Love Me Forever Or Love Me Never
Chapter 18: The Knife That Killed Me

A/N: Hellooo everyone! Sorry that this is getting posted kind of late. I've been pretty busy this weekend. Anyways thank you for reading! I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Actually, I think there will only be a few chapters left in this fan fiction. In fact I think there will only be about three more chapter or four. I don't really want to end this fan fiction, but I have to end it eventually. I hope all like this chapter and thank you all for reading through this story and sticking with it. That means so much to me. Thank you all so, so, so, so, so, so much! Love you all! :3

Well, Nico thought, the saying is true I guess. Karma is a bitch. Nico lay his cell phone down on his bed, feeling completely numb. He didn't know what to do anymore. Maybe he was getting what he deserved. If he was going to cheat on Percy than Percy was going to find someone else. It made sense to Nico, but it hit him hard, like a ton of bricks. Grabbing the sheets on the bed, Nico's hands began to tremble. A shutter ran through his thin form as the boy began to shake. Everything was crashing down on him at once. Nico had kissed and hugged on Leo, but he had never had sex with the boy. Percy, on the other hand, had fucked Annabeth senseless. Just thinking about that left a hollow feeling in Nico's heart.

A muffled cry came from Nico's lips as he slammed his own hand over his mouth, trying to block out the tears. Another low whimper came from Nico's throat as the bitter tears came from his eyes. He wanted to be strong. He didn't want to be weak anymore. He was Nico di Angelo and he deserved to be treated so much better, but he couldn't take it. He wanted to take care of himself, but he couldn't mend his own heart. He couldn't fix himself. He couldn't deal with himself. But he could make himself feel utterly numb. He wanted to give himself something to block out the pain. He wanted to feel nothing anymore and he knew how. The only anesthetic that made him feel anything was killing him inside and out, but if it gave him that moment of pleasure and caused him to forget the true problem, he would do it.

Stumbling up from the bed, tears still leaking from his eyes, he crossed the room towards his suitcase. He kicked it harshly, not care as the thing clattered to the floor. Bending over beside the suit case he began to unzip it, digging through the contents before his hands rested on the small bag towards the bottom of the case. He pulled it out quickly, opening it and searching through it. He looked on through blurry tears, scanning over the items in the bag; toothpaste, toothbrush, combs, deodorant. Something caught his eye- something that he didn't want to find. Taking the ring out of the bag, Nico stared at it, know that it was the one thing that he cherished the most. The ring that Percy gave him was the one thing that meant the world to him. He loved Percy, whether the boy ripped out his heart or not. He still loved the boy, but he was giving up on him. He had wanted Percy to love him, to take care of him and make him feel like he was worth something, but apparently that wasn't going to happen. Taking the ring, Nico threw it across the room, tossing it away to some unknown place where Nico hoped to never see it again. He didn't want it anymore.

Picking up the bag, Nico turned it upside down, watching as the contents clattered across the floor. His eyes landed on the razor, wondering if he could actually deal with that again. He knew it would hurt, but it was also his cure. He loved to feel the pain and forget about everything. Shaking his head, Nico picked it up, wiping his eyes quickly and trying to rid himself of the tears. He didn't want a relapse. He didn't want the blood to pour again or feel the sting. But it didn't matter anymore. He didn't matter up again, Nico didn't even wait to get into the back room. Pulling up his long sleeves, mouth forming a hard line as silent tears trailed down his face, Nico lowered the razor down to his wrist, still moving towards the bathroom. Lifting the razor up higher Nico thrust it down toward his wrist, slicing across it with force. Blood automatically began seeping from the wound, pouring down over his wrist and dripping to the floor. A hiss poured threw his lips as Nico clenched his fist. Biting down harshly on his own lip, Nico sliced downwards again. More blood. Another slice, more blood.

It was a repeated pattern that Nico committed on instinct: cut, bleed, cut, bleed. By the time he was in the bathroom tears were pouring down Nico's face and he couldn't stop them. In a hazy, numb state, Nico didn't even realize how hard he was crying or how many cuts he had made- not until he caught sight of himself in the mirror. His face was ghostly pale, wet trails coasting across his face. He didn't even recognize himself anymore.

his eyes drifted down to his wrists, gazing at the mass of red that cover his arms. It was a lot of blood, he had to admit it, but he didn't care. He gently dropped the razor in the sink, watching as tiny drops of blood splattered across the pale surface. A shiver ran through his body, stomach turning as blood continued to seep from the dark cuts. He sunk down to his knees gently, grabbing his stomach, not paying attention to the stains that trailed across the front of his shirt. Crawling on his knees Nico made his way to the toilet, feeling the bile rising in his throat. Clutching the side of the toilet bowl, Nico threw his head over the side, throat burning as he threw up. It hurt; the burning of his throat, the stinging of his wrists, the aching of his heart. It consumed him, making him want to end it all. He knew there was no reason to do this. He knew that it was a bad decision...No, a stupid decision to kill himself over some guy, but he thought about it for that one moment.

Shaking his head, Nico climbed back to his feet, reaching over the sink towards the pale gold towel that sat on the edge of the sink. He grappled for it numbly, taking hold of the soft fabric before whipping his mouth tenderly. He gazed back at himself in the mirror, stopping instantly.

"How long have you been there?" Nico whispered quietly, blinking away more tears as he touched the cuts on his wrists, a whimper slipping through his lips.

"Long enough." Hera replied before stepping forward towards her nephew. "I came in about the time you fell to your knees. Nico? I have to know why. Why did you do this to yourself? Was it a random act or did it happen because your parents left?"

Nico turned on the woman quickly, gazing at her with blank orbs, "Shut the fuck up, Hera. I don't have to listen to you. It's none of your god damn business why I do what I do. I don't have to tell you anything or why I do these things. You wouldn't understand if I told you."

"Nico, come here." Hera mumbled. She felt awkward about the whole situation. She had never had to do this before or deal with someone who was so lost and hurt. She wasn't one who comforted others. She hardly ever talked about these things and she didn't have any kids so she didn't even know how to deal with children. She would have liked to have kids, but since her husband travels so often for his career, it was nearly impossible.

"Just leave me alone." Nico insisted. Although he demanded this, Hera took a step forward, stepping up behind Nico. She watched the boy sit there with tears in her eyes, blood still dripping down his wrists. She wasn't sure what to do anymore, but she wanted to at least try to fix the problem.

Hera reached downwards, wrapping her arms around the boy partly and drawing his hair back away from his face. She smiled lightly. "Nico, why would you do this to yourself? I don't understand it. Your so handsome. Your hair, your eyes, your smile, you have a great personality; everything about you is amazing so I don't know why you need to hurt yourself."

A tremble ran through Nico's form as a stab of pain struck him. He hated to admit it, but his aunt had a point. He was amazing in his own way. He was worth at least something, yet he treated himself like crap. He didn't have to do this, but he did. Nico leaned forward, more tears trailing down his face.

"I know I shouldn't do this, but...what am I suppose to do when I'm heartbroken. It's not like anyone has ever tried to make me feel like I'm worth something!" Nico cried out as he swallowed harshly.

"Nico, why are you so heartbroken?" Hera asked softly.

"I...I...How am I suppose to feel when the boy I love doesn't give a shit about me?" Nico hung his head automatically, small sniffles and sobs coming from him as he realized what he had just said.

Hera herself was slightly surprised. She didn't really know her nephew at all, but she didn't expect Nico to be gay. It was just a little surprising. Laying her hand tenderly on the boy's shoulders, Hera smiled at him, "Nico, you know how great you are? There are a lot of people who love you and some boy won't make a difference. Everyone has had those hard breakups in their life, but eventually it gets better. You are going to have to change. This is hurting you more than you know. The more you tell yourself your worthless, the more you believe it. So change those voices in your head. Just make them like you instead. Just take a deep breath and smile about everything that you are and that you could be instead of frowning at yourself. So, how about this? Take a deep breath, come with me and let me fix your wrists, and then we can talk about what's going on. Maybe I can help you realize how amazing you are and work towards changing your opinion. Then, I want you to get a good night's sleep. You'll feel better in the morning. So, how about it?"

Nico sighed lightly to himself, knowing that everything she said was true. Shaking his head gently Nico allowed Hera to led him out of the bathroom and towards the stairs.

Now clothed and out of Annabeth house, Percy started towards his car, which was parked on the side of the street. He didn't know what he was suppose to do anymore. He felt like the biggest dumb ass on the planet. He wanted to apologize to Nico, but he didn't have the courage to call the boy back. Nico would probably tell him to fuck off any ways. With red, tear stained eyes, Percy climbed back into his car. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he didn't want to go home. He just wanted to drive and never go back. He wanted to fade down into the seat of his car and disappear. Covering his face with his hands Percy let out an angry sigh. At that moment his life was spiraling out of control. He didn't want to say it was all his fault, but it was. He just wanted to get back at Nico for what he did, but he didn't want to hurt the boy.

He was officially the worlds largest idiot.

Maybe he should have just asked Nico about the other boy or maybe he should have talked to the other boy instead of just going of and having sex with someone else. Suddenly, a thought sparked in his mind. Percy remembered something that had been long locked in his mind. Thalia had said something about a boy Nico was with at that party. Percy had that gut feeling that that was the boy who was messing around with Nico. In a flurry of motion Percy reached down into his pocket and grabbed his phone, Thalia's number already dialed.

"Hello?" The sleepy voice called on the other end.

"Thalia! Who was the boy Nico was with at the party?! I need to know right now!" Percy cried into the phone.

"What? Percy is that you?" Thalia mumbled tiredly.

"Yes this is me! Now tell me who the other boy was Thalia. I have to know right now!"

"Well...Percy, I- I can't tell you. It's just.."

"Tell me now Thalia!" Percy insisted angrily.

A worried sigh fled from the other end of the phone. "Okay, th- the boy's name is Leo Valdez."

"Leo Valdez...Do you know where he lives!?" Percy cried wildly into the phone. His heart was pounding viciously in his chest, almost as though it was going to burst through his chest.

There was a moment of silence from Thalia, followed by another sigh, "F- fine, I'll tell you.."