Chapter 13: Itachi Uchiha

A/N: Wow two updates in a row. . .I'm impressed myself.

Disclaimer: blah blah -Naruto isn't mine- blah blah

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Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors,

It's time that I address some of the rather inappropriate claims on your website regarding me.

First of all let me assure you that I'm not an anti-social jerk with a superiority complex issue. I actually love to go outside but it's hard for me when you have women who stalk me/try to seduce me/claim I'm the father of their child. That includes you fanfiction writers who create fictional characters as an excuse to write out you're sexual fantasies of me. *Shakes head in disapproval* Disgusting.

Sasuke? Really? You take the term 'keeping it in the family' a little too far. I'm pretty sure that he has enough problems with Orochimaru as it is. He probably needs to sleep more or something. Though, if you woke up to a creepy pedophile like Orochimaru standing over you with a sick grin on his face you'd be insane too.

Kisame is my partner in crime, nothing more or nothing less. I've meet his family once and it's rather hard to talk to a woman who's husband lives in a fish-tank. The idea of Kisame's teeth near 'Itachi junior' is painful enough as it is.

As to the Uzumaki boy, I entrusted him with the task of keeping Sasuke safe. Unfortunately, people took that sentiment as me wanting Naruto and Sasuke to have. . .'ass-babies' as you put it. I'm fairly sure that science has yet to prove that physically possible.

I've only had one interaction with Sakura and I don't really remember much of it. Had I known better I would've mistaken her for a very feminine male, if it wasn't for the pink hair and voice. I had to learn that the hard way with my first interaction with Deidara. I guess that's why he's been following me around trying to blow me up.

Also, why am I always raping someone? I already destroy people's pride by beating them with my 'badassery' I don't think raping them is necessary.

*Sighs* This is supposed to be me loyal hardcore fanbase? You all are embarrassments to the writing community.

Sincerely Yours,

Itachi Uchiha

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