A/N: Hello! How are you on this great day?

The fastness of this chapter I owe to the music I've been listening for the past two days. Believe me, 80's and 90's music is the best music to write with.

Anyway, let's get to the answers:

darlings1995: Hello! Glad you like the story!

red wolf: Nice, that you're thinking so.

high warlock: They could. Me? I don;t know. It brings the memories, right? Jake will have his moments in the story again. Oliver will find out in the next one.

D: I'm glad that it helped you after that sad ending.

anni: Thanks, glad you like it.

Thank you for all reviews, follows and favorites. It's really awesome that you're still with me, even when I'm making here such a roller coaster.

Characters belongs to Cassie Clare, except for the OC's.

Enjoy reading.

Chapter XVIII

"Bittersweet realization"

It was incredible, how great I've been feeling around Alec. It's like I couldn't stop smiling myself when he did even the smallest thing, like grab my hand, peck my cheek or stole a quick kiss from my lips. For the past week, we've been meeting every day. I couldn't have enough off of him. The sweet, loving atmosphere around us was so much endearing, and I didn't want to stop it. Ever.

Oliver was in his work-trip for a week more, since the team got into some 'training program' in Canada. To be honest, I was happy because he wasn't meant to be in New York for longer. That meant that I have more time to spend with Alexander, not worrying that my boyfriend will catch me.

It's not that I've cheated on Oliver with Alec, no I haven't slept with Alexander or so. I only kissed him and enjoyed time with him. And that wasn't cheating in my mind. But I didn't know how Oliver will react on it. So it was better for now to keep it for myself. I liked, loved Oliver, but lately I've found that I have more in common with Alexander. That I'm more myself around him, and not Oliver. That I'm happier around Alec, than around Oliver.

That I simply want to be more around Alexander, than my own boyfriend.

And I intended to do it, by all means.

…

Sometimes I wondered if my mind is playing tricks with me, by showing me really strange memories. Like the one from yesterday, while I was shopping on the mall.

I was walking around the mall, with bags in my hands, smiling to myself that I have a new outfit for my date with Alexander, when a small situation caught my attention. By the window of Toy's shop stood a small blonde girl with some woman, probably her mother. The girl was tugging the end of her green dress, and whining about something in the window display.

"Please mommy, can you buy me this doll? Pweese, pretty please"

"Not now Annabelle" At that a pain formed in my mind, causing some visions.

She was making her best puppy eyes, and with her blue eyes it was quite a cute look, as she was tugging the end of my red jacket. She was pointing at some pink box on the shop's shelf, before I heard her high pitched voice, full of whining.

"Please daddy, please…can you buy me this doll? Please? Pretty please with a glitter on top, daddy" she hugged me around my legs, smiling upon me "Please daddy"

"Sweetie…you have so many dolls already in home"

"But this is a new Barbie…please daddy" I took her in my arms, when she raised her arms to me. Once we were face to face, she kissed my cheek and hugged my neck, a bit too strong "Please daddy, please"

"Fine…" a loud squeak left her mouth "But! On your birthday, ok?"

"But it's in a month…"

"Sorry…" she pouted for a while, before her eyes glimmered with mischief. And that wasn't a good sign.

"How 'bout that, daddy" she tapped her small fingers on my shoulder "You buy me now the doll, and you won't have to buy me a gift for my birthday? Deal?"

She totally learned that from my beloved, the way of convincing me with the puppy eyes and using smart words. She was totally our girl.

"Deal, Lily"

"I love you daddy!" she once again kissed my cheek, leaving some saliva on it.

"I love you too Princess"

"Lily…" a sad whisper escaped my mouth, as I faltered, dropping the bags on the mall's floor. "My Princess…"

"Sir, are you ok?" the lady in the green dress asked, as she grabbed my arms to steady me. "Sir?"

"Yeah…yes…thank you" it wasn't a thank you, only for helping me, but as well for triggering the memory in my mind. "You should buy that doll, it's a nice gift. Especially for little girls"

After I left the mall, and went to home, some tears rolled down my cheeks. The memory of my…of Lily was painted in my mind, making my heart hurt. I missed her, even though I haven't seen her for all those years. She was probably in early teenage years now, leaving somewhere with my ex-boyfriend, having a new daddy. Probably not remembering a man from her past.

Strangely, my feet were leading me home through the areas of kindergartens, and playgrounds. The view of swings and playing kids, made me truly smile, warm inside. It brought to me the feeling of familiarity, as I spent here some time.

And then, I heard it.

"Daddy, daddy!" the voice, the voice from my memories came to my ears. Involuntary I got up from the bench and looked around. "Daddy! Daddy!"

"Lily…Lily…" I tried to locate the child that was shouting, but there was too many of them. "Lily…"

"Auntie Izzy, there's daddy!" the voice of her was heard by me again, but I couldn't see her anywhere.

"Lily" my voice got a bit louder, yet for me it still seemed to be a whisper, a cry maybe. "Lily…"

And then nothing. I didn't hear her voice again, except for the painful echo in my own mind, causing me silently cry.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy"

…

The memories about Lily, were eating me alive for two days. And the worst thing was that I didn't have anyone to talk to about them. Mom and her husband were out of the city, visiting my step-brother and his new born second son. Mom got really into the whole 'grandma' state. Ragnor was really busy with his kid, along with Cate. And Tessa was living far away. No one to talk to.

I missed her so much, though I haven't seen her for so many years. I know that I loved her like my own child. And it pained me that I can't see her, because I didn't know who is her father. I still couldn't picture the man from my dreams.

I only was seeing that tattoo, matching mine.

My bedroom looked like some tornado came through it. I tried to find anything, anything about the man and Lily. About me with them. Something, anything. But there was none thing about them in my home. Like we didn't existed together outside my mind.

My heart was aching whenever I passed some child on the street or in the mall, or wherever I was at the time. Whenever a baby cried, I wanted to take it into my arms, and rock until it would calm. I felt a fatherly instinct inside of me. And I knew that it's a part of me, for a long time now. A part that I'm entirely missing.

…

Day by day, more memories were coming to my mind, filling me with different emotions. Some of them were happy, some sad, some made me smile, some made me cry. But nevertheless, I was glad that I was getting them back, because they were part of me. They made me who I am today. They helped me feeling more like myself.

It was strange, that some memories were trigged by Alec and his actions. By simple words, or places that he was taking me. Or sometimes by places that I passed. Just like a memory of some club, with strippers, boas, and lots of alcohol. The club was familiar to me, and so, I felt the urge to go there. But not alone.

"A club?" I heard him through the phone. Some light voice was there too. "Gimmie me a sec… sweetie…" some muffled voices were heard by me, making me wonder who's there with him "Ok, I'm back…a club you say…which one?"

"Exotic"

"Yeah sure" that made me smile. "Pick you up at eight?"

"Ok. I'll see you later Alexander"

"See you Magnus"

Now it's time for making myself the prettiest I can for Alexander.

…

The club was filled with the heavy atmosphere coming from alcohol, perfumes, and cigarettes. Many people were dancing to some disco music. Alec was holding my hand all the time, since the very first second we entered this place. The 'leopard materials' draped on the walls were so familiar to me. As they were printed in my mind. I must have been here before, not only one time.

"Do you want something to drink, Darling?" he smiled to me and nodded. "I'll be right back"

"One sex on the beach and mojito" the red-head woman smiled at me, before she started to prepare our drinks. "Thanks doll"

Alec came and sat next to me on the bar tool, with one hand on my knee. And I loved that very much. My hand moved on its own to his face, to brush off his black hair that fell on his face. On its way back, I brushed my fingers over his pink lips, before I leaned down to capture them with my own. He tasted delicious, of mint, lemon and alcohol. All that mixed on his talented tongue that now was fighting for a domination with my very own. Alec's hands moved further, so now they were placed over my thighs, massaging them, making me almost purr in a pleasure.

A moment longer, and I'll jump his bones, here on the bar stool.

But then, the sounds of a familiar song were heard by me, making me pull away from Alexander.

"I know that song!" he fixed his blue tight shirt that I rolled up a bit during our making-out. "Let's dance, darling!"

"Ok"

It seemed that there's a hardly a space for us on the dance floor, but yet we've managed to fit. Alec pressed me hardly to his chest, his hands suited on my hips, mine around his neck. We started to move to the beat of the music. The tension was slowly building between us once again. I could feel every muscle of his when we were pressed chest to chest, groin to groin. When I was involuntary rub against him, and he against me, I saw the pure lust in Alexander's blue eyes. I was sure as hell, that mines were filled with the same.

I wanted him, so badly. Wanted to make him mine. Tonight.

Alec seemed to read my mind, as he stood on his toes, and captured my lips with his. Once again we fought for domination with our tongues. Moans were escaping both of our mouths, every time we gasped for air. My hands found their way underneath Alec's shirt, rubbing his sides. Alexander moved his fingers to my spiked hair and tugged them making me moan in his mouth. I was already half-hard, and so was my partner.

That's when I realized that we're not dancing anymore. We're almost having sex on the dance floor.

There was a second maybe two, of looking into each other's eyes, before I tugged Alec to the club's backstage. Strange, that I know in what direction I supposed to go. There was a room, and some old, green couch. Not the best place, but we were too much consumed by lust. Both of us.

I pushed Alec on the nearest wall, as I kicked the door shut. My hands immediately moved to open his blue shirt. Finally, after such a long time, I took it off from him and threw to the floor. Alec was slightly blushing, but the lust in his eyes was a stronger feeling. He drew me to himself, before he took off my white jacket, dropping it to the floor as well. Then my grey shirt.

As we stood bare chested, I could admire his well-build, pale upper body, that seemed to be familiar to me. He was moaning and breathing heavily as I was sucking on his neck, and running my hands over his chest.

"You're so gorgeous baby" Alec was moaning so amazing, and I swear on God, it was the best sounds I ever heard.

"Mmmm…Magnusss…." He was grinding his hips up to mine, causing the friction for both of us. I could actual feel how hard he was, but I was in the same state.

My hand was trailing down his chest, straight to his pants. Before I opened the buckle of his belt, I looked up at him for an approval. Alexander nodded, licking his perfect lips. I unzipped his jeans, before I hooked my thumbs inside his black boxers, right on his hips. Slowly and playfully I started to tug them down.

That's when it caught my eye.

Just below his right hip. A tattoo. A familiar tattoo. A tattoo that I've been seeing in my dreams for a while now. A tattoo that matched mine.

Heart in flames.

A wave of pain hit my head, as I dropped to my knees. It was like someone was hammering inside, making me awfully sick.

Somewhere around me I heard Alec shouting my name. But then, I was attacked by my own mind with memories.

"Let's do something crazy, baby!" I stopped him before a Tattoo shop.

"A tattoo? Seriously Mags?"

"Come on! You're cancer free for a year now. We have to celebrate it!" I tugged him inside. "We're getting matching tattoos Alexander"

"I love you Alexander"

"I love you too Magnus"

"You're my one and only Alexander"

"It's you and me against the world Alexander"

"Always and forever"

"Magnus! Magnus!" he was shaking my arms, when he was kneeling next to me "Magnus say something!"

"I have to go" In no time I got up and ran out of the club, leaving Alec all clueless in that room.

Through all the way home more and more memories were attacking my poor mind, not giving me a chance to focus on them properly. All of them were about me and Alec, mostly from times when we were teenagers, or barely twenty, no older.

Now all it seems to finally fit. Now I know why I was feeling familiar around him, or places that he took me. Or why some words of him were familiar to me.

A bittersweet realization hit me, when I sunk to the floor of the hallway in my home.

I was with Alexander before.

The only thing I didn't know was, why am I no longer with him? What happened between us before? Why we're not together now?

A/N: Did you like it?

Ha! Magnus knows that he was with Alec and he knows about Lily! Isn't it great?

The next one, probably, ok most likely at the end of the week, maybe even, but only MAYBE I'll post two chapters in this week. But that's a big MAYBE. We'll see how much time I'll get.

Review if you feel like to

Lots of love

Intoxic