well you finally wore me down.
a continuation of chapter 3. [RATED M] (obviously.)
Piper Chapman can't quite pinpoint the exact moment Alex Vause slips from her life.
Was it with the quiet haze of the morning as she slipped from her bed for the final time? Or was it in the hallways of the school, when she'd moved passed her for the last time, sparing not a single glance, as if they weren't intimately familiar with every nerve ending in one another's bodies?
Or was it in the last time Piper Chapman allows herself to think of Alex Vause before pushing the memory from her mind for good?
They last just over a year. Intimately. The kind of intimacy that comes with the gentle exploration of skin and soft gasps and tender touches (because they'd always been intimate, but the physical manifestation brought along an entirely new meaning to the word). It doesn't exactly become any sort of thing though. For the most part they continue on as they've always been, best friends. Best friends who occasionally like to explore each other's naked bodies. And in hindsight they'll wonder if that was the first step in their inevitable downfall. It starts easily enough, and it flourishes naturally in the summer, like some sort of slowly blooming flower. A secret beautiful thing. A hidden world shrunken down to the existence of two people. Nothing existed outside of each other and it's a routine they fall into so easily.
But it doesn't last.
Because in reality they're young, and scared, and from two different worlds and they've only been pretending otherwise. They don't know what they're doing and neither knows how to ask and eventually the pressures of school, and home, and life start to wheedle in between them. There is no resounding fight. No earth shattering tipping point. Which is almost, in a way, worse. They don't shatter all at once, but instead crumble slowly. In that painful way of a gradual decaying. Once-comforting familiarity slowly being replaced by a suffocating awkwardness that begins to creep in when two people slowly start to realize they're drifting away from one another.
Piper begins taking up extracurricular activities, begins preparing for college and the future and life. And Alex begins dropping classes, begins losing interest in academic endeavors (because what's the point when there is no college, or future, or life). And gradually their time together grows few and far between (and suddenly their precious few moments alone are laden with stress and irritability). And the images they maintain become more and more important (suddenly Piper Chapman is a name that carries meaning, and Alex Vause is a name that spells trouble). And the opinions of the company they keep becomes a heavier and heavier weight (because what are you supposed to say when your friends start asking "why is someone like you hanging out with someone like her?"). And gradually their once-comfortable silences become tense and awkward. Until Alex Vause slips from Piper Chapman's life for good.
Bobby Prescott asks Piper on a date three months into the school year.
She tells him she thinks she's got plans with Alex and he laughs. ("That dyke? I heard she almost got caught fucking Sylvie Sumner in the stairwell last week.") She tries not to look as shaken as she feels.
"I heard you slept with Sylvie Sumner." She mumbles in what she desperately hopes is a casual tone the next time they're sitting in her room.
"Hardly." Alex scoffs. "I went down on her. I wouldn't exactly say we fucked."
"Oh." Piper murmurs.
She goes on the date with Bobby Prescott.
They're a week away from another summer the last time Alex Vause steps foot inside Piper's house.
They move slowly this time, an unspoken change from their once eager rush to explore each other, and quiver against each other late into the night. Piper's barely awake when Alex slips out with the morning, a muffled apology about plans with her mom falling from her lips.
She doesn't let herself cry.
But she later knows it to be the last time she'll share her bed with Alex Vause.
They don't see a lot of each other after that. She throws herself into her activities. Pushes herself to the top of the honor roll. Takes her team to the state championships. Buries herself in applying for colleges. She excels. And the more she throws herself into the world around her the less she begins to think about Alex Vause. And before she knows it high school is over. And the last time she sees Alex Vause they're wearing caps and gowns.
Her routine carries over to college, and she throws herself into everything she can there too. Loses herself in meaningless relationships and mediocre sex. Begins to think she's finally got a hold on what this young-adulthood thing really is. She doesn't come home often, there's not a lot of reason for her to, Polly's gone to the same college and time away from her family has made her realize how much more appealing they are from a distance. But they're coming up on their senior year (She'd finished her final final as a junior six hours ago) and somehow Polly has convinced her to return home for the summer.
She's just begun to grow irritated with the criticizing naggings of her mother when Polly finally convinces her to join her for an unofficial high school reunion. Nicky Nichols is in town and is apparently throwing the rager of the century. She only agrees to get out of the house. And maybe because she's forgotten what it was like to let loose.
The house is brimming with wild energy when they walk in. Piper easily recognizes the majority of their graduating class. Seems like everyone is back in town this summer. She hadn't intended to get drunk. Is only half a beer into the party when she spots her.
Alex.
Piper freezes, her blood running cold. She looks different, older, and yet achingly familiar, as if an entire lifetime has passed and yet no time at all. Piper tries to ignore her, ignore the plunging feeling in her stomach, the rolling nerves slowly building to a sort of nausea. Alex doesn't notice her. And Piper's one beer turns to two, turns to four, turns to something sharp mixed from a bucket that she's too far gone to question the hazards of.
She tries to avoid her, she really does. Eventually tells herself it's easier to avoid Alex if she's constantly aware of where Alex is. And so she's soon spending her night watching the brunette from the shadows and drowning herself in drink after drink.
She's with another girl, blonde, (like me, Piper thinks, and I wonder if she thinks of me when her fingers tangle tightly in that blonde hair). She ignores the burning tightness in her chest, the growing lump in her stomach, chalks it up to the slow dizziness of the alcohol. She can't tear her eyes away as Alex leans in, drapes her arm over the girl, laughs with her. She can't tear her eyes away when she leans in for a quick kiss. Watches with burning eyes until the vision distorts and disappears.
"Piper!"
It's Polly. She's moved to stand between Piper and her line of sight, effectively breaking the spell.
She blinks, once, twice, shakes her head clear, "What?"
"A bunch of people are heading downstairs to play some party games."
She catches sight of Pete and Larry hanging by the stairs.
"Are you coming?" Polly's asking when she slides her eyes back over.
She chances a glace over her shoulder, but Alex is gone. "Yeah." She mumbles.
She follows them into the dark of the basement.
It's a considerably large basement, only a handful of party-goers have made their way down. Her eyes sweep the circle, relived to find an absence of Alex. She settles in beside Polly, taking slow inventory of the room and all the faces who've decided to venture down. A soft hush of conversations ripples through the circle before a booming voice rings out from the stairs.
"A'right, bitches! Name'a the game's Spin The Bottle! You know the rules."
Nicky Nichols. Piper's eyes drift to the handful of stragglers trailing after her. Alex. She tenses, considers fleeing, but Alex has already spotted her, is suddenly focused on her like a predator eyeing it's prey. She stays seated. The blonde beside her clings to her but Alex's eyes remain on Piper. She suddenly wishes she'd grabbed another drink.
She tries not to focus on Alex and her burning stare, but still somehow manages to miss most of the first half of the game.
A sharp jolt to her ribs makes her jump. Polly's voice in her ear hissing, "It's your turn!" And the bottom of her stomach drops out.
She can feel Alex's eyes on her once more as she reaches for the bottle, prays for it to land anywhere else but her (wishes for it to do the opposite), and spins.
Forty-nine seconds.
Piper Chapman's life hangs in the balance for forty-nine seconds. Forty-nine seconds that feel like a lifetime.
The nozzle spins past Alex once. Twice. Five times. Eight times, and again.
It lands on Andrew Weston. Former quarterback of their senior year.
A gust of air she didn't know she'd been holding bursts from her lungs (she can't tell if it's disappointment or relief) (she doesn't examine it too closely). Andrew's friends are whooping and pounding him on the back and Polly's elbow nudges against her playfully as she whispers "Way to go, Pipes!" She tries to ignore the burning stare she can feel from the left corner of the circle, but can't quite stop herself from stealing a glance right before Andrew pulls her lips to his. She thinks she spots a scowl before Alex drops her gaze to the carpet. Her attention is on the blonde beside her by the time Andrew finally pulls away.
Alex avoids her eyes for the next fifteen minutes.
Piper's lost in her own thoughts when Nicky's voice booms out once more. "You're up, Vause! Spin us a good one!" She finishes with a wink and Piper feels her brows furrowing at it.
She keeps her gaze on Alex as she pulls herself from the blonde, leans forward, eyes remaining downcast until just before she flicks her wrist. Her gaze suddenly jumps to Piper's, and she's frozen at the intensity. When was the last time she'd looked Alex Vause in the eye? She doesn't know how long they hold one another's gaze (a minute? a second? a lifetime?), but the spell is only broken when she hears Polly utter a soft "Shit." under her breath.
Her eyes fall to the bottle.
Dart back up to Alex to make sure she'd seen right.
And Alex looks like the calm before a storm.
A chorus of "Ooooh!"s rises from the crowd, boys nudging each other giddily, Nicky choking back a soft bark of laughter and a quiet "Fuck!".
"Pipes..." Polly murmurs. And bless her, for Polly's one of the only ones in the room who knows the implications of this outcome. She doesn't know the entire story but she knows enough. And she's silently asking if Piper needs her to give her an out. But Alex's eyes are locked with her own once again and suddenly Piper can't fathoming running anymore. She takes a steadying breath as she meets that stormy gaze.
Moving to the center of the circle, she waits for Alex to join her, puts the ball in her court (Alex Vause has never been one to back down from a challenge).
Alex is the one who pulls her in, her hand snaking to the back of Piper's neck as if it's a routine it's never forgotten. And her lips welcome Alex's own like they're welcoming home an old friend. She gasps into the kiss and swears she can feel Alex's tongue dart out, ever so slightly, as if tentatively confirming a hazy memory, before slipping back into her own mouth.
It's a brief kiss, though it feels like it lasts a lifetime, and Piper's left sitting in the center of the circle for a moment as Alex slides easily back into her seat. Nicky's sharp laughter eventually breaking her spell. Alex's eyes are avoiding hers once again and Piper suddenly finds herself sick to her stomach with the thought that she was the only one who felt anything. But Alex has always had a good poker face, and she's reminded of that when she finally catches her eye three turns later. Because Alex has always had a good poker face, but her eyes could never lie to Piper.
Eventually the round completes and a new one begins. And Piper is studiously avoiding Alex's gaze once again as she reaches out to give the bottle a spin. She'd lost what little interest she had roughly twenty minutes ago when Alex Vause's lips separated from her own. But the game wasn't over and she'd surely receive heckling if she tried to leave after one round. Her mind's barely on the game at all as she gives the bottle another spin.
She nearly misses it's decision in her distraction, because the worst has already happened, and what are the chances of having to kiss Alex Vause twice in one game?
Pretty good, apparently, if the sudden whoops and cheers rising through the room are anything to go by.
"Number two, that's seven minutes in heaven!" Someone shouts.
The rest of the noise falls to a dull roar in her ears as she locks eyes with Alex's sea-green gaze. Her body's moving on it's own accord. It has to be, for if Piper had any say in the matter it'd be moving in the opposite direction. Towards the stairs. Instead of the dark intimidating closet. The pulsating mass of suddenly nameless faces have pulled them up, Nicky standing with them, pushing them towards the door. Piper vaguely feels like a prisoner being sentenced to her execution.
She falters in the doorway, her gaze on the terrifying blackness inside. This could be a metaphor, she thinks uneasily, just before she feels Alex's presence at her back, her firm hand pressing at the base of her spine. She eases them through the doorway. Piper catches sight of Alex's face just as Nicky clicks the door closed ("Have fun, kids!" with another wink and a leering grin), and Alex looks livid. And then they're plunged into darkness.
She backs away until her back connects with the far wall of the closet, slides soundlessly to the floor. She hears Alex sigh before doing the same.
"We don't have to do anything." Piper mumbles, and Alex laughs. She doesn't know if it's the darkness of the closet giving her a false sense of confidence or if she's just finally reached her breaking point but something inside her snaps and Piper feels her veins flood with a thick hot anger. "You know what, Alex, I didn't ask for this, okay? I didn't even want to come to this stupid party in the first place or play this stupid game, I didn't want to get stuck inside this stupid closet with you, I didn't even want to come home for the summer at all, but I am now, and I'm just trying to make the best of it! So I'd really appreciate it if you could stop acting like this is all somehow my fault!"
"Oh, come off it, Piper." Alex returns, in that all-to-familiar tone of annoyed dismissal. That condescending I'm-tolerating-you tone that always used to remind Piper of the year and a half between them, that always used to make her feel like she was wasting Alex's time. And suddenly Piper wants to hit her.
"Fuck you, Alex!" She hisses, and she can feel Alex's attention snap to her in full, "Fuck you! I don't know what I ever did to so royally offend you, but I'm sorry! I get that you don't want to be friends, that's fine, I don't either, but can you at least treat me like I'm a fucking person instead of something you scraped off the bottom of your boot?"
Alex remains silent and just as quickly as the anger had come, Piper feels it drain from her veins.
"I don't know what I did to make you hate me." She whispers before she can stop herself and prays Alex will leave it lie.
"I don't hate you, Piper." She murmurs back, just as softly, almost a full minute later.
And it's Piper's turn to laugh (only hers comes out thick and wet and quietly defeated), "Coulda fooled me."
Alex heaves quiet sigh into the darkness of the closet, another several moments of silence passing between them, before answering, "I'm sorry. I never..." She pauses, huffs in frustration, "I just..." and trails off.
But Piper can hear all the unspoken words she can't seem to find in the silence. "I know."
They sit quietly after that, listening to the soft laughter of the on-going game. Eventually Piper loses the battle with her inner demons, and blurts out the question that's been tugging at the back of her mind ever since she spotted Alex Vause at this stupid party in the first place.
"Do you ever... think about it?"
Alex scoffs, "Do you?"
Piper's cheeks redden under the faint light of the dark room, her gaze dropping to the hem of her jeans as she picks awkwardly at a loose thread.
"Do you?" Alex presses. And it's all suddenly more than she can take. The soft dizziness of the alcohol, the rolling turmoil of her emotions, the intoxicating presence of Alex Vause and the infuriating lack of effect the night seems to be having on her. Piper can feel a heady panic welling up inside her. Suddenly the closet is too small, too suffocating, too dark. Suddenly she's overwhelmingly claustrophobic.
"I don't- I mean- This was stupid." She mumbles, pushing herself to her feet and darting from the closet before Alex can stop her.
"Piper!" She calls after her. She's halfway to the stairs when Alex finally catches her around the bicep.
"Alex." She pleads, and Alex takes note of the gathering tears threatening to fall. "Please, just... this was a mistake. I'm going."
Alex's gaze sweeps the room and the quiet, curious attention they've drawn, Polly is hovering tensely at the edge of the circle ready to jump to Piper's defense (Alex pins her with a look that has her settling back into her seat), Nicky's eyeing them quietly with unrestrained interest (Alex fixes her with a look that tells her the party is over, and she knows Nicky will make sure they're not bothered). She tightens her grip around Piper's arm and pulls her up the stairs.
"We're not gonna do this here." She mutters.
Somewhere between the bottom of the stairs and the top, Piper begins to cry. Between the alcohol, the party, and the emotional roller coaster of the last few hours she's a mess by the time Alex drags her into the kitchen. The party had begun dying out, most of the action having been moved to the basement, and they're blessedly alone in the quiet kitchen.
She deposits Piper into a chair, grabbing a glass from the counter and filling it with water, "Here." she murmurs, passing it to her.
Piper resists for a moment before finally deciding that conceding to Alex is easier than fighting her. Trying to stand again once she's finished, she stumbles, drunk on alcohol and emotional distress.
"Where're you going?" Alex demands as Piper attempts to stumble from the room once again.
"Home."
"You can't go home, Piper! Your parents will flip out."
"I don't care." She mumbles.
"Well, you're not driving." Alex threatens.
"Yes I am."
"No, you're not."
She says nothing, throwing a withering look of hatred of over her shoulder, at the brunette trailing after her.
"PIPER."
"Oh fuck off, Alex! Go back to the party, what the fuck do you even care!?"
"What the fuck do I care? What if you fucking end up wrapping your car around a telephone pole? I don't know if you've forgotten but I was your best friend for sixteen years of your life, Piper! I'd fucking care!"
"Yeah, Alex! Was. Were. Past Tense. You're not anymore so it's someone else's job to clean up after me, and make sure I get home safely, and fuck me."
Piper's words are hurled hard and fast and Alex is taken aback at the sudden ferocity of them, temporarily faltering as Piper turns back towards the door, continuing her journey. Shaking the initial shock off, she regains herself, chasing after the blonde.
"Dammit, Piper!"
The blonde turns to face her abruptly once more, opening her mouth to hurl a choice selection of insults back in Alex's face.
Except.
She ends up hurling something else instead.
Alex jumps back back in shock as Piper turns and vomits on the spot where her feet had just been.
"Jesus." She mutters, eyeing the puddle of vomit before lifting her gaze back to Piper. Her eyes had gone from watering to leaking as she holds back from transitioning into full blown sobs. "Fuck."
She surges forward on instinct, careful to avoid the stain setting between their feet, wraps a hand around the blonde's arm, another snaking around her hip. Too weak to fight anymore, Piper crumbles tiredly into Alex's arms, allowing the brunette to pull her gently past the front door and up the stairs to the third level. She's leading them through some sort of hallway, an assortment of different rooms and doors passing them as they weave deeper into the house.
"Where're we going?" She mumbles tiredly as Alex steers her through a doorway.
"The back guest room." Alex mutters, depositing her onto the bed.
Piper sits quietly, watching Alex move through the room, opening various drawers, collecting various items. She flips a switch, disappearing into the light pouring out of another doorway for a moment and the sound of running water kicks on. The bedroom's dark, illuminated only by the outside light pouring in through the window and the over-spilling glow from what Piper assumes to be a bathroom that Alex has disappeared into. She returns, clutching a small assortment of items.
"How do you know where everything is?" Piper mumbles quietly.
"Because I stay here a lot. C'mere." She murmurs, reaching towards Piper's face with a rag. It's warm and damp and Piper leans gratefully into it. Alex runs it gently across her chin and mouth, wiping away any excess vomit that may have been left behind. She continues to hold Piper's chin in her free hand when she sets the washcloth aside, leaning back with a new object. "Here." She murmurs softly, handing Piper the toothbrush.
She hesitates, "I don't know who's that is."
"It's mine." Rolling her eyes, she sighs as Piper continues to not move, "Nothing you haven't already had in your mouth."
She grabs it quickly.
Content that she can finish the task herself from there, Alex sits back to grab another one of the items she's dug out. An old t-shirt. She tosses it onto the bed next to Piper before leaning back with an empty glass for the blonde to spit in in one hand, and a semi-full glass for rinsing in the other. Piper takes her time clearing her mouth, relishing in the minty fresh taste coating her mouth in place of the lingering taste of vomit. Alex heads back to the bathroom when she's finished and had handed her her cups.
"You should take a shower." She calls quietly from the other room.
"What?" Piper calls back a little louder.
Alex doesn't answer until she's back in the same room as the blonde, a large fluffy towel tucked under her arm, "You should take a shower. You reek of alcohol and vomit, and a little bit of pot. And you'll sleep better after." (She mumbles that second part softer, gaze dropping to fix on the towel.)
Piper says nothing, studying the brunette closely. She knows Alex is right. Knows Alex knows Alex is right. Because Piper always feels better after a bath, Piper always feels calmer after a shower. It's an integral part of who she is and it both stings like hell and settles like cool relief that Alex knows.
Alex used to know a lot of things.
She looks up from the towel when she hears the bed shift, Piper pushing herself to her feet. She pauses briefly when they're shoulder to shoulder, slowly reaching out to take the towel from Alex's limp grip. "Thanks."
Their eyes meet for a moment, a fleeting second, both so full to the brim with a million bit-back words and shoved-down thoughts. Alex nods once, her gaze dropping again. "I'll be here when you're done."
Piper says nothing. She closes the door quietly.
Alex is reclining against the bed when she reemerges. She'd spent a good 30 minutes under the warm spray of the water, quietly assessing everything that happened tonight (everything that had happened in the last five years) and letting it all wash away with the water circling the drain. Alex had moved the t-shirt to the lid of the toilet at some point and she'd eyed it wearily for a moment. The toothbrush she hadn't recognized. But the t-shirt, she did. How many of the things in this room were Alex's? (I stay here a lot) She swallows down a lump in her throat, pulls the t-shirt over her head and exits her quiet sanctuary.
Alex glances up as the door opens, eyes dipping up and down Piper's body in a once-familiar manner before she catches herself. Her attention flicks back to the book in her lap as Piper hovers in the bathroom doorway.
"Are you going to stand there all night?" She eventually drawls, pulling Piper from her thoughts.
"I, um..." She falters, and Alex's cool gaze fixes on her once more.
"What?"
"I should... get home."
She sighs. Once. Quick. Closes the book, her eyes shutting with it as she rubs a hand over her face, preparing for the next wave of arguments. "I already told you you're not going home, Piper. You're too drunk, I'm too drunk, and even if there were anyone sober enough still left downstairs I wouldn't trust them with you anyway."
Any argument Piper had been brewing stopped short. Alex seems not to notice slip, or she was determined not to acknowledge it, dropping her hand from her face to fix Piper with a tired stare. She moves towards the bed, sitting gingerly at the edge.
"What are you doing?" Alex grumbles impatiently after several minutes. Piper stares vacantly at her. "Get in bed."
She eyes the spot beside Alex warily.
"Piper. I know you're fucking exhausted. I can see it all over your face. Would you please just get in the fucking bed, I'm so fucking tired of arguing with you tonight." Her eyes had fallen closed again during her irritated plea, her head tilted back on her shoulders to rest against the headboard. She looked as exhausted as Piper felt.
Heaving a quiet lung full of air, Piper lifts her feet from the bedroom floor, tucks them quickly under the comforter as she settles in beside the brunette.
"Thank you." Alex speaks to the ceiling.
Piper burrows against her pillow, watching Alex quietly from the corners of her eyes. Eventually she pulls her head forward, cracks open her book, begins to read silently once more. Piper watches her until her eyes grow heavy. She fights against her fading consciousness, suddenly afraid that it's all some sort of dream, that when she opens her eyes, one of these times, Alex will be gone. She feels the bed shift.
Her eyes flew open, hand shooting out to grab Alex's wrist before she could even orient herself.
"Whe're you going?" She slurs, voice think with sleep.
"I was turning out the light." Alex murmurs back, "But I'm probably going to go sleep in Nicky's room when you fall asleep."
A raw panic shoots through Piper's veins, her grip tightening painfully around Alex's wrist, "No!"
"Piper..." She sighs. A lung-full of that same sort of hovering irritation that had clung to her words when she'd told Piper she was tired of arguing with her.
The tears start falling before Piper even feels them gather. "Alex, please."
She cries. Her fingers lock tighter around Alex's wrist and she cries. Cries for Alex. Cries for herself. An hour ago she'd wanted nothing more than to get as far away from Alex as fast as she could, now the thought of being apart from her terrified her. The alcohol had burned through her system, leaving her dizzy and sick and alone in a bed that wasn't hers in a house she didn't know. Suddenly she was sixteen again and terrified of being left behind as Alex moved on to other things. Better things. Suddenly everything was too much for her and she ached for Alex's heartbeat, Alex's lungs, Alex's arms.
And then Alex's arms were sliding around her. Alex's voice was breaking over the crown of her head as she tried to calm her sobs. Alex's heart was thumping steadily against her ear as she pulled her into her, lulling her back to herself. Gradually Piper began to steady her breaths. They were entangled against one another, she noticed, as she began to regain her senses, Alex's fingers swimming gently through her hair, her other hand drifting slowly up and down her back. Piper's face was tucked into the curve of her neck, her ear nestled against Alex's collarbone, greedily claiming the soft thud of every steady beat that pulsed through her heart. Her own arms had woven their way around Alex in their shifting, fingers now clutching tiredly at the fabric around her shoulders. She tightens them childishly, burrowing deeper into the comforting warmth of Alex.
"Go to sleep, Pipes..." Alex murmurs tiredly when she feels her shift. Piper says nothing, presses her face harder against Alex's collarbone. "I'm not going anywhere."
Her heart calms at that, and she notices for the first time that it's been beating wildly since Alex first mentioned leaving.
They lay like that for awhile, silent, gentle. For as tired as she is, as close to the edge of sleep as she'd been, Piper can't seem to find that sense of peace again. She shifts lightly against Alex, receiving another soft command to sleep. Her body is exhausted and yet wired tightly with what feels like a low humming electricity. Alex's body is achingly familiar, a sense that both comforts her and winds her up. She shifts again, Alex's voice thickening heavier and heavier with lethargy each time she tells her to be still and sleep.
"I can't." Piper finally mumbles after nearly 40 minutes of the same exchange. Alex's movements have grown sluggish, her fingers gliding through Piper's hair with a lazy sort of slowness. Piper shifts her hips, Alex's knee falling between legs, and whines.
"Pipes..." Alex sighs again. But it's gentle this time, and Piper whines again. She's in the middle of another wiggle when Alex shifts under her, her thigh coming into contact with the space between Piper's own and she gasps, jumping slightly before settling down against it. She sighs quietly, pushing slightly against Alex's thigh, shifting against it in a vain attempt to relieve the sudden build of tension that has settled low in her belly at some point during the last hour. She figures it to be instinct. A natural reaction to Alex's warmth, Alex's scent, Alex's nearness. For it's been years since she'd been this close to her, the last time being their last sleepover. Alex had made her come three times that night, and looking back later Piper had come to recognize it as a goodbye. Alex had always been better at sensing what was coming than Piper. And she was reminded of Alex's intuitiveness abruptly as Alex's leg bent, knee coming up to bump against her backside as she jostled the startled blonde further into her lap.
Her pelvis bumps against Alex's hipbone as the older girl growls warningly, "Don't."
Piper stills against her, suddenly afraid. Her entire body tensed, like a string pulling tight, as she waits. She sits rigidly for an entire ten minutes before shifting again, attempting to settle into a more comfortable position after being jostled so harshly into Alex's hips.
"I'm serious, Piper." Alex growls again, all previous traces of fatigue now gone as her voice cuts through the darkness of the bedroom with a sharp clarity. Piper tenses like a violin string once more. "Do not start anything you'll regret. Go to sleep."
"I can't." Piper whines again before she can stop herself, shifting heavily against the older girl in her attempt to find comfort before Alex can decide her decision to stay isn't worth the hassle. And Alex lets out one more choked sigh as Piper's thigh presses briefly between her own in her anxious wiggling. Her hand brushes the back of Piper's other thigh, fingertips resting dangerously close to her inner warmth.
Her voice comes out an octave lower when she speaks, a barely restrained growl of a different reason, "If I do this for you, do you PROMISE me you will GO. TO. SLEEP?"
Piper remains silent, all sense of words lost to her at the first touch of Alex's fingers against her skin. A touch so achingly familiar and yet so terrifyingly foreign. Alex's thumb sweeps against her backside and she shudders, burying herself against Alex's neck.
"Hey..." Alex murmurs a minute later, her fingers still heavy against Piper's thigh, but the throaty bite from her tone gone, "What's wrong?"
That's when Piper notices, for the third time tonight, that her eyes have begun leaking thick hot trails down the back of Alex's neck.
"Pipes..." Alex murmurs, shifting her head in an attempt to catch the younger girl's eye. Piper buries herself deeper. "Piper."
Her fingers leave Piper's thigh, sliding beneath her chin in an attempt to raise her gaze to her own. Piper digs it stubbornly against her collarbone and she winces slightly at the force of it.
"Do you hate me?" She mumbles quietly. So quietly Alex, for a moment, wonders if she even heard her correctly.
"What?"
She sniffs, the intake of air tickling the skin of Alex's neck, "I understand if you do. I sometimes hate me."
Alex goes rigid at those soft words, her fingers suddenly itching to bury themselves against Piper's skin, drag her into herself, leave no space between them, pulling until they're one singular entity. Instead she breathes out. A shuddering sigh. A painful conceding.
"I already told you I don't hate you, Piper." She whispers.
"But it's okay if you do."
Alex grits her teeth. She's angry. Angry at Piper thinking so lowly of her, of herself, of them. Angry at herself for allowing Piper to form these thoughts. Angry at the wild fragility of teenage emotions and the universe that allowed them to fall apart from one another so completely.
"I miss you, Alex." Piper whispers.
She's given up trying to pry the younger girl's face from her neck, buries her nose against her soft blonde hair and the crown of her head, "I miss you too, Pipes."
And Piper shudders atop her. Her hand returns to the skin of Piper's thigh (delicately this time, comforting), and she strokes it lightly, her other hand swimming gently through blonde locks once more. Piper sighs, the tight coil of tension slowly leaking from her body once again. She loses track of how long they lay like this, until Piper shifts again, another strangled whimper slipping from the back of her throat.
"What's wrong?" Alex murmurs gently.
"Alex, I can't do this." She whispers.
"Do what?"
"This. I can't do this. I can't lay here with you, I can't... let you touch me like this... again... without..." She takes a shuddering breath, "I know... you've made it perfectly clear that you don't want anything to do with me anymore, and that's fine, but I can't... do this... if we're not..."
She can't make herself say it. She tries. She tries so hard. But she just can't bring herself to voice the words.
But she's never needed to with Alex. Because Alex knows what she's trying to say before she even has to say it.
"Pipes..." She murmurs, stilling her slow movements against the younger skin's skin. She doesn't speak again until Piper pulls her face from her neck, raises it to finally meet her eyes. She nearly comes undone at the emotion in them. Pulling a desperate lung-full of air as she gazes into the cerulean eyes before her Alex decides they've danced this dance long enough. Fuck it, she thinks.
She crashes their lips together.
Piper's mouth opens immediately on instinct and suddenly they're kissing the way they should have been in the middle of that circle. Their tongues are exploring each other's mouths the way they should have been in that dark closet. And they're clutching at each other the way they never should have stopped after that last night in Piper's bed all those years ago.
Alex's hand returns to the space between Piper's thighs. Only it doesn't stop at the outer curve this time. She traces a gentle thumb over the material of her panties, sighing softly at the familiar gasp and shudder that slip out of the blonde just like they always had when Alex touches her like this. She doesn't take it any further though. Not yet. For now they're content to relearn every aspect of each other's mouths. Tongues counting teeth as if checking for any changes that may have occurred in their too-long absence. Her fingers have tangled in Piper's hair as her other hand continues to rub just so at the material between her legs.
Eventually though it's not enough, and she trails her hand up over the curve of Piper's ass, slips it deftly under the material of her panties, and slides it smoothly through the folds she once knew so intimately.
Her fingers prod at Piper's opening, trailing slowly through the sticky wetness.
"Fuck, Pipes. When's the last time you had sex?"
"I dunno..." She murmurs. "A few months ago?"
"Are you serious?"
"What?" She bristles defensively.
"It's just... impressive. Shit. I mean, haven't you been dating people?"
"Just because I date them doesn't mean I have sex with them." She's tensing again, Alex can feel it in the way they lay, and she slowly strokes her fingers the way she knows Piper likes. Liked. A small part of her mind reminds her. She's not yours anymore. And she probably doesn't like the same things anymore. And she doesn't even like the same people anymore. And how did we ever manage to let this distance grow so fucking large between us. But it's working and Piper's settling once again. "I don't... I don't like having sex." She mumbles softly against Alex's throat. "I haven't liked having sex for... since..."
She turns, burying her face against the slope where Alex's neck meets her shoulder once again. Alex's fingers still against her cunt and she whimpers softly (so softly).
"Please don't stop."
"Pipes..." She murmurs, attempting to catch the younger girl's eye.
"Please Alex."
"Piper, I'm not gonna have sex with you when you just told me you don't like having sex." She's angry. Frustrated. Piper's silent. "I mean, fuck, what kind of person do you think I am? How exactly do you fucking remember me, Piper? Because you keep saying these things..."
Her voice trails off and Piper's fills it's silence. "I always liked it with you."
It's ruinous.
Closing her eyes, a rush of air spills from Alex's lungs, her fingers still buried somewhere beneath the material of Piper's panties, coated in the warm, sticky, wetness of her cunt. Piper's face is still pressed against that hollow between her neck and shoulder, her soft breaths spilling lightly across Alex's skin. She feels like crying. For Piper. For herself. For everything they used to be. For everything they've become. Instead she hooks an arm around the blonde's back, fingers burying themselves deep within her hair, brushing briefly at her neck. A desperate sort of hug. Piper shudders against her (a sob and a plea and a desperate sort of aching relief of being held so fiercely within those arms once again).
"I'm sorry." She whispers against the column of Alex's neck.
"Me too."
"I don't wanna be this person anymore, Alex." A wetness drops against Alex's shoulder, slides down towards her back. "I'm so tired."
Alex strokes her back gently, her hand sliding beneath the material of Piper's shirt to trace soft patterns against her skin. Piper's always needed the intimacy of simple touch. The reassurance that she's there and fine and everything is okay. Even before they fucked each other (and, subsequently, everything else around them), before high school split them in two and took everything of who they were and who they used to be. Piper's always craved Alex's touch. Alex's fingers have always stilled her roaring waves.
And Alex knows then that they'd each taken their own crowbar to this mess. A mess created from two opposite sides, meeting in the crumbling middle. Suddenly she remembers the hesitant young gaze that met her own in Piper's bed all those years ago. The trembling fear that always alit in those blue eyes whenever her own life and interests pulled too far from Piper's. And she remembers the anxious need Piper had always had to keep up with her, despite her constant reminders that she could never stray too far from the blonde's side anyway. And yet. She had.
Because she'd gotten scared. She'd begun to notice that she wasn't the only one who's attentions danced around Piper Chapman anymore (because something changes when you've had sex, and they can smell it in the air like it's blood in the water, and they begin to circle like sharks), and she'd tried to ignore the painful tightenings in her stomach every time she noticed Piper flirting back with those sharks. Because Piper was young and timid and there was something so thrilling about being noticed by people who found you alluring, and Alex had held that against her because she was young and insecure and neither of them knew what they were doing. They never put a label on it, and that, Alex thinks, was their downfall. Because if they're never anything more than best-friends-who-occasionally-enjoy-fucking-each-other then what reassurance was there that they were ever anything at all.
And she told herself that Piper was pulling away from her and she told herself to get out now before Piper Chapman takes everything, but Alex Vause has always been somewhat of a masochist and she could never quite bring herself to separate entirely when it came to the young blonde. So she'd waited (burying herself desperately in other things and other girls and other activities because she was so fucking desperate to get her mind off Piper Chapman before Piper Chapman got her mind off her). So she waited for Piper Chapman to finally lose interest in her and cut her lose. And suddenly she realizes that Piper had been doing the same thing.
They'd been so terrified of losing one another that they'd pushed each other away, and Alex's stomach heaves with the sudden realization of it all. They were best friends who had gotten curious and horny and ended up sleeping together because they wanted to know what it was like but didn't know how to talk about it.
And then all of the sudden they were no longer just best friends they were curious kids exploring sex. Without any sort of transition or discussion about feelings and what this change meant. Really meant. And that's what made it so easy for high school to eat them alive. Alex could never quite believe Piper loved her as much as she loved Piper, and Piper could never quite believe she was enough for Alex, that she was what she wanted. And they carried their fears silently and on their own until their backs broke under the weight of it all.
Alex feels her own tears slipping out, dropping quietly against Piper's head. And Piper turns her head, somehow aware of her shift in emotions.
"I'm sorry, Pipes." She whispers into Piper's hair. And Piper pushes herself up, lifting herself until they're eye level, and kisses away the trail of silently leaking tears. "I'm sorry."
Eventually the tears become too much, falling too quickly for her to keep up with, and Piper turns to press her own wet cheek against Alex's. They breathe as one, arms wrapping tightly around one another as they pull their bodies desperately against each other.
"Alex..." Piper whispers, and Alex stills, waiting for her command, "touch me."
She sits up, scooping Piper into her arms, into her lap. They grind against each other. Her hands slip under the shirt, tracing across Piper's hips, over her ribs, coming to rest just under her chest. She's not wearing a bra and she trembles lightly under Alex's touch. And Alex knows she wants this and she knows they're aching for it but she hesitates one last time, dropping her forehead to Piper's collarbone as she draws a steadying breath. Because she knows this could potentially ruin them all over again. And she's not really sure she could survive it a second time.
"Pipes... if we do this... I can't..." She falls silent, and Piper's fingers come to her chin, ease her head up to meet her gaze where she finds the strength to push the rest of the words from her lungs, "I don't want to wake up to an empty bed tomorrow."
"Me either." Piper whispers.
And that's all the confirmation they need.
Their lips meet once again, hungrily, needy, desperately, making up for all the lost years they'd spent being young and stupid and stubborn. Piper's hands are cupping Alex's jaw, pulling her face against her own with a force that Alex vaguely thinks could pull her head from her neck. She can't seem to make herself care though. Her own hands are sliding beneath the material of Piper's t-shirt once again, creeping up her back, hooking over her shoulders as she pulls Piper down against her lap as desperately as Piper pulls her into her face.
One of them moans. The other answers. Alex pulls the t-shirt over Piper's head, and flings it across the room. They're gasping against each other's mouths, hesitant to pull away even for a second to gasp for air. Piper's fingers are pulling at the material of her own shirt and Alex helps her rid them of it before crashing their mouths together once more. Piper's not wearing a bra, but she is, and she reaches behind herself blindly for the clasp. Her fingers fumble for a moment and she growls in frustration against Piper's teeth. Piper, however, laughs. She laughs. And suddenly Alex's desperate fingers are stilling at her back as the sound washes over her.
She'd never really realized how much she missed Piper's laugh. Piper's smile. Piper's radiance. They'd spent so much time towards the end being mad and sullen and awkward with each other that she can't even remember the last time she heard such a glorious noise fall from Piper's lips. But she does know that she never wants to go that long without hearing it again. Suddenly they're both laughing. Quietly, and unrestrained, in the hazy darkness of the bedroom. And suddenly everything slows down. And they're no longer in a frantic rush.
Piper's hands glide around to join hers, unhooking the stubborn material with aggravating ease, and Alex's bra joins Piper's shirt on the floor as they gaze quietly into one another's eyes. Piper sucks on her lower lip before leaning in to connect their mouths once more and Alex releases a sigh she didn't know she'd been holding into the embrace. Piper's lips eventually leave her own to pepper small kisses along the rest of her face and Alex follows her lead as she makes her own way down Piper's neck.
She pauses at her pulse point, breathing deeply against it for a moment, feeling the steady thrum of Piper pulsing beneath her lips, before drawing the skin into her mouth in a kiss. She takes her time there. Making sure to leave a deep and flowering mark. Mine, she thinks, Piper is mine, and Piper has never stopped being mine. Eventually her exploration continues, down the slant of her collarbones (still etched with the lightest of freckles), over the slope of her breast (still decorated with the faintest of moles), and coming to rest at the point of her nipple (still straining for Alex as if they'd never forgotten her touch). She feathers the base with kisses before drawing the tight bud into her mouth. And oh how she missed this.
Piper arches against her at the touch of her warm wet mouth around her aching nipple. A soft "oh" dropping from her lips as her fingers curled into Alex's hair and against her shoulder. Alex takes her time. Reacquainting herself with Piper's chest is no small job. A the blonde is a quivering mess above her before she's even moved to the rest of her body.
"Alex..." She breathes when the older girl finally pulls away.
And Alex meets her gaze with a gentle smile.
And Piper can't help pulling their lips together once again.
She slides her hands down Alex's chest, cradles her breasts gently before palming them greedily, and Alex can feel her smirking against her mouth as her fingers tweak at her nipples. She grunts appreciatively.
Her own hands begin to slide down Piper's sides once more and she pulls the thin material of her panties off, taking the opportunity to shift them a bit. Piper's legs fall open around her hips and she slides her own legs under Piper's backside, her tailbone resting gently atop her knees. She can smell her arousal and for a moment it makes her dizzy. Dizzy with excitement and anticipation and memories.
"Mmm..." Piper moans against her lips as Alex's hands slide down her thighs, thumbs gently brushing her outer folds.
She allows their kiss to end slowly, eyes meeting Piper's once again, silently asking her if she's ready. If she's sure. If she's okay.
Piper blinks once, slowly, a warm smiling stretching lazily across her lips.
And when her eyes open again Alex's chest constricts at the emotions they hold. Happiness. Contentment. Peace. Love. Trust.
She winds an arm around Piper's back, sliding it up between her shoulders, clutching her to her, as she dips her fingers between her folds. Piper is panting softly against her chin, her forehead leaning gently across her temple as Alex's fingers glide through the wetness between her legs. She's thrown an arm around Alex's shoulders for support, an evening balance to the arm Alex holds pressed between her shoulder blades. Her fingers dance against Piper's wetness lightly for a few moments, coating themselves in the familiar scent and stickiness. It's only when Piper drops the faintest of kisses against her cheekbone that Alex's fingers finally push up inside her.
She gasps, arching against the new intrusion, before letting out a low moan and settling heavily onto Alex's hand. Alex allows her a moment to adjust, her quiet admission from earlier still ringing in her ears. It's been awhile since Piper has been touched like this, and she doesn't want to hurt her. Eventually she begins to rock her hips against Alex's hand, and Alex allows her to set her pace for a moment before beginning to meet her thrust for thrust.
Piper's free hand slithers between them, fumbles at the button of Alex's jeans before sliding in to bump against her clit (Alex jerks with a quiet gasp). Her fingers slide through Alex's own wetness, coating themselves, before sliding into her pulsing channel.
Their lips meet in a sloppy kiss as they push and grind against each other. The hand between Piper's shoulder blades has slid up to tangle in the hair at the base of her neck, and their chests brush against one another lightly with every synchronized thrust. Piper reaches the edge before Alex, and Alex desperately attempts to keep her there as long as she can before she catches up. They end up tumbling into bliss only moments apart.
But Alex doesn't stop, she eases Piper down gently before thrusting forcefully once again. And Piper cries out, her own fingers still buried deep within Alex's cunt, and it's all she can do to swipe her thumb against Alex's clit, desperate to drag her over the edge with her once more. It doesn't take long this time. And Alex catches Piper as her bones become jelly and she all but deflates against her.
She lays them back against the sheets, fingers still buried between Piper's legs as she settles atop her, and brings her to completion one final time.
Piper's clutching desperately at her shoulders by the time she comes down from her third high, free hand pushing clumsily against the one Alex has still got resting between her legs. And Alex takes the hint, finally pulling her coated hand free. She wipes what she can along the side of the bed (reminds herself to strip the sheets and leave them for washing before she leaves tomorrow), slides her ruined jeans and panties off, and pulls Piper's boneless, sated body against her.
She comes willing, wiggling tiredly against Alex's body as she throws a leg over her hip and nuzzles her head into her neck. Alex tucks her gently under her chin and begins to thread her fingers slowly through her hair once again. She can tell Piper's on the edge of consciousness.
"Alex..." She murmurs tiredly, and so, so softly.
"Hmm..." Alex hums.
"We're both going to be here when we wake up, right?"
And Alex tucks her a little closer against herself, "Yeah kid. We're both going to be here when we wake up."
"Good." Piper breathes, almost inaudibly, "Don't wanna lose you again."
She's asleep by the time Alex whispers "Me either, Pipes... me either."
The sunlight streaming through the room is what eventually wakes Piper up.
She squints against the warm light splashing across her face, stretching with a quiet groan. She can feel the lingering grasp of hangover, a slight dull pounding behind her eyes, and he body feels sore in places it hasn't felt anything in in awhile, but she mostly notices she's content. She can't remember the last time she felt so at peace. Finishing her stretching and quiet assessment of herself, she finally notices she's not alone, and sits up a moment to observe her companion.
Alex is on her side, one arm tucked lovingly under Piper's head, the other slung bonelessly over her hip. They'd slept facing one another, as if afraid it would all disappear the second they tore their eyes away. She smiles tenderly and leans in to place a gentle kiss on Alex's pouting lips. Alex smiles lazily into the kiss, her hand that was over Piper's hips rising to cup the back of her head.
"Mmm... hey you." She rumbles happily, voice thick with sleep, as they pull apart.
"Hey."
They watch each other a bit, content to sit in the silence of the morning for now. Hesitant to break the calm that's washed over them.
"We need to talk." Alex eventually murmurs.
"I know." And she does. Because they've both learned from the mistakes of their past and neither of them want to see this fall apart again.
"How about I take you home, swing by my place for a bit, then meet back up at yours and do lunch?"
Piper nods, shuffling a little closer, and Alex huffs out a tired laugh. She tucks a wayward strand of blonde hair behind Piper's ear before leaning in for another kiss. Piper deepens it instantaneously and they're lost in one another's scent and taste and presence once more, before Alex finally pulls away.
"Mm..." She groans, "we should probably try to stop... doing that until we can talk about what exactly this means."
"I know." Piper murmurs, placing another kiss on the underside of her chin, "Sorry." A kiss on her throat, "I can't help it."
She smiles over the soft rumble of laughter that vibrates through Alex's throat under her lips, "I know." She pulls back enough to look Alex in the eye. "I missed you, Piper."
"I missed you too, Al."
"I don't wanna fuck this up again."
"Me either."
Alex drops another kiss to her lips, breaking apart to rest their foreheads against once another. "I love you."
And Piper's eyes widen slightly at the admission, and suddenly her heart's beating faster, and it's everything they should have been saying in the first place.
"I love you too."
And suddenly it feels like maybe this time they'll be able to work it out.
I spent a lot of time thinking about Piper's lines in 2.10
How she never used to think of herself as a sexual person before Alex, or how it's like sex became this entirely new thing to her after she had it with Alex. So I was wondering if any of that carried over to post-Alex. Like does she not enjoy sex as much now when it's NOT with Alex or did Alex just awaken it in her completely in a way that she knows how to enjoy it now BECAUSE of Alex, even when it's not with her? THEN I started thinking about how that might change if Alex had been the first person she'd EVER had sex with and suddenly I was stewing up a sequel to a story I said I'd never continue. Not one of my best, but eh, this is why I don't write sequels. My longest chapter to date and yet I still couldn't make it feel not terribly rushed.
Anyway, obligatory thank you to Orange Dandelion without whom this chapter, several previous, and several more coming would probably never exist.