Hearts Afraid Of Breaking Chapter 14: Invisible (Jane Grey), a tudors fanfic

AN: Song is Taylor Swift's Invisible. Pairing is Lady Jane Grey/Barnaby FitzPatrick/Princess Elizabeth. Set Christmas 1551 – Jane is fourteen, Barnaby just past his fifteenth birthday and Elizabeth 18.

She can't see the way your eyes will light up when you smile
She never noticed how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me

Lady Jane Grey, daughter of the Marquess of Dorset, Lord Henry Grey and the late King Henry's cousin, Lady Frances Grey nee Brandon, stood beside Master Barnaby FitzPatrick, the young King Edward's best friend, watching the King toy listlessly with his food.

"He's not well, Barnaby." she murmured and Barnaby shook his head.

"He's fine, Jane. He's just impatient. The Lady Elizabeth is coming to Court this Yuletide and the King can't wait to see his Sweet Sister Temperance."

Barnaby's voice was steady, but Jane, who knew him better than anyone, could tell he was struggling not to betray emotion. But what kind of emotion? The Lady Elizabeth, four years older than Jane and three Barnaby's senior, was 18 and a very poised young woman. Though she was beautiful, with the fiery Tudor red hair and the snapping dark eyes of her mother, she dressed simply and modestly, as befitted a Protestant maiden of good birth and seemed to ignore any admiring glances sent her way. Barnaby didn't stand a chance.

Besides, they'd grown up together. Barnaby couldn't desire the Lady Elizabeth, could he?

"By that logic, you shouldn't love him, Jane." A little voice sounded in her ear and she shook her head slightly to clear it. She and Barnaby were different than he and the Lady Elizabeth! They were closer in age, for one thing. And they both adored their Lord King, Edward. There was no reason why she couldn't love him… or why he shouldn't love her.

Except the Lady Elizabeth.

As she was announced and the whole court sank into bows or curtsies to her, the acknowledged daughter of His Majesty King Henry, Jane stole a glance at Barnaby.

His eyes, usually the softest of greens, had darkened with desire and he couldn't tear his gaze away from the Lady Elizabeth as she, now bidden to rise from her curtsy by her brother, went to her seat on the dais. Tentatively, Jane put her hand on his sleeve.

And I just want to show you, she don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible, yeah

He started at her touch, turning to her almost eagerly.

"Oh, Jane. It's you." His shoulders slumped, just for an instant, before he forced himself to smile at her. But it wasn't his proper smile; the one that made his eyes light up. It was his courtier's smile. She could tell because his eyes were still dark and brooding; dark with disappointed desire.

"I was just wondering if you'd like to dine with me and my family while the King dines with the Lady Elizabeth."

For the briefest of instants, Barnaby glanced at the dais; glanced desperately up there, while Jane's heart hammered equally desperately and then he turned back to her.

"Of course. It would be both an honour and a pleasure."

Offering her his arm, Barnaby walked with her to where her parents sat, waiting for her to join them. Jane was hard pressed to hide the way that she trembled with suppressed desire at the contact between them.

But she did it. She did it because she knew she had to. Barnaby didn't love her. He'd never loved her, or if he had, it wasn't in the way she wanted him to. The only one he loved in that way was the Lady Elizabeth. The passionately proud Lady Elizabeth.

There's a fire inside of you that can't help but shine through
But she's never gonna see the light, no matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be

Nevertheless, though, as she sat beside her mother, the fearsome Lady Frances, listening to him talk about his childhood in Ireland, his time in the schoolroom with Edward, then Prince of Wales and his latest accomplishments – even his recent forays into France as a volunteer for the French against the Emperor, she couldn't help watching the way his eyes lit up as he smiled. Watching his smile and wishing it was for her. Watching his flamboyant gestures and wishing those arms were curled tight around her. Watching him charm her parents and wishing that she was his wife, his Baroness.

Wishing that she could go back in time, to the day when they first met and do things differently from the beginning so that he would fall for her instead of for the Lady Elizabeth.

Like shadows in the faded light, oh, we're invisible
I just wanna open your eyes and make you realize

Because, unlike the Lady Elizabeth, she knew him. She knew who he was when he wasn't King Edward's best friend. She'd ridden out with him, played cards with him, debated theology with him.

She knew all the shades of green that his eyes could be, from the lightest jade they were when he was emotional and trying not to cry, to the sparkling emerald they were when he laughed, to the cloudy green of a stormy sea they favoured when he was in a temper.

She knew his birthday, December 13th, and that he was afraid of snakes. She knew that he dreamed of one day becoming an adventurer and discovering foreign lands like the famous Portugese sailor, Christopher Columbus, but that, until the day came that he could, he was happy to stay here at Court, at Edward's side, or else fighting the heretical troops of the Emperor. She knew, as so few others did, that sometimes, just sometimes, he resented Edward his position as King of England and wished that he was the one on the throne and not just the King's best friend.

Did the Lady Elizabeth know all that about him? Jane doubted it.

So when the dancing started and he led her out on to the floor, she cast aside her usual shyness and danced as she'd never danced before. She danced as she imagined the Lady Elizabeth would; with fire and passion and yes, a hint of desperation. She danced to make him realise that she, Jane, the girl he'd grown up with and quite possibly viewed as a sister, was actually a better match for him than the red haired Lady he was so infatuated with.

It was no use though. Not one to be outdone by a mere courtier's daughter, for all she pretended modesty, the Lady Elizabeth talked her brother into dancing with her.

Instantly, Jane and Barnaby were eclipsed; pushed into the shadows by their monarch and his sister.

And Barnaby was quite happy to let it happen. He barely focussed on the remainder of their dance and, the moment it was over, kissed Jane's hand in farewell, hurrying to the side of the room, where he could stand with a glass of wine in one hand, admiring the Lady Elizabeth's grace and poise, feasting almost hungry eyes on her lithe figure as she clapped, twirled and spun around her brother.

And I just want to show you, she don't even know you
Baby, let me love you, let me want you
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible, oh, yeah

Jane almost went after him. Almost fell to her knees and begged him to see what a passion she hid for him and how much the better man he would be if he only gave up his foolish longing for the unattainable and married her instead. Almost.

But then she realised what a spectacle it would cause; what an embarrassment it would be, both to her and to Barnaby. She loved him too much to put him through that.

So instead, she merely caught his eye, curtsied to him once more in thanks for their supper and their dance and then walked away, head held high, prepared to, once again, put her own feelings aside and play the wallflower in their doomed romance.

She can't see the way your eyes will light up when you smile