Authors Note: First I'd like to thank everyone who has taken a chance on this story and all of the feedback, I really appreciate it.
This is most definitely a Swan Queen story but I will be exploring things from Regina's POV which will include scenes with Robin. This story is already morphing into something different from what I had initially outlined, but I hope you will all enjoy it and stay along for the ride with me. The timeline will jump back and forth a bit, but hopefully it will start to make more sense as the story progresses.
Also, the description of the story has slightly changed as the story's direction has changed.
…
When I open my eyes I see that I'm back in my office again.
I can tell immediately that I'm in the past when I run my hands through my hair and feel how short it is. It hasn't been this short in so long.
I tap my fingers on my desk as I try to remember what was happening before this. I know I went to bed with Robin, and now I'm here again. The strange part of it all is that I can recall everything.
I don't like this. Not one bit. Especially since I have never really remembered my dreams.
If I'm honest, I have always remembered my nightmares but never my dreams. I guess they all shattered when Daniel died.
Too many nights were spent waking up with sweat covering my entire body. Then lying awake for hours after, unable to fall back to sleep.
When Henry got older I was afraid he would hear me as I screamed out loud in my sleep. But he never once mentioned it.
Back to my point, I do not like this one bit. I do not understand why I keep coming back here. And what am I to do until it's time for me to wake up? It is not as though I can awaken myself whilst in a deep sleep.
Maybe I will go try to find Henry and speak to him. Yes, that's what I'll do.
As I gather my purse and jacket I remember that during this time Henry was not my biggest fan. If I'm correct then Ms. Swan is here somewhere with him and they are conspiring against me.
Maybe I can still go and speak to him. How I miss him at this age. He was just so cute, ofcourse only when he wasn't accusing me of horrible things.
Horrible things that were actually true.
Oh my poor boy, how I wish I could have told him then that he was right. I was the Evil queen, but I still loved him, even as the Evil Queen I would have never hurt him. He changed me.
Sitting down on one of the more comfortable chairs in my office I begin to think back to who I was before and after Henry was put in my life.
I was so sure that the curse would make me happy, but it wasn't until the day I held him in my arms that I felt true happiness again.
That all shattered when Ms. Swan drove into town, and into my life.
But now look at how far we had all come.
Even Snow was a part of my life again, and I never thought that would happen.
I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't resisted for so long? Would we have had to suffer as much? Would Robin and I had been able to start our own family, instead of him and Zelena? Would Henry and Emma had never left for that year? Would Henry's father still be alive?
I never cared for Neal but he was Henry's father and Henry loved him. Maybe he and Emma could have been a family. Then Henry would have had two families and all the more love in his life.
The thought of sharing Henry with anyone else had always scared me, he was mine. But the closer I held him to me the more he pushed. I could see that now.
Suddenly I see a hand waving in front of my face.
"Uhh Regina, can you hear me? You asked me to come because you wanted to speak to me?"
I look up to see Emma standing in front of me. I blink a few times, "excuse me?"
She takes a few steps back having been pretty close to where I was sitting.
"On the phone earlier, you asked me if I could meet you in your office." She looks at me again with questioning eyes.
"Oh right, yes, if you will just take a seat. Thank you for coming." I try to remember why I would have asked her here. I glance at the clock and it's nearly 5PM. I try to look around at something to tell me what day it is, but I am not at my desk.
I look up and see her sitting there, trying to put on a confident facade but I can tell she is nervous because her foot is slightly fidgeting.
I find it interesting how I can read her now. I have learned her little tells, even though I never realized it until now that I have always observed her very closely. How she tries to exude her tough stature but I can tell now by just observing her that she is most definitely nervous and a little angry. Only I don't fully understand why.
"So, is this about the tree and time warp thing again? Because I told you that I would listen to you if you wanted to talk but then you had my tire booted. I just don't get you." She looks up at me and I can see the anger rising more.
Tire booted? Oh yes, I remember I was still trying to get her to leave at that point. That means Henry is also on his way here and I've set her up again. I smile again at how clever I was before I remember that it only brought her and Henry closer and further alienated me from my son in the process.
Frowning now, I finally speak up, "no… yes... I did have your tire booted but that was a… mistake. I asked you here to apologize to you." I look up as she seems to consider what I've just said.
"I just don't get you. Are you sure you are not the one who needs to see a shrink. I thought about what you said earlier and I think that maybe Henry needs a more stable environment. He seems like a smart kid, although highly imaginative, I am just worried about him. I know you seem to control everyone else in town, but I can see that there's something weird going on here." Emma is getting more and more confident as she speaks, and I cannot simply tell her the truth so I just stay quiet.
It was hard to have her say that to me without lashing out. I know I would have lashed out before if she had said such things to me, but I am a different person now. It's almost as though my old instincts are still there and I have to control them.
"Ms. Swan …" I get cut off by Henry as he enters the room.
"Mom what are you doing here?" I look up to answer Henry to see that he isn't looking at me, but at his birthmother instead. That stab of jealousy hits me in the chest. Before I can stop myself I speak up.
"Henry I'm your mother…" I stop there when I realize I was about to yell at him. I never realized just how much I yelled at him during this time. It's like I was that person again. It is what made him run further away from me.
"Ms. Swan was just here to discuss some things with me. And I have asked her if she wanted to join us for food before you go to your therapy session." As I finish my sentence they both look up at me with matching faces of shock. It would almost be cute if not for the tense atmosphere in the room.
"Uhhh that's right kid, so… I'm gonna join you both at Granny's for a quick bite." She says obviously confused at what just happened.
Henry, being too young or distracted to understand that we were both lying didn't notice any awkwardness as he grins and grabs Emma's hand, shouting over his shoulder. "Okay then we'll meet you there…" as they exit my office.
….
I can only imagine what Henry and Emma must be talking about on their way to the Diner.
While waiting for them I try to think again as to why I am here. This hardly feels like a dream, but what else can it be?
There must be a reason why I am stuck here, and I obviously remember everything that transpired the first time. Things are different between Emma and I from the first time.
Maybe at least while I am here I can try to make things right with me and Henry. How can I tell him he is right? Should I tell him? I cannot go through the same things that happened the first time around.
It was too agonizing the first time, especially when Henry ate the apple turnover….
I cannot even finish my thought without grimacing. To think what could have happened to my precious boy.
No, I will not relive that again.
I will not make the same mistakes with my son.
I missed so much of his life because I was too consumed in my need for control, power and worst of all revenge. I know it's still in me, that need, that darkness, but Henry is more important. Our happiness is more important.
I have certainly learned that the hard way.
"What can I get you, Madam Mayor?" I look up to see Ms. Lucas staring at me. I can feel her dislike for me in such an easy question. How did I not feel it before? Not care before?
"Actually, I am waiting for Henry and Ms. Swan, thank you." I smile and she looks surprised in both my answer and the fact that I smiled at her. As she's turning to walk away I see Henry and Emma approach my booth.
"So, mom why did you really ask Emma to join us? I was thinking about it on the way here and it doesn't make sense. You hate her. What are you plotting?" he says it so casually, actually smiling like he has it all figured out. Does he even know how he hurts me?
"Kid, I don't think that's the right way to start a conversation. I think you should apologize first of all, and maybe lay off a little." Emma is giving him a look, and he seems to atleast want to appease her so he mumbles a low "sorry" while looking down.
Things get tense again from there.
Is it so hard to have a civil conversation?
"Hey guys, what can I get ya?" Thank goodness Ms. Lucas chooses that moment to take our orders.
After our orders are taken, it's back to the awkwardness.
As Emma pulls out her phone Henry pulls out his comic book and they are both just sitting there not at all engaging and acknowledging me.
Finally I speak up.
"I do not." I start to say as they both lookup.
"I do not hate you Ms. Swan. I know Henry said it earlier but it is not true. I… we may not see eye to eye, and I may not fully understand what you are doing here in this town, but I do not hate you." I finally finish and look out the window to avoid both of their penetrating stares.
Outside the window I see Mr. Gold crossing the street and speaking to Dr. Hopper. I consider again if I should speak to him about what is happening.
As our food is set on the table a word still hasn't been spoken.
I look back to the two other occupants in the booth and notice that they have not only ordered the same grease filled monstrosity but are eating as though the food will disappear at any minute. I can't help the slight chuckle that escapes my throat.
That makes them look at me again as Henry finally speaks up and says "are you feeling okay?" his eyebrows scrunched together and he has ketchup on his upper lip. It only makes me smile wider and chuckle a little harder.
Then Emma looks at Henry and also chuckles, which prompts Henry to say, "What's so funny?"
He has such a serious look that Emma and I both just start to laugh uncontrollably.
Looking towards her I see that she has tears in her eyes, and I'm sure it mirrors my own look.
She's staring at me with mirth in her eyes and I realize that we have never done this before. The three of us just enjoying a meal together. Sure it started out awkward, but now I'm feeling much more at ease.
Henry is still looking at us as I grab my napkin and reach forward gently wiping the ketchup off of hip face, then I gently rub the space on his forehead between his eyes, "Henry stop frowning, you will give yourself premature wrinkles."
He then looks from me back to Emma again and shrugs his shoulders. Once he finishes his food he excuses himself to the restroom.
"Thank you for inviting me. I've never really been included in something like this." Emma finally speaks up looking at me. She looks a bit conflicted but I appreciate her effort. I know she didn't have a real family growing up, but I keep it to myself.
I look away as soon as we make eye contact. I look down almost coy as I reply. "Thank you for playing along in my office. You didn't have to, and you certainly didn't have to join us."
"Well I am willing to try and get along as long as you are. I plan to stay here for a while, for Henry's sake and it would be a whole lot easier if we weren't fighting the entire time."
I nod my head agreeing with her. I knew she didn't know how to say that Henry was the only family she had. She didn't know that I knew a lot more about her then she thought. I certainly didn't know how long I would be stuck here, so I might as well make it more bearable for the both of us.
This side of Emma was much more enjoyable than the one I had fought so much with last time.
"I believe we can work something out Ms. Swan, for Henry's sake of course." As I said it she smiled almost as if to herself and then looked at me. I don't think I had ever seen her smile at me that way before and I have to admit it was a bit disarming.
"Why don't you join us at my house next time? I know Henry would love your company, and perhaps we can discuss some things afterwards. Maybe even about the concerns you expressed to me in my office?" I say as I stand, seeing Henry heading towards us I remember he has his therapy appointment.
Emma looks speechless for a moment before she gives a small smile, "I'd like that."
"Perfect." I say turning back to Henry, "Henry lets go, we mustn't be late."
As we are making our way to the door Emma steps ahead of us to hold the door. And as I walk through I hear her say, "Until then…"
I don't know if she meant it as a whisper, but as I turn to her I don't realize how close we are until I'm staring directly into beautiful green eyes shining with hope and a shy smile.
Feeling thrown off balance at the close contact I push myself out the door and throw a quick "Yes, until then Ms. Swan." Over my shoulder before joining Henry across the street.