My Sunshine, My Strength
Ice Cold Rain
The young taicho didn't know where he was heading yet again. Instead he knew the feeling of running kept various feelings and thoughts at bay. The first cognitive sensation he felt was a few cold rain drops splattering against his hot, sweaty skin. He then felt a twinge in his lungs indicating he over exerted himself, and he found himself forced to slow down. The feelings and thoughts which were kept at bay by the running began to resurface, and he swallowed just as the rain began to pour down harder. He blinked a couple of times when he finally stopped.
In front of him was the door to the tenth division office. Letting out a sigh he slid the door opened and stepped in. Water dripped off of his body, and his jaw clenched knowing what would come if his fukutaicho already woke up. His bright teal eyes darted over to the desk where his fukutaicho sat as the corners of his mouth deepened. Rangiku's eyes darted up upon hearing the door slide open, and her mouth was twisted into a deep frown.
The busty female quickly moved from the desk, and stood in front of the young taicho as he continued to drip on the floor. Both of her hands grabbed his shoulders lightly, but then after a few minutes one of her hands reached up to brush away a strand of hair dangling down into his teal eyes. "Taicho..."
Toshiro swallowed as his eyes darted away so he wouldn't look her in the eye. "I don't think she's happy with me."
"You're standing in front of her dripping wet. Of course he'll be upset."
"Sweetheart..." Rangiku let out a deep sigh. "Where have you been?"
"I..."The young taicho felt one corner of his mouth briefly turn down farther. "I think if I tell her she is going to be even more upset with me."
"Why? You weren't doing anything wrong."
"It feels like I am doing something wrong."
Rangiku blinked a couple of times before attempting to brush the white lock of hair away again. "Hey... you come in here soaking wet, and now you're trying to avoid telling me where you are."
"Matsumoto..." Toshiro felt a sharp pulling at his throat as he swallowed again. His head darted slightly to the side. "You're not my mother."
A sound similar to a sigh came from the ice dragon within the young taicho's inner world. "Young master. I know you just said she's not your mother, but you distinctly think of her this way."
"The fact I think of her that way doesn't mean she thinks of me as a son. Plus..." Toshiro moved his tongue slightly in frustration. "... I don't want her to know about him."
"About that..." The woman stopped speaking, and when she started speaking again her voice strained. "Does it really matter whether I am your real mother or not?"
The young taicho relaxed slightly, but the feeling of dread regarding that possible memory involving that person didn't allow him to relax. Hyorinmaru piped up again. "Why are you fighting back the feeling of wanting to treat her like your mother? You respect her that much, and she did save us many times."
"I told you. This involves him."
A sigh from Rangiku drew him back to reality. The woman brushed at the lock of white hair again. His fukutaicho continued to frown. "Where were you?"
"I..." Toshiro swallowed yet again, and his hands clenched at his sides.
"She won't stop asking until you tell her."
"I was over by the Quincies."
"Why?"
"I don't know." The young taicho heard a sigh escape from Rangiku's mouth causing his head to dart up, and for him to finally look her in the eyes. "I really don't know."
The fukutaicho of the tenth remained silent for short period allowing the young taicho to fidget slightly. "Let's get you out of those wet clothes."
Toshiro suddenly flinched before trying to pull away. Rangiku's hand's went back to his shoulders and she tugged him further inside out of the rain. The young taicho's mouth opened and closed a few times as her hands shifted to his back in order to give him a quick shove. The woman then slid the door shut while Toshiro turned around and opened his mouth. "Wait..."
"What?" The woman's voice remained chipper.
"You want me to change here?"
"There are uniforms in the cupboard."
"None of the spare uniforms are my size. They're all to big." The young taicho shook his hands and shivered at the thought of long sleeves getting in the way.
"It's just until your uniform is dry. Please..." Rangiku's hand brushed at the wet lock of hair again. "The last thing I want is for you to get sick taicho."
Toshiro quickly shook his head and tried pulling away. His mouth twisted up into a frown, and a heat built up at the tips of his ear. "No... you're asking me to change in front of you."
"No. I'll turn my back. I'll also make sure nobody comes into the room." The woman turned towards the cupboard with the uniforms, and Toshiro darted for the door. The female quickly grabbed the youth's arm causing him to nearly fall over. "Don't! If you don't change yourself I will undress and dress you myself! You know I won't hesitate."
The young taicho froze up as his throat tensed up once again. "Why? Why is she doing this?"
"Because she cares. You've known for some time that she cares, and yet you find yourself fighting the urge to call her mother. She wants to be your mother."
"Come on, you'll catch cold."
"I won't catch cold." Toshiro swallowed in an attempt to relieve the tension in his throat. "Will she want to be my mother if she finds out Gin cheated on her? I know I wouldn't want to look at myself."
"Yeah right."
"You're not wanting to look at yourself period because doing so reminds you of him."
Toshiro let out a sigh. "Hyorinmaru says I should listen to you."
Rangiku's eyelashes fluttered, and then a smile appeared on her face. She let go of his arm and headed over to the cupboard to remove the over sized uniform. She set the clothing on the back of the small couch next to the blanket she sometimes draped over him, and he realized she'd moved it back when she woke up. The strawberry blond female leaned forward and plucked a kiss on his forehead causing the young taicho's cheeks to heat up along with the tips of his ears.
"You should listen to your zampaktuo more often. Hyorinmaru's just looking out for you."
The young taicho's head darted up to look the woman in the face as his facial features twisted up in confusion. "You never listen to Haineko."
"I..." Rangiku blinked a couple of times before looking away and swallowing in a visible manner. "No. I tend not to listen to her. She does tend to insult me you know."
"Why?"
A laugh escaped the woman's lips as she placed her hands onto Toshiro's shoulders. "Don't you worry about that. Get changed. I'll go guard the door."
"You could sneak out the window."
"You pretty much told me to let her take care of me." The young taicho began to strip of the clothing heavy with rain water and let it drop straight to the ground.
"Doesn't change the fact you are uncomfortable."
"Are you trying to test me." Toshiro shivered as he stripped of everything but his underwear before reaching over to pull on the adult sized uniform. Things went well until he attempted to tie the uniform front closed, and he fount the long sleeves got in the way. The young taicho swallowed. "Matsumoto."
"What is it taicho?"
"Could you come here..."
"I thought you wanted me to watch the door and keep my back turned."
The child taicho swallowed, and as he spoke he heard his voice crack. "I kind of... I really need your help."
Toshiro closed his eyes as he heard Rangiku step over, and he then felt her quickly tie the robes together. Her voice caused two teal eyes to snap open. "Sorry... I didn't realize how over sized the smallest uniform would be. We should start carrying smaller uniforms."
"There's nothing to be sorry for. There is also no sense in keeping smaller uniforms in the closet when I'd be the only one using them. Plus – they're for emergencies."
Rangiku smiled as she reached out and pinched his nose causing the young taicho to suddenly go cross eyed at the unexpected reaction. "This was an emergency, or do you think as captain you'll never be in one."
"Matsumoto..." Toshiro blinked a couple of times. "Are you drunk?" He watched as the woman's face fell. "What?"
"I'm actually not drunk. I've not..." Rangiku pulled back and stood up straight. Her tone also became more serious. "Never mind." She pushed him down onto the couch and proceeded to pull the blanket over him. "Does it really matter whether I'm your real mother or not?"
The young taicho let out a sigh of frustration as his head hit the pillow at the one end of the couch. After a few seconds his answer came. "No, but I also don't want to talk about it. Please."
Toshiro blinked a couple of times as he heard a sigh come out of Rangiku's mouth and after a short period of time he looked up to see she was returning to her desk. The woman had the same look she did after the Winter War – when that person suddenly left her life. The child taicho turned his head away as the guilty feeling grew in the pit of his stomach.