Castle of Criminals
Mumble pulled a small wooden cart filled with barrels as he walked with Johnny through the city of Gentoo Land, the latter holding a map in confusion. He crumpled the map and said "I can't believe this. You leave the place for a couple of years and they change everything!" as he looked at a building that was much different from the building on his directions. Mumble heard music as he turned around and saw some Chinstraps dancing in the street and playing instruments as passers-by threw money into a small hat on the ground. He thought the idea of Chinstraps in a police state like Gentoo Land to be highly unusual, especially due to their mischievous, untrustworthy habits.
A young female Gentoo chick walked over to the performers, only for her mother to grab her and say "stay away from them, my dear. Those gypsies will steal us blind!" as they walked away. Johnny said "here you are Mumble, see if you can read any better than me. Oh! Performers!" as he ran over to the Chinstraps. One of the Chinstraps was a female who danced with a tambourine in her flippers. When she saw Johnny gawking in awe, she winked at him flirtatiously. Suddenly, one of the Chinstraps looked over the wall and signalled the others, who fled quickly. The female chinstrap picked up the small hat filled with money as she ran, only for a few coins to fall out of it. As she struggled to pick them up, two Gentoo guards arrived as one said "alright, gypsy. Where'd you get the money?"
"For your information I earned it, thank you very much"
"Chinstraps don't earn money. You stole it, didn't you"
"And you'd know a lot about stealing, wouldn't you" the girl answered before kicking one guard in the cloaca and hitting the other in the stomach as she ran off with the money. "Halt, thief!" one of the guards said as they gave chase, Johnny looking away as he quickly pulled the cart into their path. The guards crashed into the back of the rickshaw as one of them fell to the ground, Johnny cutting the rope that held one of the barrels to the cart before it fell on top of the guard. As local citizens laughed at the guard's misfortune, Johnny said "oh, so sorry about that, chap. Honestly, this cart is just impossible. You can't take it anywhere"
"I'll teach you peasants a lesson!" the second guard said as he got out a dagger, only for another barrel to roll over him. Johnny turned to where Mumble had pushed the barrel, the latter saying "let's get outta here before we cause a riot!"
"That actually does sound like a better idea" Johnny said as he picked up the cart and they ran. As they left, Mumble found some coins on the ground that the girl had dropped and, seeing an hooded homeless penguin sitting on the street corner, dropped them in the beggar's tin before leaving. The female Chinstrap took off her disguise and saw where Mumble and Johnny had gone, a small smile coming to her face before she ran off.
"What the heck was going on there?" Mumble asked.
"Chinstraps, Mumble. Chinstraps"
"What's so bad about Chinstraps? Barry's a Chinstrap. So is Fantine. And Anna"
"Yes, they are, but last I checked Mumble, none of the three penguins you mentioned live here in Gentoo Land, do they?"
"Well, no. But why not?"
"It's a long story. See Mumble, you ever noticed that is there is no such place as Chinstrap Land on the map of Antarctica?"
"Yeah"
"See Mumble, the Chinstraps, or more precisely, the north-western Chinstraps, live outside of the regular order and, in a police state like Gentoo Land, well, they're not as welcome here as other places. They're what we call...gypsies"
"Gypsies?"
"See, over there in what has been called the Palace of Justice, there works Gentoo Land's Minister of Justice, Nortlu Reddington. And, well, ha ha, to say Reddington hates the Chinstraps would be an understatement"
"Well, I think someone just needs to talk some sense into that Reddington fella" Mumble suggested, only for Johnny to say "now, let's not go too far there, Mumble. Remember last time you tried to talk sense into a maniac?"
"Yeah, I know" Mumble said as they went back to Emperor Land. As they passed a penguin wrapped in a cloak, the figure saw them and took down his hood, revealing the face of Ivan Extinction, who said "Happy Feet" before going toward the Palace of Justice.
Ivan stepped into the dark building, when he suddenly heard a whip-crack followed by a high pitched scream, and then another whip crack, which was interrupted by a deep voice that said "ah ah ah. Ease up a little. Take a small break between lashes. If you don't then the first sting stops the feeling of the second" before the red eyed gentoo penguin turned to face his guest and said "Well, this must be the famous Ivan Extinction"
"Reporting for duty, as you asked, Minister Reddington"
"Well, your reputation precedes you, Ivan. Out of all your bankrollers, the only one disappointed was the Wolfsworth girl. Of course, no one's getting anywhere with her, and I expect only the best of a bounty hunter like you"
"I guarantee that you'll have it" Ivan answered. "Excellent. You see, my last candidate was a bit of a disappointment to me" Reddington said as another whiplash was followed by another scream, an evil grin coming to his face before he calmly said "well, that shouldn't be much of a problem. I'm sure with a little luck you'll...whip my men into shape"
Ivan gulped and said "well. I'll do my best" before he heard another voice saying "how much longer do I have to do this, Master Reddington?(whip cracks) AH-HOW!"
"Until you realize what happens when you call a Christmas Truce with the enemy!" Reddington snapped, before turning back to Ivan and saying "don't worry about Stalin, he's always been a bit of a burden to us"
On the balcony, Reddington said "you've come to Gentoo Land in it's darkest hour, Ivan. The children of the Anti-Guin themselves have infested the city like rats in an attic. Though you must forgive the citizens for being so easily misled to corruption"
"Corruption?" Ivan asked.
"Look down there, Ivan. Chinstraps. Gypsies" Reddington said as he pointed down to where some Chinstraps were dancing. "The Chinstraps are truly talented at bringing out the people's most animalistic instincts"
Reddington looked on the balcony, where three small krill were crawling across a slab of ice, saying "You see Ivan, for over thirty penguin years, I've been taking care of the Chinstraps, one(crushes first krill) by(crushes second krill) one(crushes third krill) yet for all my hard work..." before pulling up the slab, revealing thousands of other krill below it, adding "they thrive"
"I believe they have a safehaven somewhere in this very city. Their hideout, you might say"
"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" Ivan asked, before Reddington slammed the slab back where he picked it up from, effectively crushing the krill beneath it, Ivan saying "I see your point"
"Good. I was also able to pull some...strings and recruit you some of the best soldiers I could find. Unfortunately, that also included some wayward split ends"
"Good Guin! This armor's tight!" Stalin said as he, Bangers and Mash entered wearing ancient Gentoo armor. "Hey Red, are you sure it's necessary to wear this? Because I doubt it's my size!"
"Well Stalin, you're can't go to war looking like one of the weak, vulgar, licentious crowd you're there to destroy, can you?"
"(sigh) I guess not"
Meanwhile, back at Emperor Land, Mumble was at Marshall's blacksmith stall where he banged on the door saying "hey Anna. Are you in there?"
"I'm actually right next to you" Marshall answered as she opened the door with a key. "So, Mumble, is it alphabet day already, huh?"
"Oh yeah, of course, it's Sunday today, isn't it" Mumble said as Marshall looked through a small box, saying "okay, let's start. A?"
"Antarctica"
"B"
"Benumbed"
"C"
"Cold"
"D"
"December"
"E"
"Earmuffs"
"F"
"Ah ha, frostbite"
"Good boy. G"
"Gypsy" Mumble said, covering his mouth quickly as Marshall stood up saying "what was that Mumble?"
"Oh uh, gale. Gust. Gloves. Glacier?"
"You said gypsy!"
"NO! I just-"
"And where did you learn that word from?"
"We were um...in Gentoo Land and uh... we saw some Chinstraps. And then some guards came to arrest her, then we were talking about Reddington and all"
"As in Nortlu Reddington? The killer of a thousand Chinstraps? Mumble!"
"It's not my fault"
"Oh boy, I'm sorry Mumble, it's just... Reddington's been slaughtering innocent Chinstraps for so long. It's just good that no one knows about the hideout"
"Hideout?"
"Oh, for Guin's sake! Why'd I have to say that when you were here!(sigh) Look Mumble, the Chinstraps have a hideout in Gentoo Land. They call it the um...ha ha, the Castle of Criminals"
"Castle of Criminals? Who called it that?"
"Perry Took. The leader of Gentoo Land's Chinstrap population. He doesn't always take nicely to intruders, but he's still a nice guy once you get to know him"
"So, Perry, huh?" Mumble asked, Marshall saying "now listen, Mumble"
"Okay"
"You're basically the only penguin I could trust with this" as she passed him a small talisman. On it were etchings that resembled a circle with a smaller circle outside of it. "What's this for?"
"If you need to find the Castle of Criminals, follow this map" Marshall answered before Mumble left to find Johnny. Meanwhile, outside of the city, two hooded figures walked up as one of them held a map. This creature took her hood down, revealing the face of a female Arctic Fox, looking at the map as she said "well, looks like this is the place"
The other fox, a younger male with hazel eyes took off his cloak and said "you sure. You said the same thing back in Adelie Land. And Gentoo Land"
"Well, we're here now!"
"But Meg, what if it's all for nothing? I mean, if we go in there, we'll stick out like a fly in milk"
"Alex, it'll be fine"
"Well, I still think we shoulda called ahead. Just a little gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding was all it would have taken"
"You realize that... if this...(reads paper) Cliff Wolfsworth guy is our dad, then we could finally have a family"
"I thought we were family"
"Of course we are" Meg said as she put up her front-right paw. She pointed to the small continent-shaped birthmark in the center of it.
"See this? What is it, Alex?"
"Your birthmark"
"No. No. Our birthmark. Look at my paw, see it. Little map of the Arctic circle there? Good, now look on your paw" Meg said as Alex looked at his paw, seeing an identical birthmark in the center.
"You know what that birthmark is? It means family. It connects us. You and me. As one. If we go in there, we could have that, even more of that. Alex, we could make this little map even bigger. Plus, he has a little sister too. Sure it's kind of weird, having an Aunt that's my age but hey, it's still family"
"(sigh) Okay. But if we have to fight our way outta some jam, I'm gonna be all like(waves fists around wildly) Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! They won't know what hit them!"
"(laughs) Don't be stupid, Alex. Everyone knows you couldn't last ten seconds in a fight with me, let alone a whole city of penguins. You ready?"
"Yeah"
Meg held Alex's paw as they went into the city. As they looked around and saw the penguin-covered landscape, Alex whimpered in fear as he gripped Meg's paw even tighter. As they walked through the city, wearing their cloaks to avoid any attention from the Emperors, Alex asked "so where is this Wolfsworth guy anyway? I doubt any of these penguins is our father!"
As they continued to walk, Alex began singing a little tune to himself. "Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! What does t-
"Keep calm. Don't draw any attention to ourselves"
"Don't draw attention? Sis. This is how you draw attention. Jumping in a circle dancing like a chicken and saying Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! That's drawing attention to yourself"
"Uh-huh. This record says our Aunt Chrysta is a member of the Legion of Freaks and Outcasts"
"So?"
"So, we can go find them"
"Look, there's their house!" Alex said as he pointed North. As they knocked on the door, Mumble answered and said "can I help y-whoa"
"Hey there. I'd like to speak to Chrysta Wolfsworth, please"
Mumble closed the door and walked away. Another knock immediately followed. Mumble answered again, it still being Meg and Alex as the former said "hello again. We're looking for our father, Cliff Wolfsworth, and we already know that our Aunt Chrysta is a member here. So..."
"Cliff and Chrysta are dead. If you want to see them, I suggest you come back three months ago" Mumble said as he tried to close the door again. Mumble saw a paw stopping the door from closing, a voice saying "ow". He opened the door again, Meg saying "what do you mean they're dead?"
"You know. Dead. Deceased. Not alive. Surely you're old enough to know what death is"
"I know what death is, sir. I just want to know, how is it that they're dead?" Meg asked, only for Mumble to close the door again. "Well, what a stubborn little son of a fish!"
The next day, Stalin was waiting for Bangers and Mash to finish picking out their weapons, becoming less patient as each moment passed. Finally, he said "for goodness' sake, just pick one. Bangers, take the spear and Mash, you take the sword. There, we're done. Now let's go find that hideout!" as Ivan said "what are you imbeciles doing here. We have to arrest any Chinstraps we find. Now let's go"
Later on, Mumble stepped into Gentoo Land wearing a cloak to disguise himself. He helped a nearby Chinstrap to his feet, saying "do you know where Perry Took is?" before a voice said "look round there. See if you can find any"
Mumble and the other penguin hid behind an iceberg as Stalin, Bangers and Mash looked around the corner. Stalin said "no one here. Shouldn't we find their nest?"
"My trackers have located a large area where Chinstrap heat signatures reside. I believe Reddington would want to hear about this" Ivan answered as he looked at his tracking device. "We'll attack them at dawn. Now come on!"
Mumble ran back to Emperor Land as fast as his happy feet could carry him. He found Johnny and said "where's Anna? I need to speak with her!"
"She left earlier. Why?"
"I just heard Stalin and Ivan in Gentoo Land. They know where the Chinstraps are hiding and they're attacking at dawn!"
"Stalin? You mean Anna's ex?"
"The one who came over for Christmas, yes!"
"And Ivan Extinction?"
"Yeah, so I need to find Anna!"
"Why don't we find the Chinstraps. We could warn them and get them out of there" Johnny suggested. "I would, but we don't know where they're hiding!" Mumble said, only to remember something. Getting out the small map Marshall had given him earlier, he said "of course. We'll follow the map!"
Johnny and Mumble went to the exit, only for a voice to say "it's Mumble, isn't it?"
"Not you guys, again"
"I think it's time we introduced ourselves. I'm Megan Selina Wolfsworth, and this is my twin brother Alexander Romeo Wolfsworth"
"Look guys, we're kinda busy, so-
"I get it. I know you're a busy guy, but we checked your little alibi with others, and they said you knew Chrysta"
"So what?"
"So, you can tell us what you knew about her!"
"Look I'm sorry, guys. But I can't help you right now!" Mumble said as he and Johnny left. Finding their way to a small, desolate pile of icebergs, Mumble wondered where they were. "Doesn't look like a Castle of Criminals to me"
"Hm, I know. Well, come on. Let's go find Anna and get out of here" Johnny said as they walked on, not noticing the Chinstraps sneaking up behind them. Johnny heard an icicle snap, both of them turning around as the Chinstraps grabbed and restrained them. A strong, Scottish voice said "well. Well. Well. What do we have here?" as a Chinstrap stepped out. He was dressed in a dull purple tunic with a similarly colored hat on his head. "A couple of no good spies, Perry!" one of the Chinstraps said.
"No, wait. You need to lis-" Mumble said before they were gagged with cloths, the leader saying "don't you interrupt me, boy. I must say, lads, you really showed cunnin' to find our hideout. The downside to this however, is that you won't be living to tell your story" as he lit two candles and broke into song.
Perry: Maybe you've heard of a terrible place
Where the scoundrels and gypsies collect in a lair
Maybe you've heard of that mythical place
Called the Castle of Criminals
(spoken) Hello, you're there!
Chinstraps 1, 2 and 3: Where the lame can walk
Chinstraps 4, 5 and 6: And the blind can see
Perry: But the dead don't talk
So you won't be around
To reveal what you've found
Perry and Chinstraps: We have a method for spies and intruders
Rather like hornets protecting their hive
Perry: Here in the castle of criminals,
where it's a miracle if you get out alive!
The Chinstraps carried Mumble and Johnny to their underground village, where hundreds of other Chinstraps were standing at a tall stage with a trap door in the floor and two ropes hanging over them. Perry said "gather 'roond, me laddies. There's some good 'noose' tonight!" prompting a laugh from the others as Mumble and Johnny were dragged onstage and had the nooses placed around their necks.
"A couple of Reddington's good for nothing spies! We all know what happens to spies down here, now don't we?"
Perry: Justice is swift in the Castle of Criminals
I am the lawyers and judge all in one
We like to get the trial over with quickly
Because it's the sentence that's really the fun!
(speaking) Any last words?
Johnny and Mumble's voices were muffled by the cloths around their beaks.
Perry: (spoken) That's what they all say.
Now that we've seen all the evidence
Chinstrap: Wait! I object!
Perry: Overruled!
Chinstrap: I object!
Perry: Shaddup!(long silence)
Chinstrap: Dang!
Perry: We find you totally innocent
Which is the worst crime of all
So you're going to hang!
Perry was milliseconds away from pulling the trigger to the trap door, before a voice said "stop!" as Perry turned around saying "what is it now?"
Marshall stepped out of the crowd, Mumble and Johnny said "Funna" as she climbed the stage and freed them from the ropes, saying "Perry, these penguins aren't spies. These are my friends Johnny and Mumble"
"Wait a mo" Perry said. "Mumble? Mumble Happy Feet?"
"Well, yeah. That's me" Mumble said as Marshall took the cloth off of his beak. After he said this, Perry quickly got out a knife and cut him free saying "why didn't you bleedin' say so, laddy. Y'have yourself a reputation here in the Chinstrap population"
"That's music to my ears" Mumble said sarcastically. Johnny stood at the front of the stage and said "listen up everyone! Reddington is looking for you! He knows where you're hiding and he's attacking at dawn!", this prompting a panic from the Chinstraps. Perry said "well come on, lads! We canny waste any time! Let's pack our bags and get our scrappy wee tail feathers out of here!"
As Mumble and Johnny climbed down, Marshall hugged them both and said "you two took a real risk coming here. It may not be so obvious but we're grateful"
Meanwhile, Meg and Alex began to follow Mumble's tracks. Alex broke the silence and said "hey Meg. You wanna know what the most annoying sound in the world is?"
"No" Meg answered, only for Alex to make said sound. "Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!"
"Please... stop making that noise! Now come on, let's find Mumble"
Stalin, Bangers and Mash looked around the wasteland for the hideout. "I don't understand. It's not even a castle, so why would they call it the Castle of Criminals?" Stalin asked, Bangers answering with "I think Court of Miracles was already taken"
Perry and Marshall hid behind an iceberg and saw the three, Marshall saying "what do we do?"
"Is there another way out?" Mumble asked, Perry saying "I suppose there's a pathway underground. But that Ivan Extinction has trackers. He'll catch us like it's nobody's business!"
"Hey you!" Alex shouted as he and Meg arrived, the Chinstraps tying them up to keep them quiet. Perry said "do either of you know these two?"
"Meg. Alex. What are you doing here?"
"I want to talk to you!"
"Quiet down, Alex"
"I'll be as loud as I want. Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!" Alex said, only for Marshall to hit him over the head.
"We want to know why our dad and aunt are dead!" Meg whispered. "I don't give a fox! Mumble answered, this causing Alex to laugh loudly. "A-hee-ahee ha-hee! Good one!"
"What's going on here?" Meg asked, Mumble answering with "we've gotta get these Chinstraps outta here! Past those guys down there, see?"
"Oh, a jailbreak, huh?" Meg said, before saying "Mumble, we can help. We'll distract them while they run!"
"Sounds great! And, I'll tell you about Chrysta when we get home"
"Deal" Meg said as they shook paws/flippers. Ivan said "right, any sign of Chinstraps?" to Stalin, who answered "well, I thought I saw one over there, but it turned out I was looking in a mirror" before a voice said "yoo hoo! Big summer blowout!"
Ivan turned and saw Alex on top of an iceberg with a snowball in hand, throwing it at Stalin. Ivan said "right. Time to go to hell, troublemaker!" as he aimed a cannon at Alex. Ivan was suddenly tackled to the ground by Meg, who pinned him down and bit him on what remained of his beak. Bangers and Mash screamed, Mash saying "let's get out of here, Bangers!"
"Yeah you said it!" Bangers said as they ran away.
Meg said "go! now!" as the Chinstraps ran. Stalin stood up and said "where do you think you're going, Happy Feet!" as he grabbed Mumble, only for Alex to yell "A-oo-oo-oo-ooo!" through a megaphone. Stalin covered his ears and said "oh, that song is unbearable!" as he fell over in pain.
Meg finally released the unconscious Ivan and ran off with Johnny, Marshall and the Chinstraps, Alex and Mumble soon following. When they were safe, Perry asked "is everybody alright?" as the Chinstraps answered "aye!"
As Mumble and his group prepared to leave, Marshall hugged Perry and said "see you round, buddy"
"I'll visit sometime, eh?" Perry said. "Sure" Mumble answered. "Rightey-oh then. Just remember, you lot. If you need help, just gimme a call. You'll always be welcome here in the gypsy area"
As they got home, Meg said "so. I guess we missed out on having that family, huh Alex"
"Yeah. Now we should look for someplace to sleep"
As they consulted Julius about it, the elder said well, the best idea I can give to you two is to stay at the LOFAO house.
"I don't know about that" Meg said, only for Mumble to say "well, we'll be happy to have you"
"We'll think about it" Alex said. Mumble thought about this and said "by the way. I think it's time I told you about your aunt and father"
"And I can't wait to hear all about it" Meg said. "What about you Alex?"
"Me neither" Alex answered, Johnny saying "I'm not so sure you missed out on a family...quite yet" as both Meg and Alex smiled.
Meanwhile, back in Gentoo Land, Reddington stood over Stalin, Ivan, Bangers and Mash. "I gave you weapons. I gave you armor. And yet you still can't be a tap dancing freak of nature! I don't even know what you two(Bangers and Mash) were doing on the job!"
"What, he's friends with two Arctic foxes! What were we supposed to do?" Stalin asked.
"Friends with the Wolfsworth twins. Hm, well, I won't say I'm completely isolated from the Wolfsworth family either. Ha ha ha. If it's war they want, then it's war they'll get!"
CAST
MUMBLE
ANDREW GARFIELD
JOHNNY
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH
MARSHALL
KRISTEN BELL
PERRY
BILLY BOYD
MEG
ELIZABETH OLSEN
ALEX
AARON-TAYLOR JOHNSON
STALIN
TOBY KEBBELL
BANGERS
JOHN. C. REILLY
MASH
WILL FERRELL
IVAN
TOM HARDY
NORTLU REDDINGTON
JAMES SPADER
JULIUS
ANDY SERKIS