Here we are – one episode away from Original Song! At this point, I feel like Blaine is more in denial about how he feels about Kurt than anything. Not consciously, maybe, but the look on his face when Kurt tells him about watching porn... yeah. I think he's still trying to be the good friend rather than the boyfriend, but deep down I think he's definitely starting to develop feelings for Kurt.
There's actually not a huge amount of Klaine in this episode. There's quite a bit of Klaine-related stuff happening to Kurt and Blaine individually (Blaine going to see Burt at work – DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM THE GAP ATTACK, BLAINE? – and Kurt's subsequent sex chat with his father), but none of that stuff is actually Klaine interaction, so I'm not going to cover it here.
Thank you all a thousand times for your sweet reviews and your comments on Tumblr so far! Don't forget that you can suggest ideas if you have them... vague or specific, either way! Send me a PM here or a message on Tumblr (you can do an anonymous message on Tumblr if you're feeling shy!).
(I do not own Glee or any of the characters, dialogue, or songs from the show. It's all just for fun!)
KURT
"Don't you think it's time for the Warblers to do a Joan Armatrading medley?" Kurt asked Blaine as they stood in line for their coffee in the Lima Bean.
"I'm not so sure people know who that is," Blaine rejected the idea with a smile.
Suddenly, a new voice behind them interrupted their conversation, "Well, well, if it isn't my sweet, sweet Porcelain."
Kurt was immediately suspicious. "Coach Sylvester. What are you doing here?"
"Oh, just picking up some coffee," Sue answered, "I like my enemas pipin' hot."
Kurt saw Blaine's facial expression and knew that he would have some explaining to do later.
"Actually boys," Sue continued, "I heard that this was a Dalton Academy hangout and I come in a spirit of fellowship. As you no doubt have heard, I have taken over for the coach of Aural Intensity."
"We heard you pushed him down the stairs," Kurt said disapprovingly.
"Well, you can't prove that," Sue said vaguely. Kurt saw Blaine's face scrunch in confusion again.
"This is just sort of how she talks," Kurt tried to explain.
"So, I happen to have some top-secret intel," Sue said seriously. "Will Schuester has finally realized that his team's Achilles heel is their utter lack of sex appeal." She started pouring things into her drink, dumping the wrappers in too, and Kurt couldn't bring himself to look at Blaine. "New Directions are getting sexy. And the key to Regionals is out-sexing them," Sue declared, "And I suspect that the judges are scoring extra for it this year."
The whole conversation was confirming for Kurt that he did not miss this particular individual from his old school. Sue looked up from her drink. "So, Porcelain, quid pro quo. What do you have for me?"
"I'm sorry coach, but you and I are not in cahoots," Kurt informed her.
"Probably should have nailed that down before I gave you my top-secret intel," Sue realized. "Porcelain," she said, putting a lid on her coffee cup, "you just made a powerful enema."
She walked away, and Kurt decided that she was even crazier than he remembered.
He was trying to think of how to explain Sue to Blaine when the other boy spoke up. "We've got to hold an emergency meeting."
"Why?" Kurt asked, surprised that Blaine's first words hadn't been an immediate inquiry into Sue's behavior.
"Weren't you listening?" Blaine said, "The judges at Regionals have an eye out for something new. Which means... the Warblers gotta do something sexified."
Kurt shook his head. "Blaine, weren't you listening? She's insane."
"Yeah, did she say 'enema'...?" Blaine remembered with a frown.
"Let me explain something about Sue Sylvester," Kurt said as they found a table, "She is always plotting against you. I don't even know what that was."
Blaine nodded. "But it couldn't hurt, right?" he said thoughtfully.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Really?"
"Think about it!" Blaine said. "I mean, if New Directions is working on their sex appeal, it would only be prudent for us to do the same."
Kurt could see that Blaine was already plotting, so he gave in. "Okay, fine," he grumbled. "What exactly do you have in mind?"
"We've got to find some way to get objective feedback," Blaine mused.
"So you mean find a bunch of girls and ask them if we're sexy?" Kurt joked.
"Perfect!" Blaine said eagerly, and Kurt gave him a judgmental look. "I think Jeff has a sister at Crawford Country Day..."
"Are you just looking for an excuse to flirt with some girls again?" Kurt teased. Blaine winked at him.
"Okay," Kurt said after a moment of silence, "so we get a bunch of girls and they watch us perform to evaluate our sex appeal. No problem! Now we've just got the little details... like where we could do such a thing and what song we should sing."
"That's what the emergency meeting is for," Blaine said cheerfully. He pulled out his phone to send a mass text message. "Let's go," he suggested as he sent the message, "maybe everyone will be available this afternoon to figure it out."
BLAINE
"Let's do Do Ya Think I'm Sexy," someone suggested.
"Too obvious," Kurt said. "Can we please be a little more creative?"
The room was noisy with side conversations as the Warblers tried to think of a song to demonstrate their sex appeal for the girls of Crawford Country Day.
"Where are we doing this, anyway?" David asked Blaine. "The mall?"
Blaine rolled his eyes.
"I have an idea," Jeff spoke up, "There's a warehouse over near the Crawford Country Day campus. It's been empty for years. It's pretty awesome."
"We can't just go breaking into rundown buildings," Kurt scolded.
"We don't have to," Jeff said, "That's the best part. The construction company my dad works for owns it. It's pretty much empty, except for some scaffolding. I'll just tell him we're going to do a group photoshoot or something, and he'll give us permission. I've done all kinds of crazy stuff in there before."
Everyone turned to look at him, but he just shrugged noncommittally.
"Why does this not surprise me," Blaine heard Kurt mumble. He laughed. "Okay, then." Blaine grinned at Kurt, "The warehouse it is."
Kurt shook his head, but he looked amused.
"And the song?" Wes reminded them.
"What about Animal by Neon Trees?" Blaine suggested.
Kurt nodded cautiously. "I suppose that would be appropriate."
"You two should make it a duet," Nick said, motioning at Kurt and Blaine.
"What?" Kurt said suspiciously, "Why?"
Nick shrugged. "I don't know. It would sound better?"
"You two came up with the idea," Jeff encouraged.
Kurt turned to look at the three members of the council, so Blaine looked at them too.
"I don't see why not," Wes said. "Any objections?"
KURT
Blaine stepped forward to explain the Warblers' forthcoming performance to the girls of Crawford Country Day, and Kurt watched a few of the girls nudge each other excitedly.
"Subtle," Kurt rolled his eyes.
"I would like to welcome the ladies of our sister school, Crawford Country Day," Blaine said, acknowledging the line of girls in front of him, "As you know, the Warblers are competing in our show choir's Regionals competition next week."
The girls nodded. Kurt wondered if any of them were in their school's glee club. He didn't know any of them; the only one who had been pointed out to him was Jeff's sister, who was easily recognizable as the only girl with blonde hair.
"So," Blaine explained, "what we're going for here today, ladies, is something a little... a little sexy. But we need your input. Are we scream-worthy? Do we make your knees turn to jelly?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. Blaine was enjoying this.
"So, without further ado, hang on to your bobby socks girls, 'cause we're about to rock your world." Blaine finished.
The girls giggled as the Warblers started the song, and Kurt wondered if the Dalton administration would be upset if someone got hurt falling off the scaffolding during this unsanctioned number.
Here we are again
I feel the chemicals kicking in
It's getting heavy and I want to run and hide
I want to run and hide
Kurt was excited about the chance to duet with Blaine with the Warblers for the first time, and he decided to go all out. This was a trial-run for Regionals, and the girls had promised to be honest, so he needed to hold nothing back.
I do it every time
You're killing me now
BLAINE
And I won't be denied by you
The animal inside of you
Blaine was confused as he watched Kurt perform the song. Kurt was singing well, but his face was... off. Blaine shrugged, sure that if someone was wrong, Kurt would say something.
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Blaine winked at the girls, and took not-so-secret pleasure in watching them react. The girls were definitely enjoying the performance.
What are you waiting for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight
Hush, hush, the world is quiet
Hush, hush, we both can't fight it
It's us that made this mess
Why can't you understand?
Woah, I won't sleep tonight
The other Warblers had gathered the young women, and were ready under the foam machine. Blaine flipped the switch, and suddenly there were bubbles everywhere.
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Blaine chased playfully after Kurt as they jumped down the various levels of the scaffolding to the ground to join the others in the mess of bubbles and inflatable balls that they had brought along.
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting
Here we go again, oh, oh
Here we go again, oh, oh
Say goodbye to my heart tonight
Everyone cheered as the song ended and the bubbles started to settle. Blaine grabbed the stack of towels they had brought along and started handing them out.
When everyone was dried off, the girls started to leave a few at a time. Two of the young women came up to Blaine before they departed.
"Call us." One of them suggested as they both offered their phone numbers.
Blaine smiled. "Sweet, but... not on your team," he tried to let them down gently. He felt flattered as he saw how disappointed they looked.
Feeling a little smug, he noticed Kurt sitting on the scaffolding, fixing his hair. He walked over.
"Are you okay?" he asked Kurt, "You kept making those weird faces the whole song."
KURT
"Those weren't weird faces," Kurt corrected, "Those were my sexy faces."
Blaine looked unconvinced. "It just looked like you were having gas pains or something," he admitted.
Kurt felt a rush of embarrassment and frustration. "Great," he said, "How are we supposed to get up on the stage at Regionals and sell sexy to the judges when I have as much sexual appeal and knowledge as a baby penguin?"
"We'll figure something out," Blaine said, and Kurt tried to convince himself that the other boy's suggestive tone was unintentional. He swallowed nervously.
"You know, nobody gets good at anything without some practice," Blaine pondered kindly, completely unaware that he had just placed a thousand fantasy scenarios in Kurt's mind. "We're still on for studying at your house tonight, right? We can work on it then."
Kurt could only nod in agreement.
"Great," Blaine smiled. He turned to look behind him at the mess of bubbles on the ground. "Now, let's grab the others and clean this up."
KURT
"So," Blaine said happily as they entered Kurt's room, "let's see if we can work on those sexy faces."
I would rather die, Kurt thought. "Sure," he agreed, "I'll be seducing those judges in no time."
Blaine put his coat and scarf down, and moved over to sit on a bench in front of the mirror. "Come over here," he said, patting the bench beside him.
Kurt sat down. Their shoulders were touching. Kurt took a deep breath. He felt like the air was thicker than normal.
"Okay," Blaine said. "Let's practice. Try... seductive," he gestured at the mirror.
"Oh god," Kurt groaned. He closed his eyes for a moment before obliging and trying not to look at Blaine's reflection as he attempted a seductive expression.
"Don't think so much," Blaine said, "Just... feel the emotion you're trying to convey and let it show on your face."
"This is so easy for you, isn't it?" Kurt rolled his eyes.
"And hitting a high F is easy for you," Blaine scolded gently.
"Yeah, well, you can have the high F," Kurt said, frustrated. He paused for a moment. "No, actually, I need the high F. You know what I mean!" He couldn't look at Blaine in the mirror.
"I know," Blaine said sincerely. "Alright, so give me... sensual. But don't make fun of it! Like, really try," Blaine encouraged.
Kurt attempted a sensual face, but all he could think about was how close he was sitting to Blaine.
"Okay," Blaine said gently, "Now give me... sultry."
Kurt humored the other boy.
Blaine tried to stifle a laugh, and was only partially successful. "Uh, Kurt, they're all sort of looking the same," he admitted.
"That's because the face I'm actually doing is 'uncomfortable'," Kurt said pointedly. He got up and walked across the room. "This is pointless, Blaine. I don't know how to be sexy because I don't know the first thing about sex."
BLAINE
"Kurt, you're blushing!" Blaine was amused by Kurt's reaction to the topic.
"I've tried watching those movies," Kurt admitted, and Blaine felt unhinged as he thought about Kurt watching porn, "but I just get horribly depressed and I think about how they were all kids once and they all have mothers. And god, what would their mothers think? And why would you get that tattoo there?"
Blaine knew that Kurt probably hadn't had any kind of sexual education at McKinley, and there were no sex-ed classes at Dalton. "Well, maybe we should have a conversation about it," he suggested, "I'll tell you what I know."
Kurt was shaking his head before Blaine was finished speaking. "No, I don't want to know the graphic details," he said nervously. "I like romance. That's why I like Broadway musicals. Because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets."
"Kurt, you're gonna have to learn about it someday," Blaine admonished gently.
"Well, not today. I think I've learned quite enough for today, thank you. I think you should leave."
Blaine knew not to take it personally. Clearly, Kurt was uneasy with the entire topic. He stood up and moved to the door.
"Thanks for all your help with the number today," Blaine said gently, and he closed the bedroom door behind him.
Where did they get that bubble machine for 'Animal'? I couldn't even touch that.
Blaine, those are clearly Kurt's sexy faces, okay? How did that shimmy not convince you? But, at the same time, somehow you manage to make the ridiculous things you say and do so adorable. I can't handle it.
But really, I think it's actually kind of a good thing in terms of Kurt and Blaine's relationship that Blaine does not censor himself. You want the one you're with to actually tell you if you're doing something ridiculous or that you look silly or whatever, right? Blaine can be blunt, but he means well and he almost always says his ridiculous things because he cares so much.
Up next... Original Song! I'm panicking about it a little bit, I'll admit. But I will do my very best to write it so that it lives up to your expectations! (It's going to be long, I can tell!)