RETURN TO EAST ADELIE LAND
"Come on now. Hop to it, you useless blokes!" Stalin ordered as Bangers and Mash began to unload crates onto the SHQ, as Stalin looked inside each one and ticked off a checklist.
"Right then, that's the um, Swiss army flipper. Check. Bangers. Here's your new vehicle, the Bang-Quad" Stalin said as he showed Bangers a four-wheeled motorbike. Bangers asked "what does it do, Mr Stalin?" only for Stalin to answer "She's got laser floodlights, recline button and dual gattling guns with infra red cross hairs. Got that one. Check"
He then said "and Mash, I'd like you to meet the Mash-cycle" as Mash looked at the two-wheeled motorcycle in front of him. "What does this one do?"
"I'm glad you asked, Mash, my less-than averagely intelligent friend" Stalin said as he handed Mash some wrist-bands. "Press that button there"
Mash pressed the small red button on either of the wristbands, causing the wheels of the Mash cycle to come flying towards him. Mash screamed and cowered in fright, only to realize that the wheels had attached to his wristbands. "How did that happen, Mr Stalin?"
"The wheels have become magnetized to your wristbands. And the great thing is, the bike stays off the ground. Ha ha. Alright, check. And now, my personal favorite. The Stalinmobile"
"It's incredible" Bangers said as they observed the large, tank-like vehicle that Stalin climbed into. "Yes, she's a beauty, isn't she, boys? She's got gas-shells in this cannon, and various bullets in this one. Cup holders here, and here. Fine standard GPS systems. And my favorite part" Stalin said as he pressed a button on the control panel, causing the lights to dim and a disco ball to light up inside the cockpit. "Disco setting! Genius, eh"
Little did Stalin, Bangers or Mash know, but just a short distance above them, Mumble, Julius, Aleksei, Hellas, Alex and Mary were watching them from behind a rock. "Okay, Stalin's got these new weapons at his disposal"
If Stalin and these vehicles leave the SHQ, Emperor Land is doomed Julius said(translated by Aleksei). We must destroy these weapons before anyone knows they ever existed. Any questions?
"Ooh, ooh, ooh, me-me-me-me-me!" Mary said excitedly next to Mumble, the latter saying "(sigh) yes, Mary"
"Does this mean that I'm part of your little club now?" Mary asked, Alex saying "I have a question too. Why is she here?"
"Honestly, because Meg wasn't there when I went looking for her" Mumble answered, Mary saying "oh, I'm sure she's busy doing uh... Well, I don't know, whatever foxes do, like, uh... licking herself"
(FLASHBACK)
Meg tried to speak as she was tied up, gagged and thrown into a closet. She said "(muffled speech)mrmph-y, vut are u booing?"
"I'm sorry Meg, I'll make it up to you, I promise" Mary said as she prepared to close the door, only stopping to throw a fish in with her. "Just in case you get hungry. Okay bye" she added before closing the door, leaving Meg in the darkness.
(FLASH-FORWARD)
Mary paused for a moment, before saying "ha ha, yyyeeeaaahhh. Licking herself"
"And second, this isn't a club! We're here to destroy Stalin's weapons, that's it!"
"Okay, honey, no need to get angry"
"Ssh! Someone's coming" Alex whispered. A voice said "I trust the weapons suit your fancy, Stalin" as Nortlu entered.
"As a matter of fact, yes they do, Red"
"And remember Stalin. Mess this one up, and you're finished!" Reddington said, Stalin muttering "if only I got a dollar every time I heard you say that!"
"Alright. Who's got a plan?" Alex asked.
"Okay, this is what we'll do" Mumble said as he began to draw in the sand with a stick. Julius saw Mary walking down the hill, trying to warn the others. Oh great, the one time I needed a voice!
Aleksei turned around, saying "uh, Mumble. Does this plan involve Mary running down the hill by herself?"
"No, why?" Mumble asked, before Alex grabbed his head and turned him around, when Mumble said "what is she doing! Come on!"
Mary was hiding behind an iceberg, writing down what she heard Stalin telling Bangers and Mash. "So, you see boys, with this new machinery by our side, we'll take Emperor Land for ourselves!"
"I hope they have room for us" Bangers said, Mash hitting him over the head straight after. "Oh yes, I almost forgot" Stalin said. "Here's another weapon of mine. It's a universal portal"
"What does this one do?" Bangers asked as he observed the small box-like object. It's a portal that transports you to different.
Stalin, Bangers and Mash fell head first through the hole and into a room with a human and an adult Emperor penguin. Stalin stood up and looked around, saying "what the bloody hell is this place!"
"The remote says we're a universe classified as the MG-LX-MS-TA continuity" Bangers said.
"Well, it looks trippy! We better get back. These animatronic creatures look rather hostile!"
"Are you sure, Mr Stalin, I want to have a closer look" the erect-crested penguin said.
The Emperor Penguin said "who are you all?"
Stalin answered "hey, you look just like Mumble!" before the human aimed a cannon at him, and the Stalin said "Bangers. Mash! Let's get the fish out of here!" as all three of them jumped through the hole.
Mary watched closely as the trio returned, Stalin saying "well, remind me never to do that again!" before Mumble covered her beak(to avoid her screaming) and dragged her behind the icicle. Mary said "oh, I didn't know you were into gagging" Mumble quickly interrupting with "shut up! Alex, make sure she doesn't run off again!"
Mumble looked over the iceberg, where Stalin was programming something next to a large container. "What's that, Mr Stalin?" Bangers asked.
"These, my less-than-intelligent amigo, are my Nanodroids"
"Nanodroids?"
"Yes, my newest creation. They're robotic penguins, and they're very hard to get rid of" Stalin answered as a robotic penguin stood up, and walked over to Bangers and Mash. Before it could come any closer, it suddenly said "system error" and fell to the ground in pieces. "Well, they're working progresses. But I'm working on a new breed of Nanodroid, one that functions with artificial intelligence" Stalin added, pushing forward the closed container.
"The material I'm building it with is a compound, consisting of my own penguin DNA, the usual metal of good old steel, and with an added Magnesium alloy, one of the strongest metals on this Earth. It's called the Actively Programmable Robotic Intelligent Teaching Industrial Operating Nanodroid. Now come on, let's go find Reddington and show him the new products"
As they left, Julius said now's our chance, we must destroy as many Nanodroids as we can.
"You got it Julius" Alex answered as he grabbed a pipe and began smashing the prototypes, the others quickly joining him in this. Mary walked over to the container, seeing the nanodroid inside. It almost looked like a real penguin, except for the fact that it had red face and green body. Seeing a red button on the side of the container, Mary walked over curiously and reached to press it.
Mumble saw this and said "(gasp) Mary! Don't!"
But it was too late, Mary had already pressed the button and the container began to light up. Suddenly, bolts of electricity were sent in all directions as the container burst open and the Nanodroid jumped out. Opening his blue, optic-like eyes, he looked around, observing the group. He reached out to Julius, before the latter hit him away with his staff. The Nanodroid was sent flying over the room, but he stopped himself from hitting a window. As he hovered in the air, he looked at the reflective panel to see his appearance, before turning back to the group and levitating down to the ground.
He said, in an polite English accent, "I apologize for my actions" before turning to Mary and saying "thank you."
"Mary, what did you do?" Mumble asked, Mary stuttering "I didn't d-do anyt-thing! I-I-I just p-pressed the but-button on the box and he came to life!"
"When you pressed the button, you activated my programmed protocols."
"Who, or should I say what, are you?" Alex asked.
"I am the Actively Programmable Robotic Intelligent Teaching Industrial Operating Nanodroid."
"Well, that's a mouthful, innit?" Hellas said. "Or perhaps you would prefer an abbreviated acronym, Hellas, Son of Erik" The Nanodroid answered.
"How do you know my name?" Hellas asked, the Nanodroid saying "I am programmed to scan penguins for their identity. You are Hellas, Son of Erik, born of Ingrid of East Adelie Land"
"Well, he knows me better than I know me-sell!" Hellas said, Alex saying "what do you know about me?"
"You are Alexander Romeo Wolfsworth, the twin brother of Megan Selina Wolfsworth. The son of Cliff Wolfsworth and Theresa Foxglove"
"He even knows my mom's name!" Alex said. Mumble looked at the small yellow light on the Nanodroid's forehead. "Hey uh, what's that thing on your head?"
"This is my battery. Stalin has outfitted me with a unique power source from my fellow nanodroids"
"Then how do we know you're not working with Stalin and Nortlu?" Aleksei asked, the Nanodroid saying "I am on the side of life. Reddington is not. He plans to wipe out the Chinstrap population and anyone who attempts to stop him from doing so"
"Alright Stalin, show me your do-hickey" Nortlu said as they entered, before saying "what the fish is that thing?!" as he saw the Nanodroid. Suddenly, a yellow laser beam came from the battery on his forehead, blasting Nortlu and Stalin away, the latter climbing into the Stalinmobile and firing the cannons, the Nanodroid firing his own weapons.
Mumble and Alex hid behind a rock in the commotion, the latter saying "Mumble, we gotta get outta here. You take Hellas, Aleksei and Mary that way, and I'll take Julius and the A.P.R.I.T.I.O.N this way!"
"Sure thing. Wait a sec, Apparition?"
"Well yeah. It's an acronym"
Mumble led his group out as Alex led Julius and the A.P.R.I.T.I.O.N to destroy the remaining Nanodroids. When they were outside, Mary said "so, I believe a thank you would be in order"
"Alright Mary" Mumble said. "Thank you"
Mary smiled, before Mumble added "FOR NOTHING! What if that robot thing turned on us? We'd all be in deep sh-
"Mumble!" Alex called as he ran out. "Over here, Alex"
"Everybody okay?" Alex asked, the group nodding. Mumble said "so, uh. A.P.R.I.T.I.O.N, is it?"
"Yes, that is my acronym"
"You're on our side right? No uh, last minute double crossing. I don't wanna end up like Rodan, do we Hellas?" Mumble said.
"I understand your fear of betrayal, Happy Feet. But I swear an oath of loyalty to you and your friends here. Nortlu's actions must be stopped"
Suddenly, the doors burst open and Bangers and Mash drove out on their new motorcycles. Bangers fired his quad bike's dual gattling guns while Mash magnetized the wheels on the Mash-Cycle and threw them at the A.P.R.I.T.I.O.N, before the Nanodroid avoided them narrowly and said "hurry, we must leave now!" as they escaped.]
With the enemies gone, Nortlu said "Stalin! Where are they?"
"Well, they've taken the Nanodroid back to Emperor Land. Sorry"
"You idiots!"
Back in Emperor Land, Mary talked to the A.P.R.I.T.I.O.N, saying "you seem like a smart guy. I have a friend who's pretty smart too. Her name's Meg and she's-oh for Guin's sake, I forgot about Meg!" before running to the closet.
When she opened the closet, she wasn't expecting Meg to jump out and pin her to the ground, putting her claws to her throat. "Listen to me, you little brat! If you ever try to lock me in a closet again, I'll-"
"I won't! I promise" a teary-eyed Mary said. "Good" Meg answered, looking at the A.P.R.I.T.I.O.N and saying "what is that thing?" as Alex said "we got a lot of explaining to do"
Meanwhile, Hellas looked at some pictures in his shack. The pictures were of him, his wife Vallarama, and his chick. A voice said "everything okay in here Hellas?" as Marshall entered. "Aye, it's fine. I just... I just miss m'old home, East Adelie Land. It would have been nice to say goodbye"
Marshall looked at the pictures, saying "I know you miss them, Hellas. But, I'm sure if they were here, they'd be as proud of you as we are" as she patted him on the back.
"Aye, thank you, Anna. So many friends though. I remember this old madman there, Cap'n Dust 'is name was. Poor old soul"
Later, as Alex looked at the photos, he said "poor Hellas. No one should have to go through losing your wife and kid in one day"
"I know. He's happy on the outside, but inside, he's still hurting" Mumble said. Alex thought and said "Mumble, what if there are survivors in East Adelie Land? What if Hellas isn't the only one left?"
"Alex, I don't know"
"Well come on, we gotta try"
After some convincing, Mumble, Meg, Alex, Marshall and Hellas were on their way to East Adelie Land. Mumble looked at the ravaged field, saying "I was such an idiot. How could I try to reason with someone who did something like this?"
"It wasn'e yar fault Mumble. Ye didn't know" Hellas said, trying to hold back tears as they looked through the narrow caves. Hellas called "Rory? Ted? Dermot?"
Alex looked on as Hellas checked the caves. "Dougal? It's me. Hellas! I'm home! Please. (sigh)Dunny be gone" he said before falling to ground, burying his face in his flippers as he cried.
Mumble walked around the desolate cave, putting a flipper on Hellas' shoulder. "Hellas. I don't think anyone's here"
Meg sniffed the ground and said "old scent. Nobody's been around here for years"
"So it's true" Hellas said sadly. "There's nobody left"
"Come on. Let's get 'im outta here. He's seen enough" Marshall said as she helped Hellas to his feet.
Suddenly, they heard a voice. Meg looked where the voice came from, it saying "anyone home?"
Meg asked "Alex?" before the latter said "I'm behind you. Who's that?"
The voice then said "who goes there!" as a figure stepped forward. It was an Adelie penguin, one that looked old and experienced enough to be an old aged pensioner.
"(gasp)Captain Dust?!" Hellas said in surprise as the old penguin stepped forward. The penguin squinted, briefly pausing as he said "Stellos, old boy. Um, it is Stellos, isn't it?"
"No sir, Hellas, sir"
"Ah yes, Hellas. I knew your mother well"
"Where is everyone, captain?"
"Ah yes. Everyone is... gone. Great sickness you see"
"Sickness?"
"Indeed, Hellas. A sickness known as Rodan Gizzardcrusher"
"Captain. Rodan Gizzardcrusher's dead. Has been for the past two months nie. I should know. Witnessed it with m'own two eyes"
"Well, it's nice to hear that. D'you hear that, everyone. Rodan is dead. Our families are avenged!"
"Are you talkin' to us?" Alex asked. "Why no, my angel-colored companion. I'm talking to my friends. Remember Hellas. Your old pal Rory. And Dermot. Dougal. Ted. Oi Teddy, Hellas is back, isn't that fantastic"
Hellas sighed as he observed the Captain talking to nothing. "Isn't it great Rory. To have little High-horse Hellas back home"
Mumble said "High-horse Hellas?"
"It's a nickname. Everyone has one, don't they, Mumble Happy Feet? Captain, there's no one there"
"Ah Vallarama. How are you, my dear. Your husband's home, he's over there, see?"
Meg said to Alex "poor old Dustbucket. It's sad when they get old"
Marshall said "Hellas, we need to go"
"We canny just leave 'im here. He'll go mad"
"I think he's already passed that point, don't you?"
"No. Well, aye, he probably has. But he's also probably the only thing I have left of East Adelie Land" Hellas answered before walking over. "Come on Cap'n. We're takin' you home"
"Aren't we home already?"
"Aye, we are. But we all have to move on sometimes" Hellas said. As the group led Captain Dust outside, Hellas stopped before the exit, turning back. As he looked around, he stroked the rock next to him, blowing a kiss to the cave and saying "goodbye, my friends" before leaving.
Marshall said "you okay Hellas?"
"Aye, never better"
"I'm sorry you couldn't say goodbye" Alex said, Hellas saying "as long as they're up here(points to head), it's never goodbye" before he recited a poem he had heard once.
"They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old. Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. And in the going down of the sun, and in the mornin', we shall remember them"
CAST
MUMBLE
ANDREW GARFIELD
MARSHALL
KRISTEN BELL
CAPTAIN DUST
RUSSELL CROWE
HELLAS
MICHAEL FASSBENDER
MEG
ELIZABETH OLSEN
ALEX
AARON-TAYLOR JOHNSON
ALEKSEI
PAUL GIAMATTI
STALIN
TOBY KEBBELL
BANGERS
JOHN. C. REILLY
MASH
WILL FERRELL
MARY
SHAILENE WOODLEY
JULIUS
ANDY SERKIS
NORTLU REDDINGTON
JAMES SPADER
A.P.R.I.T.I.O.N
PAUL BETTANY