Author's note: Thank you for the incredible continued support on this story. This has quickly become one of my personal favorites, of the ones I have written, and I am very happy with where it is, and where it is going. I was planning to update yesterday, but I had only gotten two hours of sleep, and I was completely unable to function, let alone write. Anyway, enjoy this next chapter, and please let me know what you think.

Olivia was in her office, the door closed and the blinds drawn. Glancing at the clock on her desk, she realized that Casey's meeting with Cutter must be over by now. A two hour meeting, however, wasn't plausible. She had texted Casey to tell her she loved her, though Casey, who was in court, hadn't responded yet. Olivia couldn't wait to share the good news about her own meeting at dinner, which, though only a few hours away, seemed to sit at the other end of eternity.

A knock on her door startled her out of her thoughts. "Come in," she instructed.

Fin opened the door slowly. "Miss Finnigan is here to see you," he commented.

Olivia nodded. "Send her in." She didn't know what Alison Finnigan needed, but if she was requesting a personal meeting, it couldn't be good. She didn't have much time to contemplate the thought, either, because Alison slowly entered, hesitating before sitting down in the chair across from Olivia. "Alison, are you okay?" Olivia asked, noticing her blotchy face and tear-stained eyes.

Alison shook her head, wiping her eyes with a tissue from the box on Olivia's desk. "No, I'm not," she murmured.

"How did the sentencing go?" Olivia questioned. She had wanted to attend the hearing the previous week, but Alison had begged her not to, not offering an explanation. Alison had been sexually abused for years, and though most of her family stood behind her one hundred percent, she still didn't feel comfortable around them. Her abuser had pled out at Alison's request, since not testifying would have meant she would have had to watch videos of herself being molested- videos she had never known existed until her abuser stupidly took his laptop to be fixed, videos she had forgotten even existed. She would have had to watch them to identify herself and try to figure out where they took place, but she hadn't been able to cope with it, so she had begged Casey to plead him out.

"It was...different," Alison answered slowly. "I went in there knowing that, no matter what happened, he was going to be in jail for at least fifteen years, since that was the minimum the judge had warned about. I told myself I would be good with twenty."

Olivia nodded in understanding. "Did he get less than that?" she asked, considering how upset Alison seemed.

"No." Alison took a deep breath. "He got fifty years," she replied.

Olivia was shocked. In her decade and a half of service to the Special Victims Unit, she had come to expect lower penalties for certain pleas. She had been hoping this particular abuser would get more time, simply because he was old and disgusting, and had abused Alison for nearly a decade. Olivia had been tasked with interviewing him, and he had referred to himself as a "beast," a feeling a reiterated at his previous hearing, where he accepted the plea bargain offered to him. To Olivia, it sounded fake, as if he thought that the worse he referred to himself, the more sympathy he would get. "Fifty years?" the brunette questioned. "Wow. That's great news. Did the judge allow you to give a speech?"

Alison nodded, throwing her tissue away. Her face had slowly returned to its normal color. "Yeah, I spoke," she murmured. She sighed. "I was able to remain strong at the other hearing, so I thought this would be the same. I didn't want the judge to think I was repeating myself, but I think I repeated a couple of things, accidentally." She shrugged, then continued. "When I got to the end of the speech I had only sort of planned, I suddenly couldn't stop shaking, and I completely broke down. Olivia, I snorted in open court!"

Olivia manged a small smile. "Honey, everyone will understand. I'm sure no one thought anything of it, even if they heard you. You shouldn't worry about that. I'm happy that the judge let you speak, though."

"Me too. I managed to stop crying after a few moments, but I could still feel my nerves going haywire. I couldn't stop shaking. It was like it was ten degrees in there, and I had only chosen a tank top and mini skirt for the day. I was a jellyfish. A spineless jellyfish."

Olivia shook her head. "After everything you have been through, it is surprising that you don't cry more often." She folded her hands on the desk. "Did he opt to speak?"

Alison rolled her eyes. "Yes. He referred to himself as a beast again and his attorney spoke for him, too, of course. He said most of his clients accept responsibility for their actions, but supposedly this client not only accepted responsibility for his actions, but also admitted that there was no excuse for what he did. He claimed that was the most honest thing he had ever heard someone say."

"Right," Olivia murmured. She stood up and poured Alison a cup of coffee, offering the cup to her, along with a couple of sugar packets and a little jar of vanilla creamer. She remembered from their many interviews that Alison loved French vanilla creamer the most. Alison took it and thanked her quietly. Olivia poured herself a cup, leaving it black and adding only two sugars. As she returned to her desk, the sergeant sighed deeply. "Okay, so what happened next?"

Alison took a small sip of her coffee after adding the cream and sugar, and winced, presumably because it was too hot. "Well, the judge said some things that I never expected to hear. She asked the prosecution again if they had anything to add, and Ms. Novak reiterated that she didn't know if his remorse was real or just faked so he could get a lighter sentence, which I had made a point to say in my statement, too. After that, the judge said that she appreciated him taking responsibility for his actions and admitting that he was wrong, while continually expressing remorse. However, she said flat out that it wasn't going to lighten his sentence any. And guess what? She said it is one of the worst cases she has ever seen."

"Really?" Olivia asked. This particular judge had been a prosecutor for almost thirty years before her election to the bench, and she had two little girls. Judges were supposed to remain objective, but Olivia, and everyone else, too, had been hoping that maybe, just maybe, those factors would subconsciously encourage her to hand down a harsher sentence. They were worried that she would sentence light, since, though she didn't have a reputation for being a pushover, she wasn't a hanging judge, either. "I'm surprised she admitted it so boldly, but then, Judge Addams has never been one to hide her true feelings. So she gave him fifty years? What did Casey say?" Casey and Olivia had briefly talked about this case, of course, but Olivia had forgotten that he had gotten fifty years. With everything else on her mind, the note had somehow slipped.

"After the hearing, she told me the maximum he could have gotten for those three charges was fifty seven years, and that the judge really meant it when she said it was one of the worst cases she has ever seen. She said she's only heard her say that on two other occasions, and both of those times were to serial rapists." Alison sighed. "Olivia? I'm sorry it took me a week to come in and talk to you. I just felt so bad about screaming at you not to come. I'm sorry I called you a jinx."

Olivia smiled softly. "Don't be sorry," she murmured. "I'm not upset with you, Alison. I completely understand. And I'm happy that you came in now, but...why now? And how do you feel about his sentence? You were crying when you came in."

Alison sighed, biting her lip. "Yeah, well, I wasn't ready to come in, but after last night, I had to come in. See, my grandma and I were talking at dinner about the hearing..again. And she totally caught me off guard, saying she couldn't just turn off her feelings and ignore the last fifteen years of her life."

"What?" Olivia asked, shocked. "She still has feelings for him? Is she going to stay with him?"

"No, I don't think that's it," Alison murmured. "See, she's upset because she already paid for his cremation, and at first I thought she was mad because she won't get that money back, but then she started talking about how he's still human and he's already in prison serving his time for his mistake. Can you believe that? She called it a mistake, like all he did was break her favorite vase. And then she said that she couldn't just turn off her feelings, and that she did love him for fifteen years, then she started talking about my real grandpa, her husband before him. And anyway, eventually she said she'll always have feelings for him, even though she will never be with him again because of what he did. And she said he's still a human being, and that he doesn't deserve to be buried like a pauper. Whatever that means. But she said since his cremation is already paid for, he deserves to be buried in the box he chose."

Olivia nodded. "Well, I'm sure this is really hard for her, too," she murmured. "At least she's not dating him anymore. I can understand where she's coming from with not being able to totally eliminate her feelings for him, since, once you love someone, those feelings don't ever really go away. On the other hand, how anyone can still love someone after finding out that they are a child molester and rapist is beyond me. But she shouldn't have laid all of that onto you, Alison. That was wrong of her. I'm so sorry."

Alison sighed, shaking her head and grabbing another tissue as her eyes again flooded with tears. "I just hate it, because it's like, I get it, I do. Yeah, you can't stop loving someone after years of wanting them. It takes time. But it's making me feel like shit for asking for the maximum in my statement and wishing him dead. I feel like I'm betraying her by wanting that, and now I'm starting to wish I could go back and change all of that. She's right. He is still human."

"Alison, it's time you start worrying about you," Olivia answered. "You've spent years not telling on him because you didn't want your grandma to lose everything. You've spent years doubting your own feelings. You're what matters now. You had every right to ask for the maximum and to wish him dead, after what he did for you. It's a long process for her to come to terms with what happened, and the fact that the other side of the bed is empty after over a decade, but she shouldn't dump that on you. Don't feel like shit. Feel good about this victory. Feel good about yourself, and realize that this is the next step in the stairway to your healing."

Alison looked away. "Yeah, but now I have to express one feeling while stating another. God, even now, I'm living a double life around her, and I hate it. What should I do?"

"Talk to her," Olivia urged. "Ask her if you two can talk, and tell her how you feel. Tell her you understand how she feels, but don't understand what she means by feelings. Maybe she doesn't mean love. Maybe she just misses what they were at the beginning. I'm not saying it's right, but this shouldn't come between you two. I think, if you ask her what she means, and once she elaborates, you'll feel so much better. And that gives you the chance to tell her how you feel, too."

Alison nodded. "That's a really good idea," she murmured. She stood up suddenly, finishing the rest of her coffee and placing the cup on the desk. "Thanks, Olivia. I really appreciate all that you've done for me."

"You're welcome," Olivia answered, surprised at the abrupt end to the conversation. "Alison, any time you need something, feel free to call me or just walk in. Any time of day, I'm here for you. Just because the case is over doesn't mean I'm not still here to help you. Okay?"

"Okay. Thanks," Alison answered, then, without another word, she turned and fled from the office.

Olivia leaned back in her chair with a deep sigh. It was then that her phone vibrated and lit up with a new message. Grabbing it, Olivia opened the message, reading it several times before it sank in. It was from Casey. "I need you to meet me at the courthouse. It's urgent." Olivia was out of her chair and out the door within seconds.