ear and she found herself grinning, really grinning, for the first time in at least 24 hours. "It's Diane, sweetie. Diane Vause. Now. Let's see about gettin' you Alex's address so you can get that phone back, huh?"
.
It was late afternoon when Piper finally found her way to the address she'd written across an old receipt she'd scooped off her floor. She drew a deep breath as she waited for whoever was behind the door to respond to her knocking.
Her eyes were scanning the neighborhood behind her idly when the door opened.
"Hey, I'm-" She turned to face the door, hesitating at the sight of the person behind it. "Oh. I'm... sorry, I must... I'm looking for an Alex?"
The woman before her tilted her head, darting a look to the side before meeting Piper's eyes once more. "You... found her?" She answered haltingly.
"Oh. I... OH! I'm sorry, I just... I spoke to your mother earlier... on the phone... I'd just assumed you were, a... never mind!" A faint smirk pulled at the older's woman lips as Piper rambled helplessly. "I... you... were at the, uh... party, last night I... I took your phone." She finished lamely.
Alex's smirk grew as she reached out to grasp the object helplessly being offered up between them. Their fingers brushed for a moment before Piper suddenly pulled her hand back.
"Wait, I... I remember you..." The smirk slowly fell from Alex's face as she watched the blonde piece together hazy memories. "You... I didn't take your phone, you gave me your phone!" She exclaimed indignantly.
Alex watched her silently, somewhat thrown by this new turn of emotion.
"We made out on the couch for like an hour and then you told me to take your phone when I had to leave. I have spent the entire day berating myself for getting SO DRUNK that I picked up two cell phones when all along you had just up and given it to me!" The smirk tugged gently at the corners of Alex's mouth once more as she listened to the blonde rant.
"To be fair, we did a little more than make out." She couldn't resist commenting, jarring the blonde into momentary silence.
She studied the brunette before her in quiet interest for a moment. "Why did you give me your phone?"
Alex's gaze shifted awkwardly from the blonde before her, sweeping sheepishly around the street as she fought a growing grin. "I, uh... I gave you my phone so you'd have my number." She couldn't quite stop the chuckle that bubbled up from her lips. "It made sense at the time."
Piper's eyes lit with quiet wonder as she watched the older woman. "No, I... oh my god, I totally remember that now... you were very insistent." She trailed off with a laugh, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth.
"Yeah." Alex mumbled, smirking.
They studied each other for a moment, quietly suppressing giddy grins.
"Well..." Piper murmured after a moment, "you did manage to end an otherwise shitty week on a rather positive note... if I remember correctly."
Alex laughed quietly and Piper vaguely noted she could hear hints of her mother's raspy chuckle in it. "Glad I could help."
"I never did get your number." She murmured softly as they continued to study one another, before dragging her eyes away from Alex's to sweep them across the building. "Though I did get your address. I guess that counts for something."
"Here." Alex murmured, reaching her hand out expectantly. Piper pulled her own phone out and placed it in her upturned palm. Alex tapped away silently for a moment. "Now you've got my number too." The forgotten phone in Piper's other hand vibrated suddenly. "And I've got yours."
She glanced at Alex's phone in her hand, swiping open the text from a familiar "unknown" number, and reading it quietly.
She typed her name into the "Add Contact" box before handing the phone back to Alex and taking her own.
"Thank you... Alex Vause."
"Thank you, Piper Chapman." Alex responded, eyes flicking down to read the updated contact list.
It was much later that night when another text message from Piper Chapman came through. Popping up quietly underneath the original message Alex sent out earlier ("have dinner with me sometime"), a short simple "okay."
Alex found herself grinning as she read the message. She'd have to remember to call her mother in the morning.