#21 – Fall

Cassie

Things change in the fall.

Summer doesn't die in my hometown, not like it does in other parts of the country. It fades. The way you can tell isn't by temperature. You can't really tell by the leaves changing color. The leaves come later, as if they're holding out as long as they possibly can. It's usually almost officially winter before they start to fall off for the year.

The smell of the air changes, and that's how I always know fall has arrived. It's not a specific smell, nothing I can put my finger on. Even though the temperature hasn't dropped by more than a couple of degrees at this point, you can always smell the change in the air. Everything smells somehow fresher, newer. The wind is somehow crisper and more alive. Even the sounds seem to be amplified. But mostly, it's that unidentifiable yet undeniable smell.

When I smell that smell, I know that more than the season is changing. I've been conditioned to know. I know that the number of patients in the Center will drop off. For a while, at least. The animals know about fall, too, and it's like they slow down just a little. They just don't seem to get injured as often.

I know that's it's time to work harder in our gardens, at least for a while. Collecting the last crop of corn, potatoes, tomatoes, and other assorted veggies is mostly my job. It's really more tradition now than anything else. Back when my grandparents owned the farm we live on, the crops were to get them through the winter. Now, my mom and dad give most of it away to friends and co-workers. But some traditions have to be upheld – I've understood that from a very young age. Some skills must be passed on and practiced.

I know school is coming. I know my summer is over. That used to not bother me. I used to like school. But now, it's impossible for me to see school as anything but a time-monster. A beast that eats up a bunch of time that I just don't have to spare anymore. And it's only getting worse with time – the older I get, the more responsibility gets piled on. I know there's going to come a point when I just can't do it anymore. I won't be able to take on any more, because my number one job is protecting humans from Yeerks. I didn't ask for it, but I got it. I'm not complaining, just stating fact. There's no one else to shrug my number one job off onto. Even if there were, I wouldn't.

A lot of things are going to have to change this fall in particular. I'm not talking about the positive changes I usually associate with the season, either. Things are going to have to change for worse, at least on the surface. I'm going to have to deal with some disappointment. I'm going to have to deal with some questions. But this is my responsibility, and I accept it. I accept the fact that I have to appear less responsible in order to be really responsible.

I'm going to have to turn down the internship at the Gardens. It's been a huge deal to my mom ever since I confirmed I wanted to be a veterinarian at the age of eight. She's been waiting for my sixteenth birthday so we could work side by side and she could teach me what she knows to help me along my – our – chosen career path. She's going to be confused, hurt, and probably a little scared at my decision. But if I don't do my number one job to the best of my ability, there aren't going to be any colleges for me to attend. There aren't going to be veterinary seminars to go to. There aren't going to be any animals to take care of, and even if there are, there aren't going to be any humans to do it.

I'm going to have to opt out of the Allied Health program at school. I was already pre-registered and pre-approved, and it's supposed to be this really big honor. I would love to take the class – it's the closest thing to a veterinary program we have, and I've always kind of secretly thought I might like human medicine, even though I do love my animals. I had decided to give it a fair chance. But it's not just a class – there's a lot of extracurricular work that goes with it. After school rotations in clinics and hospitals. I just can't spare the time.

Sacrificing these things is going to hurt me. It's already hurting me, just thinking about it. But the disappointment is going to be the worst. I've always been satisfied at being a responsible young lady my parents can be proud of. I'll be putting a big dent in that image. But the fight with the Yeerks can't wait.

I may not like it, but things change in the fall.