(we're acquaintances in real life who didn't know we were mutually attracted to each other until we found out we both swiped right on tinder AU)
Polly had been going on for 27 minutes now about some new health craze she'd read about on the internet that morning and it was all Piper could do to feign interest. She'd finished telling her about the latest developments in the world of cosmetics and had immediately launched into whatever it was she was going on about now. Piper had lost interest somewhere around the observations of the new vegan place at the mall and was now scrolling idly through her phone. Tinder. To be exact.
"Ugh." Piper muttered as the familiar face popped up.
ALEX, 27.
1 MUTUAL FRIEND.
Alex Vause. Nicky's friend.
They'd met once or twice through the bushy haired girl. It's not that they hated each other, they were just generally… incapable of sharing the same space without eventually going at it like a couple of feral cats.
Alex would make a smartass, vague comment designed to set Piper off and Piper would never fail to disappoint.
"You'd fuckin' be perfect for each other if you could just stop bein' assholes for two minutes." Nicky would mutter.
Piper raised her thumb over the image, ready to swipe left and be done with Alex Vause until the next time Nicky forces them to interact again. She paused, finger hovering over Alex's stupid smug face. She was fairly attractive. Piper tapped her thumb against the side of her phone idly as she studied the brunette's pictures before her. Yes, it was definitely a face Piper could sit on, even if the personality under it could use a little work. Or a lot of work.
Well, what could be the harm in swiping right? If anything Alex would never find out, and in the off chance that she would swipe right Piper could at least bask in the narcissistic fact that the cocky woman found her attractive.
"Hm." Her thumb slid across the screen, tossing the picture to the right, preparing to move to the next contender.
IT'S A MATCH
YOU AND ALEX HAVE LIKED EACH OTHER
Piper's fingers stilled over her phone as her blood ran cold. She hadn't been expecting a result so quickly. If anything she'd thought it'd be her who swiped first, ready to be the shock for Alex if/when she decided to swipe right afterwards. Fuck.
ALEX SENT YOU A NEW MESSAGE
That was quick. Piper wasn't sure if she was impressed or appalled.
- well this is awkward.
- so you think I'm attractive.
Piper scowled angrily at her phone. She could hear the smug tone oozing from the tiny black letters. Why the fuck had she swiped right.
I could say the same to you. -
She sent back irritably, unsure of what the brunette had to be so fucking smug about. She'd obviously swiped right also.
- nah, mine was a mistake.
- accidentally tapped the little green heart before I could swipe left.
Piper stared at her screen in disbelief. No. There was no way. She was lying. She had to be lying. She was being her usual stupid asshole Alex Vause self.
you are so full of shit. -
She sent back. She must have been full out glaring at her phone now because Polly paused her rant about Pete's fear of commitment to shoot her a confused look.
"What's wrong?"
Piper glanced up from the offending object, catching Polly's concerned expression. "Nothing. Sorry. Go on."
Her gaze lingered on the blonde in soft suspicion a moment longer before she launched back into her tirade.
Piper nodded and murmured along at her friend's rants, eyes flicking back to the dark screen of her phone every few seconds, awaiting the brunette's reply.
Figures. Alex was always one to start shit but the second Piper got confrontational she'd concede to Nicky's inevitably haggard "give it a rest you two."
Piper rolled her eyes in disgust, there was no point in waiting for a reply that would never come from this woman. She should just unmatch her now and save them both the trouble.
Her phone lit up.
ALEX SENT YOU A NEW MESSAGE
Piper's gaze flicked from the phone on the table before her to Polly, currently flipping through a magazine and giving commentary on whatever life decisions Kim Kardashian was supposedly currently making.
She casually slipped the phone off the table, unlocking it and opening tinder with strained slowness. She would not rush for anything Alex Vause. Alex Vause was not worth it.
- you caught me.
- I think you're pretty fucking hot.
- in fact, I'd have probably buried myself knuckle deep in you ages ago if you weren't so infuriatingly pretentious.
Piper ignored the slight flutter that danced through her stomach (she also told herself she was imaging the small rush of heat between her legs), instead opting for the more immediate emotion flowing through her.
I'M PRETENTIOUS? -
She furiously dropped her phone back onto the table before her, reaching swiftly for her coffee and taking a burning angry gulp. The NERVE of this woman! What in the world did Nicky see in her.
- yes.
-revoltingly so.
- but it's okay.
- I'll still go down on you anyway. ;)
Piper's eyebrows shot up to her hairline as she read the brunette's response. And then read it again. And then reread it.
"Piper?" Polly's voice once again snapped her out of her reverie.
Her gaze shot up from her phone to the vaguely annoyed expression of her friend. "Huh?"
Polly pursed her lips in mild irritation, rolling her eyes before diverting her attention back to her magazine. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, Pol, I'm…" Her gaze dropped back to her phone. The tiny black letters glowing tauntingly at her. "It's fine. I'm fine. Continue."
Her thumbs were already moving across the keypad as the words left her mouth.
that's awfully confidant of you. -
what makes you so sure I'd let you? -
She was losing ground in this weird repartee they'd somehow established. She needed to pull herself back together. She needed to knock that smug bitch down a peg. Or two.
- I've seen the way you look at me.
Or six.
Alright, Alex. Two can play at this game.
Is that so? -
The responses were immediate now.
- It is.
Both of them suddenly too involved to waste anymore time.
okay. you're right. -
I find you attractive. -
I realized I was picturing myself sitting on that smug face of yours when I came across your profile, so yes, I swiped right. -
Alex's responses halted. Piper grinned in satisfied glee.
She placed her phone back on the table, flicking her gaze back to Polly as she took another sip of her coffee. Good riddance, Alex Vause.
She was just beginning to zone out of Polly's newest topic when her phone finally buzzed with a reply.
ALEX SENT YOU A NEW MESSAGE
- where are you?
Piper furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as she read the new message.
why? -
Her eyes swept the room quickly, apprehensively as if expecting the brunette woman to suddenly appear.
- accept my snapchat request.
Piper's thumbs hovered over the small letters of the chat, about to tap out a properly scathing response as to why she would never ever have any reason whatsoever to accept any sort of social media friend request from Alex Vause when her phone chimed with a new notification.
VAUSEBITCH ADDED YOU ON SNAPCHAT
Seriously? Piper rolled her eyes (a small comfort, she was not conceding to Alex Vause if she was rolling her eyes in disgust as she tapped the ADD button in the snapchat app, and she was definitely not eagerly anticipating whatever play this woman was gunning for next).
NEW SNAPCHAT FROM VAUSEBITCH
Piper's eyes once again flicked to Polly (now absently flicking through the newest issue of cosmo, still engrossed in whatever it was she assumed Piper was listening to her talk about), as she thumbed open Alex's newest tactic in their weird little battle.
Her gaze flicked back to her phone as the picture blinked onto her screen, and Piper suddenly found herself clutching her phone a little tighter.
Alex Vause.
Alex Vause's ample cleavage.
Alex Vause, her ample cleavage, and that infuriatingly smug smirk.
SO U SAID SMTH ABT SITTING ON MY FACE?
Piper continued to stare at her phone as the picture disappeared. She had been wearing a white v-neck that left very little to the imagination and Piper closed her eyes against the sudden image of herself sitting in Alex Vause's lap, ripping that delectably teasing piece of fabric over that infuriatingly smug smirk and off that achingly voluptuous body completely.
Fuck.
Her phone vibrated once more in her hand, pulling her abruptly from her cloudy thoughts, alerting her to the fact that she'd been day dreaming about Alex's snapchat for just a moment too long. FUCK.
- I'm gonna take your silence to mean you liked it.
- you're welcome.
- though I notice you didn't save it.
- do you need me to send you another one?
Her nostrils flared in annoyance. Annoyance definitely caused by Alex Vause's over inflated ego and in no way having to do with her words being correct in any way.
- don't forget to save this one
NEW SNAPCHAT FROM VAUSEBITCH
Piper's gaze flicked to Polly before opening the new message.
The white v-neck was gone. Piper couldn't tear her eyes away from the black lace bra if she'd wanted to (which she stubbornly tried to convince herself she did).
- you didn't save that one either.
- geez, kid.
- I'm kinda feeling like you're not really appreciating my generosity here.
Her thumbs were flying across the keypad before she really knew what she was doing. She was losing ground in their war and it was completely unacceptable. If Alex Vause wanted to push this Piper Chapman would push it.
I haven't seen anything worth saving yet. -
It was her first response in several minutes and it absolutely shattered whatever sort of upper hand Alex Vause would ever think she'd had. Check and mate, Alex. Effectively having backed the older woman into a corner, she smirked. Alex would either have to give up her little gambit or take the next step in her incautious strategical power play, which Piper knew she would never do.
Her phone was silent for all of eighty two seconds.
NEW SNAPCHAT FROM VAUSEBITCH
The black lace bra was gone.
The game shifted.
Piper saved the image.
The image itself was textless. Nothing but Alex's skin, and Alex's tits, and Alex's face. And that smirk. That smirk ever present smirk was still adorning her angular features only suddenly it seemed to hold more weight.
The image itself was textless, but Alex's face held all the unspoken words Piper needed.
How about now?
- ah so that's what it takes to impress you.
- show a little skin.
- Piper Chapman you dirty little minx.
The air of immediateness that had been dictating their small war had suddenly dissipated and Piper found herself sliding her fingers along the sides of her phone as she pondered her reply. Everything suddenly seemed to tense in a slow suspense. Dangerous. Piper thought. Alex Vause is dangerous.
well. -
now I have something to look at every time I ask myself why the hell you have such an over inflated ego. -
Alex's replies are still immediate and Piper wonders for a second if she ever truly had the upper hand over the brunette at all.
- I just fulfilled one of your secret fantasies and you're still giving me attitude.
- but I'll take the compliment.
- I'm well mannered like that.
Piper huffed a soft laugh.
you're gonna have to work a little harder than that if you want to get into my good graces, Alex. -
She took a small sip of now cold coffee to sooth her nerves. Not school girl crush nerves, more like I'm dancing with a dangerous animal who could potentially turn from playful to deadly if I take one wrong step sort of nerves.
- it's not your good graces I want into, Piper.
The replay was immediately followed by another image.
Alex's thighs were visible now, giving way to shapely hips encased in somewhat familiar black lace. She was still shirtless, and most likely still smirking. Piper could only assume on this part, though, for the picture cut off at her bold collar bones.
it's an appreciative view. -
but not what I meant. -
Piper's fingers drummed across the table, she could no longer tell if Polly was still speaking to her or not. She could no longer tell if Polly was even in the room if she was being honest (and somewhere along the line she and Alex had certainly become honest).
- that's alright.
- I'm kinda liking the fiery temper.
- it kinda turns me on.
Piper rolled her eyes.
I'm sure. -
Another message popped up.
- I'm serious.
Another picture arrived.
Alex Vause's fingers. Alex Vause's very wet, very sticky fingers. Her thighs and those lace underwear were still visible in the blurry background.
"Oh my god." Piper whispered before she could stop herself.
"What?" Polly's annoyed tone gave way to exasperated impatience. "Piper, who the fuck are you talking to?"
"No one." Piper all but squeaked out quickly. "No one, Polly, I'm- it's unimportant. Okay? I just. I'm listening, I swear!"
Her phone vibrated and she returned her full attention to the screen.
- you can't seriously still be playing coy at this.
Her eyes flicked over Alex's words before jumping up to the last message she sent to the brunette. Okay. She'd accidentally crossed wires during her placating Polly. She'd sent Alex a very abrupt Okay. Her unintentional response gave her pause. Maybe it hadn't been unintentional at all. Maybe it'd been subconscious. Because maybe Alex was right. What the hell point was there to continue playing at aloofness? Alex was obviously willing to take this as far as Piper desired and Piper suddenly found herself desiring.
Alex's assholeness, Polly's annoyance, and this whole damn coffee shop be damned.
no, you're right. I'm not. -
show me more. -
She could practically feel the smirk that was surely working it's way across the brunette's face right now.
- what exactly am I getting out of it?
Her response was immediate. Alex could ruin her with the bold truth of her pictures, Piper could ruin her with the bold truth of her words. She'd told her to stop being coy. Piper was done being coy.
the satisfaction of knowing I absolutely want to fuck you right now. -
A new picture came in. Alex's face was once again present, bold white text scrawled out just underneath it.
are you wet?
Alex's fingers were wrapped tightly around her nipple, her mouth open in soft exclamation, all sharp teeth and wet lips.
yes. -
Piper's fingers had barely left the send button of her reply before a new notification lit her screen.
A video.
Her thumb hovered over the purple box for all of half a second.
Alex's hand was moving inside the black lace still adorning her hips.
Very deliberately.
Piper watched Alex Vause finger herself for ten seconds. Ten seconds that felt like ten years.
The video disappeared, leaving a new message in it's wake.
- where are you?
It had been a playful request last time, but Piper could sense the urgency in the small letters this time around.
The Starbucks off 8th. -
where are you? -
She squirmed uncomfortably in her seat, suddenly all too hot, too jittery, too anxious. Squeezing her thighs together she shot a quick glance at Polly before returning her gaze to the phone before her. Come on, Alex, any fucking day now would be good.
- My apartment.
- It's nearby.
- I'll send you the address.
Piper shot out of her seat the second the small collection of numbers and letters lit up her screen. Polly glanced up in alarm at her sudden movements.
"The fuck, Pipes? Where's the fire."
She could only manage inconsistent muttering as she stumbled out of her seat, shoving her chair hastily into the table, her mind on other things. "I uh, I um, I have to- I have to go, Pol. I have... um... I have to go."
Polly watched in annoyed confusion as she stumbled backwards towards the doors of the coffee shop in a haste, her voice small and fading as she called after her retreating friend. "Piper!? What the fuck!?"
It took her six minutes and forty seven seconds to make it to Alex's apartment.
It took Alex three seconds to open the door.
Alex Vause's strong arm fisting against the collar of her t-shirt and dragging her gasping lips against her own is the last thing Piper takes note of before losing herself in the haze of lust that had been steadily building since she'd swiped right on tinder one long torturous battle ago.
Nicky, of course, can tell immediately when she sees them later that week.
Laughing explosively, she can barely compose herself long enough to wheeze out "I FUCKING KNEW YOU TWO'D BE PERFECT."
They can't quite bring themselves to hate her as much as they'd quietly planned to.